Beverley has prepared the content of Bev's World irresponsibly and carelessly. She therefore disclaims all warranties, express or implied, as to the accuracy, originality or completeness of the drivel presented on this blog or on other linked websites or on any subsequent links. She vehemently denies that the information may be relied upon for any reason. Beverley shall not be liable for inflicting laughter, shame, disgust, torrents of tears and the eventual desiccation or crashing boredom on readers.

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Friday, 10 July 2020

No rush...

Friday 10th July 2020
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished. 

I do love not rushing in a morning, it's 6.21, I've been awake since 4am, and since them I've done some meditation and yoga and a little bit of self work and both Alfie and mom are still asleep - BLISS!  Now that's the perfect start to my day, it could only be bettered by a good long walk through the fields (one day I'll be able to do all these things again without having to make sure mom's okay).

Yeah a slower pace of life is something I truly enjoy, a simpler way of living is something I genuinely long for.  Who wouldn't want a stress-free home life, to feel less stressed, relaxed rather than overwhelmed?  How great would it be to not have to multi-task rather focus on one thing at a time - sounds good don't it! 

We've still got to pay the bills though so we can't just pack in the job, after all we don't want to lose the roof over our head!

Having said that I've realised over the last few months, I can live on less by being more mindful, especially in the kitchen, I've always spent far too much money on food.  I've made a conscious effort this last month to try and only spend on things I need, it always helps to ask yourself the question "do I want it or do I need it?" before you buy something. 

I've started unsubscribing from all those emails that send me offers and try to tempt me to buy stuff I don't need with money I don't have!  I'm also throwing away stuff that comes in the post without even opening it if I can tell it's something that's trying to sell me something!  Yeah if you haven't done it, why don't you set yourself a no spending challenge, try going a week with no frivolous spending, just bills and groceries, eat what's in your house, I'll let you buy bread and milk!  We've not really been going out anyway so you can manage a week.  I'm going to move my food supermarket slot next week to the week after and do just that, my sister can always get me a loaf if I need one but I have long life milk, we'll be good.  That's at least £40 I'll save as that's the minimum spend! 

I can't believe I haven't been in a supermarket for months and I'm not missing it, I used to be addicted to the idea of being able to wander around looking at the niceness on offer but now I'm happy to get my weekly slot for essentials, maybe the odd bit of something nice.  

Same goes for my weekly massage, I used to be distraught if I didn't get that, yet now I'm not sure when I'll bother to have one again, even when I can, I enjoyed my walk through the fields so much more and I didn't have to arrange a time for that, much less stressful, just go when I can. 

Doing my yoga has definitely started to calm me down and slow me down, I now intend to add meditation daily I think even if it's only 5 minutes, there's so many studies that talk of the benefits, I'm willing to give it a go. 

I need to have a bit of a declutter again, that makes life simpler because you have less stuff to go through and look through when you're looking for something.  

Now it looks like it might be a dry day, if mom's good when her lady comes at noon, I may slip away for a good walk.  Fingers crossed! 

 It wasn't until I was chatting with my bestie yesterday that I realised the kind of things I miss at the moment are stuff like being able to go for a walk when I fancy, going to bed when I'm ready and standing in the kitchen cooking and mooching about without having to be concerned with mom and how she'll react.  In Lynne's words 'all things most folk take for granted'.  I'm not fussed about not having holidays or going out for meals, I just miss being free!

So for now I'll take these rare few hours when she's asleep to do my yoga or contemplate life and make the most of the quiet hours. 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Thursday, 9 July 2020

Emotional Feeling not Eating!

Thursday 9th July 2020
Don't become exhausted from trying to be stronger than you feel.

Well after everything I blogged yesterday, all my plans to get on track, I had a really, really tough day.  

"You look after number 1 don't ya!"

How one sentence can turn your day upside down!  I'd just sat down to enjoy my breakfast and that was what mom said to me, well without dwelling on it all, let's just say it was the straw that broke the camels back.  Thankfully my sister came and sat with her whilst I drove my car to the mechanics and walked the 3 mile back.  

I was going to do a video whilst walking to try and express the rollercoaster of emotions that effect our eating behaviour, I didn't but if I had done, the conversations would've been different had I done it at the beginning, middle or end of the walk.  That is the power of walking, it moves the body and calms the mind, it gives me valuable time to process my thoughts and calm myself down.  

