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Friday, 10 July 2020

No rush...

Friday 10th July 2020
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished. 

I do love not rushing in a morning, it's 6.21, I've been awake since 4am, and since them I've done some meditation and yoga and a little bit of self work and both Alfie and mom are still asleep - BLISS!  Now that's the perfect start to my day, it could only be bettered by a good long walk through the fields (one day I'll be able to do all these things again without having to make sure mom's okay).

Yeah a slower pace of life is something I truly enjoy, a simpler way of living is something I genuinely long for.  Who wouldn't want a stress-free home life, to feel less stressed, relaxed rather than overwhelmed?  How great would it be to not have to multi-task rather focus on one thing at a time - sounds good don't it! 

We've still got to pay the bills though so we can't just pack in the job, after all we don't want to lose the roof over our head!

Having said that I've realised over the last few months, I can live on less by being more mindful, especially in the kitchen, I've always spent far too much money on food.  I've made a conscious effort this last month to try and only spend on things I need, it always helps to ask yourself the question "do I want it or do I need it?" before you buy something. 

I've started unsubscribing from all those emails that send me offers and try to tempt me to buy stuff I don't need with money I don't have!  I'm also throwing away stuff that comes in the post without even opening it if I can tell it's something that's trying to sell me something!  Yeah if you haven't done it, why don't you set yourself a no spending challenge, try going a week with no frivolous spending, just bills and groceries, eat what's in your house, I'll let you buy bread and milk!  We've not really been going out anyway so you can manage a week.  I'm going to move my food supermarket slot next week to the week after and do just that, my sister can always get me a loaf if I need one but I have long life milk, we'll be good.  That's at least £40 I'll save as that's the minimum spend! 

I can't believe I haven't been in a supermarket for months and I'm not missing it, I used to be addicted to the idea of being able to wander around looking at the niceness on offer but now I'm happy to get my weekly slot for essentials, maybe the odd bit of something nice.  

Same goes for my weekly massage, I used to be distraught if I didn't get that, yet now I'm not sure when I'll bother to have one again, even when I can, I enjoyed my walk through the fields so much more and I didn't have to arrange a time for that, much less stressful, just go when I can. 

Doing my yoga has definitely started to calm me down and slow me down, I now intend to add meditation daily I think even if it's only 5 minutes, there's so many studies that talk of the benefits, I'm willing to give it a go. 

I need to have a bit of a declutter again, that makes life simpler because you have less stuff to go through and look through when you're looking for something.  

Now it looks like it might be a dry day, if mom's good when her lady comes at noon, I may slip away for a good walk.  Fingers crossed! 

 It wasn't until I was chatting with my bestie yesterday that I realised the kind of things I miss at the moment are stuff like being able to go for a walk when I fancy, going to bed when I'm ready and standing in the kitchen cooking and mooching about without having to be concerned with mom and how she'll react.  In Lynne's words 'all things most folk take for granted'.  I'm not fussed about not having holidays or going out for meals, I just miss being free!

So for now I'll take these rare few hours when she's asleep to do my yoga or contemplate life and make the most of the quiet hours. 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Thursday, 9 July 2020

Emotional Feeling not Eating!

Thursday 9th July 2020
Don't become exhausted from trying to be stronger than you feel.

Well after everything I blogged yesterday, all my plans to get on track, I had a really, really tough day.  

"You look after number 1 don't ya!"

How one sentence can turn your day upside down!  I'd just sat down to enjoy my breakfast and that was what mom said to me, well without dwelling on it all, let's just say it was the straw that broke the camels back.  Thankfully my sister came and sat with her whilst I drove my car to the mechanics and walked the 3 mile back.  

I was going to do a video whilst walking to try and express the rollercoaster of emotions that effect our eating behaviour, I didn't but if I had done, the conversations would've been different had I done it at the beginning, middle or end of the walk.  That is the power of walking, it moves the body and calms the mind, it gives me valuable time to process my thoughts and calm myself down.  

I cried an awful lot yesterday because she didn't get any better with me, it didn't help that she had the foot lady and her hairdresser coming, so each time she found out about one of them she got stroppy, no one tells me anything, I don't need my feet/hair doing ra ra ra!  It was a difficult day for sure. 

I was however glad that instead of eating or drinking my emotions, I felt them, I cried!  Our emotions are not meant to be quashed down and ignored.  We need to allow ourselves to feel whatever we need to feel - feel it all and let it go.  People tell me 'you know it's not your mom when she says things like that' but that doesn't help when it's constant, then someone else walks in the room and she's all sunshine and rainbows, it hurts, it's painful and it's hard.  Therefore I will cry when I need to, I will shout and scream if it helps because by having this mini meltdowns, I won't end up having a breakdown!  

Now I'm going to use swear words here, I try not to in my blog even though in real life I have Tourette's, but I appreciate that not everyone does swear and I would never want to offend anyone, however these were my brothers words.  When he visited on Sunday and we were chatting he was telling me about some bloke he follows on Facebook who occasionally says something worth listening to, he said basically, 'we all have our own shit going on in our lives, I've got my shit, you've got your shit and they've got their shit and the things is to learn to control your own shit and not put your shit on to someone else's shit' so eloquent lol!  But it's true isn't it, we have all got shit going on in our lives, some more than others and right now with everything that's going on in the world, more shit than usual.  I mean I've had mom to care for for years now but the last 4 months have been the hardest ever, then work has given me more to be concerned about.  The same is happening for others, people being extremely ill or worse dying, losing jobs, money worries, health worries, mental health issues arising from being in lockdown, isolation and on and on it goes.  

If you are struggling to lose weight, focus on being healthy, or anything you would like to do, acknowledge that this is a difficult time and you aren't expected to behave in a certain way.

Also I know my brother said not to put your shit onto someone else shit but I strongly believe that a problem shared is a problem halved, so don't confuse the two.  It's good to talk, don't burden others but don't be afraid to share how you're feeling and never be embarrassed because of how you feel, we wouldn't have the ability to feel all these different emotions if we weren't meant to. 

I did eat a few chocolates yesterday but not because I was angry / sad / miserable / upset, no I ate a few because damn they're good, they were Thornton's, it was my moms way of connecting with me again, a peace offering almost, although I don't think she even remembered how upset I'd been or what she'd said that morning. 

