Beverley has prepared the content of Bev's World irresponsibly and carelessly. She therefore disclaims all warranties, express or implied, as to the accuracy, originality or completeness of the drivel presented on this blog or on other linked websites or on any subsequent links. She vehemently denies that the information may be relied upon for any reason. Beverley shall not be liable for inflicting laughter, shame, disgust, torrents of tears and the eventual desiccation or crashing boredom on readers.

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Wednesday, 16 October 2019

Coke v Wine! Both Addictive!

Wednesday 16th October
Breathe darling, this is just a chapter not your whole story.

Early one again this morning, I've heard her go to the toilet probably every hour if not more frequent since about midnight and now she's downstairs and had fallen asleep in her armchair bless her.

But let's talk about food ;) This was my lunch yesterday, leftovers from the day before, I'd frozen my fish not realising how much was in the packet, so when it was defrosted I had to cook it all, mom didn't want any so I had half yesterday and half today, it was absolutely lush, it really was.  Trout, rice and cabbage - random combination I know but it worked really well and ooo my digestion system has been amazing the last couple of days thanks to the cabbage. TMI?

For my dinner I had beef stew that I'd taken from the freezer earlier in the day, I won't be freezing my stew again, it didn't taste as good as it did before it went in. 

I plan to make a chicken casserole today, nom nom, I nipped into Aldi yesterday to buy the ingredients, not gonna lie, I bought thighs, I couldn't resist, I know the casserole will taste amazing with thigh, plus at £1.79 for a packet, bargain, 5SP each, I can live with that, I can still have chicken casserole for about 12SP a portion, if I have a egg based breakfast and a light tea, then this will be within my daily allowance.  Plus I hope to get an early night to make up for lack of sleep last night. 

Aiming to up my fruit and veggie intake, we're talking about these in workshop this week so I bought a bit of veg yesterday in Aldi too, a swede so I can have swede and mash, I'll microwave the swede whole for ease, just pop the whole swede in microwave for about 20 minutes, and then cut top off and scoop middle out, perfect.  I've also been told they're delicious roasted, so maybe I'll have a go at doing it that way too, my member said she peels it then the outside caramelising as it's roasting, sounds good.  

I also made the breakfast buns using the WW raspberry and chai seed porridge, for every sachet, you mix in 1 mashed banana and 1 egg, there's two packets there and it's a mini muffin tray, made 20.  I like the idea of adding some apple, I have a can of Sainsbury's apple slices in the cupboard might make some more and use the bigger muffin cases, it's a way of getting good stuff in my mom which is almost impossible these days. 

I had a realisation last night, obviously I know how many points are in my Red Wine, I also know that full fat pop is ridiculously high in points too so I wouldn't even contemplate buying a can, but after checking my app for how many Smart Points are in a litre bottle of CocaCola, I've checked this morning how many in a litre of Red Wine and they're exactly the same 26SP, NEITHER IS ANY GOOD FOR US REALLY! Both are addictive!  I wouldn't think twice about drinking a bottle of wine!

Now the obvious difference is one is alcoholic, but I know that for me it's also a habit, not a great one either, so I'm going to make a conscious effort to cut down a bit, I use the excuse 'it helps me cope with mom' but I think I'm that used to it, it doesn't.  Plus if I'm not getting as much sleep, I need to make up for it in other ways, so heres to saving some points for more food by cutting down on wine.  

Plus it's weigh day so I get a fresh set of weeklies, woo hoo, 35SP to spend on whatever I want to spend them on and you know what, if you want to spend it on chocolate, fizzy pop, KFC, or something healthier that's your prerogative because we're all grown ups here! 

I have documents to try and find so I'm gonna get my paperwork done, then plan to turn my office upside down, ooo maybe I'll have a sort out and bin some stuff at the same time, make use of these extra hours I'm not being allowed to sleep lol.

Here's to a day of tracking and trying, mwah 

luv ya 

Love me xx 

Tuesday, 15 October 2019

want, need or greed?

Tuesday 15th October 2019
Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.

Thankfully I went to bed early because mom had another rough night, I wake up every time she goes to the bathroom but I have slept so I'm ready for the day ahead.

