The day you plant the seed isn't the day you pick the fruit.
I've had a lie in, didn't get out of bed till 6.45am, this was good for my self-care, I asked yesterday for you to answer the question 'In what ways do I take care and look after myself?' in your notebook, I hope you did it, today I'm flipping it, if I'm honest I didn't want to ask this question, partly because I wanted to keep this month positive and don't want to lower the mood but also because I didn't enjoy answering the question myself when I thought about it yesterday, honesty can be uncomfortable can't it.
Okay so here's the question 'In what ways am I not taking care of and looking after myself? How am I sabotaging my success?
That success can be your weight loss journey or anything, it might be relationships or work. How are you sabotaging your journey to improve your health and wellbeing?
Now this one can be a little uncomfortable and you need to dig deep and be really honest, two of mine immediately that sprang to mind, the first was forgetting to clean my teeth before bed and not flossing - this was the second thought I had because I'd been to the dentist this week. The first one was drink too much wine! This one I didn't want to and never want to admit, if I were to listen and pay attention to all the experts, I do drink too much alcohol, I also know that it has to be affecting my life, my health and wellbeing and my long-term health. I'm curious to see if it would affect my peri-menopause symptoms so maybe it's time for a little experiment. But that's not what this blog is about.
We're gonna think about our own self-sabotage. First of all I'd like you to find a photo of yourself when you were little, these are mine.
Now before you answer the sabotage question honestly, because none of us want to answer it really as it's making admissions that we may find uncomfortable or painful I want you to think about that small child in the photo.
Now think about yourself now for a moment, are you kind to yourself or do you bully yourself trying to be the person you think you should be? When you look in the mirror do you think nice thoughts or say dreadful things about your reflection? When you overeat, do you berate yourself for eating those foods, when you gain weight do you think what's wrong with me!. Instead of changing, do you continue this self-sabotaging behaviours, beating yourself up, giving yourself a hard time, expecting too much of yourself.
I always say we don't take care of anything we don't love, so if there's not self love, self cares never going to happen. Being strict never worked with me as a child so it's unlikely to work now I'm almost 50, it just makes me rebel more - what about you? Are you going from one extreme to another, overindulging one week then being strict the next.
Look at your photo, that cute kid, I'm damn sure no decent parent would allow anyone to treat her in the way I've been guilty of treating her myself in the past, or maybe as you still are! Would a good parent let you starve yourself or eat till you were sick? Are you allowing yourself to do things now that no sane parent would allow that child in the photo to do, whilst standing there telling them, they're fat, ugly, useless, a let down, not worthy of love or whatever it is that you've been guilty of saying to yourself at any time! I bloody hope not!
Is it time to take a look at the way we're treating ourselves, we may not even realise we're doing it still. Time to ask ourselves why we have the unhealthy habits we wouldn't want in our children? Then we can work at changing those unhealthy habits we wouldn't want in our kids.
Here are some signs you're sabotaging yourself, just in case you can't think of any or think you aren't. If you aren't, then well done you, amazing, I bow down before you! Truth is though, most of us do.
When it comes to happiness, most of us self-sabotage. In fact, it’s part of our everyday lives. Are you ready to get out of your own way?
Do you listen to your inner critic, that voice that resides in your head that's mission it is to convince you that you suck! Tried to ignore it - just gets louder doesn't it, so many instead of ignoring, you listen and question it, ask is what it's saying true - probably not!
FEAR - is it easier to stay safe where you are than risk the unknown, change is scary, but sometimes it's necessary. If you're not happy, something needs to change, just work out what it is and be brave, be bold and do it. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Are you a procrastinator? Do you put off things, stop it, get it done!
Are you scared of failure? We all do at some point and it's healthy, making a mistake doesn't mean failure, learn from your failures. We can't all be great at everything can we.
Scared of making more mistakes, like failure you hopefully learn from them, beating yourself up doesn't help and won't move you forward, focus on where you're going not where you've been and get started.
Are you a control freak! How do you think that may be sabotaging your health and wellbeing? Or do you blame others for everything? One of the best lines I ever read was, once you're over 16, you've got to stop blaming others for your issues, you're a grown up now, change if you don't like where you are. Take some responsibility for your future.
Do you rely too much on others too much to make you feel good, can you be happy in your own company or are do you rely on others constantly. Do you put others first to your own detriment and then resent it afterwards. Have you forgot how important it is to set boundaries? Is it time to take care of your own needs not just everyone else.
Do you forget to say no? Are you simply shattered because you do things you don't really want to do? It's okay to turn down a night out, to say no to a favour. It's your time, it's one thing you can't buy, so choose how you spend it.
Are you a perfectionist? I'm all for doing your best but come on perfection isn't really possibly is it. You can't make others perfect either, stop trying to fix people or change them, the only person you can change is yourself. At the same time stop comparing yourself to everyone else, don't believe the bullshit bubble that people on Facebook live in, work on yourself for yourself and stop worrying what other people think, what other people think is none of your business.
Are you guilty of not asking for help? I used to be this person, I'll take any help offered these days. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you wise, none of us can do everything.
And just incase you're thinking you're a complete mess right now - you're not, take a minute to look at the good stuff, one of the ways we sabotage ourselves is by not giving ourselves credit for the good stuff we do and the good things we have in our life, go back to your smile list from day 1, keep adding to that list every time something good happens, no matter how small. Remember life is good if you stop and pay attention, notice the love.
We all self-sabotage at some time, being happy all the time isn't possible, well I don't think so anyway, but if we become more self aware of our behaviour we can make life better. You in?
Catch ya tomorrow, I'm off to walk Alfie, then to get weighed (it ain't gonna be pretty but it was delicious) mwah
Love me xx