I also ate healthy stuff, I experimented with the cauliflower, I coated them with egg and dipped in Panko breadcrumbs. You could add any herbs or spices. Then I roasted them in the oven, they were really good and I will definitely do it again.  I'm thinking I could serve them with Katsu curry sauce as that usually goes on breaded chicken.  Ooo yeah, maybe I'll have that today! 
I know I have Uncle Bens in the cupboard and it's only 4SP for the pot.  I will use normal golden breadcrumbs this time as I only used Panko to use them up, you could even make your own breadcrumbs, or blitz cornflakes or crisps, it's all about having a play in the kitchen. 

I've got a morning of virtual workshops, 8.30 and 10.30 in the Dudley and Wolverhampton Connect group on the WW app that I'm looking forward too.  Then I'll cook up some deliciousness for my dinner.  

And you know what, when I did my yoga this morning I had a little white vest top and my PJ bottoms on and I caught my reflection in the mirror as I left the bathroom, I liked my reflection, I'm not unhappy with my appearance or my body, it's not hurting which is just brilliant as it's not very often I can say that!  It's not just about the numbers on the scales is it, it's so much more and I'm happy with my body, I'm just trying to take care of it as best I can to keep it going for as long as I can. 

Here's to making the most of your day, mwah,

luv ya 

Love me xx

Wednesday, 8 July 2020

It's raining again....

Wednesday 8th July 2020
No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up.

It all happens here!  I'll be ringing the vet today as Alfie's having some kind of seizures, they've been happening the last couple of weeks but seem to not be going away.  Then mom's hot water bottle has burst this morning whilst she was sleeping on her chair in the living room.  My yoga got interrupted first by Alfie thinking it was play time, then by moms bottle, I've managed 20 minutes but I've given up now, had to help her re dress and sort that out.  She didn't have quite a good day yesterday unfortunately, she got quite emotional at one point, upset about how she feels and how worthless and useless she feels, she's scared all the time she says.  Then when we were ready for bed she was starting to go down that not being in her own house rabbit hole.  Thankfully it didn't get bad and although it took her a while to go to sleep, I think she's had a half decent night.  She let me sleep, I've done a lot of dreaming, a lot of tossing and turning but I've had sleep and that's all the matters.  

Today's draw a line day, I've put all moms birthday treats and goodies out of my sight so I'm not tempted, it's bloody hard ignoring a table of goodies that are within arms reach.  It was the last thing I did before going to bed last night, I decided if I can't see it, I won't think about it.  

I've got a fridge full of fresh zero goodness, I'm looking forward to eating some of it.  Going to start my day with egg and beans on toast, I'll add mushrooms too, that'll keep me full for a good few hours.  

I had an email yesterday to tell me I was re-opening my Bloxwich workshop on July 23rd, unfortunately that date has been delayed by the church because they're not ready, they have a meeting on July 20th once they've done a risk assessment and hopefully following that, it will all come together.  It's looking like I won't be back in any of my workshops until August at the earliest.  

Okay, I know we've been here so many times before but you know what, I'm here again!   I will be here as many times as I need to be until I don't need to be!  It's a month until August 6th, 4 weeks, I could lose half stone in 4 weeks if I stopped fannying about!  I could at least be under the stone bracket and in the next one.  Will I?  I'm gonna do my best, I've been addressing lots of things, working on creating good habits, drinking more water, doing my yoga, that's helping.  This month is about including more zero heros, but I think it's time I need to get a grip and work at getting my daily points intake closer to the allowance I've been given.  I've just seen a video on facebook and I was a stone lighter, I want to get back to that. 

When I've finished typing this, I'm going to go and look at what is in my fridge and plan a few meals, I'm loving this weeks workshop, talking about things that will practically help us in the kitchen to lower the points in things, hopefully members will give me even more ideas this week.  

I've got 2 cauliflowers to make use of, I like the cauliflower rice, that lowers the points in a curry meal, I like the idea of coating them in my favourite sauce and roasting them, BBQ sauce all sticky and yummy, it's a lower pointed version of chicken wings.  I know it's not the same but hey, close your eyes, use your imagination!   I'm gonna have a play I think see what I can come up with. 

I need to get my mojo back, like so many people I'm in limbo, I'm working but no one can see me from the neck down so they don't know what I weigh.  The weathers gone yak again so Alfie won't want to go out in this at all!  

Right let's get our act together, I've got some members doing really well, I'm hoping if I do it, it'll help motivate the others to join me.

Let's get our act together! 

Luv ya 

Love me xx

Tuesday, 7 July 2020

She had the best day!

Tuesday 7th July 2020
Just be your own BeYOUtiful unique self. 

I don't think I've ever started writing my blog this late, it's 7.40 and I'm on virtual zoom 8-9!  Anyways, we had the bestest day yesterday, the only slight dip was the hour I had to spend convincing her to go to the dentist, but she went and was so brave, 20 minutes later and 4 teeth extracted and we were ready to return to her birthday.  Such wonderful thoughts sent from so many through cards and gifts and visits, I can't thank everyone enough for making her feel so special.  She was buzzing right until the minute I managed to convince her we needed to go to bed, that was about 9.30 and bless her for leaving me till 5.30 when she came and sat on my bed to tell me she wanted me to look after her birthday money for her because she's worried all night about losing it.  As tired as I was yesterday, I didn't care because she was just so happy.

Things I learned yesterday (as if I didn't already know them huh), I just can't resist certain foods when they're lying on the table between us, especially when I know they're the things she's likely to leave anyways.  Let's just say no way will I lose weight this week after what I ate yesterday and what's still in the house!  Oh but the best was Lucy bringing me a MacDonalds, I don't even know if I've had one this year at all but it was good, so good, that sauce on the big mac if off the scale, I'd have it with everything if they sold it in bottles in the supermarket.

Thankfully I've shopped sensibly, my delivery comes today and I'll do my best to limit the damage for the rest of the week.  I've just had a muffin with egg and advocado and mushroom, it wasn't all that this morning to be honest which just goes to show, eating in a hurry makes food taste not so good unless it's a big mac of course, you have to eat them like someones going to take it off you and it's your last meal - well I do anyway, I eat them like I'm a savage, but then I love to eat with my hands most of the time, knives and forks are overrated.

As I'm rushing so my brains not processing stuff enough to type, I'll just remind you about Marlie's Menu on Facebook again, she's posted this weeks meals, I'm definitely having some more goat, I really loved it. https://www.facebook.com/Marlies-Menu-101865791594540/

Right I'm gonna get off becuase I need to get logged in for work, hope to see some of you, I'm in the Wolverhampton group, 8-9, chat starts at 8.30.  Have a great day xx

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me 

Monday, 6 July 2020

Gonna be a long day

Monday 6th July 2020

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. 

It's just turning 5am and we've been up since half 3, mom decided it was morning, I wasn't in agreement but there are days like this and I was hoping she'd fall asleep in her chair - she hasn't!  It's going to be a long day, it's her birthday so I need to dig deep for energy and patience especially as that wasn't the first time she'd woke me through the night. 

Despite this and an accident before going to bed, we had quite a good day. She started to become unsettled at tea time but with some patience and distraction tactics, I managed to bring her round. I let her have one of her pressies which made her happy.  

My brother popped round too for a few hours, it was so good to see him, not seen him since before lockdown so we weren't short of things to say. Mom then spent the rest of the day looking for the money he'd given her 🙄

Today's all about mom, it's her birthday, she's got the dentist to have teeth out - it could go either way!  

I'm going to go and try to do my yoga, she's a little clingy this morning so not sure it'll be possible but if I don't try I won't know. 

I loved hosting the virtual workshop in the Stafford connect group, it was a great way to start my day. 

Here's to having a great day today. Wish me luck!

Mwah, luv ya

Love me. 

Sunday, 5 July 2020

Food is just the best ain't it, especially when eaten in moderation and enjoyed!

Sunday 5th July 2020
Don't give your past the power to decide your future.

A good day was had yesterday, it started with my virtual which was a great end to my WW working week, looking forward to starting this weeks at 9.30 this morning (workshop starts at 10 in the Stafford Connect Group - it's food this week, always a good topic!  

Back to yesterday first, mom slept most of the day which was great, I know that's an awful thing to say but it meant I got to sit and watch Hamilton without her moaning, although the jury's out on that, I loved the music, the singing was brilliant, but it was long and I wasn't completely sure what was going on - I don't know my history much.  I spent a few hours studying too which I'm really enjoying at the minute, not really done much crochet this past week, I have experimented with designing a couple of crochet squares but not really done much else.  I'm using my time elsewhere, getting the old brain cells working again. 

Oh then there was the food, yesterday it was mutton curry and I had it with chips, nom nom, not sure of the points of this curry, although I'd point the mutton as lamb as she says it's lean and she trims it.  Can't find mutton on the WW app but I daresay if I googled nutritional info I'd find it, but I can't be bothered because as good as it was, I know the goat curry is lower in Smart Points and I absolutely loved that so much, it's one of those meals I could live on. 

The goat curry from the day before was only 8SP, the rice and peas 11SP on green or 9SP on blue & purple.  Plain rice would've been 5SP, she's happy to do with either. 
Amanda's looking at doing a veggie goulash next week which would work out at 9SP green, 7SP blue, 3SP green.  It's good to have something different occasionally and know the points especially when it's cooked by someone else with good quality ingredients.  Like her Facebook page for more info Marlie's Menu

I've already done the washing up this morning, there was loads because I didn't do it yesterday as I didn't want to wake and disturb mom, 30 minutes of yoga done too, and 15 minutes spent on me and my plans for sorting my health out, I've done that for 5 days now, I lie in bed with my phone and my thoughts and do a little self work.  Re-educating myself from the bottom up!  Totally going back to basics, so the first day was all about the WHY which I've mentioned on here this week, really turn into that annoying kid who keeps saying, 'but why?' and every time you answer they reply with 'but why' and see where it takes you.

Still tracking all I consume too, so in the morning I reflect back to ask myself if I've been honest and tracked it all or forgotten everything.  

I'm doing an Eating Psychology course so hopefully it'll mostly be a reminder but maybe teach me more stuff I can share with you all and we can sort our heads out together! 

For now though, I'm going to get on with my day, I need to walk Alfie before I log on for my workshop, I've got to keep mom out of the kitchen because that's where I've hidden all the cards and gifts that some of you wonderful people have sent for her birthday tomorrow, she's up but snoozing in her chair for now and it's stopped raining.  All is good in my world.

Here's to enjoying Sunday, hope you have a good one, 

mwah, luv ya 

Love me x

Saturday, 4 July 2020

With pleasure....

Saturday 4th July 2020 
Better days are coming & I don't mean Saturday and Sunday

Well I made a discovery yesterday, goat is low in Smart Points!  Yep, it's 1SP per 100g raw weight, or 2SP for 165g, if you're on the green plan this is the same SP as chicken breast which is excellent news!  Even better because I had a goat curry with rice and peas delivered from Marlie's Menu's and it was a taste sensation!  Just look at that plate of deliciousness, it was so good, I wanted to eat it all over again immediately, not because I was hungry, just because it was good.  If there was another bowl in the fridge, I know I'd be eating it right now for breakfast, that to me is a sign of good food when I want to eat it for breakfast because it's too good to wait for.  

Who is Marlie's Menu? Well I've known Amanda for years, she once won on Come Dine with Me and I went to her house for a charity night where she cooked us dinner and we paid what we thought it was worth, oh and it was worth plenty!  I knew her meals would be delicious, plus they were delivered, all I had to do was ping them in the microwave.   Of course I want to be able to point them, so I'm waiting for her to send me the ingredients that she uses for her meals and I can help point them up so we can order takeaways that are both delicious and pointable, they're also made with good quality ingredients and that's what's important to me right now.

Yes I'd not mind losing a few pounds but I want to first and foremost be healthy and have energy and work on my relationship with food and my mood.  That's my priority.

I love to eat, it's delicious, so I'm going working on eating delicious, healthy food in moderation!  I want that healthy relationship with food back that I'd built, that has slowly diminished over the last few years because of the lifestyle that I have now. 

I'm getting there, I'm not in a rush, I'm starting with including more zero heroes (I know I've told you this already but it helps me to remind myself of my plans, plus it might encourage you to do the same).  I'm also working at tracking everything, I want to do this to make me aware of my behaviours, I've done 3 days 100% honestly, I'm considering a notepad then I can make comments about the food and my mood etc, mmm yes maybe I will, it's not like I've got anywhere to go!  I know it's July 4th and places are opening but I'm not going to be one of their customers, I wouldn't and couldn't go pre lockdown because of mom, I don't want to now.

Ah, mom, we got her to the dentist and he told me I have to take her back Monday to have what's left of her front teeth out, now I've got to go through the whole 'trying to get her there' nightmare all over again.  Plus it's her birthday bless her on Monday, so I can't decide whether to give her all her cards first thing before we go so she's happy or wait till we get home to cheer her up.  Mmm, decisions, decisions. 

She enjoyed her visit from the respite lady yesterday, a couple of hours again, we had to cut it short for her dentist appt, will try the 3 hours next week hopefully, see how it goes. She had mostly a good day yesterday, now hopefully she'll be good this morning whilst I work and happy days!

I know I've said I'm going to include more zero hero's and the curry above doesn't look like it's packed with them, but there were little peas and there'd have been onions, pus there's some green stuff if you zoom in.  I did have fruit (apples and satsumas) plus I experimented with cauliflower rice, I roasted it in the oven with a bit of parmesan cheese grated on top - lush, even if it did lose me half my finger being attacked by the grater. 

My breakfast was full of zeros peppers, mushrooms, spring onions and tomatoes, nom nom. 

 I'm going to have salmon for breakfast because I took it out to defrost yesterday forgetting about my food delivery, I'm thinking I could have it in an omelette or with avocado, decisions decisions, maybe a crustless quiche, then I can save some for snacking on cold later, I have lots of eggs too as for some reason I ordered 2 boxes not one last week! 

Right I'm off, it's Independence day in the states, I have a feeling it's going to be idiots day here, I'm staying home, looking forward to catching up with my Saturday members on the 9.45am virtual workshop (link in the Wolverhampton Connect group on the WW app, last chance for this weeks technique.  Tomorrow (link in Stafford group 10am) I switch to the next topic which is lowering the smart points in your kitchen, looking forward to that subject.   

Have a wonderful weekend, let's learn to "eat healthy food with pleasure not eat for pleasure".   That's gonna be my new mantra!

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx


Friday, 3 July 2020

I do like Fridays

Friday 3rd July 2020 
You don't have to be perfect in order to be successful.

Why, Why, Why, Delilah lol, no that's not what I meant but are you know doing your best Tom Jones impression!  Seriously though WHY did you join WW, are you on it?  If not why aren't you at the moment?

I asked my members yesterday how I could best support them, why weren't they coming on the Zoom workshops and I had lots of reasons ranging from they just don't like Zoom (which is a shame as I absolutely love it!) to all the changes in their lives because of the situation with Covid-19.  The last 3 months of everyone's lives have been different, some more than others.  

This is why right now, me personally am not thinking about weight loss (it would of course be a bonus), I'm focusing on behaving as healthy as I can.  I'm taking this time to notice my behaviours and how I react to things with the hope that going forward I can change those behaviours, build good habits and become a healthier version of myself.  

I don't want to lose some weight to regain it a few months later, I've had enough of that.  And that's why this month I'm focusing on the zero heroes, adding salad to my sandwiches, mushrooms to my breakfast, that sort of thing.  

I'm also tracking EVERYTHING, that's a behaviour I want to turn into a permanent habit, it's making me realise where my points go, where I can make changes and boy do I need to make some changes if weight loss is ever going to be the side effect!

Now these corned beef crispbakes were delicious and 7SP each, had them with zero heroes, it would've been easy to put a jacket spud on there too but I realised I didn't really need one.  

I'm questioning my thoughts more, for example in the fridge there's a chicken, I know if I roast it, I'm eating the skin because I like it and I can rarely resist it unless I'm freakishly in the zone, so I'm trying to convince myself to skin it and either cook it whole in the slow cooker or portion it up, portioning it would mean I could just cook on portion at a time, even if I halved it, that would be two days, I always end up sharing it with Alfie, plus its a small chicken.

I'm going to go and look at what veggies I've got to include those zero heroes today, might start my day with some fruit or maybe I'll have eggs like I did yesterday, I had an omelette with mushrooms, spring onions and cherry tomatoes.

I'm thinking the chicken might wait till tomorrow and today can be fish, I've not had salmon in a while, so will go take some out the freezer. 

It's so easy to be positive in the morning, then as the day goes by and mom gets difficult my emotions kick in and the stress and I find myself in the kitchen - this is what I'm working on and I don't expect to change over night, that would be ridiculous.

Thankfully we had a really early night last night, once mom was in bed, I watched a bit of tele on my phone before falling asleep and I've had a really good night too, mom woke me at 6 (proper lie in that),.

Ooo I found out yesterday that I'm going to be lead coach on the Sunday virtual workshop at 10am in the Stafford group, I'd love to see some of you there for a coffee and a catch up, I’m talking about how to lower your smart points in the Kitchen.  I’ll be on from 9.30 and the workshop starts at 10. 

Today though, we have a trip to the dentist with mom this afternoon, she has toothache, morning would've been better with her mood but I was grateful they could even get her in next day.  She'll be wound up all day today now, got the respite carer at 12, so hopefully she'll keep her distracted for a couple of hours before we go.

Looks like walking in the rain might be the order of the day if Alfie wants a walk!  I hope my car starts, I'm having to start it every day, but even then I'm having to use the jump start, mom and I took it for an hours drive yesterday hoping that would recharge the battery.  My mechanic has been in touch, I've got to call him Monday and we'll arrange for him to collect it at some point and do it's annual service and mot and work out what's draining the battery.

Right I'm off, I need a cuppa and food, I'm actually hungry this morning.

Have a great day, 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx


Thursday, 2 July 2020

Why, Why, Why.....

Thursday 2nd July 2020
To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honours.

Oh ma'an I made it right to the end of the day yesterday being on track, I ate a 10SP healthy brunch, even weighed my avocado, then for my afternoon snack I had banana, apple and satsuma.  My tea was gammon steak (6SP) with salad and pineapple.  It was all going sound, despite moms behaviour then she dropped her tablets (there's a lot of them and they're little!), I'm trying to calm her down, telling her it's okay, it doesn't matter but I'll have to move her chair as some have gone underneath.  This is where it got ugly....  As I moved the chair, I knocked the jigsaw board over which knocked my glass of wine off the table where it smashed all over the floor and my crochet - YAY! 

Well after I'd finally cleared it all up, I grabbed a slice of bread and butter and a bag of Walkers cheese and onion crisps because that solves all problems - NOT!  

Turns out that in addition to focusing on eating more zero foods this month, I also need to focus on not stress eating!  Just logged onto the WW website for some ideas and this was on there https://www.weightwatchers.com/uk/m/cms/article/4-steps-reduce-stress-eating-app-card

Working on stress eating is gonna take more than a single blog entry!  I'm going to start by identifying that I'm doing it, the best way to do that is to track everything and become aware of my eating behaviour. 

I spent some time yesterday thinking about my WHY, we talk about the WHY at WW a lot!  I always struggle with it, it's easy to say I want to lose 20lb or drop a dress size, that's a goal, they're easier to set, but what's your why?  What's the reason you're doing this or trying to do it?  

Think about it quickly, grab a pen and a piece of paper and write down the first thing that comes into your head when you think WHY?   

Then keep asking yourself over and over again like that annoying kid who keeps asking but why?  And see how many reasons you can come up with.  Keep digging away and come up with as many reasons has you can. 

I know I'm more comfortable when I'm 20lb lighter, I don't get that sweaty feeling under my rolls of fat!  Yesterday one thought I came up with was 'because it reminds me of a time when I was completely happy in my life!  Now I don't for a minute think being a certain weight made my life great or me completely happy, I think it was the other way round because I was in such a good place in my life, my eating wasn't an issue, I had other things giving me pleasure.  I was a lot more active, my time was filled with doing stuff whereas now my main purpose is making sure moms okay, so I need to work with that and I am doing so - SLOWLY lol. 

Anyway, mom's awake, I know she'll want to know what I'm doing up here in a minute and as I'm up here for a few hours doing my virtual workshops, I need to go give her some time and also walk Alfie. I've been up since 4 doing my yoga, so here's to another day, an opportunity to eat more zero hero's and think about my WHY's, 

I don't want heartburn / indigestion 
I want to give my body a chance to ease the pain it experiences
I want to be in control of what I eat, not to have my emotions control it 
I want to take care my body and mind to give me the strength to handle whatever life throws at me! 

Oh yeah and because I want to be able to get in the clothes I already have!

Right I'm off, let me know your whys and your focus for the month of July, let's do the do together and have a healthier month.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Wednesday, 1 July 2020

First of the month!

1st July 2020
Don't just be good to others, be good to yourself.

Yesterday was another testing day, but hey it's now Wednesday, plus it's the first of the month.  I do love a first of the month, it always makes me feel like I want to make changes, make things happen.  They give me hope that things can be different.  

2020 hasn't been an easy year so far for anyone has it, but here's to staying positive and doing what we can.  I went to the church at Bloxwich yesterday and also spoke to my other churches about re-opening my workshops, I can't see it being this month I'm afraid, there's too many things for them to get sorted out.  Risk assessments, etc, it's all a very complex thing, it's not just a case of opening up the doors.  To be honest, when the 'reopen' places this weekend, I've got a dread that it's all going to re-ignite the Covid chaos because seriously, opening pubs and telling people to keep their distance etc once they've had a few beers, mmm, we shall see!  

Now I've set my intentions this month to focus on more zero heroes, that starts today, let's ignore yesterday which only included 2 eggs, an apple and a satsuma as far as zeroes go, but it's all good I'm all over it like a rash now - honest.  I'm seriously considering having a dabble at the Purple plan, but will it send me crazy with spuds?  Mmm, I'll have to think about it but my heads saying stick with blue you plonka or you'll end up having a potato party and we know where that ends!  I only had the thought because I had a new member in my virtual and I had to talk her through the three options and she was going to do Purple.  Remember to self: we are all different and you need to find the plan that best suits you!

My eating behaviours at the moment are most definitely being affected by my moms behaviour, yes I'm probably also using that as an excuse but hey, I'm only human!  So here's to making today a good healthy eating day, I'm going to go and plan my meals right now and do the washing up! 

Hope you have a great start to your month, see some of you on virtual later.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me 

Tuesday, 30 June 2020

Walking on eggshells!

Tuesday 30th June 2020 
Keep your head up, keep your heart strong.

Yeah walking on eggshells was the theme of the day yesterday, happy nice mom has been replaced with borderline demon and so far this morning it looks like we're in for a similar kind of day - yay NOT!  

In other news, check these out, 

I'm easily pleased, I've just enjoyed them for my breakfast, poached eggs are not my forte but I did it and they egg was so runny and delicious, it made me smile.

Well the dogs just thrown up, third time this week, I've just lost my temper with the world because the heatings on full blast, the gas fires on, I'm menopausal and melting so I think we can safely say today could be a crap one too from an atmosphere point of view, but right now I've come upstairs, which will pee her off also, but hey I'm already the horrible one so who cares.

I'm online for a virtual workshop at 8, so I need to get stuff done, (find link in Wolverhampton Connect group on the WW app), it's not all bad lol.

Good stuff, because there is always positives, 

1) Went walking with Vicky and we put the world to rights.
2) Bumped into my sister whilst walking this morning and she's making me dinner for me ;) 
3) I'm getting goat and mutton at the weekend, thanks to the lovely Amanda Smith who's taken to cooking her deliciousness and selling it, she won Come Dine with Me once and I've been to a dinner party at her house which was so good.  I've shared her post on my facebook timeline if you're interested. 

4) and this is a good one, today I'm going to do a risk assessment at the church in Bloxwich so we can get my workshops back up and running in the second half of July, express workshops but still one step closer to some kind of normal.

I'm also doing a crochet course - there's number 5, I got it at a reduced rate and yes I know I can already crochet but I'm interested in the design side and that's included in the course so I've sped through modules 1-5 which were actually still interesting and taught me a few things, and now I'm at the design module which I'm really looking forward too and will take my time.

See always good stuff.  I do need to knuckle down though and lose a few pounds before going back to work or I'm not getting in my trousers, I'm roughly the same weight as when we went into lockdown but my shapes changed because I've not been so active loading and unloading my car burns calories and tones muscles and I've not been doing that have I! 

Here's to a day on track, ending June on a high and looking forward to a July filled with zero heroes!

Mwah, luv ya 

love me x 

Monday, 29 June 2020

2020 Part 2!

Monday 29th June 2020
Focus on the step in front of you and not the whole staircase.

4am start, bless her, she's had an unsettled night, we were looking for her glasses at 1am, turns out they hadn't fell on the floor they were in her bag, she must have been dreaming.  Almost another trouble free day but at 5ish she just started to turn, like a switch  had been pressed!  She asked if Anne could come round but then wasn't that pleasant when she arrived.  With a bit of cajoling we stopped her going completely to the dark side and eventually got her back, when Anne had gone we watched a couple of episodes of My Family then went to bed.  There really is no rhyme or reason to any of it, you can't make sense of this disease as much as I try. 

I'm good though, I've just done a 20 minute Yoga body flow which made me proper sweat and I'm sat here remembering the fact I managed to make good poached eggs yesterday morning, might try to do the same again today - I love em but I usually mess them up! 

We completed an entire 500 piece jigsaw yesterday - well when I say WE, I mean mostly me, she was getting frustrated by it so I started to help her but it became evident that she was struggling with this one for some reason so I got it done asap.  Maybe that's what led to her starting to turn.  Maybe it was because she was frustrated at not being able to do something.  

Mmm, possibly because all of a sudden she's in the kitchen trying to clean my recycling bin after I'd said it wouldn't come clean - she'd got it in the sink with bleach and told me to leave it to soak.  I've given it a scrub this morning and it is a hell of a lot cleaner than I've bothered to get it before.  She got to prove she's not helpless or useless as I think she feels a lot of the time thanks to the disease.

Well my lamb became Alfie's lamb, I thought I'd bought a shank in mint gravy but turned out it was shoulder and it was the smallest piece you've ever seen with a good 2in dollop of lamb fat in the gravy, he enjoyed it and saved me a few points I guess!  

I'm doing a crochet project where every row is different for 35 rows, then you repeat 18 rows , 7 more times, it's gonna take some time, especially as I keep pulling it back cos I keep making mistakes from not paying attention!  Hopefully it'll be worth it when it's done.  I'm trying to use up my stash of wool I bought from Aldi last year so I have room back in my wardrobe, this should use up all the cream.  I hope I'll have enough of that colour, otherwise it may end up with another colour mixed in, it's all good. 

I'm hoping to hear more about when I can return to workshops this week, it's all dependent on the venues etc, my boss said she'll call me this week, poor woman has almost 100 coaches to get in touch with, earns her wage for sure!  

We're officially in the second half of the year, it's week 27, only two more days of June, I don't think anyone believed they'd have had the year we've had would they!  

Who knew everyone would become Zoom experts, the first line you'd say at the start of any meeting would be 'can you hear me!' and that we'd finish all our emails and messages with Stay Safe!  Things have truly been different.  

I've enjoyed not having to rush so much but I have missed being able to get in my car and nip to the shops, I was limited with when I could do that before but obviously like everyone else, even more so for the past few months.

Now we're starting to ease lockdown, what would you like to achieve in 2020 Part 2?  What would you like to focus on?  Let's re-evaluate your WHY, at WW we talk a lot about the importance of finding your why, how it's different from your goals, and how to use it to fuel your journey. 

Get yourself a pen or use your notes on your phone because writing down your why can make it even more powerful.  It can change over time and with everything that's happened this year already, maybe yours has changed and it's time to update your why?  

So what is your WHY? 

Look back over the last few months, let's reflect.  

What's something you've felt really good about? 

How did things go with your goals?

Whether things went well or not, let's look forward, set yourself a goal for the week, keep it realistic, mine is to include more zero foods.  Ooo I've not weighed yet!  Hold on, I'll go do that now.....

Phew, I've lost 2lb of the 3lb I'd gained last week, I'll take that as I haven't been to the loo yet today!  TMI? Meh, you lot tell me all sorts of things I'd rather not hear so I'm just repaying the favour ;) 

Anyways I'm gonna get off, things to do, places to see (not), although we are walking this morning me and V which I'm looking forward too.  

Here's to a great day, mwah, luv ya 

Love me x

Sunday, 28 June 2020

Early one here!

Sunday 28th June 2020
What you tell yourself every day when you wake up will either lift you up or tear you down. 

Well we've been up since 3ish, mom woke up too hot and wanted to get up, she went back to sleep in her chair and is still snoozing, whereas I was wide awake so I've done a lovely yoga session and am now ready for my day, I've a virtual workshop this morning but then the day is mine to do whatever.  Although I know it involves a pile of washing up! 

Another almost stress free day yesterday, she started to turn just before bedtime but thankfully she chose to take herself off to bed and that helped.  It was the tv that affected her though I'm sure of it, I've realised we've been watching much easier to watch, light stuff this week and she's been really good, last night I was watching 'The school that tried to end racism' and this I think was affecting her, not just that she was getting angry about racism but it was also reminding her of when she moved to Wolverhampton from Yorkshire and the children at school were mean to her because of her accent, they gave her a tough time and I think those memories were triggering her mood change.

We'd had a lovely day up till then though, she'd spent money on my credit card buying jigsaws, she'd even been okay whilst I worked upstairs, so yes this week has been 100% better than last week!  Long may it continue.

This weeks technique on the virtual workshop is 'break up with your sitting routine', at first read I was like 'WHAT' but having read it and put it together, I'm like 'Oh yeah, I need to do this!' I will be making a conscious effort this week too, make sure you join us on one of the virtual's to find out all about it.  I'm support Amy this morning at 10 in the Stafford Connect group on the WW app, then mine are throughout the week, 

For Tuesday 8.30am, Wednesday 5.30pm & Saturday 9.45am Use the link in the Wolverhampton Connect group 

For Thursday 8.30am (& I'm supporting Hayley at 10.30am) Use the link in the Dudley & Walsall Connect group 

If you've let your membership lapse, now's a great time to get back to it, check the website for offers, workshops are going to start opening up for weigh-ins from July 5th, not all of them immediately because of venues but the virtual workshops will continue thankfully. 

Ask yourself what do you want to achieve in the second half of this year? 

What habits do you want to form?  What changes do you want to make? 

Working on those healthy behaviours are what will help you succeed.  Be realistic about what you can achieve, what you're capable of doing?  Don't overestimate your future motivation!  It's easy to sit here reading this on a Sunday morning thinking "yeah I'm gonna do this, I'm ready, let's get 2 stone off by Christmas." doing it on the other hand, isn't going to be a walk in the park - although a walk in the park would definitely help and is something you could easily do!

Focus on behaviours you can work on, things like drinking more water, walking 30 minutes a day, eating more zero foods, keep it real.  Choose to work on behaviours you can do on your hardest day!

Let's think about that for a minute, when I'm at my best I can easily do all the healthy stuff like yoga in the morning, followed by a huge glass of water, a couple of pieces of fruit, a dog walk, but can I continue to do all them when my mom wakes me up at 3am in the morning or when she's having her worst day and I'm stressed to the max and not feeling the love?  

Actually yeah I can, because I choose behaviours to work on that I can do even on my toughest day.  Now the behaviour I'm working on at the minute is giving me a little more leeway 'eat more zero heroes' notice I've said 'more' rather than putting an amount on it.  That way if I have a bad day and don't manage to eat many because I make bad choices then I haven't failed, I've still eaten more on the other days.  

I'll leave you with that thought, if you chose to work on behaviours you can do on your most difficult days - what would they be? 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx 

Saturday, 27 June 2020

Gotta love a good day

Saturday 27th June 2020
Don't be afraid of what hasn't happened yet.  Love what is.
Yesterday was a success, instead of 4 hours, I suggested the respite carer stayed for 2 to give mom the change to get used to her, she also suggested that I find something they can do together as 4 hours is a long time.  I'm going to get a few more jigsaws for sure, I will so the lady how to get youtube on the telly so they can watch old music videos and have a sing song because both of them like that.  Entering the weekend in a good mood house which is fabulous news.  My personal stuff that I've not been able to talk about is also starting to be resolved, step one done anyway so bonus.  I've got to try and not 'celebrate' too much this weekend causing me to gain weight when I've been quite good this week and managed to lose those few pounds I'd gained (I know I shouldn't weigh more than once but jumped on this morning to hopefully motivate myself to stay goodish). 

I've got a tub of yogurt that needs using so I think I'll be making me some home made houmous today, I have the chick peas, lemon, and I've got some frozen garlic - boom, whizz it all together and there's yummy zeroness, which I can put on the last Warburton bagel thins which at 4SP each, I won't be bothering with again, I'd much rather have a Warburton toasting muffin for the same points, they are my absolutely favourite new things. 
So how did I spend my 2 hours - oh are you ready for this, I went for a drive in my car so the battery doesn't drain again, then nipped into Poundstretcher and the Co-op.  It gets even more impressive, you ready for this, are you sitting down (especially you Tina D) I hoovered the inside of my car!  Oh yes I did, I actually don't think I've done that for a good ten years!  It was too hot to even contemplate doing the outside too, so that'll have to wait.   It was just nice to be able to get a few things done without having to worry about mom. 

Alfie and I have just shared hard boiled eggs for breakfast, well there were 3, but I reckon I only got 1 of then because he was obviously enjoying with them and I can't resist him, he's so fussy with food I have to let him have it. 

Well it's the last day of the working week, my final virtual workshop is at 9.45am this morning, we really end our week on a high, not only do I get to work with two cracking good coaches (Elle & Kate) but it's also the busiest of the week, some prefer to sit in the background and just take it all in where as others are more interactive and share some great ideas, if you haven't already and you're ready to spring into Summer and make it a season to shine, come and join us.  We'll be on from 9.15 if you need a wellness check-in.   You'll find the link in the Wolverhampton Connect group on the app.

I better go, Alfie's staring at me for a walk and it's almost 8.

Catch ya laters, 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Friday, 26 June 2020

Friday Feeling?

Friday 26th June 2020
Be there for others but never leave yourself behind. 

Well that was a warm one wasn't it!   

That more or less summed up my day yesterday, it all revolved around us trying to stay cool. 

The workshops on the morning were enjoyed, lovely to catch up with everyone each week, setting our goals for the summer.  My focus for just is Zero Hero's, I may not be being a brilliant WW member right now but I can eat my zero's, I've had hard boiled eggs for breakfast.  We've already done our walk although he didn't want to go far and I'm sat next to mom, she's just reading the paper to me.  

Will we be having a second wave just as we're all supposed to 'officially' be coming out of lockdown?  All these people on beaches more or less touching, then those celebrating last night with the football.  It's all a bit scary for sure.

Lot's of water being drunk too, it's so important to keep hydrated whilst it's this hot, even too hot for me to crochet yesterday, I'll do a bit more of updating my recipes on my happyowls.co.uk website today I reckon. 

Mom's coping with it better than I expected, plenty confusion obviously but no aggression for a few days thankfully, big of frustration but nothing I can't handle.  The carers due at 12 again today, not sure how she's going to react to her, but I'm going to let it happen and see.

This is week 26, which mean's we are officially halfway through the year, are you happy with what you've achieved this year? I reckon everyone will make this Christmas the best ever and I don't mean with lots of gifts, I mean with get-togethers. It's family and friends people have missed most this last 12 weeks.  How's your WW journey going? Do you need to refocus? What's worked for you this Spring? What do you need to focus on this Summer?

I'm trying to decide whether to take up an offer to do a couple of courses for a bargain price or if a bargain price is a waste of money if I pay and don't do them!  Decisions, Decisions.....

Just like everything, paying for something is pointless if you don't use it!

Here's to using that WW app you're paying for, exploring everything it does, check out the Connect groups, there are so many different ones, but one worth looking at is the WW virtual academy which has zooms to help you get to grips with the app and the different plans. There's also experiences at home which has things like cooking zoom demo's or there's WW healthy body, healthy mind where you can find zoom exercise and dance classes.

Yeah get using the app you're paying for.

Right I'm off, I'm ready for my mug of tea, moms snoozing so I might get a little work done sat here, let's have a good day.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me x

Thursday, 25 June 2020

In a rush!

Thursday 25th June 2020
Work on you for you 

Well I managed to convince her to go to the doctors, I said it was to see if any of her medication was causing side effects, that seemed to work.  If you'd been there you'd never have believed there was anything wrong with her!  However the doctor has prescribed some new drugs for her memory which the chemist have had to order in so hopefully we'll have them today.  Memantine I think it's called but as the piece of paper with all the side effects is downstairs I can't be 100%.

We had mostly a good day yesterday, she got herself worked up over going to the doctors, but she's always been like that, okay once she's there.  The heat is bothering both of us, so I'm surprised she wasn't a lot worse yesterday and thankful. 

