Beverley has prepared the content of Bev's World irresponsibly and carelessly. She therefore disclaims all warranties, express or implied, as to the accuracy, originality or completeness of the drivel presented on this blog or on other linked websites or on any subsequent links. She vehemently denies that the information may be relied upon for any reason. Beverley shall not be liable for inflicting laughter, shame, disgust, torrents of tears and the eventual desiccation or crashing boredom on readers.

Find me on facebook. www.facebook.com/WWBev or search for Bev's WW

Thursday, 28 February 2013

C.B.A. do you feel like this?

28th February 2013
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned!
All my days are CBA days! Just sometimes the C stands for can and other day’s it stands for can’t!  Which C it applies to also sometimes depends on what the task at hand is. Yesterday regarding my eating really was a “Can’t” day, I ate very lazily and poorly yesterday and have just worked out the ProPoints intake and it was 67pp – ouch!  Now yesterday was the start of my tracking week so I’ve already wasted 31 of my weekly ProPoints, luckily I earned 10pp on my pedometer but still not good.  So why did I have a Can’t day, not totally sure if I’m honest, I could say it was because I’m due on any day now so that could be the reason, it could be that I was busy doing other stuff so thinking about food didn’t enter my mind and meant my day mostly consisted of bread – or even because I’d bought a loaf of really nice bread that I like, my hedonic hunger kicked in.  It could be that when I looked in the fridge there wasn’t much to choose from because I need to do a shop and haven’t got round to it.  Of course there were solutions to all those problems, I could have bought mom a different loaf of bread then I wouldn’t have been so tempted, there are lots of foods in the freezer I could’ve made a decent meal from and also in the cupboards and lastly I could’ve made time!
But I didn’t because I was having a ‘can’t be bothered’ day and that’s just who I am!  And I have to say I still love me regardless ;).  There would have been a time many moons ago when I would have given my self a real hard time for doing that when I had weight to lose, I would have really beaten myself up, but no more because life really is too short.  If I’m lucky I’m about halfway through mine already and I’m not spending a single day of it giving myself grief unnecessarily, nope I shall spend any days I have loving myself.
Two comments were made on my blog yesterday both of which made me smile, the first said;
Wow I love this 1 and I'm getting there, starting to be happy with what I’ve got and my hubby is happier too as I'm not so miserable and worried about my body as much. If I can lose weight while enjoying my food then that's a bonus so I'm up for it happy owl and haha xx
The next one was from my sister who won’t mind me saying is overweight, this is what she had to say;
Being fat doesn't make me unhappy, it makes me unhealthy. I wake up smiling and usually go to bed smiling. I have been fat and thin at various times in my life but I have been happy for most of it. I used to worry about lots of things and that made me unhappy but now I know not everything is going to be perfect all the time but as long as I am happy and healthy I will get through whatever is thrown at me.
And I can hand on heart confirm she is one of the happiest people I know these days, she wasn’t when she was a teenager (but are any of us), but now she’s always smiling.  We were chatting yesterday about it and yes if she could wake up tomorrow at a healthy BMI of course she’d like that but she’s not likely to, so until then she will do what she can when she can and continue to be happy in her life.  I can also confirm she’s still pretty healthy, if I was to call her a name, she’d be able to catch me to hit me!
It’s the last day of February today, wow that went quickly, we’re closer to summer and further away from the drab winter we’ve had which can only be a good thing!  It was nice to see a little sunshine yesterday, think we’re all a bit fed up with the weather now aren’t we, but we can't do anything about it, however we can do something about our health and weight!
Remember you don't have to be slim and healthy to start but you have to start to get slim & healthy.   If you haven’t already, are you ready to start?  I’m up for doing my best – are you?
BeYouTiful because you are xx

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

I'm sexy and I know it!

