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Sunday, 8 March 2020

Deep breathes

Sunday 8th March 2020
Do not wish to be anything than what you are and do that as well as you can.




I'm having to dig deep right now and find my inner strength, my dear mom, she went to bed not believing she was in her own home, asking when we were going home, she did make me smile when at one point she looked round the room and said "I'm not keen on this room, it's old fashioned ain't it, look at that chair!"  There goes my decor style!  Then this morning she's asking for permission to get up and get dressed and making me promise I won't let them take her away like they did before (she means when she was a teenager).  It's just the cruelest disease and it chips away at my heart a little bit more every time I see her confused and scared. 

It's not an excuse but it is why I comfort and numb myself with food and wine, I can't see me getting to goal any time soon but it won't stop me taking care of myself as best as I can whilst all this is going on.  

There's not really much else to say about yesterday once I'd got home, it was just a difficult time until I fell asleep.  

The morning was good though, my members and helpers really made for a cracking, busy workshop where there was support, inspiration and laughter.   Thank you to every one of my members that make going to work the best.  

Never underestimate how the smallest gesture of help can mean so much to someone else. My bestie asked if she could run any of my errands for me to help me out and so she went to the chemist for me, that helped me so much, it sounds ridiculous doesn't it, but it's an extra 15 minutes out my day that makes mom realise I've been gone longer than I'm supposed too.  For someone with Alzheimers she's spot on with what time I should be where! 

Karen did some shopping for me, Charlotte messaged me with help and my brother called to discuss sheds and decking, which has given me something to look forward too.  It's just nice to know I might be sitting in the house with mom on my own but folk out there haven't forgot me.  

I"m praying she has a good day, she's definitely getting worse but with my sisters help we'll continue to make her feel as safe as we can and ignore the times when she's being aggressive because I know my mom wouldn't do that, it's the disease. 

I'm emotionally exhausted this morning so not much to say, plus mom wants me, so I'll say have a great day, I'm still going to give it my best and if you didn't already know...






Today is International Women's Day and the 2020 campaign theme is #EachforEqual
An equal world is an enabled world.  Individually, we're all responsible for our own thoughts and actions - all day, every day.  We can actively choose to challenge stereotypes, fight bias, broaden perceptions, improve situations and celebrate women's achievements. Collectively, each one of us can help create a gender equal world.  
Let's all be #EachforEqual.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me x

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