I did celebrate getting her to the doctors by enjoying these crispy duck pancakes!  Aldi £4, thanks to the member who mentioned them, you were right, a great alternative to a takeaway.  3SP per pancake or roughly 19 for half the pack, I however did cleverness and let Alfie have all the skin which would be where the majority of the fat was, I also cooked it on a rack as suggested so loads of fat was left in the baking tray underneath.  I really enjoyed it, I love hoisin sauce.  

Now I'd like this make with chicken to save loads of points!  I've just looked and I can get the Chinese pancakes for £1.10 in Sainsbury's and 1SP each, Hoisin sauce is 2SP tablespoon and the chicken would be zero as would the cucumber and spring onions, sorted, I'll be doing that one day next week when my delivery comes. 

Yep yesterday was a good day, enjoyed the virtual workshop on the night too, they constantly help to remind me that I may not be being 100% but I am focusing on something and this week it's those zero heroes, I've jstu had my apple, got a couple of Satsumas here too, a big salad today with chicken I think as I have a chicken which came in my delivery but it's use by today so no saving it for the weekend.  

Anyway, I've just clocked the time, Alfie had me out walking for a good hour this morning so we're behind and I go on virtual at 8 and it's twenty to now, so here's to a great day, enjoy the sunshine.

Please don't be one of those mugs on the beach within inches of each other, I don't want any of the people I know catching this dreadful disease for the sake of a bit of sun.  Stay safe, stay out of this crazy hot sun, sit in the shade in your garden or somewhere where you can keep that distance. 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Wednesday, 24 June 2020

Enjoy the sunshine

Wednesday 24th June 2020
No rain, No flowers.

Only a couple of bad hours with mom yesterday and that was because the nurse rang to confirm the appointment today and she heard and refused to go.  She's got it in her head they think she's crazy and want to lock her up and nothing I could say was making a difference.  Eventually she calmed but adamant she wasn't going.  Vicky popped round in the evening to collect her shopping (we share a slot) and mom loves her and when we got onto the topic of the doctors she convinced her to go, whether that'll still be the case today who knows.  But we have a plan, Vicky is going to come half hour before to look after Alfie and to try and remind her she'd agreed to go!  Wish us both luck lol.  Worse case scenario, the nurse has said they'll have to come here but it'll be the end of the week, when I talk to her though I could suggest a zoom call.

I tried to jumpstart my car, it wasn't having any of it, so I had to call out Green Flag, then I drove round in it for an hour once he'd got me going.  Let's hope it starts again today, I' going to try it this morning and drive round the block a couple of times, then I think I'll have to start doing that daily to stop the battery draining again from being left too long. 

As I know right now being a WWer isn't the easiest thing to concentrate on, I'm working on a tweak each week, rather than feeling like I'm failing at the weight loss lark - this week it's focusing on including more zero heroes.   It's building those healthy habits that will help me long term as I know as difficult as this situation with mom is, it won't last forever, so I will use this time to do what I can when I can. 

Yesterday I really enjoyed this; 

 The whole pan was 6SP, that was for the delicious sauce and it was only 50p to buy too, which is a bargain, my sister had got me a bag of stir fry veggies and I had some leftover chicken breast so a good, cheap, quick meal, it was ready in 5 minutes, it'll take longer to wash the pan than it did to cook it. 

I'm going to make a nice salad today, it's going to be a hot one isn't it, plus I want to spend as much time as possible with mom so she's happy when I try and get her to go to the doctors!

It's great to hear that from July 4th you can visit other households, so many people need this, mom loved speaking to Vicky, but if that was doable with Vicky actually being able to sit down and be comfortable, that would be so much better, plus maybe she will want others to visit, hopefully she'll like the carer coming on Friday again, we shall see.

I'm still toying with buying a freezer for my shed because even that stir fry was serves 2, if I had frozen stir fry, I'd be able to just have the portion I wanted, decisions, decisions.  I'd have to tidy the shed up too and make space - that's another consideration. 

Yesterday's virtual workshop saw more faces I haven't seen for a while and I'm so glad members are getting their head back in the game, it's been such a difficult time for everyone, even more of a good reason to focus on a tweak each week.  Ask yourself what can you focus on today that will help you feel better in yourself.  I've just done my yoga which was relaxing, I'm trying to work out ways to relieve the stress that moms illness is causing because that's not going to go away.  Last night I had water instead of wine, because too much alcohol isn't going to help at all.  The yoga is relaxing, as is walking with Vicky, although we're not doing that today because of the doctor thing and trying to not stress mom.

I've just had a google and apparently certain smells can relieve stress, they suggest lighting a candle but I still have some scentsy so I might look see if I have any that match this list; 

  • Lavender
  • Rose
  • Vetiver
  • Bergamot
  • Roman chamomile
  • Neroli
  • Frankincense
  • Sandalwood
  • Ylang ylang
  • Orange or orange blossom
  • Geranium

Using scents to treat your mood is called aromatherapy. Several studies show that aromatherapy can decrease anxiety and improve sleep.

Reducing caffeine is an obvious one, I have cut down over the years and drink more water, but have been drinking a few more mugs since working from home so will refocus on that. 

Write it down - One way to handle stress is to write things down.  I already do this, you're reading it!  Blogging helps me get my thoughts and feelings out, I've always been very open and honest about everything that happens in my life, I'm just always surprised anyone wants to read it. 

It's also great to write down things you're grateful for, things that make you smile, that bring joy to your life and sunshine in your world.  I find this really helps on days where everything feels like it's all a big pile of poo!  There's are always positives you just have to look for them a little harder on days like that. 

Oh course an obvious way to reduce stress is to spend time with friends and family which is why so many of us are stressed at this time because we haven't been able too!  Use Zoom, it's the next best thing.  

Laughter is the best medicine and I truly believe this, I love nothing more than to make others laugh and to laugh together with my tribe.

Yoga, mindfulness, deep breathing, listening to soothing music, spending time with your pets, spending time in nature.  Find what works for you because we all get stressed at time. 

After saying all that, I'm feeling pretty chilled this morning, I'm about to have a shower, then gonna walk Alfie before it gets too hot - please don't walk your dogs in the mid day sun, I drove past a lady yesterday, it was much too hot by then.  

Here's to a delicious day, 

Have a good one, hope to see some of you on my virtual workshop 5.30pm (link in Wolverhampton connect group on WW app)

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me