Remember your spirit needs recharging as least as often as your phone, make time to reconnect with yourself.
mmm what to talk about, the obvious would be mom, lack of sleep and the difficulty I'm going to have this morning trying to get mom to the hospital but you know what, I'm living it, I don't feel the need to share it today, if I was to believe everything she told me last night, I'd think my sister had held a party without me here yesterday, the amount of visitors mom told me she'd had. Yeah let's not even talk about it. Let's talk about other stuff.
Yesterday was World Health Day and I thoroughly enjoyed my workshops, everyone thinking about alternative ways to handle stress, in one workshop we discussed different breathing techniques, this was an example of one, https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=gvtx62lUho0 you could google other ones. But you can't beat taking a few deep breathes when you're getting stressed out, we all know the 'count to 10' idea, it does work.
I've got a massage booked this morning, I'm hoping moms going to be okay for an hour whilst I go, I didn't want to cancel it because I didn't get one last week as had a training day. This is my must have Self Care thing, one hour each week where I don't have to think about anyone else and where someone else is taking care of my needs, it also will hopefully get rid of some of those sore muscles in my back!
I managed to maintain my weight this week and I'm really pleased with that because it would've been so easy to go off track with everything that's happened. I survived yesterday without giving into all the cravings I had, oh and I had an awful lot of cravings, I wanted Greggs for breakfast (had toast instead), then as the day went on, every time someone mentioned something, I wanted it, pizza, doughnuts, kfc, Chinese, Indian to name but a few and instead I had gammon and egg with mushrooms for lunch and corned beef hash for tea. Yeah I had a few nibbles but nothing compared to what I could've had, so I survived a sleep deprived, stressful day and I know I can do that again.
Crochet and sleep have now become my two favourite things to do, this week anyway, this weekend will mostly be spent doing as little as possible, I'm hoping once today is done mom will be a little less agitated, I'm sure it's because of the hospital that's she's been worse and I haven't mentioned it this morning yet but when I do, if there's even the least resistance I'm going to phone and apologise but say we won't be going. Whatever the ECG says, she won't agree to any kind of surgery, the other option the doctor mentioned was blood thinners, so why they can't just give her them I don't know. What she does need is something to calm her mind so she can settle at night instead of waking up at midnight ready to get out of bed.
Now I haven't planned any meals today, so I need to get on the case because Friday's can be a dangerous day at the best of times, but this Friday is going to be even more of a challenge, I'm thinking fast food, there's a frozen meal in the freezer, or microwave rice, I'll go check out the kitchen, egg fried rice maybe, pretend it's Chinese, could do noodles. Whatever I have it will be fast food, no standing in the kitchen for me.
Back to the stress thing, here are some thoughts that help me when I'm getting wound up and stressed out, after my big, full on drama queen strop, that most certainly helps, I do love a good rant. Then I try to use the 5 by 5 rule, if it's not going to matter in 5 days, 5 weeks or 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes stressing or being upset about it. I remind myself I'm doing the best I can with the situation I have, it's okay not to be okay and that I shouldn't stress over things I cannot control.
I then try to look for the things that make my life better, than make me smile, I look out for the sunrise or sunset, watch the sparrows on the bird feeder, notice the dog sleeping on the landing content and care free, these things calm and soothe me more than eating a big jam doughnut would and they don't make the scales go up.
It's half six in the morning, I've managed to get some sleep despite being woke up a few times, so today is already a good day, the struggle is real but so is the strength.
Here's to being strong today but knowing it's okay that I cried myself back to sleep in the early hours of this morning, because tears don't mean your weak, they mean you're expressing your emotions instead of holding it all in. Crying is your eyes speaking when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is xx
It's all good, I'm smiling this morning, mwah
Luv ya, smile back xx
Love me xx
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