--------- fast forward 10 minutes -----------

I'd just written the sentence above when mom said, "Bev, Bev I've spilt my tea", oh yeah she'd fell asleep with it in her hands and it'd gone all over the bed and poor Alfie, thankfully it wasn't still hot, so I've just been changing her bedding and finding our spare quilt.  Can you believe it, I only changed her bedding yesterday, now I have a house full of bedding to wash and dry - yay!  Can quilts even be washed at home or are they dry clean only.

Anyway, what's done is done, I'm still ready for my day, I've already got some leftover trout for dinner today, hadn't realised how much was in the packet when I froze it so had to cook it all and mom didn't want any, so yesterday I had it with rice and cabbage (using what's in the fridge, that cabbage had lasted 2 weeks, had it from Aldi), there's enough of both to have exactly the same meal, or I might do something else with it, we'll see, I fancy that cabbage fried up with some mash (it'll have to be Smash though as I'm all out of spud, ooo I do have frozen chips though or maybe spaghetti  that would be nice with the trout flaked into it with a bit of a sauce.  Still want a can of mushroom soup, they hadn't got any in the Tesco garage on Saturday, mushroom soup and a small packet of KP salted peanuts are on my to eat list, I'll get them at some point.  Not using my credit card am I this month so if I haven't got the cash in my purse, I can't have it, I used all my Co-op points yesterday to pay for a few bits for mom.  I think I have some Tesco ones too, need to have a mooch through my desk, usually spend them online but I could spend in store.  We shall see.  I like being thrifty and frugal, it makes me appreciate the value of money more, but even more so the value of time!

Yeah every penny we spend is time we've spent working, so in theory the less we spend, the less we need to work, it really makes you think about what's actually worth buying when you ask yourself that question.  For example, I needed a size 1.75mm crochet hook to do a project, if I wanted to order one online for prime delivery, I either had to pay delivery as well or spend £20 on Amazon as it was an add on item.   The other option was of course to wait a few days for delivery but we were still looking at a couple of quid, so instead I asked if I could loan one from a friend.  It'll probably be the only time I'll use it so I don't need one permanently.  Saved myself at least 2 quid there, even at minimum wage that's 15 minutes work.  Not to mention the cost of sending it to me, if you're interested in carbon footprint etc.

Yeah I think if you stop and look at the stuff in your house and work out the true cost of it, you might not think it was worth it.   I started to think about this after being sent a link to a website from work about my pension, let's just say, I'm going to be a very poor pensioner because I will only have the basic and I'll have to wait till I'm 67 to even stop working, that's ridiculous.   Hence I want to learn to live on less now to prepare me for the future, if it becomes my norm, it won't be such a culture shock.  I can already live on less, I can just be a bit careless when it comes to spending.  Anyway you don't want to listen to me go on about my finances on a Tuesday morning, but maybe it'll encourage you to consider your own.  What have you spent money on already this month that you maybe didn't need.  It's a bit like food, simply as yourself the following question in either circumstance,

Do you want, need or is it greed?

That simple question will get you thinking about your food choices and your spending habits.

I'll leave you there as I'm running behind thanks to the tea on quilt situation ;)

Mwah, luv ya

Love me x


Monday, 14 October 2019

The greatest gift you can give someone is your time.

Monday 14th October 2019
Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing (read that again!)

Moms had a bad night, poor love and there's not a lot I can do other than sit with her and try to calm her, I know she'll probably fall asleep in a little bit and sleep some of the day away.  I also know the advice is to try and keep them awake in the daytime so they sleep at night but I don't think that'll guarantee she will! Plus she's better when she sleeps whatever time of the day.  We'd had a good day overall too.

It's Monday morning again, can you believe it, how quickly these weeks roll around, I'm sat here wasting time on the internet, but then it isn't wasted time if it's time I enjoy wasting.  I couldn't start the crochet project I'd planned on starting yesterday as I didn't have a small enough hook, so instead I decided to start it with double knit yarn so I could get used to the stitch, I love it but it's going to be a lot larger than needed, but hey there's no rules, it can be folded in half for added warmth lol.

Now I need to get back to paying attention to my healthy eating, I've not been overeating but not been tracking this last week, yesterday for example I had scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast, then later in the day I had cheesy mash with ketchup and that was my lot all day!  That is not a healthy balanced diet, so today will include some veggies for a start, maybe a banana, whatever I have, I'll be pointing and tracking it.  The good news is I've not gained any weight the last few weeks, I've got maintenance sussed.

I'm also still drinking plenty of water, thanks to my new Wellness Wins beakers, I love them, plus the hold well over a pint of water at a time, I've already drunk one this morning and I keep it on the side of my bed in case I wake up thirsty in the night.  It's all about those subtle habit changes.  We can all do big grand gestures for short periods, I actually get concerned with myself if I get too obsessed over it all, because I know that never ends well, it's not sustainable for me.

One thing I am struggling with is my FitPoints, I've not been walking with my brother for weeks because of the weather and also mom, then we've had that much rain, Alfie doesn't want to walk far, so yesterday I only did 5,000 steps, were usually it's 4 times that.  My ankle still isn't right either, the doctor wasn't much interested, she wobbled it about and said words to the effect of, 'yeah it's either muscular or arthritic, painkillers and don't stop moving'.  Thanks for that!

We had a day watching Adam Sandler films, if you haven't seen Click, it's a really good reminder that it's the actual day to day crap that makes life worth living.  Yeah time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters doesn't it and all we really have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.  At this moment I'm happy to spend as much of my time as possible keeping my mom company and making her feel safe.

Today find the time, take the time, make the time to do something for yourself, but also to smile at others, to speak kind words, to be the person you'd like to bump into.

Here's a nice quote to end on,

Time is free, but it's priceless
You can't own it, but you can use it.
You can't keep it, but you can spend it.
Once you've lost it, you can never get it back.

What did you do with your time this weekend, how do you plan to spend it this week?

I'm off to use some of my time working out what I plan to eat today ;)

Mwah, luv ya

Love me

Sunday, 13 October 2019

fuel cake parts

Sunday 13th October 2019
Be grateful and count your blessings daily

I love my workshops and yesterday was no exception, surround yourself with people who get you and who laugh with you.  Laughter is a great stress reliever and we did plenty of that yesterday.   One of the things that we really laughed at and it was one of those. 'you had to be there' moments was talking about an app called, what 3 words, or they have a website https://what3words.com/about-us/, what is it?  what3words is a really simple way to talk about location.  They've have assigned each 3m square in the world a unique 3 word address that will never change.  For example filled.count.soap marks the exact entrance to what3words’ London headquarters.  How clever is that!  It's quite amusing too, so sitting here at my desk, my 3 words are digs lovely sock and when I'm lying in bed it's fuel cake parts which is funny when you think I'm all about the food.  I wonder what it is in the kitchen lol.  You could play with the app for hours, but it has a really useful function, imagine if you were lost and stressed, this app would help others find you - very clever.  

I then got home, walked Alfie and watched a film with mom, we watched the Sky Cinema new release 'White Boy Rick', one of those films I watch and only carry on watching because I want to see how it ends, not a happy tale at all so not for me.  Then I went to cook something and came up with this fish pie, the only thing that made it even better than it was, was watching mom lick her bowl!  Yeah it went down very well indeed.  I didn't use a recipe just cooked the potatoes on a baking tray in oven with a bit of oil.  Poached the fish in skimmed milk then added peas, Philadelphia light, mustard, cheese, dill and thickened it into a sauce topped with the potatoes, it was delicious.

We watched more tele, Hitch with Will Smith, lovely rom com, then Jerry McGuire, not seen either since they were released years ago.  Of course mom had to have her CSI SVU fix before we could go to bed, she does love a bit of blood and guts!  

I've been up an hour and I've already done the washing up!  Check me out, that's probably about as productive as I'm getting though, I've got a difficult crochet blanket I'd like to try and get started, not sure I'm going to have the patience to work with such fine cotton, but I'm going to give it a go.  Don't try, don't know do you.  

Well it's raining heavy here so they'll be no walking this morning, although that's probably a blessing until I get mom back to feeling okay with me going out for a couple of hours, she's still very scared and clingy at the moment, I'm positive it'll improve though.

Right short and sweet today, I want to get my hands on that cotton and hook!  Here's to a great day, however you spend it. 

Mwah, luv ya

love me 

Saturday, 12 October 2019

Time to chill

Saturday 12th October 2019
Once you need less you will have more.

 I had a very calm day yesterday, it is my favourite state of being I think, of all the emotions out there,  being calm has to be up there as how I like to spend my days.  It helps me handle situations that can be difficult, although yesterday wasn't difficult at all, mom was good, she slept a lot of the day because of being awake so much of the night before, it's a bit of a dilemma for me actually, if I try to keep her awake, she would maybe sleep better on the night but if she sleeps in the day, I get to have a bit of me time, mmmm decisions, decisions, this was the position me and Alfie spent most of yesterday once he'd been walked and I had my massage.

