Beverley has prepared the content of Bev's World irresponsibly and carelessly. She therefore disclaims all warranties, express or implied, as to the accuracy, originality or completeness of the drivel presented on this blog or on other linked websites or on any subsequent links. She vehemently denies that the information may be relied upon for any reason. Beverley shall not be liable for inflicting laughter, shame, disgust, torrents of tears and the eventual desiccation or crashing boredom on readers.

Find me on facebook. www.facebook.com/WWBev or search for Bev's WW

Sunday, 15 December 2019

Pots of Love & Kindness x

Sunday 15th December 
Wrinkles are just antique smiles.

Another very good day in the Longsden household, mom was mostly on form, any sign of slipping and I managed to cajole her back, we had a giggle over her tins, she obsessed with saving tins as storage, two the night before she'd put in a bag to take upstairs with her handbag, I told her I'd bring her stuff up, then when I did she asked where her tins were, I said oh I left them downstairs, they'll still be there tomorrow.  I was hoping she'd forget, but no dementia don't work like that at all.  When I got home from work we're sat there and she shows them to me, said Anne had tried to put them in the bin but she'd been and got them out lol, I'd actually put them in the kitchen and even without communicating my sister knew the score and continued to follow out my cunning plan, but we both failed because we will never be a patch on the one who created us in the first place.  It did make me chuckle and to be honest if a row of empty tins make her happy, well why not!  

I carried on listening to my 'Tao of Pooh' book whilst walking, it's full of clever bits of wisdom, one I mentioned in my workshop on the morning was; 

“A saying from the area of Chinese medicine would be appropriate to mention here: ‘One disease, long life; no disease, short life.’  In other words, those who know what’s wrong with them and take care of themselves accordingly will tend to live a lot longer than those who consider themselves perfectly healthy and neglect their weaknesses.  So, in that sense at least, a Weakness of some sort can do you a big favour  if you acknowledge it’s there.  The same goes for one’s limitations, whether Tiggers know it or not - and Tiggers usually don’t.  That’s the trouble with Tiggers, you know: they can do everything.  Very unhealthy.”  

But after walking Alfie when I got back, this was the bit that hit home and stayed with me, the bit that I wanted to share with others to give them something to think about, I like to think I make others contemplate stuff!  Oh to be a very, clever bear...

What do you like doing best in the world, Pooh?  
"Well", said Pooh, "what I like best______" and then he had to stop and think.  Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.

The honey doesn't taste so good once it is being eaten; the goal doesn't mean so much once it is reached; the reward is not so rewarding once it has been given.  If we add up all the rewards in our lives, we won't have very much.  But if we add up the spaces between the rewards, we'll come up with quite a bit.  And if we add up the rewards and the spaces, then we'll have everything - every minute of the time that we spend.  What if we could enjoy it?  

The Christmas presents once opened are Not So Much Fun as they were while we were in the process of examining, lifting, shaking, thinking about, and opening them.  Three hundred and sixty-ice days later, we try again and find that the same thing has happened.  Each time the goal is reached, it becomes Not So Much Fun, and we're off to reach the next one, then the next one, then the next. 

That doesn't mean that the goals we have don't count.  They do, mostly because they cause us to go through the process, and it's the process that makes us wise, happy, or whatever.  

I like to think that if we can keep this in mind, we could enjoy the struggles of our weight loss journey, I've always said if I could be naturally thin but not enjoy food, I'd take being overweight and struggle with it instead thank you very much, some things aren't worth having if you have to lose something in return!  

Having a tidy house yesterday wouldn't have been worth losing those lucid hours with my mom, nah, but I'll try not to use that as an excuse this morning to ignore my office, I'm going to give it my best shot, surely it can't take that long, if I start the minute I finish this blog, it'll soon look something like an office again instead of an episode of hoarders! 

Anyway (I do know I type that word a lot by the way ;) I noticed a post by a lovely lady last night talking about her work with the Walsall Street Ministry and I thought let's get them some stuff to help, so I posted asking my Facebook friends and members to help me make a Pot Noodle Pile! (Pooh would like that I reckon) and I'm hoping that over the next week, they will all bring in pot noodles, biscuits and hot and cold drinks.  

Someone did ask how the homeless would get the hot water for the pot noodles and as Trudi explained, they have a gazebo and access to an electricity point at the side of St Paul's Church. It's good to know they are there for anyone who needs a listening ear, hot drink and pot noodle. However many of the homeless visit us. If they have a surplus of goods they also share with Walsall night shelter. 