I cried an awful lot yesterday because she didn't get any better with me, it didn't help that she had the foot lady and her hairdresser coming, so each time she found out about one of them she got stroppy, no one tells me anything, I don't need my feet/hair doing ra ra ra!  It was a difficult day for sure. 

I was however glad that instead of eating or drinking my emotions, I felt them, I cried!  Our emotions are not meant to be quashed down and ignored.  We need to allow ourselves to feel whatever we need to feel - feel it all and let it go.  People tell me 'you know it's not your mom when she says things like that' but that doesn't help when it's constant, then someone else walks in the room and she's all sunshine and rainbows, it hurts, it's painful and it's hard.  Therefore I will cry when I need to, I will shout and scream if it helps because by having this mini meltdowns, I won't end up having a breakdown!  

Now I'm going to use swear words here, I try not to in my blog even though in real life I have Tourette's, but I appreciate that not everyone does swear and I would never want to offend anyone, however these were my brothers words.  When he visited on Sunday and we were chatting he was telling me about some bloke he follows on Facebook who occasionally says something worth listening to, he said basically, 'we all have our own shit going on in our lives, I've got my shit, you've got your shit and they've got their shit and the things is to learn to control your own shit and not put your shit on to someone else's shit' so eloquent lol!  But it's true isn't it, we have all got shit going on in our lives, some more than others and right now with everything that's going on in the world, more shit than usual.  I mean I've had mom to care for for years now but the last 4 months have been the hardest ever, then work has given me more to be concerned about.  The same is happening for others, people being extremely ill or worse dying, losing jobs, money worries, health worries, mental health issues arising from being in lockdown, isolation and on and on it goes.  

If you are struggling to lose weight, focus on being healthy, or anything you would like to do, acknowledge that this is a difficult time and you aren't expected to behave in a certain way.

Also I know my brother said not to put your shit onto someone else shit but I strongly believe that a problem shared is a problem halved, so don't confuse the two.  It's good to talk, don't burden others but don't be afraid to share how you're feeling and never be embarrassed because of how you feel, we wouldn't have the ability to feel all these different emotions if we weren't meant to. 

I did eat a few chocolates yesterday but not because I was angry / sad / miserable / upset, no I ate a few because damn they're good, they were Thornton's, it was my moms way of connecting with me again, a peace offering almost, although I don't think she even remembered how upset I'd been or what she'd said that morning. 

I also ate healthy stuff, I experimented with the cauliflower, I coated them with egg and dipped in Panko breadcrumbs. You could add any herbs or spices. Then I roasted them in the oven, they were really good and I will definitely do it again.  I'm thinking I could serve them with Katsu curry sauce as that usually goes on breaded chicken.  Ooo yeah, maybe I'll have that today! 
I know I have Uncle Bens in the cupboard and it's only 4SP for the pot.  I will use normal golden breadcrumbs this time as I only used Panko to use them up, you could even make your own breadcrumbs, or blitz cornflakes or crisps, it's all about having a play in the kitchen. 

I've got a morning of virtual workshops, 8.30 and 10.30 in the Dudley and Wolverhampton Connect group on the WW app that I'm looking forward too.  Then I'll cook up some deliciousness for my dinner.  

And you know what, when I did my yoga this morning I had a little white vest top and my PJ bottoms on and I caught my reflection in the mirror as I left the bathroom, I liked my reflection, I'm not unhappy with my appearance or my body, it's not hurting which is just brilliant as it's not very often I can say that!  It's not just about the numbers on the scales is it, it's so much more and I'm happy with my body, I'm just trying to take care of it as best I can to keep it going for as long as I can. 

Here's to making the most of your day, mwah,

luv ya 

Love me xx

Wednesday, 8 July 2020

It's raining again....

Wednesday 8th July 2020
No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up.

It all happens here!  I'll be ringing the vet today as Alfie's having some kind of seizures, they've been happening the last couple of weeks but seem to not be going away.  Then mom's hot water bottle has burst this morning whilst she was sleeping on her chair in the living room.  My yoga got interrupted first by Alfie thinking it was play time, then by moms bottle, I've managed 20 minutes but I've given up now, had to help her re dress and sort that out.  She didn't have quite a good day yesterday unfortunately, she got quite emotional at one point, upset about how she feels and how worthless and useless she feels, she's scared all the time she says.  Then when we were ready for bed she was starting to go down that not being in her own house rabbit hole.  Thankfully it didn't get bad and although it took her a while to go to sleep, I think she's had a half decent night.  She let me sleep, I've done a lot of dreaming, a lot of tossing and turning but I've had sleep and that's all the matters.  