27th February 2013
The less you give a damn – the happier you will be!
Me and my mates have decided that not only are we Happy Owls (Happy Over Weight Ladies for those who don’t already know) but we’re also now following the HaHa plan (Healthy And Happy Attitude!)  Because life is too short to be unhappy because of what you weigh, I came into contact with two beautiful young ladies yesterday one looked really sad about this weight loss thing and the other was stressed out to the max about going for a meal and it’s really not worth it, it’s not the way to get where you’d like to be.
I love this response I had to the blog that was written by my guest blogger on February http://wwbevsworld.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/sharing-my-space-today.html she wrote to me and said;
I think we can be guilty of trying to completely change ourselves; for instance I have curly hair and told the hairdresser I wanted polka straight hair. She told me to accept what 'god' had given me and work with my curls. So I feed my hair, hydrate it and keep heat away from it, my hair is soft silky and curls well rather than frizz. So what I’m trying to say accept your body and all its lumps and bumps after all they are all paid for! They also represent the good times...lunch at the Ivy, cocktails at the Ritz, a holiday to New York. I even put on 1stone when working on a cruise ship as I thought the single cream was the milk!  Every beautiful fold in my skin is full of laughter and good times. So just as my hairdresser told me to I accept what has been given to me, I have fabulous curves, beautifully soft skin and make the best of my green eyes and great smile it just happens to be encased in a size 16. I have realised that by wanting to change our bodies so much we are boring to the opposite sex complaining about our 'muffin tops + chunky thighs. We all need to remember we are so lucky being us! We have 2 legs to carry us with, 2 eyes to see our muffin top, 2 hands to put the food in our mouths...it certainly makes me feel lucky to be me ;-) x
I like her spirit!  She has a point, and it goes back to what I’ve said before, embrace what you already have, learn to love the skin you’re in and feed it good, nutritious food because you want to be healthy and happy.  You’ll find yourself eating better because you love yourself enough to want to take care of your body.  This is a much better plan than hating your body because it doesn’t look how you wished it did and therefore you deprive it and starve it and give it vile looks when you pass a mirror!  Hell if I was your body I’d work against you to if you treat me that way – think about it, would you work your best for an employer who treated you like dirt?  Hell no you wouldn’t you’d do the minimum, you’d get away with as little as possible, I dare say you’d throw a few sick days as well!  Is you’re body in good health or is it throwing the odd sick day, could that be because you’re not respecting it and treating it well?
Are you up for joining us on the HaHa plan, can you truly be a Happy Owl, I know it’s a very select group and not everyone can really be one.  Someone said to me the other day that no one can truly be happy fat!  Bold statement I thought at the time and I do understand where she was coming from and I kind of agree that most people would rather be slim but it’s hard work and being bigger is easier.  However just because you’d like to be slimmer doesn’t mean you have to be unhappy whilst you’re what the BMI charts consider fat!   I’m overweight according to those charts but I’m far from unhappy!  After all would you rather be fat and happy or thin and sad?   I don’t think anyone can tell you how to be, only you can choose and only you know how you feel and what makes you feel that way.
Some people thing being ‘fat’ is bad for self-esteem whilst others believe being happy should have nothing to do with what you look like and certainly shouldn’t hinge on what size clothes you wear.  Happiness comes from within, but it can be a ‘catch 22’ situation as when you know you look good, you feel good and have lots of confidence; it’s difficult to feel on top of the world if you think you look bad because you’re overweight. 
It’s all a state of mind, I see larger ladies who look amazing, they’re gorgeous and dress well and just strut their stuff, I see some tiny women who dress badly, still have no confidence and don’t look amazing!  So when it comes to happiness and weight, it's all relative. Some overweight women are happy with their size, some slimmer women aren’t. Unfortunately there’s pressure from society and the media for women to conform to an unrealistic ideal of what we should look like and pursuing the perfect "10" because fashion dictates is not a healthy or happy attitude. The only real reason that women should lose weight is because they want to, because they're not happy about that area of their life and have realised they can change it.  And by taking the HaHa approach they’re much more likely to succeed. 
If you’re not a Happy Owl then until you can read our minds you’ll have to take our word for it that we are happy despite our weight - being overweight doesn't automatically make you miserable, just as losing weight isn't a guaranteed path to happiness.
There’s something for you to ponder today, can you be or are you already fat and happy?  Can you separate your happiness from your weight or does one dictate the other?  There isn’t a right answer here, but I’d like to think everyone of us wants to be happy xx
BeYouTiful because you are xx

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Sweet like chocolate

26th February 2013
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery -
What a difference a day makes!  Or even less than a day, yesterday morning I felt on top of the world, totally chilled out, and even sat chatting with my a few members for longer than usual at the end of the meeting because I didn’t feel the need to rush anywhere.  By 3ish I’d got a vile headache, waves of nausea and felt like crying, apparently a migraine, so my bestie instructed me to take a tablet and go to bed, I did at about 4.30 and I’ve just got up when the alarm went at 5am!   I haven’t slept solid but every time I woke up I went straight back to sleep, thankfully my head pain has gone now and if you are a migraine sufferer I feel for you because that was awful.  I gain live with my back pains but not head pain, especially when it starts making you feel sick and awful in general.
Anyway on the bright side, it meant I was easily within my ProPoints allowance yesterday as I’d only had breakfast and lunch!  So that should balance the weekend out a little ;-) and I still managed to get 4pp on my pedometer before then.
So yesterday we were talking after the meeting about ‘how hard it is!”  The sugar addition, chocolate thing we were talking about on this particular occasion and as I listened to this member talk I realised she expected herself to fail and also believed deep down that being a sugar addict was just who she was, and that she wouldn’t ever be any different.
Now sugar is a powerful thing and it does have a way of getting into your system and giving you those highs and then following it with those lows that make you crave more however there’s something even stronger at work in this situation I believe.  And that is a brain thing, her mind is possibly the most powerful tool she has and she’s got it convinced she’s a sugar addict who just can’t help it and her subconscious keeps that stored and uses it at any given chance.
Can you be addicted to sugar?  I’d say yes and I’d be able to find you research to back me up, sugar is a highly refined substance that does not appear alone in nature. It looks a lot like cocaine, and sugar acts a lot like heroin when it hits the brain. Although the idea that sugar was addictive was controversial among scientists for years, they began to take note when a paper titled Sugar and Fat Bingeing Have Notable Differences in Addictive-Like Behavior was published in the Journal of Nutrition in 2009.  One researcher Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D. has wrote numerous books included  Potatoes Not Prozac, Little Sugar Addicts: End the Mood Swings, Meltdowns, Tantrums, and Low Self-Esteem in Your Child Today, and Your Last Diet!: The Sugar Addict’s Weight-Loss Plan.  Then there’s this really interesting video by Robert H. Lustig, MD, UCSF Professor of Pediatrics in the Division of Endocrinology, he explores the damage caused by sugary foods. He argues that fructose (too much) and fibre (not enough) appear to be cornerstones of the obesity epidemic through their effects on insulin.  If you have a spare 90 minutes its an interesting watch. http://www.uctv.tv/search-details.aspx?showID=16717
So what can you do about it?  Firstly become a ‘hidden sugar’ detective (see end of blog for all 69!), you’d be amazed where sugar is hiding, learn to know your stuff, it has lots of different names, choose filling and healthy foods to help balance out your blood sugars.
Going cold turkey is hard but worth it, sugar apparently is too addictive to wean yourself off slowly if you have a real problem (I’m not talking the odd bar of chocolate hear, I’m talking binging on bars of the stuff at a time).  Plan ahead, clear out the cupboards and take a few days for the withdrawal symptoms to pass, find other ways to comfort yourself, fresh air walks, reading, hot bath.  Apparently it can take 3-7days to overcome the physical addiction, but overcoming the emotional attachments to sweet comfort foods could take longer.  The best way to help yourself over that time is to eat small, regular filling and healthy foods, drink plenty of water, don’t get hungry, if you slip up don’t stress it, forgive yourself, have a little protein to stabilise the blood sugars and maybe go for a walk or do something to take your mind of it.
Like I said not everyone is addicted to sugar and it’s effects, having a dessert each day doesn’t mean you are, its if you feel like your consumption is out of control or if you feel like you can’t stop and that you need it or that it improves your mood short term then you feel guilt and misery afterwards!
Food should be enjoyable, not punishable!  Your mind/subconscious mind is the strongest support system you can get so convince it you can do anything you want to, your strong enough to make wise food choices, to resist temptation.  Maybe not always but the majority of the time and to help your mind ensure you don’t find yourself in a situation that’s going to tempt you more than you feel able to cope with, don’t have the sweet stuff in the house!  You wouldn’t stand a junkie in a crack cocaine house so why would you consider standing in a sweet shop or living in one!
Have a great day, eat gorgeous, be gorgeous and remember you’re sweet enough already. xx
Here's a more complete sugar list with 69 sugar names.

List of Sugar Names
Agave nectar
Barbados Sugar
Barley malt
Beet sugar
Blackstrap molasses
Brown sugar
Buttered syrup
Cane crystals
Cane juice crystals
Cane sugar
Carob syrup
Castor sugar
Confectioner’s sugar
Corn syrup
Corn sweetener
Corn syrup solids
Crystalline fructose
Date sugar
Demerara Sugar
Diastatic malt
Evaporated cane juice
Ethyl maltol
Florida Chrystals
Free Flowing
Fruit juice
Fruit juice concentrate
Glucose solids
Golden sugar
Golden syrup
Granulated sugar
Grape sugar
Grape juice concentrate
High-fructose corn Syrup
Icing sugar
Invert sugar
Malt syrup
Maple syrup
Muscovado sugar
Organic raw sugar
Powdered sugar
Raw sugar
Refiner’s syrup
Rice Syrup
Sorghum syrup
Syrup Syrup
Table sugar
Turbinado sugar
Yellow sugar

The sugar industry is constantly coming up with new sugar names. So be on guard for new hidden sugars with insulin spiking ingredients.

Monday, 25 February 2013

You can't beat spending time with your besties ;)

25th February 2013
Your body is important - it matters. Start treating it with respect whatever it's size because you only get one!

Ouch!  I’ve woken up with a blister on the ball of my foot and it hurts, that’s what you get for walking to and from the pub!  Other than that though, it was a fabulous night, good catch up with my girls.  We stayed local and went to the Broadway because we were more interested in the giggles than the food to be honest, however of course we did eat, and I’ve just found the nutritional information for all Fayre & Square pubs – there seem to be a lot popping up locally http://www.fayre-square.com/menu/nutrition/ and the Gammon I ordered was 26pp but the Cookie Dough Pizza with Ice Cream & Chocolate Sauce (Sharing Dish) that Vicky ordered for desert was a whopping 1,842.5 calories and 50pp good job it was shared wasn’t it!  I reckon I had about 16pp worth of that, so that means I am so in the minus after my staycation that I’m not going to be able to pull it back and make it up with my pedometer.  What I can do is eat healthy from now till weigh day and stay within my daily allowance.  I have to admit though I’ve had the best weekend, I haven’t thought about weight loss nor ProPoints once.  The only domesticated thing I’ve done all weekend is make a cooked breakfast Saturday and cups of tea, and everything else was just thrown in the microwave. 
Like all good breaks, its back to reality now and I feel that chilled out I’m okay with that.  I’ve still got a couple of M&S ready meals in the fridge which I shall be ProPointing before eating.
Going back to the Fayre & Square menu, if you want to eat there and not blow your PP budget, the steak salad is 14pp, so is the Salmon and sweet chilli noodles, and the chicken and bacon salad is only 11pp.  I’d be tempted to try one of those next time.  Their beef Sunday roast is 34pp but their chicken tikka masala is only 16pp – I wonder if that includes the rice?  Ouch that combo for one starter I ordered Friday had 21pp in it, thankfully I shared it with 3 other people!
It’s actually scary the amount of calories and ProPoints in some of those meals, just skimming the menu there are so many meals over 2000 calories which is the daily requirements for a woman and you’re getting it in one meal, really scary when you think about it especially if you had a three course meal,
Starter - combo for one – 21pp (794cals)
Main – 8oz Steak & chips – 29pp (1088 cals)
Dessert - Cookie Dough Pizza with Ice Cream & Chocolate Sauce (Sharing Dish) – 25pp for half of it (712 cals)
So in just one meal you can consume 75pp (2594 cals), that’s without anything you may drink on the night!  The reality of it all sucks doesn’t it!  Or you could have this;
Creamy garlic mushrooms 9pp (311 cals)
steak salad 14pp (546 cals)
Profiteroles 12pp (431 cals)
That’s more like it, 35pp (1288 cals) for a three course meal is excellent value and your weekly allowance would cover it and leave enough room for a couple of drinks too.   Maybe next time that is what I’ll do, actually though I can easily live without starter and dessert, I’d rather just have a bigger main.
Right I’m off, work to do, have a fabulous day, it sounds cold out there – I’ve just heard someone scraping the car windscreen!
I just love this photo.

Sunday, 24 February 2013

A staycation - don't knock it till you've tried it!

24th February 2012
Tension is who you think you should be.  Relaxation is who you are. Chinese Proverb

I had the most chilled out, stress free, relaxed day ever yesterday, it was just perfect.  I have to say though I'll be writing in the visitors book about the state of the place when we arrived for our break!  I know it’s a bit silly calling it a holiday at home but that is exactly what it felt like, it was like day 2 or 3 on one of our cottage breaks, day ones usually spent travelling and waiting to get in the cottage, day two is spent finding where everything is kept and doing a bit of shopping then by day three we’re chilled.  Well I cut out day one and two and went straight for day three!  The beauty of being at home is it has all the things needed to make it a perfect stay including comfy beds, sky+ and wifi.  I took Alfie out and fetched more papers then mom and I spent two or three hours reading them whilst watching American Idol (it’s the best way to watch it when you’re not actually looking at the screen!)  I sat reading up the table so that I could see mom and chat as our chairs are side by side we don’t really look at each other usually.
We had a cooked breakfast which kept us going till afternoon when I had M&S Chicken Tikka masala (14pp) and chips (no idea! Didn’t look!) – delicious. We watched a couple of movies, the easy to watch kind, one was called ‘the boat trip’ the other was “This means war” both on Sky on demand and quite funny.
Oh course no holiday would be complete without a bottle of red to chill out with.  Perfect day, I didn’t think about chores, housework or work of any kind I just relaxed – bliss.  There’s nothing in my life that can’t wait 24-48 hours I’m glad to say.
I intend to keep it going for today too, it means I’ll be busy tomorrow but that’s okay I’ll be so refreshed by then. This morning I shall be having a good soak because a bath is instant relaxation – just add water!
I’m off out tonight with mates so we can finish the weekend off in style, it’s a chilled out night too, food, wine and giggles no dressing up necessary – can’t wait.
Yeah I’ve decided these weekend staycations are going to become a regular thing, something to look forward to, once every 4 weeks maybe, yeah I’m even going to get my diary out and pencil them in as proper appointments because it’s too easy no to!  It means I won’t be losing weight this week but as I lost 2lb last week I’m ok with that, as long as the numbers are going down eventually and not consistently up, I’m happy. 
Oh I have to share another recipe with you that my sister made for me on Thursday, oh my days it was delicious, I shared them with my helpers in my meeting and they all agreed yes they would make and eat them, 3 on a plate with some fish in breadcrumbs would be a fab meal and the kids would love it too.  Here you go.
Broccoli Cheese Bites  
total recipe 20pp, made 12 patties
1 = 2pp, 2 = 3pp, 3 = 5pp, 4 = 7pp
450g broccoli (frozen or fresh)
3 eggs (5pp)
150g mozzarella (10pp)
50g breadcrumbs (5pp)
1tblsp Italian herbs
Steam the broccoli, drain it and chop it up. Mix all ingredients in bowl, make patties and place on a lined baking tray, and then cook in oven for 35 minutes turning over after 15mins. 190 c or gas mark 5.  They are very wet when you make them into patties but the egg keeps them together when cooked.  A great way to get kids to eat veggies.

Right I’m off back to my chilling, looks cold out there so Alfie and I will wait a bit before venturing out!  He’s still asleep anyways.

Whatever you have planned for your day today try to find a little time to chill.  #BeYouTiful. xx

Saturday, 23 February 2013

This cottage is just like home!

23rd February 2013
Man has never made any material as resilient as the human spirit. Bern Williams
Well you can take the girl on holiday but you can’t make her sleep ;-), it’s half six and I’ve been awake half hour, but it was a relaxed waking, no diving out of bed to get ready or be somewhere, just down for a cuppa then back up to write my blog.  The staycation is going fabulously so far, this place has all mod cons you don’t always get in the middle of the countryside, so I’m relieved to say it now has WiFi again, the waters good for tea making because some of those old cottages have musty water that makes drinks taste yak!  It even has Sky+ and there are pre-recorded programmes for us to watch (ones we like too) and a few movie channels – that’s today sorted, I’ve just got to find a newagents for the papers – I always read the papers when I’m on holiday, it’s the only time (actually I look at the pictures, I don’t like news it’s depressing).
In preparation yesterday I went to Marks & Spencers for posh provisions, I have a few nice bottles of good wine, I’ll have to take some home with me though as I did the buy 6 save 25% deal, and I did succumb to the meal deals, I was buying the chicken tikka masala anyway so it would have been silly not to, and the side I’ve had can actually be a meal in itself. 
You can do your shopping in M&S then go fetch your car and come back and collect it, so that’s what I did, but of course having the memory I do, I was half way between there and home before realising I hadn’t picked it up!  And I take the mickey out of my mom for her bad memory ;-)
I met my bestie and her two kids for lunch, we all shared one starter (combo for 1), I ate two little bits of chicken and a couple of onion rings and the salad off it.  Then I had steak for my main, Jenny swapped her mash for my chips and I have to say I preferred the mash, looking in eat out guide a similar dish in Weatherspoons is 29pp, so that will me all my ProPoints used up, I am now officially in the red, but I’m on my holiday and I will do damage limitation whilst having fun and then get back on it 100% Monday morning.  Lynne and I watched the kids eat pudding and Jen left a lot of hers but if you watch Jen eat a pudding you’ll understand why we didn’t finish it off for her ;-)  Yes she eats it with no guilt – no worry – just yummy, she doesn’t appear to need a spoon either!
A little walk round the shops with them afterwards once again reinforced why I made the decision not to have children myself but to borrow them occasionally when it suits me for fun times because they really are hard work aren’t they, Lynne bless her has the patience of a saint as do most moms I’m guessing.
We bid our farewells then I went and had the most amazing massage at the Chi Rooms to chill me out in preparation for my holiday at home and I have to say it was amazing, I told her to chill me out and oh my word she did, I could barely dress myself when I came out, then I left without paying!  Good job I’m a regular and they know what my memory is like!
So today is all about chilling out, good job I’m on my staycation because there is so much that could be done in this house and office, hey ho it’ll wait till we get back to real life!  We have an M&S chicken tikka masala for our main meal, I’m thinking of a bacon square wrap panini for my breakfast, I will get dressed but only long enough to walk the dog a bit then its back in my PJ’s, I feel so chilled – it’s fabulous!
For those who think I’m crazy with my idea of a holiday at home, apparently I’m not the first and the word staycation is actually in the dictionary, here’s the definition;
A staycation is a unique kind of vacation in which vacationers, or staycationers in this case, stay at home instead of going away. One might ask how a staycation can be a vacation if it is spent at home. The idea behind a staycation is that one takes time away from their everyday life, without actually having to travel away"
World English Dictionary
staycation or stacation (steɪˈkeɪʃən)
informal a holiday in which leisure activities are pursued while staying at one's own home
[C21: stay 1 + ( va ) cation ]
stacation or stacation (steɪˈkeɪʃən, steɪˈkeɪʃən)
[C21: stay 1 + ( va ) cation ]
On that note, I’ll say whatever you’ve got planned this weekend, enjoy it because every day is a bonus and you’re gorgeous. xx

Friday, 22 February 2013

Not easy from an iPad! Another guest blogger x

Blogging from my iPad which is connected to my iPhone 3G thanks to Georgia as my house Internet and phone line are down which is causing me a nightmare for the last day and likely to continue until tomorrow at least. Hey ho, I'm off on my holiday ain't I for my weekend break so work will have to wait till Monday I think!

The good news is the 100% honest tracking worked a treat, I lost two pounds! Now to stay focused and in control, yesterday I could've very easily over eaten the wrong foods but I didn't, somehow I resisted, I think it was knowing I want a pizza this weekend, I did eat more though last Thursday I ended on 35 - this Thursday 50! Those weeklies are disappearing fast, I'm down to 28 ;( so I need to get a grip today or consider a filling & healthy day.

I'm struggling this morning to think, I reckon I've gone into shutdown early - it's not easy typing from an iPad so instead I'm going to share another guest blogger with you a day early, a look inside someone else's mind, showing another persons relationship with food and their body - here goes ;

I have a love hate relationship with skinny.

My relationship with skinny started when I was in my late teens. I’d never been a big child – infact looking back at photos I was just a normal average sized kind of kid. I watched my mom smoke to stop herself eating for a good 18 years. She was 5’6” and a tiny size 10, but always wanting to lose weight.

We never kept “treats” in the house, cakes, chocolate and crisps were banned food items. Except on certain days – when she must have had what we call “sod it” days and I would be sent down the shop to buy all the above for us both!

I’d always had a massive obsession with food – finding it really difficult to stop eating sometimes, and always with the “banned” foods. Relatives were always telling me I was “just like my mom” that I had “lovely slim figure just like her” with this food obsession I worried that it would get out of control and I wouldn’t be “just like her”....and every little girl wants to be like their mom.

My first experience of feeling slim was when I was 18. My mom passed away, food was just not on my mind – I never consciously tried to lose weight but ended up the lightest I’d ever been...and it was nice. People were saying nice things to me, I was getting compliments, as a shy awkward teenager it was quite nice to be noticed, so I associated being thin with being noticed, and I liked it.

The weight I’d reached at that time was an unrealistic weight for me I, but it didn’t stop me trying to achieve it again and again over the next 20 years. The struggle to stay at that weight dominated my life for the next few years so much. I watched every calorie I ate, exercised to the point of exhaustion, trying numerous times without success to make myself sick after eating, my life was so out of control I figured that if I could control every morsel that I ate then everything else would be secure.

Looking back now I can see that this obsession was not about weight or food as such – but a way of distracting myself from what was really bothering me. If I was worrying about weight, then I wasn’t worrying about being an 18 year old without a mom.

What I’m glad to say is that with every passing year – my desire to be at that unrealistic skinny weight again has eased a little – until it is absolutely none existent today. Why is that? The desire to be skinny came from a place of hating me, and trying to control an unpredictable world, striving to be a “perfect” person in order to be loveable. 20 years on, 1 very solid husband, 2 beautiful children and the best friend a girl could ask for later and I feel I’m all fixed.

Realising that feeling good doesn’t come from self starvation – or self imposed rules and regulations around food. Feeling good doesn’t come from a certain number on the scales. Feeling good comes from loving yourself and realising that regardless of what has happened in the past – the people that are in your life right now, choose to be there because they love you.
This is not to say I don’t care about what I weigh or worry about what I eat. I still have the occasional problem with chocolate, cake and crisps, and in times of stress want to just go an buy load and scoff the lot to make me feel better. But I’m now able to realise that although initially it might make me feel better – in the long run it makes me feel worse to overindulge.
I’ve realised that healthy feels better than any number on the scales. And my “control” is now about being healthy rather than calories in/out. A desire to look after and nourish myself is stronger than that desire to be skinny. And I finally feel like I’ve got it sussed....or thereabouts.


Do you relate to any of that ladies story? Everyone has a story don't they, we are all such interesting and special human beings. Go look at yourself in a mirror right now and realise and appreciate how truly gorgeous and amazing you really are. A miracle is what you is xxxx

Have a great day x

Thursday, 21 February 2013

Need a holiday!

21st February 2013
Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!
Well I managed a week without wanting to eat more than I’d intended, that feeling ended yesterday, I knew it was too good to last, but I stayed on track, I had a bit more but didn’t go ridiculous plus what I had was good food.  I didn’t give in to the packet of bakes in my meeting I waited till I got home.  Thankfully I’d made that cheese, potato and veggie layer bake thing and it was delicious enough to eat twice.  I ended on 45pp, earned 8pp so used 11pp from my weeklies on my fresh week, that’s ok we will survive another week because I want another weight loss, today’s weigh in day.
I spend a bit of time looking at cottages for our Christmas break yesterday and then I thought ooo I’d like a weekend away, but after looking at the prices for Easter I decided against it, and instead thought to myself what would I do if I went away for the weekend, and the answer was ‘chill out’, ‘read’, ‘have a bubble bath’, ‘not work’, ‘eat good food’ and ‘drink good wine’ and also ‘go for a walk if the weather was nice’, ‘spend time with mom;.  I then realised there’s nothing stopping me doing that at home and pretending I’m away, so that is the plan this weekend, we’re hopefully having a day out Friday, then I have a massage booked at tea time so once that’s done I’m locking the door and having a holiday at home – I’m quite excited ;-) gonna plan a couple of movies too.
So like Oliver yesterday did I feel like saying, “Please sir, can I have some more”, almost all day long, I ate well, possibly more than the Wednesday before, so why did I want more.  It just goes to show that there are lots of different aspects to take into consideration – the weather (temperature dropped back down and sun went in) and hormones (where in the monthly cycle) for just two examples.  Another reason could have been (I’m not sure) that I felt rushed all day, like I was behind with my work and playing catch up but not quite getting it all done (mmm that’s one to keep my eye on, never realised before, I know I get the munchies when I’m tired but maybe this is another trigger).  So when you’re beating yourself up because you just can’t stay on track – STOP!  Remember it’s not easy and there are lots of things that get in the way, our mission is to identify them and find solutions for each.  So I’m going to think about some for myself, it might be to have a filling and healthy day planned for days like those, have one already planned for if one of those days sneaks up on me because of course you never know when they will hit!  Luckily yesterday I had good filling food prepared and of course I’m even more lucky that I have a good mate to chat too to help remind me I’m losing weight!
The Warburton square wrap panini is going down a treat, yesterday I had a turkey ham, mushroom & mozzarella cheese one for 8pp, today I may just have cheese and tomato, just loving it for breakfast, but of course it would make a great lunch too.
I’m going to get a couple of tub/tins of fruit to carry round in my bag/car so I always have a snack that will keep so if I’m peckish I’ve got something for zero ProPoints.  Sorting my places and getting into a routine just like the plan recommends and focusing on one thing at a time.
So will I lose weight today?  I better ;-) !
No I should, I’ll be pleased with a pound because I’ve enjoyed my meals, I’m going to have to be careful this weekend if I’m having my at home holiday that I don’t go crazy and think, ‘sod it I’m on my holidays!’ because I would like to keep losing even if it’s 1/2lb a week.
Well today is my busiest day so I’m going to have a good breakfast, I’ve got two possible meals in fridge ready for lunch and tea, but I’m tempted to make liver and onions because I’ve just seen the liver in the fridge and thought mmm nice!  The mash is already done so I could use that – yeah think I will because mom and Alfie will eat liver too and the iron will do us both good.
Right I’m off, lots to do, don’t want to feel like I’m playing catch up again all day today.  Have a truly gorgeous day because we’re amazing!