Don't allow your wounds turn you into a person you are not.
Well I've just started my day in a lovely way, I lay on the bed with my mom until she dropped back off to sleep, she fidgets and talks to herself as she starts to doze, even wakes back up talking because her dreams are so realistic, but I can now here her 'sleeping breathing' as I recognise it and know that's she's settled. My life is different again now than it was from this time last week and once again my sister and I will adjust. I'm focusing on what I have in my life, not what I don't have. One day I will look back on this time and only remember the good moments for that I will be grateful.
Yesterday was a reminder to me of a wonderful lady called Byron Katie, who through here writings taught me about 'who would you be without your story', she is now huge around the world for her method 'The Work' which you can find on the website https://thework.com for free, it's four questions and a turnaround which helps clarity situations in your life, I have found it invaluable on a good few occasion. Byron Katie suffered from depression for many years, and in her words, 'I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn't believe them, I didn't suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always' Whether you believe that or not is of course optional but I have found it really helpful when I'm having certain thoughts and making my own version of a situation (story) because what I am believing in that moment very well might not be true! We overthink a lot, I did it yesterday, something happened, I thought about it all day, felt guilty, felt like I'd handled the situation badly, thought I'd hurt/upset or offended someone, misread something I'd seen and it wasn't until later when that person got back to me and said no I hadn't at all, that I realised I'd made my own version of the truth up without having the facts, I was basing it all on a lot of assumptions.
I think we've all done it at some time haven't we, maybe someone you know walks past you in the street, they completely ignore you, so you spend the rest of the day wandering what you've done to upset them, when in reality, they didn't even see you, they'd just had a call to say one of their kids had fallen and the school needed them to come fetch him (or something similar), they were in a rush, a panic, they didn't even see you in their panic. Yep who would you be without your story. How much unnecessary suffering do we cause ourselves?
The more we listen to and question our thoughts, the better we can feel, there's a lot about mental health in the news at the moment and this is a great way of keeping our stress levels down.
Of course we're talking stress this week and last night I heard how a teaching assistant had got her class doing some breathing exercises and a bit of meditation to calm them all down, this truly made my day, much better than putting one on a naughty step for sure. How great is it that she's teaching these children a coping mechanism that they can use throughout their lives. We could all do with learning similar, if you have the WW app, check out headspace, if you don't use youtube or google to find something. Once you've got the techniques you can do it without anything but yourself.
After the week I've had I'll be happy with a maintain on the scales today, that at least shows I'm not thinking 'sod it' when a stressful situation arises, I've also been hormonal this week, so those two things together followed by a maintain is pretty bloody awesome actually. I've just given myself a mental pat on the back, I know I'm almost a stone lighter than I was at the beginning of this year, that'll do me, I will end this year lighter than I started it and that is progress on the past couple of years before it, when I used my moms condition as an excuse to emotionally eat.
One of my members lost a dear friend this week and she commented in my group 'today I feel like I am questioning everything! Does it matter if I'm fat what's the point? Life is for living eat the cake drink the wine you could be gone tomorrow! I'm just utterly devastated'
This was very close to my attitude for those first couple of years of moms diagnosis, 'I'm probably gonna get dementia anyway, what the damn point of eating healthy blah blah'. Then I realised yeah I could be gone tomorrow, I may end up with dementia but there was no reason to sabotage myself and get there sooner, there are so many illnesses that I could end up with that come from mistreating my body and they don't guarantee an early death, they just guarantee I'd endure a life of pain and discomfort. This was a turning point for me,
the better I treat my body, the more I take care of myself, the less likely I am to end up with dementia or other conditions which is why I will never stop trying to be healthy and focus on my self care. Hopefully you'll see that too and we can both have a great day.
Mwah, luv ya
Love me xx
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