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Sunday, 11 August 2019

Why bother!

Sunday 11th August 2019
We should all be 2 things - who and what we want! 

his name is Alfie, he listens to me a lot!

“Why bother” was what my mom just said when I suggested I might buy another cake of yarn and make the project I'm working on bigger.  

Why do we do anything was my reply! 

I wrote on Facebook that I wanted to add because it keeps me sane, it distracts me from an awful world of Alzheimer’s, it stops me from saying things I’d regret or arguing back with you when you’re being dementia crazy, because it fills the endless hours we sit watching crap tv that we’ve seen before. Mmmm WHY lol.

But going back to her question, 'Why bother?'  You can say that about anything we do, why does she do crosswords, why do some of my members go fishing at the weekend, why do we try to lose weight?  I suppose a better question is WHY NOT?  What would you gain by not bothering?  Nothing at all!  

Why do I get from actually bothering to occupy my mind instead of just sitting there with mom whilst watching her slowly decline?  I get a distraction, I do something I truly enjoy doing, that leaves me with something beautiful at the end of it, I mean even someone who doesn't like crocheted goods has to admit that looks lovely.  I also get a sense of achievement, of accomplishment and sometimes when I give my work away, a feeling of satisfaction that they appreciate what I've done.  This ones mine though and I have ordered more yarn to make it bigger because it's not big enough for a lap blanket and I'm thinking if I make it big enough, it can replace my quilt on nights like last night when I can't sleep because I'm so darn hot - thank you hormones for the nightly sweats, yeah not had a great deal of sleep, thankfully it's my day off.

Why bother taking care of my mom when she can be so awful and difficult - because I love her, she's always been my best friend and we've done so much together, this version of my mom isn't the one I'll remember, this version is being worn down by Alzheimers and vascular dementia.  I bother because she's the strongest women I've ever known, she's even fighting this disease, I still get flashes of her wit and wisdom, moments of joy where we make a few more memories, she's lovely this morning, I know it might not last all day, but by making her feel loved, safe and cared for she has one less thing to worry about as worrying is one of the things she does a lot.  I can't begin to imagine how terrifying it is to know you're losing yourself a bit at a time to such a cruel disease, instead I'll distract her as much as possible by making her laugh, by being silly, by watching her rubbish tv shows with her and agreeing with her about who she likes in them (that changes daily, poor old Jack in Without a Trace was not in her good books last night, normally he could've been the love of her life).  I bother because I can, we should all bother a bit more. 

Why bother trying to lose weight?  That's a question I might get my members to ask themselves going forward when they're struggle, we usually use different questions, like 'what's your why', 'what are your goals', but maybe when we're not feeling great and we want the doughnut (oh I plan to have one of those today by the way and French fries - both have been on my to eat list for a while so today could be the day) we ask ourselves why we're bothering and see where that goes.  

Why am I bothering?  Because I know when I do, I feel better in myself, I enjoy my food a great deal, that's enough reasons for now, there are probably more reasons, but it's 5ish on a Sunday morning and I'm lucky if I have had 5 hours sleep.  I'm gonna get me some caffeine, none of that decaf rubbish, decaf coffee is about as useful as a hooker that just wants a cuddle!  I need enough caffeine to fuel my walk this morning, then I plan to chill out with mom, find something worth watching, we struggled with that yesterday, she really struggles to follow what's going on now, she ends up supporting the baddies and shouting at the goodies, I have to sit and remind myself it's not worth correcting her because it will just start a conflict and in half hour she'll have forgot the damn show anyway. 

Today, let's bother, let's find things we enjoy doing and do them.  My workshops next week are about making time for happiness and that is something I do, I know I work and care for mom but I make sure I find moments for me, I escape, even if sometimes it's not physically but it's into an audio book or my crochet.  

Let's all be bothered to do more of what we enjoy (erm not eating rubbish lol).  Actually what are you glad you bother about? let me know!

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx 

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