27th June 2018
Be careful what you wish for…
Last night I wished for an empty house, some time on my own
without having to work my mood round someone else’s, but I know what consequences
getting that empty house would mean so I was just grateful when she went to
bed. Xx
A member at the scales mentioned ‘comfort eating’ yesterday
and then said ‘you know how it is’. At
first I was yeah I know how it is but I don’t comfort eat as such, I happy eat,
the food I eat makes me happy, it doesn’t make me miserable after I’ve done it.
The truth is I wouldn’t be eating that
food if I wasn’t trying to change my mood though. We’re all emotional eaters in some form and I
most certainly am. I’d made it through
my day really well, on track, writing it down, feeling good, then I walked into
an episode of ‘Hell in Hilary Land’, I just wasn’t ready for it after what had
been such a good day, brilliant meetings, an hour in the garden with her on the
afternoon enjoying the sunshine. Suddenly
we’re in another place completely, a land where she’s been left alone for a
couple of hours and had time to overthink stuff, created stories in her head
and completely changed her mood and that makes her a really difficult person to
be around. Did I comfort eat – no, did I
emotionally eat – yes, it was more food to calm me down and stop me reacting
because ultimately I’m human too, with emotions and feelings and I get angry
too but of course I have to control my feelings because I love her and I know
she can’t help her behaviour and she’ll have forgotten all this by morning
(hopefully!)
A babybel and a packet of WW bakes later, one more glass of
wine than planned and I’d fell asleep in my chair feeling deflated and a little
helpless.
Today’s a new day, it’s not started the best but that
doesn’t mean it won’t improve, she woke me about 5 telling Alfie not to come
and wake me up! For once I refused to
get up, I told her I was going to try and go back to sleep which I managed for
another hour, then Alfie reminded me he wanted his walk now before it gets too
warm which is fair enough. The delivery
man had dumped 20+ boxes by my gate when we got back so it’s now 8am and all
that’s been done, oh and I’ve typed this blog out twice because my computer
froze and I lost the document – YAY!
Funnily enough I’m less likely to emotionally eat this early in the
morning – why is that do you think?
I reckon it’s because we’re emotionally and physically
stronger in the morning and as the day goes on, our energy gets sapped and we
have less resistance by the evening. I’ll spend this morning cajoling her out of
any mood she’s still in, god that’s draining some days but the love there is
strong and that’s why I do it.
My natural preference of emotion is peaceful, I like a calm
environment, when I haven’t got that, that’s when food/wine comes into play
because it has a calming effect on me.
I’m going to do a little research on the calming effects of
foods, see what I can include in my diet to help me stay calm. I know there won’t be any miracles but I can
try. The truth is I don’t need to
research it, I already know that eating a healthy balanced diet is what will
help, making sure I get a good balance.
I’m thinking No Count today, then if I do come home to the land of
Hilary Hell later, I can eat a warby thin or two ;) happy days lol.
The truth is I have to find other ways to find my calm,
relying on food/wine isn’t the answer, I’m already doing some of them, so I
make sure my house has lovely smells, I walk the dog, I water my hanging
baskets when I get back from work, that gives me ten minutes to adjust to the
environment that I’ve walked into. I
will try to deep breathe more. Writing
it down helps too, this blog is so therapeutic, I don’t care if it makes sense
or not or if no one’s reading. I also
distract myself by chatting with my friends. Getting a bit of love off Alfie
and trying not to take it all too seriously, plus getting enough sleep.
So today, I shall be kind, be careful, monitor my thoughts
and try to have a very great day whilst focusing on the healthy and happy.
I hope you do too. xx
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