24th May 2017
Repeat after me: My current situation is not my final destination.
Yesterday was a very strange day, waking up to the news of Manchester was well, no words really. Then for a few hours I lived in my Weight Watcher world where we forgot about the outside world for a little while, when I left it, I felt like I'd been a bubble of sorts and the volume of everything else had been turned down. I walked into my house to find my mom crying, she'd turned on the news and was watching it all, the devastation and after effects. I hugged her and she asked if she could carry on watching it or would it bother me, I said she could do what she wanted too. Not long after the hairdresser arrived and she was distracted from it all for a short while to have her hair cut. Once she'd gone, I gave mom her lunch and she turned the tv back on and shouted me, "What's all this about, 22 dead?" She'd forgotten, even when I told her, it really was like it was the first time, sometimes she'll say, 'oh yeah I remember' but no this was completely new, and that continued for the rest of the day, every time she heard something about it, completely new. It's times like this I realise how real what's happening to her is, how much she's deteriorated in the past six months and it starts to break my heart. I heard her this morning struggle to the bathroom and I lay there contemplating my day (normally I dive out of bed) and for a brief second I started to think about what was to come, where this terrible illness is going to take us, but I soon stopped myself because what use would that do. I shall continue to live in the moment, focus on the 24 hours ahead of me, "Be strong, even if it breaks your heart" Doctor Who said that once and I've stored it.
It would be very easy to think, 'sod it', it's too hard to focus on weight loss right now, there's too much consuming my life, I could die tomorrow, nevermind mom! But that's being silly isn't it, instead I'm going to take care of me, I'm going to do it for me, because I matter too. The more energy I have, the better I feel, the easier it is for me to handle everything that's being thrown at us. When I feel good, I have more patience too, which makes caring for someone with Alzheimers and Vascular Dementia much easier (erm well easy isn't really ever a word to use our situation but you get me). When I feel in control and strong, I'm more able to cope with everything.
Therefore today I will once again stay on plan, yesterday I survived a day of No Count, used some of my weeklies on a glass of wine of course, my meals were curry beans, turkey rashers and eggs on toast, that was delicious, for lunch we had lemon and dill salmon, jersey royals, butternut squash and mediterranian vegetables, that too was good, I did use a couple of points on a spoon of butter to smash into my spuds. Then for tea I'd bought a tub of cauliflower couscous from the garage because it was reduced, I mixed it with mushrooms, tomatoes, spring onions, leftover chicken and a bit of bacon, added some flavour and it was okay, I don't know if I'd want it again but it filled me up. It left me wanting bread though, so I had a slice with a bit of low fat spread on. So yeah, I survived day 2, now for day 3, to count or not to count that is the question....
There's some gammon in the fridge and corn on the cob which is saying No Count,
I might make gammon and cabbage mash for lunch, then I could have the corn on cob for my tea when I get home. I can have the last few beans for breakfast to use them up with some eggs and toast, maybe mushrooms and tomatoes too. Sorted. Use up what's in the fridge then and tomorrow when I'm really busy I can do Counting and use some of those tins I have in the cupboard, I fancy trying the curry.
It looks like it's going to be a lovely day today, I'll get all my jobs done early, then hopefully I'll be able to convince mom to sit out in the garden with me for an hour, get her some vitamin D before I got to work this evening.
Right here's to staying strong BeYOUtiful, let's have a great day, smiling all the way.