17th May 2017
You are more than your size, your shape and the number on the scale.
Jolted awake at half three this morning by my mom crying out in pain wasn't the best way to start my day. After settling her back down, I decided not to get up, instead I got back into bed and put my audiobook on for half hour, then feel back to sleep. It wasn't the best couple of hours, there were some strange dreams in there but at least it was a little more sleep. I think seeing someone you love in pain is possibly worse than being the one in pain. Anyway, it's now just gone six and I'm ready to take on my day - are you ready for yours BeYOUtiful?
What am I like ay, last week I lost 2lb, this week I'd gained 1.5lb, but over the month I have managed to lose a pound! It's not that the plan doesn't work, it's that I don't do it continually, I was dreadful last weekend, the crisps emerged again, there was a snicker involved (thanks for that Bonnie - not!), I ate the last of the mature cheddar and St Agur cheese and of course let's not forget the bottle of white wine that had been chilling in my fridge for weeks. My meals had been absolutely brilliant all week, it was the bits in-between, those are what I need to be more mindful of. I'm good though, I'm happy in my world, my weight isn't excessive, I'm pretty healthy I reckon, so it's all good, doing the best I can and enjoying what I have.
One of my members said to me yesterday 'you seem to really like yourself and who you are, how did you get to that place?' Not an easy question to answer, she's right I do and it took a long time to get to this place, the answer is explained in one word really and that's "BeYOUtiful", I realised that's what we all are, including me, we are all individual, wonderful and able to love and be loved, we are more than the shell we live in, we are more than a body, more than the numbers on the scales, I decided to focus on health not weight, on what my body could do rather than letting those scales define me. Instead of merely trying to lower a number on a scale, I focused on increasingly eating healthier food, and practicing self love. Because you can lose all the weight in the world, but if you don't love yourself, you're going to be weighed down forever! Those numbers on the scales will not tell you what an amazing person you are, how much you are loved by others, whether you are kind, smart, funny and incredible in ways the numbers cannot determine. I realised I had the power to choose happiness and acceptance over self loathing and I did. I realised if other people liked, heck even loved me, I must be doing something right so why didn't I start seeing what they saw and like myself more. That was a good few years ago now and now I love my life, I love my friends, weight loss is the side effect of living a healthy and happy life. If you love yourself enough, you don't want to poison your body with a constant stream of crap food, you want to feed yourself nutritious food. I believe we should be teaching our younger generation to eat healthy and not to be self conscious but to look in the mirror and see a truly BeYOUtiful soul. There are certain things about your appearance that you just can't change without surgery and as soon as you realise you don't need to change them because they make you who you are - the better. Yep I like me and everything that I am, I do my best to be the best version of me that I can, that's good enough. Oh and one last thing, just because someone is thin doesn't mean they are healthy, your health isn't based solely on your weight!
Obviously being this way didn't come easy but ultimately it was a decision to stop making my weight and my appearance the most important thing in my life. It also helped deciding that what other people think of me is none of my business, we'll never always be liked by everyone, we're all different, we all do things we wished we hadn't at some time, none of us are perfect. I've made mistakes, done things I knew at the time were wrong, instead of focusing on them, I now do my best to do right and do good. I try to see both sides always, which at times is the hardest thing to do. I now take care of my mom because I love her, she's my best friend, always has been, it's a choice, not a duty, we are not born to take care of our parents but I do it because I choose to do it. People tell me to get help and if ever I feel I need it, I will but for now we're good, we've got this ;)
A member also said to me yesterday at the scales, "It's not going to be a great week this week either, I've got two meals out with friends", my response was "GOOD! You go and enjoy life whilst you can, you never know when you may not be able to", she shouldn't be feeling guilty for wanting to go out and enjoy life and spend time with the people in it, instantly she felt better, it's okay to have a good time, to go out and socialise whilst being on a weight loss journey, two meals out does not a bad week make, make wise choices, be healthy at home, that's what real life is all about, balance.
Today, go look in the mirror and see the BeYOUtiful version of you we all see, yep and we do, go see the gorgeous, wonderful version of you that you sometimes fail to appreciate. xx