If this Christmas our biggest problem is we're scared we'll eat too much food and gain a few pounds - how lucky are we!  Here's hoping you can help my pot noodle pile, or give me some cash for them to buy whatever they need for supplies, it'll all go to someone who needs it xx. And now I fancy a blinking Chicken and Mushroom pot noodle!  Apparently they're 50p in Asda at the moment x

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Saturday, 14 December 2019

I do love a burger

Saturday 14th December 2019
You're a fighter, look at everything you've overcome, don't give up now.

This was my dinner yesterday, it was delicious!  Even put some gherkins on there and pretended it was a maccy's only lower in Smart Points, 
This is the buttermilk fish burger, 5SP from Aldi. There's 100g of fries 5SP and I guessed the bread roll at 5SP too.

I'm cold this morning, the heating not warming up fast enough, but I'm smiling cos yesterday did get better after the initial start to the day and mom had a really good calm day, she'd even washed up a few cups when I got back from my massage, here's hoping for a weekend of the same, but first to go to work and see my lovely members.  

I did treat myself to the Tao of Pooh on audio and listened to a good half of it, thoroughly enjoyed as always, a bit like a counselling session for me, lots of reminders in there that help me live a life that works for me. 

One bit that stuck with me was, 

'Why do birds fly South for the winter?'
Science, 'Instinct'

It means, 'we don't know'. The important thing is, we don't really need to know.   It then goes on to say what we need to do is recognise Inner Nature and work with Things As They Are, when we don't we get into trouble.

This made me think about moms dementia, instead of trying to understand it, just accept it and go with it, taking it one day at a time is working for us.  Allowing myself to have good days and bad days when it comes to taking care of mom is just as okay as mom having good and bad days too.  Just know that it's happening whether we like it or no so let's go with it.

Yeah it's such a simple book but so clever, as is Winnie the Pooh, the book is full of wonderful and should be given to every child and adult for reading.

Anyway, like Pooh my brain is a little empty this morning, I plan to go jump in the shower to warm me up.  I've already got my dinner cooked, I put a chicken curry in the slow cooker yesterday afternoon but after eating my burger and chips I wasn't hungry at all.

Here's hoping for a peaceful day, but regardless of what it brings, I'll just go with the flow, it's less stressful.

Mwah, luv ya

Love me x

Friday, 13 December 2019

We should all be more Pooh!

Friday 13th December 
I do remember but sometimes when I try to remember, I forget (Winnie the Pooh)

Whilst everyone is waking up to the results, I woke up to a poorly mom and a lot of mess, but that's my life and I'm used to it, one guarantee in life is change after all.  My day will improve I'm sure as will my moms, poor love has so much going on with her right now and here's me whining about a pulled shoulder and an extra stone or two I'd like to shift!  

Today I shall most be channelling my inner pooh bear, he's my hero you know, I might even dig out my copy of The Tao of Pooh and have a read, or maybe I'll download the audio version and have a listen to it instead as I walk Alfie or crochet.  If you've never read it, it's my favourite book, it's actually the only book I've ever read more than once I think, if you fancy getting yourself a copy the author is Benjamin Hoff The Tao of Pooh is actually the book that introduced me to Winnie the Pooh and made me want to read the original.  I actually read it when I spent a weekend at a Buddhist retreat, no tele, no radio, no phones, this chap there named Paul (who became a friend) let me read his copy so I wasn't bored sitting in my room.  It introduced me to ancient Chinese principles of Taoism too, which is a philosophy I can live with, me not being religious at all.   Taoism (pronounced Daoism) emphasizes doing what is natural and "going with the flow" in accordance with the Tao (or Dao), a cosmic force which flows through all things and binds and releases them.  I most definitely live my life 'going with the flow', it's much easier than trying to swim up a waterfall, don't ya think.

Anyway, it's too early for getting into that, but yeah I'll spend my last Audible credit on the audiobook, then I'll have it forever alongside my hard copy.  

Still dark outside, praying it's not raining this morning, Alfie didn't get a walk at all yesterday, poor things going stir crazy, I'll take him as soon as it gets light, he's sat staring at me, bless him.

Check out my tea from last night, I love my Harj, she makes magic with vegetables, she truly does and what she does to rice, well I could easily eat it daily, it's delicious. 

Ooo it's Friday the 13th today, I'm glad I'm not going far, just for my massage then setting in for the day, mom got run over on Friday 13th when I was very young, and on Wednesday when we were watching tele, she looked at the clock which shows the date and said, 'ooo look it's going to be Friday 13th this week', she'd done the maths, which shows dementia or not, there's still very much a working brain in there! 

So today I shall mostly be....
and as always I will be.....

See I am a Pooh bear in a human body!  I might even see if I can find the movie to rewatch. 

Keeping this mornings blog light as there's a lot of heavy political stuff going on all over the country today!  

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Thursday, 12 December 2019

Put my big girl pants back on didn't I!

Thursday 12th December 2019
When you're thinking 'this isn't working', ask yourself 'what tweak can I try'.

I woke up yesterday morning and I'd started my monthlies, I should have seen that as a sign of the day to follow!  But I didn't, ever the optimist...  Anyway I wrote the following as I was out walking Alfie, I find writing it down as if I was talking to someone helps me when my heads a bit of a mess;

It's just gone 9am on Wednesday 11th December and I'm out walking my dog thinking about how to lose my gained weight. Yes I'm a WW coach who helps others do just that and I do it well, but here I am struggling with it myself. 

How does the carer start caring for themselves again? 

Mmm that's what I'm trying to figure out. I've just watched a potcast interview with Robbie Williams and WW and he talked a lot of sense, however he's not me and we have very different lives as do we all. 

I need to find the solutions to my own problems, yes I can use the techniques found in the WW programme but ultimately I need to adapt it to suit me. 

I guess a good place to start is to work out what my obstacles are, my main one is I've become a really emotional eater, more so than ever before. Why?  Because my mom has Alzheimer's and vascular dementia and I never know how she's going to be from one day to the next. One minute she can be calm, the next aggressive, one minute she knows who I am, then she's asking me who I am. Last night she said, "how silly am I putting my nightie on when we've got to go home!"  She was home.  Then there's the fact she doesn't like me not being there, so even being in another room can be an issue. Not forgetting the disturbed sleep, the anxiety she suffers, none of this is making for an easy life and I find myself eating because it tastes nice and drinking because it chills me out. 

So what am I doing that's helping. Well I walk the dog every day, that's something. 

What could I start doing even if I don't stop doing the emotional eating/drinking?

I could start honest tracking. Even with that I'll start it then think why bother. How do I get out of this funk!

I get frustrated when people suggest stuff like getting help with mom, taking time for me. These things aren't easy if even possible, I appreciate it's coming from a good place but mom gets worse each and every day and I'm get comfort blanket and that's not going to change till she's gone x

No further forward really, I returned home with cold hands from using my phone outdoors and a couple of thousand steps on my Fitbit and thought no more it what I'd written.  

Back in my office, leaning over to shut my blinds because the window cleaner had arrived and I didn't want him to see the state of the mess that it was, I knocked over my pint of water!  Of everything it could have gone on, it chose the crochet booklets that I get with my boxes each month that are irreplaceable, well I went into full on meltdown.  This was the icing on a very big crap cake, there were tears I won't lie and I threw my toys out my pram and ranted about what a shithole my house was and how every time I started to clean up, I ended up in pain with my back, blah, blah, woe is me, blah, blah, pity me, blah, blah, poor me, my life is so hard.   You get the picture!

Then something clicked, just bloody start woman, the cleaning, the eating, okay so you can't go out to exercise - what can you do?  YOU CAN BLOODY CLEAN YOUR HOUSE WOMEN!  And that's what I did for 3 hours, a deep clean of the kitchen and wet room, that's 2 of the 7 rooms in this house done.  I played my music full blast and sung my heart out which really lifted my mood.  I did also drink a couple of cups of coffee towards the end which probably wasn't the best idea as I don't drink a lot of caffeine these days so by the time I got to my workshop and had another one, I was like tigger for the first hour or so, then I crashed and burned.  Every fibre of my body ached when I'd finished cleaning, but I was already in pain beforehand, the 3 hours housework I'd done earned me 13 FitPoints, now that's a bonus.

I may not have a life that enables me to get out and about, but I can make the most of what I do have, I'd got 16k steps on my Fitbit by the end of the day, that's more than active enough for sure.

Food/drink wise, okay so maybe right now I'm struggling to lose weight, that doesn't mean I should just not bother at all, it means I need to do the best I can when I can.

I realised I need to go back to complete basics, I'm going to ignore the emotional eating for a moment, that's for another day, I'll get back some of the fundamentals first.  Things like drinking that pint of water in the morning, not leaving it there on the desk long enough to get knocked over! Have a protein rich breakfast that's low in Smart Points, I follow the blue plan so eggs are zero, no excuse there is there!  Look for low or zero foods to fill me up, this will make me feel better overall and I'll be less likely to emotionally eat so much, I know this to be true, I've proven it in the past (and if you haven't watched the Robbie/WW podcast, it really is worth watching. https://youtu.be/KF8TppiIiCg

I will find a carers approach to wellness that works for me, I won't give up.  Listening to my members last night,they gave me so much hope hearing how great they feel this year compared to last, how great they felt going out to parties.  They also said how when they had overindulged they felt tired and yucky the next day, this made me realise that this feeling of lethargy had once again become my norm.  Yes taking care of mom can be draining, yes having sleepless nights with her is going to take it's toll on my but not eating well is exacerbating the situation really isn't it - I'm not helping myself.

I'm not going to tell you what I did 'wrong" re my diet yesterday, I'm only going to focus on the things I did right and they included;

I drank more water than I knocked over!
I ate 3 satsumas
I had lettuce and tomatoes on my breakfast sandwich
I had a low pointed lunch knowing I had a high pointed tea planned -  WW chilli pot for 2SP, so good, will definitely be having that again with cauliflower rice for a really low pointed meal.  My new mission is to try and make my earlier meals lower so if I do emotionally eat later, the damage isn't so bad.
I ended my day with 16k steps & cleaned for 3 hours earning me 25 FitPoints.
I honestly tracked everything, even if the total was a little bit ugly!

Yeah, I'm changing how I track, I'm going to start recording the things I did that helped and not focusing on the stuff that tripped me up.  I will continue to honestly track regardless.

There that's the contents of my brain dumped on a page and I feel so much better for everything that happened yesterday, my office will be tackled this weekend and I know I will feel amazing after doing that.  I've already got a big back of stuff for the charity table at the church from my kitchen.  If I can live without it, it's going, time to declutter again.  I like being able to see my work surfaces!

Here's to making it through my busy day, hoping mom doesn't turn into the nightmare she did last Thursday but being the best I can be if she does.

Mwah, thanks for listening, luv ya xx

Love me xx

Wednesday, 11 December 2019

Back to basics

Wednesday 11th December 2019
Be enough for yourself first, the rest of the world can wait.

I did enjoy my workshops yesterday, so much fun and quite a few of you for this time of year to be honest, that makes me even happier because it shows you're holding in there, even if some (including me) are by the skin of your teeth!  Sammy who I blogged about yesterday, smashed her 90lb mark and Alison last night achieved her 4 stone milestone, so members are still going strong with the weight loss, oh and then there's Helen, she's so focused since she was diagnosed with heart failure, sometimes it takes a diagnosis to make us do something about it.  Whether you're losing or trying not to gain, fair play to everyone doing what they can at this time of the year.

I too am trying, yesterday I made a cauliflower steak, in true Beverley style, I didn't mix together lots of herbs and spices, I crumbled an oxo cube and sprinkled that all over it, top, bottom and sides, after spray lighting it and I have to say, 25 minutes later on 180 (gas4), it was tasty for sure.  I did my salmon in a lemon and dill flavour bag from Aldi and put the other steak in with that to experiment, that didn't work at all, the cauliflower was too strong but then so was the salmon, I think there wasn't enough food in for the amount of flavouring, that was my fault as it said to use 4 fillets.

Oh the other thing I did that was delicious was roasted my white cabbage, oh yea, I cut a couple of thin wedges and I wrapped a slice of streaky bacon round each one, they turned out delicious, I reckon you could do it without the bacon and just spray light it instead.

Yep I'm loving my veggies right now, I really am.  Going to experiment a little more I think, this looks good https://hellolittlehome.com/greek-veggie-burgers-with-cucumber-feta-sauce/ and so does this https://pinchofyum.com/lo-mein there's so much stuff out there to try!

The WW app has lots of ideas including this Tomato & pepper tagliatelle but of course if you've got to have a bit of meat with it, how about Greek chicken with tzatziki, orzo & peppers.

I don't have any of those ingredients today and I have a freezer full of food, so I'll be eating something out of that for the foreseeable!  Plus I've got eggs to use up, so that's breakfast sorted.

I'm off to get myself a mug of tea, then I'll get on with my day, should really do some housework - boo, but I'll see it as moving more, I managed 11k steps on my Fitbit yesterday.  I earned 10 Fit Points, 3 of which were from a 30 minute walk in the rain with Alfie, it was horrid out there but as I so often say, we're not made of sugar, we won't melt.

Back to basics for me I think, I've gone so far away from basics this last month, I really need to actually start from scratch, act as a new member, read the book, look for simple switches, starting with eggs for breakfast because on the Blue plan, they're zero, plus I like them.

Mwah, luv ya,

Love me x

Tuesday, 10 December 2019

Are you pre-diabetic?

Tuesday 10th December 2019
Be proud of how hard you are trying!

Well I had a busy morning yesterday, was on a training session via the computer for a couple of hours, it's always good to be reminded of the importance of getting healthy and having a session on Diabetes Prevention really did that yesterday for me.  It's not just about weighing less is it, it's about taking care of yourself to prevent illnesses and diseases whether that be diabetes, heart disease, even Alzheimers and dementia, our health has an effect on all of it. 

Okay so I'm going to blind you with my knowledge 😉 did you know that research shows that having a healthier diet, becoming more active and losing and maintaining a relatively modest amount of weight (if you need to), significantly reduces the risk of developing Type 2 diabetes by 58% for people at high risk.  

Now I have a member who was told last year she was Pre-diabetic and it was the 'why' and the motivation she needed, since that warning she's lost over 6 stone (well done Sammy xx) 

She's embraced the WW plan and got active at Pure Gym, what a transformation! 

I have to say the training session was the reminder I needed that it's so important to have a healthier diet, I know the next few weeks will be difficult for most with temptation everywhere, but I'm going to do my best to not gain any more weight and I want to lose 5% of my start weight, then 10%, so I'm 4lb off the 5%, I had done it, then I slipped up (but no guilting myself out).

Then there's being more active, aiming for at least 150 minutes a week (that's 30 minutes, five times a week, or 10 x 15 minutes fitness chunks).  That just sounds so much doesn't it! Especially when I struggle to get out because of mom, heck even going in another room can cause issues! 

So which do I start with 'eating well' or 'moving more', the moving more will stress me more I know, because I'll feel it's not enough, although if I start by reminding myself I already walk the dog once or twice a day, it's thinking about the little things you do.  So I unload and load my car, 4 times a week, that's like weight lifting, I could get a bit more regularly with the housework and put some welly into it.

Here's some other ideas, if you're like me; 

  • Walk round when you're on your phone. 
  • Dance to some tunes.
  • Pace the sidelines at your kids sports events.
  • Play actively with your children or pets for 15-30 mins a day.  (me and Alfie actually ran on the park a little yesterday!) 
  • Replace Sunday drives with walkers. 
  • Run or walk fast when you do errands.
  • Start a new hobby, such as biking or hiking.
  • Go for a walk with your family after dinner (or by yourself - I'd love to be able to do this!)
  • Aim for 10,000 steps or more a day on your pedometer / fitbit
  • When you're watching tv, stand up and move during the ads.

As for eating well, even if you are indulging in the treats at this time of year, do what you can when you can, so yesterday I was going to have sweet and sour chicken with rice, I'd bought a jar sauce and was shocked to realise it was 6SP for 1/4 jar - ouch, I could've made my own lower and better to be honest, I wasn't that impressed.  I decided to make my own cauliflower rice instead of using brown rice for 6SP.  My memories of cauliflower rice aren't great but I seriously enjoyed this to the point it was the best thing on the plate and I want some more.  How did I do it?  Well I bought me a small cauliflower, cut two thick slices out of the middle to try steaks today, the I used 2 handfuls at most and whizzed it in my mini chopper (I didn't want to make a mess of the big processor) 

Then I put my baking sheet on the tray to stop anything sticking too badly, spread the cauliflower rice out on the sheet and sprayed with spray light and sprinkled a bit of salt.  Then I roasted it for 12 minutes on 200 degrees.  Seriously good, I'm thinking adding other herbs and spices and mix in some roasted vegetables at the end and you have a delicious zero meal on any plan.

This is a great idea for adding to the 'healthy eating' Why is cauliflower good? Cauliflower is a low carb, low calorie vegetable that can  be manipulated to provide some great alternatives to the starchy foods you so miss.  I never knew it was a source of Vitamin C - did you? 

Clever facts: 
  • Cauliflower is very low in calories at only 29 per 1 cup cooked
  • Cauliflower has a very low glycemic index of 15 or less
  • Cauliflower is an excellent source of vitamin C, providing 73% of recommended daily value in a serving
  • Cauliflower is a good source of vitamin K (19% of daily recommendation) and many other vitamins and minerals
  • Cauliflower provides a unique group of phytochemicals called “glucosinolates”
  • Cauliflower is a rich source of a multitude of antioxidants
Right that's class dismissed for the day 😛 mom wants another cuppa!  

Here's to being better not brilliant, that's the best I can promise right now x

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Monday, 9 December 2019

Monday again!

Monday 9th December 2019
If you're so busy that sitting in traffic is 'ME' time, it's time to make some changes...

Right time to stop talking the talk and start walking the walk, I was woken in the night by acid indigestion - that's not good at all!   I've gained weight this morning too, so I really don't want to end the year at the same weight I started it (although I guess maintenance is better than gaining!) therefore this week I plan to have a much better week and track and get a grip.  I've already got sweet and sour chicken made for today's dinner.   I'm going to have scrambled eggs for breakfast in a flatbread and I won't be indulging in any of moms junk!   Being overweight is one thing, being uncomfortable with acid is another thing completely and I don't like it, so time to be much better and do something about it.

I hear people say, oh I take medication for that so I don't have to worry.   Mmm, yeah you do, the meds might be masking the problem but it's still there and eating badly won't be helping it at all, trust me I sit next to the result of years and years of rennies and lansoprazole, it's not pretty.

Anyway's on a brighter note, we had a good day yesterday, stress free, very little confusion and agitation, only a couple of small incidents that I managed to turnaround.  She's so much better when I'm there all the time but that's not feasible.  She has asked me if I'm Anne or Bev this morning but she's okay.

I've got a busy morning, it's usually my day off but I have a training thing, thankfully it's from my office over the computer, but it'll take up a couple of hours, plus I have to get ready for the week ahead.  Can you believe it's already the ninth of the month, 2020 is so close, it's crazy isn't it, I think 2019 has gone so quickly.

I've just sat and scrolled back through my Facebook photos of 2019, yes it's been a testing year and I don't think I've ever been further than 30 miles from home and that was for a work meeting!  But I've still seen lots of things that made me smile, walked some glorious places, managed to get the odd hour of complete escapism and I even got out for the night to see The Spice Girls, so yeah it's not been all bad.  I will continue to focus on the positives, we're not doing 'Christmas' this year, it'll just be a couple of days off for me but none of the razzle, dazzle of previous years.  I'm not even doing gifts and cards, I've done donations to places that need it more, one I did was https://donate.thebiggive.org.uk/campaign/a051r00001D6EqTAAV The Good Shepherd because until tomorrow it's being double by the big give campaign which is fab.

I'm waffling now ain't I, this week I mostly want to lose some weight and not have heartburn!  How about that for ambition!  When I'm having a bad day with mom, I'm going to imagine myself standing on the top of Carn Llidi overlooking Whitesands Bay, a place I plan to visit again at some point.

Here's to a great week, if you could be anywhere other than where you are right now where would you go?

Here's to a better day food wise than yesterday, I'll settle for everything else about the day being as good as it was yesterday, when moms happy, I'm happy. xx

mwah, luv ya

Love me x

Sunday, 8 December 2019

Be better...

Sunday 8th December 2019
Allow yourself to be a beginner, no one starts off being excellent.

Well I finally had my apple crumble and custard and it cost me 19SP, I'm so glad I bought individual portions and small pots of custard because if it had been a large one, I would've eaten so much more!  

Now I could've saved so many points by using tinned apple and doing my own topping!  The WW shortbread biscuits crushed up make a delicious alternative, 2 of them for 2 points, zero for the tinned apple and 6 for the pot of custard. You could go even further and replace the custard with some fat free natural yogurt flavoured with vanilla.  

Anyway, it's out of my system now and I did have it as my dinner so not so bad.  I spent the afternoon finishing off my cardigan, ignore the face, that's my I'm concentrating and trying to take a decent photo of the cards, forgetting my head is in the shot face 😉 I'm rather pleased with how it's turned out though, I already had the yarn as didn't want to buy anymore until I've used my stash up, so not bad, I'd definitely have a go at more cardigans, I'd like one in cotton yarn, as I can never get them in the shops.

Had a chat with my bro yesterday whilst walking Alfie, we'd tried whilst home but mom was having none of it, she doesn't like not being centre of attention, which is why it's a waste of time anyone coming to visit me, if they visit her and she gets 100% attention, that's okay.

She called me mom when she woke up this morning, it's the only thing that I find difficult to hear, all the rage, mistaking me for my sister, even not knowing who I am, none of that bothers me but when she calls out to me 'mom', for some reason, it affects me, maybe it's because it gives me a little insight into where she is in her head.  I love this time of day with her, she's at her best and she tells me she loves me and we have some lovely moments.  They keep me going and help me through the rest thankfully, because the rest can get really difficult to handle.

Anyway, back to more positive things, I've now started possibly my most important project of the year, a pink baby blanket for a special little girls baby doll.  I love that she absolutely adores her dolls, its just so refreshing when you see so many kids with iPads and phones to see one playing with a toy you actually remember!  Although I wasn't a doll kind of girl, I loved my teddies if I remember right. 

I'm going to spend a little time in the kitchen today I think, now I've finished that cardigan and I'm in no rush to be anywhere or do anything today (for a change lol), I'm hoping for a maintain on the scales tomorrow, I don't really deserve a loss and no one ever wants a gain do they!  I'm going to try and be better this week, think about what I'm having, make some better choices, stay away from moms junk, yes let's BE BETTER!

On that note, I'm off to make another cuppa for my mom and get me some more water.  Catch ya tomorrow.  

mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Saturday, 7 December 2019

Feeling cabbaged lol

Saturday 7th December 2019
We are shaped by our thoughts.  We become what we think.

Good morning, it's so dark out there, I'm so glad we're almost at the shortest day (well 2 weeks away) but then it'll start going back the other way and getting a little bit lighter every day, leading me towards Spring which is my favourite season of the year, I love watching nature come back to life. 

I enjoyed an amazing massage yesterday, it was my Karen who's known me for, oh got to be ten years, she let me sound off for a few minutes beforehand, get all the crap out my head, then I relax as she concocts some amazing oils and works her magic!   

I'm listening to Radio 2 and the song playing is taking me right back to my youth, 'I wonder if I take you home' Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam with Full Force, wow, 1985, now that was a year, I was a mere 15, doing everything I could to get out of school and work instead. My how things have changed, this was not the future I imagined lol, although I've never been one for thinking about the future at all, I've never had plans, other than places I'd wanted to visit and booking holidays a year in advance, that's about it.  

Whilst I was having my massage yesterday, I transported myself to the Pembrokeshire coastal path and imagined me walking it, I have walked most of it at some point over time, even walked lots of it with mom and I plan to walk it in its entirety at some point in the future, obviously not for a good while but I'll get there and I'll be reminiscing and moving on as I do it.  

But today, I shall get ready for work, even though it doesn't feel like work though because I love it, I'll go and catch up with my members, hear about their weeks, their lives and totally enjoy being out the house for a few hours.  

If any good has come from having Alzheimers in this household, it's making me appreciate the small things, I think when the inevitable happens, I won't ever stop appreciating them either.  I'll never see having to go to the shop as a chore, it'll always be a treat, it's not until you can't get out, that you truly value being able to get out so much.

I did have a catch up with an old friend via messenger yesterday, see I can't even talk on the phone like normal folk as that causes issues sometimes and I can't be doing with the fallout, so instead I type into my phone and she's none the wiser.  It was good to chat, to hear how things are, also to realise we all have our own crap going on, no ones lives are easy and hearing others talk about there's makes mine more tolerable.    I'm lucky I'm coping with my crap ain't I!  So many people suffer with mental health issues, anxiety, depression, not to tempt fate but I've been lucky not to be, don't get me wrong, I get sad, mad, down, angry but nothing that I feel I can't handle, erm universe that isn't a challenge! 

My challenge is my eating and drinking that's for sure, that's enough of a challenge for anyone, yesterday wasn't too bad, I had my fruit, I had some salmon, I only had a little wine and I had an early night, today, I've not planned my meals yet, I'm thinking simples.  

I've just seen this photo of roasted cabbage steaks and I'm thinking nom nom!  Tweak the recipe a bit and we could be onto a winner. 

Instead of oil, spray light the cabbage, it tells you to mix 3 tablespoons olive oil, 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar and 2 teaspoons honey in a bowl, does it need that much oil?  
I'm thinking spray the cabbage and just mix the other two ingredients together.  Brush it onto the cabbage slices, season with salt and pepper, the sprinkle with thyme but I don't have none.  Then roast under the slices are tender and edges are gold, about 25-30 minutes on 400°F (200°C).

Yep I might just do that, be good with some Tuna out of my freezer, or I have a bit of chicken in honey and mustard left, I think that should still be ok?! 

Ooo I'm going to get all creative with my cabbage!  Instead of the oil, I could wrap the cabbage in bacon, nom nom, mixing those zero heroes in to keep the points in the meal down.   Or how about cabbage hash browns?  

large eggs
1/2 tsp. 
garlic powder
1/2 tsp. 
kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
2 c. 
shredded cabbage
small yellow onion, thinly sliced
1 tbsp. 
vegetable oil

  1. In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, garlic powder, and salt. Season with black pepper. Add cabbage and onion to egg mixture and toss to combine.
  2. In a large skillet over medium-high heat, heat oil. Divide mixture into 4 patties in the pan and press with spatula to flatten. Cook until golden and tender, about 3 minutes per side.
And now I'm not just running late, I'm hungry too lol.  I need to get my backside in the shower and get ready.  Pinterest is a dangerous place, where hours of your life disappear.  

Catch ya laters, mwah luv ya xx

Love me xx

Friday, 6 December 2019

Embrace the chaos!

Friday 6th December 
The greatest illusion is that life should be perfect. 

I had such a lovely day yesterday and then I got home to mom and it all went tits up from there and I ended up eating my emotions, I smashed the back of my advent calendar and systematically ate them all except Christmas Eve in no particular order, can I just say chocolate doesn't taste so great when you're angry and sad!  Oh and the only reason I stopped at the last one was because I felt a bit sick and miserable so the chocolate wasn't doing what I wanted it to.  

She's okay again this morning by the way but it's just so draining coming home at 8pm after being out since 7am to listen to someone moan on and on about how she'd rather be left on her own, normally I have more patience but last night I wanted to walk back out and keep walking.  

