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Sunday, 14 September 2014

The conversations I have with myself!

14th September 2014
Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.  Joshua Marine 

A very busy day yesterday spent at the open day at the Hub in Ashmore Park, it was great to spend time with an old friend and catch up whilst also getting to really feel part of our community, we have a brilliant building been built that I hope everyone that lives on the estate will take advantage of.  The volunteers have done an incredible amount of work to get it where it is and I’m so glad there’s a café in their as we’ve never had one.  I’m even going to ProPoint their menu so that my members can partake of the odd teacake without guilt and stay on track!  There are lots of things going on there so if you are local, take a look at their website http://www.the-hub.info/.

I’m out all day again today at an area meeting so I’m really looking forward to a free day tomorrow and it will be as work free as possible, I need some down time after feeling so rough at the beginning of the week.
The good news I’m still on track and today is Day 7 of Simple Start, yesterday I started the day with a good breakfast and as I didn’t get home until almost 6pm because I went to do my food shopping straight after the Open Day event I ended up with chicken on Warburton thins, I just wasn’t in the mood for doing much of anything other than sitting and watching my new favourite Doctor and his assistant in yet another cracking episode of Doctor Who.  This was followed by an early night!

It’s quite funny how we have conversations with ourselves in our own heads isn’t it!  I met a lot of lovely people yesterday, I may live on this estate but it was once the largest estate in Europe so there are going to be a lot of people I don’t know and it was wonderful to meet them.  Anyway, some of these folks wanted to lose weight, some didn’t, they were all still fascinating to talk to and hear about how their view ‘health’ and especially the older ones, one lady justifying that she’d smokes since she was 10 and now she was 80 and she was still alive so it must be ok!  I was given a wheel thing that told you how much money you’ve saved if you’ve stopped smoking and for me it’s about £57,000 as I’ve been packed up for about 20 years, I don’t regret it for a moment, there’s nothing good for you about smoking even if you do manage to continue living! 
Anyway I’m going off topic, I wanted to talk about the conversations we have in our heads, mine this week has gone something like this, 

Monday “I’m going to do Simple Start and get a really good weight loss like lots of my members do in their first week”

Tuesday “I love that I don’t feel like I’m ‘on a diet’ and I’m enjoying my food so much”

Friday “I don’t feel like I’m losing weight, I better lose at least 2lb, one of my members on Wednesday lost 8lb in her first week!”

Saturday “I’m gonna proper sulk if I don’t lose weight on Monday”

Sunday “you know, you’re really not going to lose loads of weight tomorrow because you already eat really healthily, it’s not going to fall off you and let’s be honest you know if you were to have a big weight loss, next week you’d undo the good work because you’d get cocky and overindulge.  So I’ll take whatever the scales say, any loss is a good loss because this isn’t a race, I’ve spent my entire life watching my weight, I know the only true way of doing it is slowly.  I’ve eaten well and enjoyed it, that’s the best kind of weight loss plan and I also feel that I’ll be able to continue with the control.  I feel uncomfortable in my jeans at the moment they’re a bit tight and I’ve been getting heartburn on and off lately so I know now’s the time to lose a few pounds.”

Those conversations I have with myself have changed so much over the years, I used to have sulky, stroppy conversations where I wasn’t happy in my skin and I said ugly things to myself, I don’t do that anymore, my body is my body and I love it whatever its size, yes right now we’re in negotiations to make it a bit smaller but I still love it as it is.  When I look in the mirror I don’t see faults, I see me and I love that reflection, my eyebrows are crocked, that was something I noticed in my car mirror Friday, not for the first time obviously because they’ve been crocked since I was 4 and I fell out of the bedroom window, but on Friday it just came to my attention and I thought, ooo look how crocked your eyebrows look today, there wasn’t any nasty thoughts in the comment, I don’t have a problem with them, it was just an observation.  My body is far from what society considers “perfect” and I have no desire to strive for that image anymore, I did when I was 25 but now I’m aiming for the 45 mark, I just want a healthy body, my thighs will always be large and have dents :), my skin is starting to show signs of middle age, I look in the mirror with fascination rather than dislike, I love to observe how I’m changing, how my body is aging, how I look more and more like my mom every day.  My hair is almost completely grey, so if my hairs changing, it’s logical that the body follows, you can only do so much to it, to keep it youthful.  Yes you can exercise to within an inch of your life to keep things pert and firm, but I really don’t mind soft and squidgy as long as I’m comfortable.  

Anyway sitting here, pondering life won’t get me ready for work; I’ve got to get a wriggle on!  

Let’s have a great day focus on the Healthy & Happy BeYOUtiful, we’re all gorgeous and amazing and incredible in our own way, see it in yourself, let go of your insecurities, go look in the mirror and say “I love you”. 

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