Beverley has prepared the content of Bev's World irresponsibly and carelessly. She therefore disclaims all warranties, express or implied, as to the accuracy, originality or completeness of the drivel presented on this blog or on other linked websites or on any subsequent links. She vehemently denies that the information may be relied upon for any reason. Beverley shall not be liable for inflicting laughter, shame, disgust, torrents of tears and the eventual desiccation or crashing boredom on readers.

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Thursday, 22 August 2019


Thursday 22nd August 2019
Live for today, look after yourself for tomorrow 
 What have you done this week towards your selfcare?

Taking care of yourself isn’t just about getting the numbers on the scales down. Yeah I was chuffed I’d lost half pound yesterday but the truth is I was mostly chuffed because I’d had pizza, doughnut and other nice foods I love without any guilt, without binging and managed to do it all without gaining weight.  I like that I'm finding a balance between delicious food and taking care of my body.  I no longer what to be a certain weight or size, I just want to feel healthy and be happy in my world whilst enjoying things I do. 

Things off the top of my head that have helped me with my self care this week include my massage last Friday, ignoring the housework to crochet more because I enjoy doing that. Actually doing a bit of housework as I feel better when the house is tidy as much as I don't like the doing of said housework.  Digging out a large shrub that’s been driving me mad for months!  Eating more veggies, they're delicious but they've helped me with my digestion issues also.  Walking Alfie (time out for both of us from mom), my Sunday walk with my brother, stopping to notice the flowers and the creatures, feeding the birds, chilling and watching a movie. There’s most likely lots more but that’s good for starters.

My work is good for my self-care too actually because I enjoy it, I speak to so many people who don't and I remember that, it sucks, changing jobs is the best thing I ever did.  Don't wait for one of the major things like death, divorce, redundancy or illness to motivate you to make those changes needed in your life, do them now.  Look at your life and what you want to change and what you're willing to accept and start working on those changes, oh and remember if you're 5ft 2in, you can change that to be 5ft 6in, some things can't be changed.

Anyway, I lost 1/2lb, really didn't expect that, so absolutely chuffed, my day went well food wise until afternoon and it's true what they say, if you don't get enough sleep, you're likely to eat more of the high sugar/fat stuff - I did! 

This was the first thing I ate when I got back around ten from being weighed, bless her, Elle weighed me early.  This is one of Penn Road Butchers Roast Garlic chicken burger for 1SP, really tasty, mushrooms on one of those  Sainsbury’s taste the difference roast pepper & spicy tomato focaccia, there's 4 in the pack so I have one left, they are good for 5SP. 

 Late lunch, nice bowl of stew with a couple of slices of bread and spread, 10SP 

I'd had a packet of WW veg sticks at the workshop, so I had soup for tea as wasn't in mood for big food. 

I did have more bread and spread with it though!  Then I had a WW protein bar and a packet of bakes before I went to bed, I should've gone to bed before 9 but mom wanted to stay up, so I did all that snack damage by half 9 when she finally wanted to go up.

Now Thursday's are my busy days and for years I'd work from the minute I got out of bed to the moment I got home on the night, I don't do that now, again thinking about my self care and the fact I matter too, as does my mom, she needs more company and attention now, I actually stop for a couple hours on the afternoon and sit with her, sometimes she'll fall asleep but I'm there when she wakes.  My work hasn't suffered for taking those two hours off, actually the members get a better, more alert version of me on the night because I've had a rest.  

So many people do too much, they don't just do stuff for fun or to take care of themselves, they're always putting others first.  Let's start changing that shall we and remember we're here for a good time, not a long time.  Do something today that will help you feel better, that you'll enjoy, that's just about you!  Start noticing the things that make you smile, that make you feel better, that make you glad to be on this planet. 

I saw a fox out the back this morning, that was good for my soul, I haven't seen one for a while and I thought they'd gone as there was some food left the morning after one night.  I think they've just left the den under the summer house for now maybe, but he/she was out there looking for food, one had left their calling card by the back door (thanks for that!). The sun rise has just lifted my spirits, actually it teased me, it looked like it was going to be a glorious thing of beauty but instead it was more a sultry dark one but still quietly spectacular in it's own way, as are all of us.

I'm now thinking what's in my fridge and what the use by dates are on that stuff, I think the chicken lattice bake I have is use by today, so that'll be one meal with the beans Carol picked me from her garden.  I'll have that last focaccia maybe with scrambled eggs for breakfast, then I've got more stew, that's my day sorted.  I've got wafer thin chicken if I get peckish, I want a 1lb weight loss next week, so I'm in the lower range of the 12st, I've lost 11lb now, I'm the lightest I've been since mom was diagnosed really which is great but even better because I know it means I'm in a good place emotionally, I'm taking care of me 💓

Catch ya tomo, don't be too busy, mwah

Luv ya

Love me xx

Wednesday, 21 August 2019

Food glorious food!

Wednesday 21st August 2019
Self care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what's left of you.

Awake since 3am, lay there for an hour and decided I may as well get up and get stuff done.  Ironic really as we're talking about sleeping in this weeks workshops, the universe really does have a sick sense of humour!  I don't feel tired at the moment, but I'm guessing later on I probably will, but I'll use the time to my advantage and be productive, but first a mug of tea and my blog.

