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Disclaimer
Beverley has prepared the content of Bev's World irresponsibly and carelessly. She therefore disclaims all warranties, express or implied, as to the accuracy, originality or completeness of the drivel presented on this blog or on other linked websites or on any subsequent links. She vehemently denies that the information may be relied upon for any reason. Beverley shall not be liable for inflicting laughter, shame, disgust, torrents of tears and the eventual desiccation or crashing boredom on readers.

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Tuesday, 1 January 2019

Poured my heart out there 😉

Tuesday 1st January 2019
Wishing you peace, love and laughter in the new year.




Well I was in bed by half seven and have had 12 hours of interrupted sleep, fireworks, dog, mom, cough, headache, YAY to ending the year with a bug.  The only way is up!  I've stepped on my scales at home that will be my start weight as this is the 1st, then I'll get officially weighed each week at a workshop (not my own).  Yep I'm back to my starting weight from 2004 but on a positive I did the NHS heart health check yesterday and my heart is the same age as the rest of me.

I spent some time yesterday clearing out my fridge of anything that's not going to help my weight loss journey because yes my journey isn't just about wellness, I want weight loss too.  I'm scared to set number targets though because I've spent a year failing at that. I need to find a way of not turning to food/drink when moms being horrible.  I have to realise and accept she's not changing any time soon and neither food nor drink makes an iota of difference to how I feel listening to it.

I believe that if I eat better and start to lose weight, feel better I'll be stronger to cope with the situation.  I did another walking workout yesterday using the WW app and again she used the word of the day WHY, asking why I was doing this and then asked me to think of a time when I achieved something I wanted, so I thought about 2004 when I lost my weight, I was unhappy then too, actually it wasn't so much unhappy as out of my depth in a job I wasn't enjoying and so looking for fulfilment somewhere else and obviously I was finding it temporarily in food/drink.  The same has been happening this year, yes the situation is different but my solution has reverted to the same.  Then she asked HOW, when I achieved, what was it that kept me going.  I always find these kind of questions difficult to answer, my standard reply is usually, 'I don't know, I just did it', but as I thought a little longer, I realised it was seeing results that spurred me on, as the numbers went down on the scales, it motivated me to carry on going.  It's what I see week in week out as my members achieve their goals.

Feeling rubbish, aching all over and having a headache is not the best way to start a 'diet' or a healthy wellness journey - or is it!  Maybe if I'd been eating better and not drinking so much over the last 12 months maybe I wouldn't have caught this bug so easily.

I've taken all the alcohol out of the fridge, out of sight out of mind.  I've arranged the cheese into date order, some of it's okay till March.  The stuff I'd bought to tempt mom, she just wasn't interested in, so if she doesn't eat it, I'm not going to just because it's there.  I won't turn my waist into the waste bin.

Isn't it funny, I share everything about me with anyone who wants to listen but I am struggling with sharing the numbers on the scale!  Although I always say they're only numbers.  I think it's because people always say 'oh you don't look that overweight' but you know what, they are only numbers and I'm only human, it's been 5 years since I almost lost mom on our Christmas holiday in Wales (that was our last holiday), that was the start of the Alzheimers / Vascular Dementia crap and since then my weight has gradually creeped back up.  I stopped being as active for starters, then everything else went a bit tits up too.  Well I'm making my life as good as I'm able to this year, starting with acknowledging that number because ignorance isn't bliss and I don't want to keep a different diary to record the stuff I don't want to write in here.  I'm 13st 4lb this morning, could be worse I could be heavier, the truth is I am the heaviest I've ever been because when I joined WW in 2004 it was a Tuesday Evening meeting and I know damn well I'd weigh heavier tonight because I was in my PJ's this morning in my bedroom.

Eggs for breakfast it is then ;) I actually had eggs on white toast with best butter as my last meal of 2018, it was lush and I actually acknowledged that I can still have that, it would cost me 10SP and that is a quick, delicious, easy meal for me to start having at night if I fancy something a little nom nom. I'd consider that a naughty meal too, WHITE BREAD ooo nice.  I've just reset my start weight on my app.

I've got a packet of smoked salmon to eat today, might have it for breakfast, maybe lunch.  I have lots of WW soup which will be good as I'm really not up to cooking, I need paracetamol, found some, hopefully resting yesterday and today will mean I'm fighting fit for tomorrow night when I'm back at work.

Waffling now ain't I?  But I need to, cos I need to remind myself that I do want this and as WW says...


So what do I want?  What do you want?  This Christmas has made me realise I do like staying home and being quiet, I've loved having my visitors, I really have but I like calm.  In an ideal world I'd like a happy, healthy mom but that ain't happening so I'd like her final days to be as good as is possible.  For me, I'd like to get back to doing some of the things I enjoy that I've stopped doing, so getting creative in the kitchen is one for sure.  Drinking a glass of wine because it's delicious, not just because it's a habit and I think it numbs the situation we're in - it doesn't by the way!

Okay so the next 4 weeks, just looking at my success story red book;

Monthly goals
Non-scale: to continue with the walking workout of the app
To give the carers coffee morning a go because I promised Karen I would, plus it might help and if it doesn't, at least I've tried.

Weight: I'd love to end the month half stone lighter, in the 12s somewhere.

Date: 1/1/19  Today's Weight 13st 4lb

Reflect: Even though I have gained weight over Christmas, I'm proud that I lost some beforehand, I could have eaten and drunk a lot more than I have and I didn't do the 'Well I'm going on a diet next week' thing.

Ooo I feel like Bridget Jones!  Maybe I'll watch that this week and have a chuckle - if I can get mom to sit through it.

Right I'm gonna go make me a cuppa and get me another glass of water, here's to enjoying the first day of 2019, I feel like I've got an hangover without the wine.

Happy New Year BeYOUtiful, let's make it a very great one and everything you want it to be - you with me?  And if you want to share your journey with me and my members, you'll find us here, my workshops resume tomorrow;


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