2nd June 2015
“Sometimes you need to look back on the journey to truly appreciate how far you’ve come, to recognise your strengths, to help you now in the present and to move forwards boldly and courageously into the future”.
The first of June yesterday, the first of any month is always a good day to start afresh, and it was a Monday too - everyone starts a diet on a Monday! Instead I ended up in Frankie & Benny's! So do I wait till next Monday or even 1st July - NO, I carry on, because it isn't a stop/start thing, eating is something that I do continually so my eating habits are something I will continue to address every day, not in an obsessive way, in an aware way. So yes we did order dessert yesterday and we all left some main to make way for it (in the past I'd have forced the rest of that pizza down!), when my dessert came, it really wasn't all that, so I left half of it (in the past I wouldn't have cared, I'd paid for it so I'd have eaten it!) I only had a light snack for tea because I was still full, my best indicator these days is my stomach, I listen to it and it tells me when to stop, I still occasionally ignore it and carry on anyway but again I don't see that as a reason to go off track.
That's what I do now, I evaluate every situation in its own right, I'm not 'on it' or 'off it', I no longer have the day where I eat like a wild thing whilst thinking, "I'll start again tomorrow!", because I've realised it doesn't make me feel good, this continuous beating myself up and feeling like a failure! I'll be putting 15pp for the dessert as I left some and 24pp for the pizza, was it worth 39pp, nah not really, hey ho.
We had a lovely day yesterday and the highlights weren't anything to do with food! Could I have made a better food choice - yeah, but I didn't, I went for what I'd fancied, I won't eat there again for a very long time.
We had lots of fun, young Jen would look incredible in anything, she's so young and pretty and confident, it got me thinking back to when I was young, I was trying to remember how I used to feel in changing rooms, I don't think I bothered much at her age, I was the true tomboy, it wasn't till a few years later I cared. I thought to myself I hope she enjoys being young and pretty and doesn't get the insecurities that society puts on us about how we ought to look! I know I had them and I wished I'd realised then what I know now, I was awesome ;) yeah I was, I just didn't realise it.
That's the difference between then and now, now I know my weight doesn't define me as a person, yes it's lovely to be slim and fit those incredible clothes but it's also lovely to hit 45 and know it's okay if you have to buy a different style so you look good.
On that note, I'll be tracking 100% today, I've gone back to online shopping and I've got a nice salad bag arriving in my order later so I'm thinking a big bowl of salad to conteract the stodge I fed my body yesterday, I reckon a light food day will do me the world of good. I just wished the weather would improve to match the thought of salad, dreadful winds here last night and heavy rain - first day of summer!
So here's to tracking Tuesday, knowing it's okay to start on any day if you feel the need, to press the reset button, to appreciate you're BeYOUtiful.
Oh and if none of the above made any sense, I apologise, I've not had a great night, still a little half asleep, need more water to wake me up (that would've been coffee a month ago) it's that time in my cycle where I have hot sweats all night and a lousy sleep - love being middle-aged I do!