Well I did it, 100% on track yesterday, all weighed, measured and pointed, it was lovely to eat when I was hungry rather than because I'd got to take another antibiotic and needed to wait an hour or two.  

Started my day with an omelette, all zero and delicious, added a few veggies on the side to get my digestion system back to where it was pre antibiotics, although I've realised this morning, I'm not drinking my water so will be making sure I do that today too, don't like feeling all bloated at all! 
My lunch was this delicious thing, 5SP chicken & cucumber on a Sainsbury's Red Pepper & Tomato Focaccia, Taste the Difference range, I stumbled across them Monday when I was in the store, I have to say they are delicious and a bargain fro 5SP when you think a Warburton thin is 3SP and probably on a 3rd of the thickness of one of these, they're about the same size the other way. 

I had my 10SP bubble and squeak for my tea, now there was vegetable oil used to fry this in which upped the points, plus the ketchup I had with it, it could've been done with spray light but I was hoping the oil would also help my toilet problem, it helps things along if you know what I mean 😉

So there's 3 good healthy meals, I also had a 1SP Actimel, a 1SP chicken burger that was going to be on that bubble and squeak but didn't make it from the pan to the plate, it went straight in my mouth.  

I also made this beef stew for today, I could eat this all day today from breakfast to teatime, it's 5SP a bowl and I'll get about 8 bowls from it, I've got to save some for my brother Sunday, I'll freeze it of course, I will freeze a few portions for those days I need to feed.  

I love my 5 ingredient stew, its so easy, potatoes, carrots, onions, beef, oxo's, now I use 5 oxo's to one pack of stewing beef usually 450g and the same weight in potatoes, this is double quantities, but I stopped at 7 or 8 oxo's, what can I say I like oxo's!  The secret is to cube the spuds smallish so some of them mush into the juice to thicken and just leave it on your smallest ring on as low as it will go for hours with the lid off, then let it stand to cool down and eat the next day.  I'm drooling here! 

I'm hoping for a maintain on the scales today, but it will be a loss next week, I will track 100% this week, even if it gets ugly which it won't, it's okay if I go over my points a little as long as I track it!  I need to get back to what I was doing in May and continue my weight loss success.  I can & I will (say that out loud with me).  I really enjoyed everything I ate yesterday, when I got home and I was snacky, I opened a packet of wafer thin chicken, later I had a mini quiche that Angie had made, all zero hero's, yeah good food tastes delicious. 

Ange, one of my members said yesterday how she has a book she writes all her favourite recipes in, I think I'm going to start doing this because I've always stored them on my computer but my computer blew up last year and I lost so much, at least if I had a hard copy, I would've still had them all in one place.  She hand writes them which I also like because as she reminded us, we don't write that much these days with phones and laptops etc, so I did like the idea of a handwritten notebook a lot.  

Right, time to get started on other stuff, I'm going to go clean the living room as it's still early, moms awake but she's still in bed so I can get it done before she gets up which makes life easier.  I'm feeling the need for a declutter again, clothes I haven't worn for a long time, stuff I'm keeping in cupboards 'just in case' or because 'it might come in useful', the truth is if I needed that thing, I wouldn't be able to find it anyway, it took me half hour to find a big double blanket I'd crocheted yesterday! 

What are you going to eat today that's going to help you on your journey, I've got my stew, not sure about breakfast but thinking eggs again, maybe with one of those Focaccia and some mushrooms and tomatoes, mmm tasty, wait until I'm hungry though, not eat just because it's breakfast time.  

Let's have another good day, focus on the things that make us smile, that bring happiness into our lives, ignore the negative and I plan to get an early night after my early start!

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Tuesday, 20 August 2019

I do love veggies

Tuesday 20th August 2019
do not give the past the power to define your future.

Tuesday is Willenhall workshops day, great start to my working week they are, even with it being the summer holidays the morning one has been as busy as ever, I love that they all come early enough to enjoy a cuppa and chat before I start the official 'chat' bit.  I love nothing more than standing at my scales watching everyone interacting and talking to each other, supporting and encouraging one another on their journey.  It's lovely to see friendships forged and new members welcomed into the group.  Yeah makes going to work easy that's for sure.

Yesterday was a day off which was equally as good in a different way, I ended up going to the supermarket because I realised the £9 coupon I had off £60 needed to be used by 19th, so I went and got me some stuff I needed, I can make my stew today now, was waiting for my beef to defrost.   Instead I made sausage and mash, they are real pork sausages too, sometimes you've just got to have the real deal, I have to say though, I loved the veggies, I've been settling for peas mostly lately and it wasn't till my sister made my dinner Sunday and she'd done cabbage that I realised how good veggies really are.  That's just broke my dream, cauliflowers - who the hell dreams about cauliflowers, I won't tell you the rest but that'll be because my brother told me we were going to have a cauliflower shortage again this year!  

I think I'll make bubble and squeak with the leftovers later, have it with the chicken burgers from Penn Road butchers, then I can make my stew and it'll taste better tomorrow as stew always does.

Yeah yesterday was another chilling day, even Alfie refused to go out for his second walk, mom and I watched Hope Floats, she even struggled to keep up with that, her memory and attention really has gone now.  A couple of times this last week, she's asked me who I am, or she's told me about how she's been out with Alfie - she hasn't been out the house for a very long time ;(

Anyway, enough of that my non work life at the moment is never enough wool, not enough crochet hours, why isn't there better stuff on the tele!  At least my choice of wine at the moment is saving me money, the pinotage I usually have from Sainsbury's has been replaced by a pinotage from Aldi, it's only £3.95 a bottle as opposed to £7, even if I buy it when it's on the 25% offer, I'm still saving in Aldi, happy days!