Anyway, moving on, I'll get back to healthy today and I won't be replacing the advent calendar so those chocolates have left the building.

I was asked to post the following lentil bake recipe that I made for workshops a few years back, no obviously with the changes in plans, the points are different on each plan.  
Curried Lentil Bake Total points = 34SP ðŸ’š14SP 💙 6SP 💜

Prep Time 10 minutes

Cook Time 1 hour
Total Time 1 hour 10 minutes

1 tbsp oil (4SP💚💙💜)
1 onion (finely chopped)
1/2 tsp finely chopped garlic
1 celery stalk (finely chopped)
2 medium carrots (finely chopped)
1 tbsp curry powder
175g red split lentils 
(13SP 💚) 
580ml (580ml) vegetable stock (I used 2 oxo cubes) (1SP💚💙💜)
240g sweet potato (cut into approx. 1 cm cubes) (8SP 
💚💙) (0SP💜
70g frozen peas (2SP 💚)
3 eggs (lightly beaten) 
(5SP 💚) 

1. Pre heat oven to 180C/350F/Gas4
2. Heat oil in pan over a medium heat. Add the onion, garlic, celery and carrots then reduce the heat to low and cook for approx. 10 mins (until softened.)
3. Add the curry powder and cook for a further minute
4. Add the lentils & stock, bring to the boil, then reduce the heat to low and allow to simmer until cooked, soft and stock absorbed (approx. 20 mins)
5. Meanwhile, heat a little oil in a pan and fry the sweet potato cubes, on a low heat, for approx. 10min. (add a little water if needed)
6. Once lentils are cooked, allow to cool slightly and then add the potato, egg and peas. Stir until combined.
7. Place the mixture in a greased, ovenproof dish (mine was 10" x 7.5")
8. Bake in the oven for 30-40 mins or until set and golden (mine took 35 mins) but timings will vary with ovens.
9. Slice and serve.

I adapted it in another recipe to make it lower in points, 

Zero Curried Lentil Bake  Total points = 22SP ðŸ’š2SP ðŸ’™ 2SP ðŸ’œ

Spray light
1 large onion (finely chopped)
1 tsp finely chopped garlic
1 celery stalk (finely chopped)
 2 medium carrots (finely chopped)
1 tbsp curry powder (1SP💚💙💜)
175g red split lentils  (13SP 💚) 
 580ml vegetable stock (I used 2 oxo cubes) (1SP💚💙💜)
240g butternut squash (cut into approx. 1 cm cubes)  
100g frozen peas (2SP 💚) 
3 eggs (lightly beaten)  (5SP 💚) 

  1. Pre heat oven to 180C/350F/Gas4
  2. Spray light a large frying pan over a medium heat. Add the onion, garlic, celery and carrots then reduce the heat to low and cook for approx. 10 mins (until softened) add a splash of water if needed to stop it sticking and don't be afraid to add a few more sprays of spray light. 
  3. Meanwhile, put the butternut squash cubes on a baking tray and spray light them, then pop in oven for about 15 minutes, keep your eye on them, you want them cooked but firm. 
  4. Add the curry powder to the frying pan and cook for a further minute
  5. Add the lentils & stock, bring to the boil, then reduce the heat to low and allow to simmer until cooked, soft and stock absorbed (approx. 20 mins)
  6. Once lentils are cooked, allow to cool slightly and then add the butternut squash, egg and peas. Stir until combined.
  7. Place the mixture in a greased, ovenproof dish (roughly 10" x 7.5")
  8. Bake in the oven for 30-40 mins or until set and golden, timings will vary with ovens.
  9. Slice and serve.
It's delicious warm or cold, great to take in your sandwich box for work, a filling, healthy meal for lunch, dinner or breakfast if you're a bit weird like me.  Trust me, it's really good for your digestive system too!  Oh and it's a cheap meal too, helping toward your 5 a day. 

Now I could go into today thinking what's the point, my life is just a big ball of chaos right now but do you know what, hell no!  In the words of Jonny Ox, 'She may be chaos sipping madness from a cup of disaster, but damn, she makes it look good.' and I intend to continue to. 

So my shopping list this week will include more fruit to encourage me to start my day well, I've got some satsumas downstairs they can be this mornings start, I will buy lots of lovely veggies to bring vitamins and minerals into my world.  I will take time out to read and take me away from the chaos, I will walk my dog and get some fresh air (only if it stops raining though).  What I won't do, EVER, is completely give in because that's not who I am.  What about you? Who are you? 

I will continue to be the Chaos Coordinator (yay Vicky I'm a CC too 😚) 

Embracing chaos might be the journey we need to take to finding peace, Here's to finding calm in my chaos today, what's your plan? 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me x