3rd May 2015
What comes easy won't last, what lasts won't come easy.
Raining ain't it! There's something lovely about lying in bed watching and listening to the rain knowing you don't have to go out there, it's even better knowing that you don't really have to do anything at all today if you don't fancy. I love Sundays like that, especially as today I know my besties driving over for a much needed catch up. I'm going to make us burgers, I might even throw in a few chips! Mmm Weight Watcher friendly burger and chips, don't get no better than that!
I'm going to nip to the supermarket this morning because I forgot the coriander and I want to make that chicken saag recipe again, only instead of chicken I thought I'd make a veggie version with potato and spinach, mmm or maybe cauliflower as I'm off to the shop anyway! Yeah fancy a few hours in the kitchen this morning, I'll tidy it up first, put some stuff away, I've realised I have an aversion to putting things away, everything lives on the sides, I'll never change and to be honest I don't need to really do I.
No I've just realised I have so many things on my "to do" list that I only focus on the "Want to do" part of the list, the 'should' stuff like housework gets done when it's a must do before we can't get in the house kind of task! Now cooking is a want to do thing as I get something at the end of it, there's a point to it!
Changing the subject, there's a lot of chat on the internet and in magazines about being beach body ready! I'm in the I have a body and it's ready for a beach category, being at the beach is all about relaxing, taking time out with those you love, not stressing over whether you look okay or if someone's looking at you - sod em! I'm not going away this year but if I was I wouldn't want to be stressing to get some weight off before I went, that counteracts the fact you're going away to relax and destress!
I just don't buy into that whole "let's get buff for the beach" thing anymore, I'll focus on healthy eating as much as possible and I love the body I have whatever it weighs, I'm a hell of a lot more content at size 12/14 than I ever was at size 8/10, I read an excellent article yesterday in Red magazine by Bryony Gordon, she was talking about how she loved herself more at size 18 than she did at size 8 because the size 8 version of her wasn't coming from a place of love, she said that "then fat for me was always as much a mental state as it was a physical one". How true is that, how many of us have "thin days" and even worse "fat days", and when it's psychological fat you're stressing over, they're the worst thoughts because you can bet that something else in your life is triggering those thoughts, they may even be distracting you from the real 'issue' in your life at that time! If you're worrying about your 'fat' you haven't got time to think/worry about anything else! Clever isn't it the brain...
I also read a lovely piece via Facebook this morning, that made me realise we all do what this lady did, if we see what we think is a "bad" photo of ourselves, we immediately look at the flaws, rather than the qualities, we see the imperfections before we see the things love about us! So read her story and realise you're BeYOUtiful too, if only you'd look at yourself the way those that love you do!
Exposed by my children for what I really look like
Flipping through the pictures on my phone, I see it.
My first reaction is shock. Who took this hideous picture of me?
Self-loathing and disgust swell up and threaten to bring me to tears.
Just as I am about to hit delete, my boy walks in the room.
“Do you know anything about this picture?” I ask him.
I turn the screen so he can see it. He smiles huge.
“I took that of you in Tahoe,” he says. “You looked so beautiful laying there. I couldn’t help it mom.”
“You need to ask me before using my phone to take pictures,” I say.
“I know,” he says. “But mom, seriously, look how pretty you look?”
I look at the picture again and try to see what he sees.
My daughter walks over and takes a look.
“That could be a postcard mom,” she says smiling. “You’re so beautiful. I love it.”
I take a deep breath.
This is exactly what I needed.
My default mode is to see and focus on the flaws and imperfections. I’m starting to see a bit more.
I still see my dimply, fat thighs.
I also see a mom collapsed on the shore that just explored the lake for hours with her children.
I still see chubby arms.
I also see the arms of a mom that just helped her kids across the rocks and hot sand so their feet wouldn’t hurt.
I still see a fat woman wearing a black dress bathing suit to try to hide her weight issue.
I also see an adventurous mom that loves her children something fierce.
Like many women, I have struggled with my weight most of my life. It’s not something that will ever go away for me. I don’t have a naturally slim body. Never have.
Right now I’m the heaviest I’ve been in 10 years. Yet…
I have not let my weight stop me this time. I am wearing tank tops, sundresses and bathing suits in public. I’m running around playing with my kids this summer and I sometimes even feel attractive.
Yes. You heard me.
“I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty, and witty and bright.”
Well…not exactly. But something like that.
Is it because I’m getting older? Is it that I have more to worry about than just how I look? Or maybe it’s because my kids look at me with such adoring eyes.
Really, it doesn’t matter.
I don’t hate my body anymore.
That’s huge for me to admit and hard to even wrap my mind around.
I’m not giving up on exercising and getting healthy. Those are things I will continue to strive for because I want to be around awhile.
Right now though, I just want to love my body where it is. I want it to be OK to see myself the way my kids do.
Thank you kids.
(this post originally appeared on Bridgette Tales)
She's more than said it all I think, so love the body you have, take care of it, feed it healthy food most of the time, don't deprive it of a treat though, because it's all about balance BeYOUtiful.