I do need to get back on track properly though, I'm not being ridiculous but I'm not tracking properly, shall I start today?  Yeah go on, see this is what happens when I get content with myself and my life, my weight isn't a priority, so I need to remind myself I've got to this place by focusing on eating better.  I'll start tracking 100% today, get weighed tomorrow and take whatever the scales say, then work at losing, I said I wanted to be under 12st 7lb by the end of the 4 weeks on my success booklet, so I need to pull my finger out don't I.

Eggs for breakfast it is, they're zero, I'll have an omelette then I don't have to count any bread, I made mom an omelette last night and she had cheese in hers, it looked amazing, I think I'll have spring onions in mine, I might add a bit of cheese, need to get parmesan, that's a stronger flavour and you get quite a lot for 10g.  Starting list now!  They gave me another damn coupon to spend in Sainsbury's didn't they DOW!  Yeah so omelette for breakfast, bubble and squeak for dinner and tea will either be a bowl of stew or something lower, we shall see.  What I do know is I will end the day on track and within my allowance.

If you have the WW app, connect now has groups by location so there's a West Midlands one for my members to join.

I'm off to make my eggs, I feel lie I want to get stuff done today, ooo maybe I'll do a bit of housework in-between workshops, once I've got my stew on, we shall see, anything can happen between now and then, I'm so fickle it's frightening! At least I've never been fickle about my jobs otherwise we would be in trouble.

Let's make today a good one, focus on the good stuff, one of my highlights yesterday (this is how simple my life is right now) was walking in the kitchen and 5 or 6 magpies flew away from the bowl of cat food outside, that made me smile, what the dog don't eat goes out for the foxes, what the 'not my cat' doesn't eat goes to the magpies, everything gets fed in my garden, then there's all the sparrows, I've never known as many eat so much on my back garden, they empty a feeder a day more or less, it's lovely to watch them.

Catch ya tomorrow, mwah xx

Luv ya

Love me xx

Monday, 19 August 2019

If you're happy & you know it....

Monday 19th August 2019
Find what makes you happy and get lost in it.

After the chat last week in workshops, I spent some time yesterday acknowledging the things throughout the day that were bringing me happiness.   So many things, starting from walking with Alfie on the morning, the glorious sunshine setting us up for a beautiful day, perfect temperature for walking.

Ian's dogs, so cute but cocky at the same time, our walk, the fact it was a route we hadn't done before made me happy because I didn't know what was round the corner, we ended up doing 5.5 miles because I could only guess the route without doing proper map plotting.  On our walk we saw 2 herons (WOW), I think herons put the biggest smile on my face ever when I spot them.  swans, ones that were losing their grey feathers to be replaced by white, that made me happy as I'd never seen it before.

The fresh air, our chat, the dogs barking at anything that tries to pass, seeing the car at the end of the walk because my feet were starting to blister.  Seeing how many steps we'd done, then getting a message from my sister with a photo of my dinner, check out that Yorkshire pudding - that makes me happy!

Watching a daft film on tv that actually made mom laugh a little, seeing her sleep contentedly, putting her mind at rest when she wakes and things her dreams are reality and she's going round the bend, being able to settle her and reassure her makes me happy.

Licking the plate after eating when really hungry made me happy yesterday.  Alfie being in the mood for a proper second walk when I was in the mood to go too, we walked a good hour along the local canal and I was thrilled (yes thrilled) to spot fish in the canal, lots of the too, check these out.

Little things like this make me very happy, I love nature, it's incredible, look at the structure in these plants, yep the fact I notice things like this makes me happy.

Enjoying a glass of wine always makes me happy, but enjoying it whilst having a bubble bath, well double whammy!  Then having an early night after several hours of crochet brings great peace and happiness to my world.  Actually nothing yesterday interrupted my happy, not even mom at the witching hour, I'd got my impenetrable shield up, where I'd enjoyed that much happy there was no misery getting through - not a chance!  If only I could stay in that bubble forever, dream on lol, back to reality.

I'm looking at 2 magpies out my window, that always makes me happy because I think, 2 for joy!  Today is my getting ready for the week ahead day, I like Monday's, Alfie's standing behind me waiting for a walk bless him, he's making a statement by just staring at the wall, we'll go as soon as I've finished this.  I need to do a bit of shopping, I want to make a stew, but I might have a delivery Wednesday instead and make it then, it's all been in my online basket since Friday and I've not ordered it yet, pay day on Sunday so if I can stretch out the food I've got (which I can) the stew can wait.

I have one more Antibiotic to take around 11ish, that makes me very, very happy, I sprayed my arms and legs yesterday to deter the biters and the bugger bit me on the base of my back!  So next week, I'll spray everywhere, still happy though because it's just a regular bite, it's not going crazy and spreading everywhere!

What will bring my life happiness today?  Well waking up is always a reason to smile, having my aches and pains wear off quickly as soon as I'm mobile and have stretched out a little, the promising blisters have calmed down too which is a bonus.  Already I've heard some good tunes on my radio, put a load of washing on and it looks like I'll be able to dry it outside - that makes most women happy.

What made you happy this weekend?  I could probably go on but that would make Alfie unhappy because he's losing his patience and I need to get dressed and take him out.

Let's start being aware of the things that bring us joy, also notice the things that don't and ask yourself if there's anything you can change to make a difference to those things.

It's Monday, great day to make a plan!   Have a happy day, I hope too xx

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx

Sunday, 18 August 2019

Boring blog alert

Sunday 18th August 2019
Dream with all your heart.  let those dreams be your wings.

Half six and out with Alfie, it’s a glorious morning so far but if the weather app is anything to go by it will rain!  

Another working week done and Sunday already, yesterday’s a bit of a blur, I’m trying to recall what we watched on tv so it obviously wasn’t very memorable, my workshop on the morning was good though and it was lovely to catch up with my helpers and have a natter.  

Doughnuts came up again in conversation and of course I was reminded I still hadn’t had on, at the end of the chat Bonnie came over and handed me one, her dad had drove to Lidl to get me one whilst we were talking, how lovely is that. It was delicious and also my lunch, together with an Asda blueberry muffin fibre thing for 4SP that Gemma’s mom had sent me, my members will ensure I mender starve.  The fibre thing was very nice but not very big, I’d demolish the box quite easily which is why I don’t buy stuff like that, having said that I didn’t get the chance mom saw the rest off quick sharpish! 
My tea was equally as delicious, an M&S pizza for 12SP, so good. Oh and it wasn't until I got home that I was reminded it was the anniversary of the day I'd got to goal, it would've been 15 years if I was still at goal, hey ho, at least I'm still trying to take care of myself.  And when I say got to goal, that would be the last time I did it, I have half a dozen gold cards from previous attempts, so never give up trying. 

I finished a lap blanket yesterday, it’s quite a big on as initially it was going to be a bed blanket but it was eating the yarn and heavy as hell so instead it’s big enough to go across two laps sitting on a sofa of completely cover one person head to toe. I love the stitch I did on this and would like to do it with a less chunky yarn or a smaller scale. So many ideas, not enough time, but also all I have is time so I’ll get to it eventually or maybe it can be my wine project!  Most of the projects I have on the go at the moment take concentration, although my little squares don’t for the blanket I’m doing for myself. See what I’m doing here, I’m actually thinking out loud on my blog, you’re not actually interested in all this after all but hey that’s why I started blogging, actually no it wasn’t as such, initially it was because I was trialling a new plan for WW and once it became public, I posted my journey of the success I’d had. Then from there I continued to blog about my eating, that evolved into talking about my life and thoughts and now we’ll it varies, it really is mostly a brain dump every morning, my thoughts, things that have happened, tales of my mom, my reaction to things people have said or done, it’s whatever it wants to be on any particular day. This morning as you can tell there’s not a lot going on up there in my brain. 

I am looking forward to my walk with my bro and my beef dinner from my sis, I love that my mind is calm and quiet, there are lots of people out there who wished there’s was. Is my life calm, nah, but I’ve found a way to manage how moms behaviour affects me most of the time, let it flow over me. 

Anyways I’m home again now and need to go meet my bro, so if I haven’t bored you too much, I’ll be writing again tomorrow. 

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx

Saturday, 17 August 2019

Anyone fancy pudding?

Saturday 17th August 2019
Never be afraid to try something new.  Remember, amateurs built the ark - professionals built the Titanic! 

Did you dive out of bed this morning, or crawl out thinking oh here we go again!  If you're struggling, remember you deserve to make self-care a priority.  Whether that means lying in bed all day, eating comfort food, rescheduling plans, finding an escape through a good book, watching a movie or your favourite show on tele, or doing nothing at all.  Give yourself permission to put yourself first.  Hush the voice telling you to do more and be more and whatever you do today, know it is enough.  

Ooo eating comfort food, who's head went directly to something high in Smart Points, remember it can be healthy, you can't beat a good stew or some home made soup or a low pointed pudding, my members came up with a list of them yesterday in our Facebook group.

These are one of my favourite muffins because I know they're good for me too; 

Wake up Muffins

Serves 12, 6sp each

Tired all the time? These banana, raspberry and nut muffins will help to keep you full of energy all day long. Lower fat, rich in energy-producing B vitamins. Prep 15 mins Total time 35 mins, plus cooling. Get ahead Make the day before; store in an airtight container.

Nice microwaved for 30 seconds before eating. The muffins can also be frozen

50g unblanched almonds, chopped (5SP)
300ml natural yogurt
4 tbsp smooth peanut butter (25SP)
1 large egg
225g self-raising flour (22SP)
2 tsp baking powder
75g light brown soft sugar (18SP)
3 ripe bananas, peeled and finely chopped (about 375g unpeeled weight, 225g peeled weight)
1 x 150g pack raspberries

Preheat the oven to 200oC, fan 180oC, Gas 6 & line the holes of a 12-hole muffin tin with paper muffin cases. Sieve the flour and baking powder into a large bowl and add a pinch of salt and the sugar. Stir in the chopped banana, raspberries and half the chopped nuts. Make a well in the centre of the mixture.

Mix together the yogurt, almond butter and egg in a small bowl until smooth. Pour into the well and gently but quickly mix everything together.

Divide the mixture among the muffin cases and sprinkle with the remaining nuts. Bake for 18-20 minutes until risen and golden. Serve warm or leave to cool on a wire rack.

or These are delicious straight from the oven 

Raspberry and Banana Muffins

Serves 8, 5sp each

Whip up a batch of these light and fruity muffins.
Recipe taken from Anthony Worrell Thompson's cookbook The Sweet Life.

200g Plain White Flour (20sp)
2 teaspoons Baking powder
8 tablespoons Artificial sweetener, Granulated (such as Splenda)
100g Raspberries, frozen, briefly thawed
1medium Egg, whole, raw (2sp)
1teaspoons Vanilla Extract
50g Butter, melted (18sp)
100ml Semi Skimmed Milk (2sp)
1medium Banana(s), ripe, mashed

Preheat the oven to Gas Mark 6/200°C/400°F. Place 8 paper muffin cases into a muffin tray, or use squares of greaseproof paper.

Sift the flour and baking powder into a large mixing bowl. Stir in the sweetener and raspberries.

Beat together the egg, vanilla extract, melted butter and milk. Stir into the dry ingredients with the mashed banana until just combined. Avoid overmixing and do not beat. The mixture will be quite lumpy, but there should not be any traces of dry flour. Spoon into the paper cases.

Bake for 20-25 minutes until risen and golden. Cool on a wire rack.

You could even try substituting the butter for low point spread, save points and see what happens.  

Here's a few others, 

Mini egg custards (thanks Angie)

3 eggs
250 mls skimmed milk

2 tablespoons sweetener
Nutmeg as required
Few drops of vanilla essence 

Whisk together, pour into mini soft taco shells and bake for 20/25 mins at 180 degrees
They are 1sp each

Julia suggests Bananas and custard. Bananas free and custard about 5 points. 

Jemma says apples stuffed with the ww bars are nice can serve it with a small pot of low fat ambrosia custard or banana, mini pot of ambrosia (3sp) and a crushed up ww shortbread (2sp) or 

If you have any great pudding ideas, let me know.  Pudding for breakfast anybody?  After reading all that, I was contemplating it, I could do those banana and WW porridge mini muffin things, add 1 egg mix together and bake, they're really tasty. 

Anyway, in other news, it's not all about food (yeah it is, who am I kidding!) we had a relatively calm day yesterday, we watched Season 1 of something called Wu Assassin on Netflix, I enjoyed it, mom hadn't a clue what was going on but she seemed to enjoy the fight scenes and she snoozed a lot through the day.  What else do you do when all it does outside is rain all day!  I sat working on a big thick crochet blanket, so was glad the temperature was a bit lower as it's really heavy already.  

This morning, I'm off to see my wonderful members, then I'll do the same for the rest of the day as I did yesterday probably, if I get mom to giggle it's been a good day. 

Whatever your plans are today, remembers it's completely ok not to be perfect!  You are who you are... .and that's BeYOUtiful, one of a kind, wonderful you!

Luv ya, mwah 

Love me x

Friday, 16 August 2019

Not rushing today - it's Friday!

Friday 16th August 2019
Your current situation is giving you the opportunity to re-evaluate what you want.

This week has tested me, the antibiotics are affecting me but the upside of them is I'm sleeping well, not sure if it's them or the piriton, but either way, all hail the lie in, half six for me this morning, even mom and Alfie didn't disturb me too much, although he's hassling me for his walk now.

Food wise, I'm improving yesterday was scrambled eggs for breakfast and a packet of WW cheese crackers, lunch was veggie burger with green beans, I'm hoping that will help my toilet efforts!  Then I had this for my tea, it's a Youngs cod in butter sauce for 3SP with extra cod added which is a zero here, then a small tin of potatoes for 3SP, yeah they're still not really that great like I remember but they were convenient and made for a quickish meal. I also had a packet of WW rosemary bakes before I went to bed.
I enjoyed my workshops yesterday, it may be a busy day but when you're surrounded by wonderful people it goes quickly, it's Friday already, another working week almost complete, just the morning tomorrow for me.  I'll enjoy time with mom today, she seems good this morning.

Oh she went to bed before me last night and I was watching tele and could hear her making a noise upstairs so I put the tv on mute to listen, she was laughing like a drain and chatting to Alfie, I could hear something else making a noise and worked out what it was.  She then called me to ask if I could hear her.  I went up and she showed me her Buddha (no that's not a euphemism), I think my sister bought it her, if you press it's belly it makes a noise, different noises everything time, she was really, really amused by it.  I can honestly say my most favourite sound in the world is my mom's laughter, it makes my heart sing and fills me with joy.  I went to bed feeling good thanks to this and I've slept like a dream, woke up feeling great.

We've talked about making time for things that bring you happiness this week and seeing my happy makes me happy, spending time with her does that.  My crochet makes me happy and watching movies does too.  A good book and having time to read or listen to it makes me happy, I've just started one that caught my attention in Sainsbury's the other day, it's called The man who didn't call by Rosie Walsh, I'm not sure about the beginning though, listened to a bit last night, it sounded really good on the back of the book, but the writings a bit flowery for me at the moment, we'll see.

What else makes me happy, seeing my members buzzing, that's the best feeling, knowing that I had a tiny little bit to do with making them feel good.  Cooking a delicious, healthy meal that people enjoy, that makes me happy too.  Walking with my brother on a Sunday makes me very, very happy, even more so if it's somewhere we've not explored before, I love treading new ground.  I think we're going to head for Highgate common on Sunday if it's dry.

Ooo what else brings me happiness, oh my kitchen when my sister has cleaned it for me, that really makes me happy.  I need to re-varnish the worktops, that will make me happy, but I need to wait for a dry weekend when I'm also in the mood to do them!  Having the energy to do stuff makes me very happy also.

I'm going to write a happiness list, I used to call it my sunshine list, things that make me smile, that make me feel like I've got sunshine in my heart.  It would include things like seeing a heron, that really makes me smile, we spotted 3 on Sunday!  Ian's little dogs jumping up me excitedly when they see me because they realise it's walking day.  Alfie stopping dead in the street and lying down, then rolling on his back as if to say, 'I don't care what everyone else's definition of going for a walk is, this is mine".  Laughing with my besties, giggles with my members, belly laughing with my mom until we both do that sigh at the end in time with each other, then starting to laugh again because we've done that sigh together.  My brothers nuggets of wisdom and information on our walks, they always bring me happiness, especially as he ends some with, 'but it might not be true, it could be an urban myth'.

Oh how lucky am I that there are so many things in my world that make me smile that don't actually cost anything, funnily enough, the older I get, the less the material things matter.  As long as I have a ball of yarn and my crochet hook, a warm house, my bills paid and food in my belly life is good, if I have a glass of wine also, then life is really good.

On that note, I'm going to spend the day doing things I enjoy with someone I love very much.

I hope you do too, mwah

Luv ya,

Love me xx

Thursday, 15 August 2019

Yay, it's stopped raining!

Thursday 15th August 2019
Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.  maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.

No success at the scales this week, I'm blaming the antibiotics partly, they're affecting my toilet habits  massively.  Although my arm is almost better so I'll take the side effects for sure.  I'm not going to lie my eating habits aren't great either, having to space the tablets out, they're upsetting my stomach a little and then when I eat, I don't have much of an appetite.  Yesterday was a cold chicken burger on 2 slices Warburtons bread for breakfast, for lunch I had those garlic dough balls from my meal deal with WW tomato soup, delicious but for 13SP for 6 of them, nah I won't buy again.  The tea last night was a wafer thin beef sandwich and a packet of WW bakes.  Must try harder today, remember my body needs vegetables, it's not just the tablets that are affecting the toilet, it's my food choices.   I'm also going to drink more water today so help it all along. 

We talked about the words we use to describe ourselves in my Tuesday night workshop and I was told that Kathy Burke was doing a programme on the tele that night so I set it to record, watched it last night, highly recommend it, she talks a lot of sense about this obsession the world has with image these days.  It's always been there, but the pressure on young people these days is ridiculous.

I like my members to realise they've always been BeYOUtiful, now they're just deciding to be healthier and fitter.   Talking fitter, my steps are down because of the damn rain, I know I can walk in it but who wants too, plus Alfie ain't keen on doing that either. Not looked at the forecast today but I only get to go for one walk with my busy day anyways, so I will take him rain or not!

I'm just going to check the fridge for food and plan my day or it'll all end in wrong choices.

Going to keep it light for the sake of my stomach, so it's going to be scrambled eggs for breakfast, fish, mash and veggies for dinner and maybe WW cheese protein crackers with some laughing cow light for tea and a tin of WW soup.  That'll do me, at least 7 days of antibiotics might help me with my weight loss, if I'm eating and drinking less, can live in hope.

Who'd have thought something as tiny as an insect bite could make such a difference to my week.  What other small things make a big difference (thankfully not so painful), well from what I was hearing last night from my members they included, tracking 100% (I need to get back to this), drinking more water (yep this too), weighing and measuring food, attending workshop to name but a few things.

Let's set our intent for the day, mine is to make it through and not let moms mood knock me off track, easier said than done I have to say.  What's yours?

Luv ya, mwah

Love me x

Wednesday, 14 August 2019

Garlic dough balls anyone!

Wednesday 14th August 2019
It's never too late to turn things around.  You are your only obstacle!

Late this morning, I slept till 6 - check me out, I think it's the piraton to be honest, the antibiotics seem to be having their own effect on my body too, but at least they're not making me feel sick which is a bonus, I did have to stay up a bit later than usual last night to wait the 2 hours after eating to take them, but on a positive it meant I couldn't snack, so it was just the 3 meals yesterday, which were, egg sandwich for breakfast for 4SP, lunch was a stir fry which I didn't really enjoy so left some, it was a pre-chopped one from Sainsbury's with veggies, garlic and ginger but there was something that tasted funny in it that spoilt everything, cost me 6SP for the sausages I had with it - random combo I know but they needed using.

For my tea I had a chicken burger (thank you Penn Road butchers, forgot how nice they could be, this one was Indian Mystery, tasty but I think the mystery was it had never seen anything Indian ;) ) 

I used the Frites from my M&S meal deal to try and limit the damage from that £10 I spent, the entire box was 11SP, the burger 1SP so not too much damage, I added some sauce which cost me a couple of points too.  

I'm going to have the garlic dough balls for my main meal today at lunch time with a tin of WW tomato soup, half packet, 6 dough balls are costing me 13SP but they're already tracked and it's all good.  I will have a big late breakfast when I get back from my weigh in, then I eat my soup this afternoon as I won't get home till late and because of the tablets on an empty stomach, I may miss my tea or just have a protein bar at workshop tonight because I won't be home till 8.15, which means I either wait till half nine to eat or 10.15 to take my tablets (that's not happening) so yeah, early night and no tea sounds like a plan! 

I watched the first WW podcast, here's the link to the youtube version if you fancy a watch, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpPZVisJ3ZQ&feature=youtu.be it is available on other platforms but I wanted to watch them too. 

I've got a lot I want to get done today, a lot of it for my own happiness which is important to me these days, I also like what my quote says today, I love doing absolutely nothing too, but then by nothing I would still be sitting with my crochet probably.  I truly believe the time you enjoy wasting is not wasted at all!  You can't beat spending a morning just pottering around doing nothing in particular.  I would love the motivation to spend a morning having a good clean and sort out though too.  However I have a crochet to do list as long as my arm.  I finished one project yesterday only to have 2 maybe 3 more added to my to start list - I'm not complaining, I love it, especially because they're projects I know I'm going to enjoy.  Now this is the most expensive yarn I've used to date, it's not my favourite that I've done though, just goes to show you don't always have to pay lots for a great result and paying lots doesn't guarantee you great results. 

Right let's get this day started, weather sucks this morning, we've had more than our summers share of rain haven't we this year, hey ho, makes me not mind being indoors with mom and my crochet, it's all good.

Here's to making the best of today, mwah

Luv ya

Love me xx

Tuesday, 13 August 2019

Yesterday didn't go to plan!

Tuesday 13th August 2019
If plan A doesn't work the alphabet has 25 more letters.

Yesterday didn't go to plan, I had chicken wings for breakfast from M&S, pizza for lunch and French fries for tea as in the crisp bags from a multipack - yes I had 3 packets!   After going to the chemist first thing and being told I needed a doctor not a pharmacist, my surgery got me an appointment for 7 last night, so I spent the day watching my hand / arm swell bigger and bigger and increase in pain, redness and itch.  By the time I got there the swelling was from my fingers to my elbow, all because of a mosquito bite, well that's what it looked like on Sunday when it first happened, tiny little white lump it was now you can't even see the original bite because the arm is so solid, red and swollen.  I'm a bit of a hypochondriac I won't deny but watching the arm swell more and more by the hour wasn't pleasant.  I started my antibiotics last night at 7.45, so when I woke up just after midnight I took the second one to get them to kick in a bit quicker and thankfully, the swelling has gone down quite a bit, it's just round my wrist now, still damn tight and red and hot - oh and annoying!   Then of course there's the Alzheimers side of it, having to explain over and over that you're going to the doctors and why because she's forgot that you've been bitten in the first place.

What does any of the have to do with chicken, pizza and French fries you ask?  Well after the chemist, I went to the garden centre, got there at 9.50 and it doesn't open till 10, so I thought, ooo I'll go find another chemist and get some savlon and antihistamine just to relieve the arm till later.  Well the phone took me to Boots which was opposite M&S food hall, rude not to nip in and get a couple of M&S low pointed pizza (between 11 and 14SP), only when I got in there, their pizza meal deal (20SP for half pizza) was £10 for 2 pizza, 3 sides, I mean, they're not helping are they at all, that's such a bargain, I had chip fries which I'll have with egg and peas as a meal, the wings which I demolished in the car when I realised I hadn't eaten, oh and I don't know what came over me, garlic dough balls that are sat in my fridge.  It was only a tenner what can I say!  At least I shared one of the pizza's with mom, think I'll freeze the other one for another week.  The French Fries happened when I went to Sainsbury's to get my prescription, I'd fancied a packet since my training on Monday when I had a couple out of Elle's packet, well I ate 3 packets, so I shall be getting rid of the other 3 packets today, will take them to my workshop and give them Elle when she comes in, she obviously has more willpower than me.  I believe multipacks go off in hours and the only safe one likely to stay sealed is one containing condoms!

Okay so what's today's plan,  well I have a packet of stir fry veg that is use by today so I will eat that, eggs for breakfast and probably those chips for tea, we'll see but I'll do less damage today - honest.

Whatever happens at the scales tomorrow will be deserved but won't stop me carrying on.

Think how much worse it could be if I didn't crochet to distract myself!  I've got about six different projects going on at the moment, one I should finish tonight, then I have a big chunky blanket I want to get on with that I've not long started.  I'm waiting for yarn for the third, the pink ones on hold, it's too heavy and hot in this weather, then my little squares are in a box for when I have nothing else to do.  Not enough hours but it makes me happy and that's important.  What do you do that makes you happy?  Do you make time for it?

This is what we're chatting about this week in our workshops, I'm looking forward to it.

Here's to practicing what I preach today, what's your plan?

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx

Monday, 12 August 2019

Monday again...

Monday 12th August 2019
It's a good week to have a good week.

Well apparently Piraton makes me sleep!  I had to take one about 2am this morning because I was bitten by something on our walk yesterday and by bedtime my wrist had swollen up lovely and was itching like mad so I was struggling to sleep, I did doze off but it woke me up and then I remembered I keep a strip of piraton for my prawn allergy so took one and yeah, 7am before I got up, I did wake a few times to hear mom having a conversation with Alfie, telling him he couldn't go out the room because he'd wake me up, in the end I got up at 5ish to let him out of her room.

Despite being attacked by whatever insect it was, we had a wonderful walk over Himley and Baggeridge, https://www.facebook.com/bevww/media_set?set=a.10157058989565862&type=3 if you want to have a look at the pics, 5 miles and a couple of hours out of the house was just what the doctor ordered, got to look for somewhere to go next Sunday now, instead of leaving it to the last minute like I usually do.

Food wise, well not within my allowance lets just say, we had a full English at Himley, thankfully I'd earned all those FitPoints.  Later in the day I enjoyed steak with fried onions and mushrooms, that cost me 15SP, then 2SP for ketchup and another 2SP for a small slice of bread with spread.  For tea I snacked on a couple of WW bags of bites.

Alfie's dogging me right now for a walk so I feel under pressure to hurry up, I'm not even dressed yet!   So I'm going to go because my brain doesn't work at this speed especially on a Monday morning, he's a little Shit Tzu and yeah I know I've spelt that wrong!

Let's make today count, pullback the weekend a little, I had a lovely day with mom yesterday, bless her another one of her crowns has come off in the night, she's almost without front teeth now but doesn't want to go to the dentist.  She's always taken such good care of her teeth, cleaning them religiously, old age sucks!

I'm thinking sausage and mash today, thinking about what food I have in, yeah, here's to staying within points, enjoying my day, getting lots of jobs done and then chilling with mom from lunchtime onwards.

Enjoy your day whatever you have to do,

mwah, luv ya

Love me x

Sunday, 11 August 2019

Why bother!

Sunday 11th August 2019
We should all be 2 things - who and what we want! 

his name is Alfie, he listens to me a lot!

“Why bother” was what my mom just said when I suggested I might buy another cake of yarn and make the project I'm working on bigger.  

Why do we do anything was my reply! 

I wrote on Facebook that I wanted to add because it keeps me sane, it distracts me from an awful world of Alzheimer’s, it stops me from saying things I’d regret or arguing back with you when you’re being dementia crazy, because it fills the endless hours we sit watching crap tv that we’ve seen before. Mmmm WHY lol.

But going back to her question, 'Why bother?'  You can say that about anything we do, why does she do crosswords, why do some of my members go fishing at the weekend, why do we try to lose weight?  I suppose a better question is WHY NOT?  What would you gain by not bothering?  Nothing at all!  

Why do I get from actually bothering to occupy my mind instead of just sitting there with mom whilst watching her slowly decline?  I get a distraction, I do something I truly enjoy doing, that leaves me with something beautiful at the end of it, I mean even someone who doesn't like crocheted goods has to admit that looks lovely.  I also get a sense of achievement, of accomplishment and sometimes when I give my work away, a feeling of satisfaction that they appreciate what I've done.  This ones mine though and I have ordered more yarn to make it bigger because it's not big enough for a lap blanket and I'm thinking if I make it big enough, it can replace my quilt on nights like last night when I can't sleep because I'm so darn hot - thank you hormones for the nightly sweats, yeah not had a great deal of sleep, thankfully it's my day off.

Why bother taking care of my mom when she can be so awful and difficult - because I love her, she's always been my best friend and we've done so much together, this version of my mom isn't the one I'll remember, this version is being worn down by Alzheimers and vascular dementia.  I bother because she's the strongest women I've ever known, she's even fighting this disease, I still get flashes of her wit and wisdom, moments of joy where we make a few more memories, she's lovely this morning, I know it might not last all day, but by making her feel loved, safe and cared for she has one less thing to worry about as worrying is one of the things she does a lot.  I can't begin to imagine how terrifying it is to know you're losing yourself a bit at a time to such a cruel disease, instead I'll distract her as much as possible by making her laugh, by being silly, by watching her rubbish tv shows with her and agreeing with her about who she likes in them (that changes daily, poor old Jack in Without a Trace was not in her good books last night, normally he could've been the love of her life).  I bother because I can, we should all bother a bit more. 

Why bother trying to lose weight?  That's a question I might get my members to ask themselves going forward when they're struggle, we usually use different questions, like 'what's your why', 'what are your goals', but maybe when we're not feeling great and we want the doughnut (oh I plan to have one of those today by the way and French fries - both have been on my to eat list for a while so today could be the day) we ask ourselves why we're bothering and see where that goes.  

Why am I bothering?  Because I know when I do, I feel better in myself, I enjoy my food a great deal, that's enough reasons for now, there are probably more reasons, but it's 5ish on a Sunday morning and I'm lucky if I have had 5 hours sleep.  I'm gonna get me some caffeine, none of that decaf rubbish, decaf coffee is about as useful as a hooker that just wants a cuddle!  I need enough caffeine to fuel my walk this morning, then I plan to chill out with mom, find something worth watching, we struggled with that yesterday, she really struggles to follow what's going on now, she ends up supporting the baddies and shouting at the goodies, I have to sit and remind myself it's not worth correcting her because it will just start a conflict and in half hour she'll have forgot the damn show anyway. 

Today, let's bother, let's find things we enjoy doing and do them.  My workshops next week are about making time for happiness and that is something I do, I know I work and care for mom but I make sure I find moments for me, I escape, even if sometimes it's not physically but it's into an audio book or my crochet.  

Let's all be bothered to do more of what we enjoy (erm not eating rubbish lol).  Actually what are you glad you bother about? let me know!

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx