Stuck in my own snow globe!

Sunday  7th March 2021

We spend our lives crafting our own snow globe worlds, but the beauty occurs when they get shaken up.

I did a post on Facebook yesterday afternoon saying 'If you're my friend, write a FACT about me'. I'd seen it on another page so stole it with pride, I thought it would help me process some stuff that's going round in my head.  Maybe these facts would remind me of who I am and who I want to be going forward.

People wrote some wonderful things and some funny comments triggered the most amazing memories.  One however stood out to me, really caught my attention and my imagination, it was this;

Valerie Tromans "You were the first WW leader I ever met that actually saw ME. You might be in a your own snow globe right now but you are one impressive individual and we still see YOU xx"

That's exactly how I feel! “I feel like I'm a snow globe and it keeps getting shook up over and overagain, and and each time it happens my world falls apart, then falls back slightly differently, I'm just trying to work out where I want it to finally settle, what I want my life to be like when the shaking stops because nothing is where it used to be apart from the location!

I think lots of people at the start of the Pandemic were always rushing about, then they had to stop and slow down, our minds never calm enough to think, but if you imagine your mind as a snow globe. All day every day, it's being shaken and never settles because we're always on the go, busy, busy busy.  But what if you set that snow globe down, just sit and let everything slow and calm down, the snow (your thoughts) will settle and the picture (your life) will become clear.  You have to stop and think to get there though don't you.  I've been doing a lot of this lately, but my brain is struggling to think straight with everything that is mom!

I'm trying to calm my mind so stop this snow globe effect, that comment yesterday made me realise this, also that it might take a little longer than it usually does for me to process my thoughts and that's okay, I don't have to rush to make any decisions imminently. I'm going to give my snow globe time to settle so I know what I want from my life in the future. 

Another idea I'm going to do is 'draw a picture of my life', my bestie was asked to do this for an interview recently, for me though I'm going to put together an image of what I want in my future life.  A sort of vision board if you will, things I'd like in my life, what I'd like it to look like, it'll be fun if nothing else.  I could even do it on Pinterest - make a board. 

Back to the now though, we spent our night in our own beds WOO HOO, she decided very early she wanted to go to bed, I knew it would take me hours to settle her and I was right, but I did eventually and she only woke once about 2am, she still asleep now and it's heading towards 7am!  I lay in bed and watched 'I care a lot' on Amazon prime, excellent movie, but not a comfortable watch!  

I had a couple of hours walking with my brother on the morning along the canal to Bentley bridge and back, in search of the otter, we didn't find him but we still enjoyed the ducks, swans, geese and fresh air, I do love to be outdoors, I think that's what I miss most these days, just being able to get in my car, go for a drive and then have a lovely walk.

I made this plate of deliciousness; 

Cauliflower cheese, gnocchi and a roasted pepper, blooming tasty it was too.  Delicious, healthy and indulgent all at the same time!

Then I drunk too much red wine, but hey, that's hardly a new thing is it!  We all gotta die from something and as I don't plan to hang around to go the way my mom is, I'll continue with my red. 

Before she went to bed last night she was in another world, talking about whether she was gonna go to work as she didn't want to be a nurse anymore!

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Did you notice I was gone... mom woke, I've just helped her dress and come down the stairs, she's a poor old thing, a true mess, another morning I lay in the room next to hers wondering if she'd passed away in her sleep as I couldn't hear any noises, a little part of me wanting it to be. 

How she's walking is beyond me, you can actually hear her joints creeking as she walks, it sounds like floorboards!  She can't even put her cardigan on now, it's so sad, it truly is.  If she was in a happy oblivious place it would be okay, but she isn't, she rarely smiles and just sits staring or eating biscuits. 

Let's not dwell on that, some of yesterday was wonderful and today I plan to make some of it the same again, I'm thinking a roast dinner, but do I have beef or chicken - answers on a post card please, I'm edging towards beef, I'm just not very good at cooking a joint, it's not my forte at all! 

A walk or two with Alfie too, I need to go do the washing up as well, it won't do itself as they say!  Then I'll look for something to watch on tv later. Right I'm off, have a great day.

Luv ya 

Love me xx