Today's draw a line day, I've put all moms birthday treats and goodies out of my sight so I'm not tempted, it's bloody hard ignoring a table of goodies that are within arms reach.  It was the last thing I did before going to bed last night, I decided if I can't see it, I won't think about it.  

I've got a fridge full of fresh zero goodness, I'm looking forward to eating some of it.  Going to start my day with egg and beans on toast, I'll add mushrooms too, that'll keep me full for a good few hours.  

I had an email yesterday to tell me I was re-opening my Bloxwich workshop on July 23rd, unfortunately that date has been delayed by the church because they're not ready, they have a meeting on July 20th once they've done a risk assessment and hopefully following that, it will all come together.  It's looking like I won't be back in any of my workshops until August at the earliest.  

Okay, I know we've been here so many times before but you know what, I'm here again!   I will be here as many times as I need to be until I don't need to be!  It's a month until August 6th, 4 weeks, I could lose half stone in 4 weeks if I stopped fannying about!  I could at least be under the stone bracket and in the next one.  Will I?  I'm gonna do my best, I've been addressing lots of things, working on creating good habits, drinking more water, doing my yoga, that's helping.  This month is about including more zero heros, but I think it's time I need to get a grip and work at getting my daily points intake closer to the allowance I've been given.  I've just seen a video on facebook and I was a stone lighter, I want to get back to that. 

When I've finished typing this, I'm going to go and look at what is in my fridge and plan a few meals, I'm loving this weeks workshop, talking about things that will practically help us in the kitchen to lower the points in things, hopefully members will give me even more ideas this week.  

I've got 2 cauliflowers to make use of, I like the cauliflower rice, that lowers the points in a curry meal, I like the idea of coating them in my favourite sauce and roasting them, BBQ sauce all sticky and yummy, it's a lower pointed version of chicken wings.  I know it's not the same but hey, close your eyes, use your imagination!   I'm gonna have a play I think see what I can come up with. 

I need to get my mojo back, like so many people I'm in limbo, I'm working but no one can see me from the neck down so they don't know what I weigh.  The weathers gone yak again so Alfie won't want to go out in this at all!  

Right let's get our act together, I've got some members doing really well, I'm hoping if I do it, it'll help motivate the others to join me.

Let's get our act together! 

Luv ya 

Love me xx

Tuesday, 7 July 2020

She had the best day!

Tuesday 7th July 2020
Just be your own BeYOUtiful unique self. 

I don't think I've ever started writing my blog this late, it's 7.40 and I'm on virtual zoom 8-9!  Anyways, we had the bestest day yesterday, the only slight dip was the hour I had to spend convincing her to go to the dentist, but she went and was so brave, 20 minutes later and 4 teeth extracted and we were ready to return to her birthday.  Such wonderful thoughts sent from so many through cards and gifts and visits, I can't thank everyone enough for making her feel so special.  She was buzzing right until the minute I managed to convince her we needed to go to bed, that was about 9.30 and bless her for leaving me till 5.30 when she came and sat on my bed to tell me she wanted me to look after her birthday money for her because she's worried all night about losing it.  As tired as I was yesterday, I didn't care because she was just so happy.

Things I learned yesterday (as if I didn't already know them huh), I just can't resist certain foods when they're lying on the table between us, especially when I know they're the things she's likely to leave anyways.  Let's just say no way will I lose weight this week after what I ate yesterday and what's still in the house!  Oh but the best was Lucy bringing me a MacDonalds, I don't even know if I've had one this year at all but it was good, so good, that sauce on the big mac if off the scale, I'd have it with everything if they sold it in bottles in the supermarket.

Thankfully I've shopped sensibly, my delivery comes today and I'll do my best to limit the damage for the rest of the week.  I've just had a muffin with egg and advocado and mushroom, it wasn't all that this morning to be honest which just goes to show, eating in a hurry makes food taste not so good unless it's a big mac of course, you have to eat them like someones going to take it off you and it's your last meal - well I do anyway, I eat them like I'm a savage, but then I love to eat with my hands most of the time, knives and forks are overrated.

