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Saturday, 6 June 2020

Where is the love?

Saturday 6th June 2020 
There's only one way to get through some things = together

I've just watched the Black Eyed Peas video 'Where's the love?'  the re-release from 2016 and it couldn't be any more relevant right now AGAIN!  Then I've just seen on the new that over 40,261 people are now dead in this country because of a disease we can't control, I'm staying home as much as is possible (I know I don't have much choice but I would even if I did).  I think so many out there at the moment are ignoring the fact that CORONAVIRUS is still a real threat!  The infection rate as the tv says remains on a knife edge!  I don't like to talk about this stuff in my blog but how can you not when it's controlling and/or affecting our lives so much.  

In other news, yesterday was a mixed bag, at one point I found myself in the kitchen contemplating not just food but wine too at about 10am - both unplanned! Why? Because my mom came walking in the kitchen, she looked so worried and scared, asked me if I'd go and see if dad wanted a drink, she said he was going to be so angry because she'd forgot.  He's been dead for 22 years.  It took me right back to my youth, the power he wielded over her, how every day she'd take him flasks of tea up to his bedroom, if she forgot or he wanted something, he'd bang the floor with his walking stick and she'd have to go and sort him out.  That fear was on her face yesterday and it broke my heart to know she's re-living what was a horrid time in her life.  

Life in lockdown has been so difficult for both of us alone together 24/7, her condition has worsened, and days just blur together.  The Virtual Workshops have saved my sanity and thankfully this weeks virtual workshops are about unhelpful thinking, so as I stood there I observed the thoughts that were going through my mind & using the techniques suggested I challenged them & had a cuppa instead. i'm grateful to WW for such great topics each week. If you haven't been on a virtual yet this week, there are still some left to jump on today, mines at 9.45, it'll be so worthwhile I promise.

Last night we went to bed really early and less than 2 hours later, mom was up and dressed and going downstairs, I tried to explain to her it was night time but she wouldn't have any of it, she argued that it had to be daytime because it was light, she wanted to call my sister.  I tried to explain she couldn't because my sister would be in bed and it wasn't fair.  Deep sigh!  Then I know that friends of mine with moms that also have dementia and/or alzheimers are having equally difficult times and there's nothing that can be done. 

I'd lie if I said I ended my day on track, I didn't but I'm still making wise food choices; 

Shepherds Pie from M&S, available in two sizes, the one I had was 15SP meal for one, I managed to get mom to have a 7SP mini meal. I'd be tempted to have the 7SP one myself next time and lots of veggies as the meal for ones is a big portion!  I think I'm more of a cottage pie kind of girl, but I'll try the cottage pie and let you know another day. 

As I said, I'm not ending my day without my Smart Points Budget but I am making conscious decisions and if you're like me, we are still achievers!  What do you deserves this certificate for this week?

Why not save it to your phone and fill it in and post it on Connect / Facebook / Instagram, show people that you're doing the best you can!

Mine would say...

I may not be being perfect but I'm doing my best, I'm taking care of myself as much as possible, I'm walking, doing yoga, today I'm going to meditate a little because I know I need it, I'm eating really healthy meals oh and you know what, I'm enjoying the wine I'm drinking - even if it is too much - at least I'm not just gluggling it, I do sip it and taste it!

The best thing I'm doing is being gentle on myself, accepting that my life isn't easy at the best of times and now with lockdown etc, it's more difficult but you know what, I'm doing well.  I still love me which is more than most can say about themselves.  I love the person I am, I'm happy with how I look, yeah I'd like to weigh less because that's the 'healthy weight' thing, but I'm not unhappy with my image, I will always love me and be my own best friend and take care of myself.  How many people do you know who feel the same way?  If I could do one thing in my life, it would be to get every one else to feel that way about themselves.

Today, I hope that my mom has a calmer mind day, I hope every one stays safe and I hope the world takes one step closer to realising we all need to take care of each other and be kind, there should be no room for hate.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me x

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