In case you hadn't worked it out she refused to go to the hospital and to be fair, I completely understand.  I had a conversation with her, which she understood, I showed her a video of what would happen at the hospital and explained why they were doing it and what may happen if they didn't do it and she chose not to go and I'm thankful that she still has the strength of character to make those decisions herself, I know even before the Alzheimers she wouldn't have gone anyway so I don't feel bad about not making her go.

My brother came and sat with her whilst I had my massage and stayed till noon, he even offered to treat us to a KFC bucket and let's just have it noted I've been fancying one for a few days now, but I declined because I knew it wouldn't do our bodies any good, mom would end up feeling sick and I once again wouldn't lose any weight.  Instead I settled for a SlimWell ready meal from Aldi, the chicken and chorizo style sausage paella one, I wouldn't buy it again, it wasn't for me.  But it was only 11SP as opposed to whatever the bucket would've set me back so all was good.

I'm making a fish pie of some sort today, the fish has been defrosting overnight in the fridge, I'm thinking instead of mash, topping it with cubed roasted potatoes, mmm nom nom and I might be really lazy and use a can of soup as the sauce instead of making a white sauce, although a cheese white sauce would be lush.  There's loads of recipes on the WW app for me to check out.

I'm looking forward to my workshop this morning, catching up with my girls before the work bit starts and seeing my bestie who treated me to my massage yesterday, how lucky am I to have such caring and kind friends, I thought I'd sleep for the hour I was there but I didn't thankfully, I got to enjoy most of the massage before falling asleep towards the end lol.

I fancy a good film this afternoon, hope I can find one, we watched Hancock with Will Smith yesterday followed by a Terminator, the 2015 one, I'd seen both before, I want something uplifting or funny so any suggestions would be appreciated.  I'm a sucker for a romcom too, to be fair.

Right better go shower, wake myself up, although we had an early, early night, in bed and lights out by 8 and bless her, since I said to her the other night, mom I really need to get some sleep, it seems to have stuck in her head because when she does wake up I can hear her telling her teddies she's got to be quiet cos Bev needs to sleep.  I love that old lady so much, all I want for her is to be at peace in her head, I wished I could guarantee that, but I can't, I can only do what I can do.

Here's to enjoying the weekend, mwah

Luv ya

Love me xx

Friday, 11 October 2019

Keep going...

Friday 11th October 2019
Remember your spirit needs recharging as least as often as your phone, make time to reconnect with yourself.

mmm what to talk about, the obvious would be mom, lack of sleep and the difficulty I'm going to have this morning trying to get mom to the hospital but you know what, I'm living it, I don't feel the need to share it today, if I was to believe everything she told me last night, I'd think my sister had held a party without me here yesterday, the amount of visitors mom told me she'd had.  Yeah let's not even talk about it.  Let's talk about other stuff.

Yesterday was World Health Day and I thoroughly enjoyed my workshops, everyone thinking about alternative ways to handle stress, in one workshop we discussed different breathing techniques, this was an example of one, https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=gvtx62lUho0  you could google other ones.  But you can't beat taking a few deep breathes when you're getting stressed out, we all know the 'count to 10' idea, it does work.

I've got a massage booked this morning, I'm hoping moms going to be okay for an hour whilst I go, I didn't want to cancel it because I didn't get one last week as had a training day.  This is my must have Self Care thing, one hour each week where I don't have to think about anyone else and where someone else is taking care of my needs, it also will hopefully get rid of some of those sore muscles in my back!

I managed to maintain my weight this week and I'm really pleased with that because it would've been so easy to go off track with everything that's happened.  I survived yesterday without giving into all the cravings I had, oh and I had an awful lot of cravings, I wanted Greggs for breakfast (had toast instead), then as the day went on, every time someone mentioned something, I wanted it, pizza, doughnuts, kfc, Chinese, Indian to name but a few and instead I had gammon and egg with mushrooms for lunch and corned beef hash for tea.  Yeah I had a few nibbles but nothing compared to what I could've had, so I survived a sleep deprived, stressful day and I know I can do that again.

Crochet and sleep have now become my two favourite things to do, this week anyway, this weekend will mostly be spent doing as little as possible, I'm hoping once today is done mom will be a little less agitated, I'm sure it's because of the hospital that's she's been worse and I haven't mentioned it this morning yet but when I do, if there's even the least resistance I'm going to phone and apologise but say we won't be going.  Whatever the ECG says, she won't agree to any kind of surgery, the other option the doctor mentioned was blood thinners, so why they can't just give her them I don't know.  What she does need is something to calm her mind so she can settle at night instead of waking up at midnight ready to get out of bed.

Now I haven't planned any meals today, so I need to get on the case because Friday's can be a dangerous day at the best of times, but this Friday is going to be even more of a challenge, I'm thinking fast food, there's a frozen meal in the freezer, or microwave rice, I'll go check out the kitchen, egg fried rice maybe, pretend it's Chinese, could do noodles.  Whatever I have it will be fast food, no standing in the kitchen for me.

Back to the stress thing, here are some thoughts that help me when I'm getting wound up and stressed out, after my big, full on drama queen strop, that most certainly helps, I do love a good rant.  Then I try to use the 5 by 5 rule, if it's not going to matter in 5 days, 5 weeks or 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes stressing or being upset about it.   I remind myself I'm doing the best I can with the situation I have, it's okay not to be okay and that I shouldn't stress over things I cannot control.

I then try to look for the things that make my life better, than make me smile, I look out for the sunrise or sunset, watch the sparrows on the bird feeder, notice the dog sleeping on the landing content and care free, these things calm and soothe me more than eating a big jam doughnut would and they don't make the scales go up.

It's half six in the morning, I've managed to get some sleep despite being woke up a few times, so today is already a good day, the struggle is real but so is the strength.

Here's to being strong today but knowing it's okay that I cried myself back to sleep in the early hours of this morning, because tears don't mean your weak, they mean you're expressing your emotions instead of holding it all in.  Crying is your eyes speaking when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is xx

It's all good, I'm smiling this morning, mwah

Luv ya, smile back xx

Love me xx

Thursday, 10 October 2019

Budget Bev! Wish me luck!

Thursday 10th October 2019
If you avoid the conflict to keep the peace,  you start a war inside yourself.

Yay, early morning wake up call at 3am this morning, just what I needed before my longest working day of the week, water at the ready, eyes drops and a we can survive smile, good to go here.  Moms got her, 'let's talk to Bev like she's my servant' voice on - that's fun - NOT!   Sorting her bedroom drawers out at half 3, that's when I realised I wasn't going to be getting any more sleep than I'd already had lol.  I'd feel sorry for myself but I get to go to work, it's one thing having to sit in your own house not being able to go anywhere or do anything, it's quite another when you're having to sit in someone else's house, which is what my sister is going to have to do whilst I'm at work ;( that can't be any fun at all can it.

So to help my stress this month, I'm setting myself a challenge, I'm aware that I've been overusing my credit card lately, spending makes me happy, a bit like eating, but it also leads me into debt and I've been there, done that, didn't like it.  My challenge is, my credit card month starts on the 10th, so from today, I'm not going to use my card for a month, I'm also going to budget the cash I spend and the only spending I'm going to do is in Aldi and only what I need.  I'm going to have a cheapo month, make use of what's in the cupboard and freezer, hopefully it'll help my weight loss too, can't eat it if it isn't there can I!

I made a delicious corned beef hash yesterday, cubed my spuds and parboiled them before frying, I think if I did it again, I'd maybe roast them in the oven.  Fried some onions, added the cubed corned beef and some sweetcorn, it was really yummy, had it with some broccoli spears that I'd bought Monday before last from Aldi and it was still ok to eat, plus there's enough for today and a portion has gone in the freezer for later in the month.  Yeah, budget Bev is getting her thing on!  I want to get my food bill down, Aldi has shown me I can do that.  With everything that's going on with mom, learning to live on less can only be a good thing as I don't know what the future holds, she's not getting any better and it won't get any easier will it.

I'm thinking gammon, mash and veg today, I still have those two rounds in the fridge, then I can have the other corned beef hash for my tea when I get home.

Right I'm going to make the most of being awake this early and get my paperwork done, I might even fit in half hour of crochet, sit with mom for a bit to try calm her down. Here's to surviving the day on track, we got this.

Luv ya, mwah

Love me xx