As I'm rushing so my brains not processing stuff enough to type, I'll just remind you about Marlie's Menu on Facebook again, she's posted this weeks meals, I'm definitely having some more goat, I really loved it. https://www.facebook.com/Marlies-Menu-101865791594540/

Right I'm gonna get off becuase I need to get logged in for work, hope to see some of you, I'm in the Wolverhampton group, 8-9, chat starts at 8.30.  Have a great day xx

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me 

Monday, 6 July 2020

Gonna be a long day

Monday 6th July 2020

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. 

It's just turning 5am and we've been up since half 3, mom decided it was morning, I wasn't in agreement but there are days like this and I was hoping she'd fall asleep in her chair - she hasn't!  It's going to be a long day, it's her birthday so I need to dig deep for energy and patience especially as that wasn't the first time she'd woke me through the night. 

Despite this and an accident before going to bed, we had quite a good day. She started to become unsettled at tea time but with some patience and distraction tactics, I managed to bring her round. I let her have one of her pressies which made her happy.  

My brother popped round too for a few hours, it was so good to see him, not seen him since before lockdown so we weren't short of things to say. Mom then spent the rest of the day looking for the money he'd given her 🙄

Today's all about mom, it's her birthday, she's got the dentist to have teeth out - it could go either way!  

I'm going to go and try to do my yoga, she's a little clingy this morning so not sure it'll be possible but if I don't try I won't know. 

I loved hosting the virtual workshop in the Stafford connect group, it was a great way to start my day. 

Here's to having a great day today. Wish me luck!

Mwah, luv ya

Love me. 

Sunday, 5 July 2020

Food is just the best ain't it, especially when eaten in moderation and enjoyed!

Sunday 5th July 2020
Don't give your past the power to decide your future.

A good day was had yesterday, it started with my virtual which was a great end to my WW working week, looking forward to starting this weeks at 9.30 this morning (workshop starts at 10 in the Stafford Connect Group - it's food this week, always a good topic!  

Back to yesterday first, mom slept most of the day which was great, I know that's an awful thing to say but it meant I got to sit and watch Hamilton without her moaning, although the jury's out on that, I loved the music, the singing was brilliant, but it was long and I wasn't completely sure what was going on - I don't know my history much.  I spent a few hours studying too which I'm really enjoying at the minute, not really done much crochet this past week, I have experimented with designing a couple of crochet squares but not really done much else.  I'm using my time elsewhere, getting the old brain cells working again. 

Oh then there was the food, yesterday it was mutton curry and I had it with chips, nom nom, not sure of the points of this curry, although I'd point the mutton as lamb as she says it's lean and she trims it.  Can't find mutton on the WW app but I daresay if I googled nutritional info I'd find it, but I can't be bothered because as good as it was, I know the goat curry is lower in Smart Points and I absolutely loved that so much, it's one of those meals I could live on. 

The goat curry from the day before was only 8SP, the rice and peas 11SP on green or 9SP on blue & purple.  Plain rice would've been 5SP, she's happy to do with either. 
Amanda's looking at doing a veggie goulash next week which would work out at 9SP green, 7SP blue, 3SP green.  It's good to have something different occasionally and know the points especially when it's cooked by someone else with good quality ingredients.  Like her Facebook page for more info Marlie's Menu

I've already done the washing up this morning, there was loads because I didn't do it yesterday as I didn't want to wake and disturb mom, 30 minutes of yoga done too, and 15 minutes spent on me and my plans for sorting my health out, I've done that for 5 days now, I lie in bed with my phone and my thoughts and do a little self work.  Re-educating myself from the bottom up!  Totally going back to basics, so the first day was all about the WHY which I've mentioned on here this week, really turn into that annoying kid who keeps saying, 'but why?' and every time you answer they reply with 'but why' and see where it takes you.

Still tracking all I consume too, so in the morning I reflect back to ask myself if I've been honest and tracked it all or forgotten everything.  

I'm doing an Eating Psychology course so hopefully it'll mostly be a reminder but maybe teach me more stuff I can share with you all and we can sort our heads out together! 

For now though, I'm going to get on with my day, I need to walk Alfie before I log on for my workshop, I've got to keep mom out of the kitchen because that's where I've hidden all the cards and gifts that some of you wonderful people have sent for her birthday tomorrow, she's up but snoozing in her chair for now and it's stopped raining.  All is good in my world.

Here's to enjoying Sunday, hope you have a good one, 

mwah, luv ya 

Love me x

Saturday, 4 July 2020

With pleasure....

Saturday 4th July 2020 
Better days are coming & I don't mean Saturday and Sunday

Well I made a discovery yesterday, goat is low in Smart Points!  Yep, it's 1SP per 100g raw weight, or 2SP for 165g, if you're on the green plan this is the same SP as chicken breast which is excellent news!  Even better because I had a goat curry with rice and peas delivered from Marlie's Menu's and it was a taste sensation!  Just look at that plate of deliciousness, it was so good, I wanted to eat it all over again immediately, not because I was hungry, just because it was good.  If there was another bowl in the fridge, I know I'd be eating it right now for breakfast, that to me is a sign of good food when I want to eat it for breakfast because it's too good to wait for.  

Who is Marlie's Menu? Well I've known Amanda for years, she once won on Come Dine with Me and I went to her house for a charity night where she cooked us dinner and we paid what we thought it was worth, oh and it was worth plenty!  I knew her meals would be delicious, plus they were delivered, all I had to do was ping them in the microwave.   Of course I want to be able to point them, so I'm waiting for her to send me the ingredients that she uses for her meals and I can help point them up so we can order takeaways that are both delicious and pointable, they're also made with good quality ingredients and that's what's important to me right now.

Yes I'd not mind losing a few pounds but I want to first and foremost be healthy and have energy and work on my relationship with food and my mood.  That's my priority.

I love to eat, it's delicious, so I'm going working on eating delicious, healthy food in moderation!  I want that healthy relationship with food back that I'd built, that has slowly diminished over the last few years because of the lifestyle that I have now. 

I'm getting there, I'm not in a rush, I'm starting with including more zero heroes (I know I've told you this already but it helps me to remind myself of my plans, plus it might encourage you to do the same).  I'm also working at tracking everything, I want to do this to make me aware of my behaviours, I've done 3 days 100% honestly, I'm considering a notepad then I can make comments about the food and my mood etc, mmm yes maybe I will, it's not like I've got anywhere to go!  I know it's July 4th and places are opening but I'm not going to be one of their customers, I wouldn't and couldn't go pre lockdown because of mom, I don't want to now.

Ah, mom, we got her to the dentist and he told me I have to take her back Monday to have what's left of her front teeth out, now I've got to go through the whole 'trying to get her there' nightmare all over again.  Plus it's her birthday bless her on Monday, so I can't decide whether to give her all her cards first thing before we go so she's happy or wait till we get home to cheer her up.  Mmm, decisions, decisions. 

She enjoyed her visit from the respite lady yesterday, a couple of hours again, we had to cut it short for her dentist appt, will try the 3 hours next week hopefully, see how it goes. She had mostly a good day yesterday, now hopefully she'll be good this morning whilst I work and happy days!

I know I've said I'm going to include more zero hero's and the curry above doesn't look like it's packed with them, but there were little peas and there'd have been onions, pus there's some green stuff if you zoom in.  I did have fruit (apples and satsumas) plus I experimented with cauliflower rice, I roasted it in the oven with a bit of parmesan cheese grated on top - lush, even if it did lose me half my finger being attacked by the grater. 

My breakfast was full of zeros peppers, mushrooms, spring onions and tomatoes, nom nom. 

 I'm going to have salmon for breakfast because I took it out to defrost yesterday forgetting about my food delivery, I'm thinking I could have it in an omelette or with avocado, decisions decisions, maybe a crustless quiche, then I can save some for snacking on cold later, I have lots of eggs too as for some reason I ordered 2 boxes not one last week! 

Right I'm off, it's Independence day in the states, I have a feeling it's going to be idiots day here, I'm staying home, looking forward to catching up with my Saturday members on the 9.45am virtual workshop (link in the Wolverhampton Connect group on the WW app, last chance for this weeks technique.  Tomorrow (link in Stafford group 10am) I switch to the next topic which is lowering the smart points in your kitchen, looking forward to that subject.   

Have a wonderful weekend, let's learn to "eat healthy food with pleasure not eat for pleasure".   That's gonna be my new mantra!

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx