Saturday 20th February 2021
One person can make a difference and everyone should try.
Yep a new day and mom is home, even if it did take all day to get her here. I had a call yesterday morning from the consultant who was due to do the camera down moms throat and he wanted to talk to me about the pros and cons, his concerns and because he has already seen my concerns regarding this procedure, to here him say, "I'm glad we're on the same page" was such a relief but I also appreciated his absolute honesty, mom is not going to get better. Her stomach problems, her hiatus hernia is really now beyond repair, doing the procedure could've actually created more problems so it wasn't worth risking but again as he confirmed, "one day she will be sick, fluid will go into her lungs and she will die". Until then, she will be loved at home by me and taken care of, but boy do I realise that's not going to be easy at all!
We've had a bit of a rough night, her bowels aren't working how she'd like them too and she gets obsessed by that, but she had been given iron through an IV before she was discharged, I've been given a bag of drugs, some of them new ones that I'm going to go and try and get my head round this morning and I'm going to have to try and make sure she doesn't eat / drink too much too often so that she's not too poorly too soon.
I stayed in the chair for a few hours when she first got into bed because I was concerned she was going to start choking, possibly die or fall out the bed, be disorientated, oh I don't know I was just worried because she looked so frail and was so confused, more so than before. I know she's going to die - hell we all are, but I don't know if it's days, weeks, months or years away. Because of what's happened this week, I've been thinking it's imminent, the truth is I don't know do I. I'm not gonna lie, there was one point when I'd struggled to get her to the toilet and she was sat there struggling to do her thing, that I thought 'have I made a huge mistake wanting her home, can I do this?' Then I reminded myself, I've been doing this for years, I've just not paid attention to what it was I was doing and the only thing that's changed is she's had a week in hospital.
I did manage to go and lie down for few hours and sleep, she only woke me a few times for trips to the toilet and although when she initially got into bed she was unsettled she's now sleeping peacefully next to me, letting her mug of tea go cold yet again.
I'm in for a tough time I think! Thankfully she's all I need to focus on, I just hope I can still continue to get UW appointments here and there to top up my finances, so please if you or anyone you know wants their bills looking at and help making your life simpler, give me a shout, it'll help to keep me sane too having interaction.
I'm also going to help Gail raise some much needed funds for this wonderful charity, having looked at their website, I'd even have a dog if I could, they really do deserve a break. I remember when we were in Corfu, how upset mom was about how they treat their dogs and there are a lot of places in Europe that are the same. Mom absolutely loves animals and when I told her yesterday what we were doing she was thrilled. Initially I'd hoped to get a plaque on one of the kennels with her name on.
After speaking to Gail, she told me how they are building a sanctuary and there are lemon groves that the dogs will sit for hours to get out of the midday sun, she suggested they name one of these groves after mom, so I have some serious fundraising to do!
Yesterday I raffled of a chenille blanket which raised £100 and was won by Jolie. I have another one which has been made by Sheila (Rosie Harris) and donated for me to raffle, look at it, how clever is she, such patience, time and attention needed to create this!
So very clever! So If you'd like a number, paypal is firstname.lastname@example.org or message me for my bank details. £2 a ticket 1-50 (numbers 18 & 21 have already gone!) she missed the first one but wasn't missing the second lol.
Now here's a thought, if there's a blanket you'd like crocheting to your choice of colour and design and are willing to pay for it, I'm willing to make it and all the profit will go to the charity, I make a mean baby blanket or granny squares retro one. If I already have the yarn, happy days or you can supply the yarn of your choice and I'll do the rest for an agreed cost. No mohair, turns out I have an allergy to it and it brings me out in a nasty rash.
Here's hoping she has a good day, a settled day, Alfie has slept by her all night, he's much happier, can you believe how spoilt he is compared to how badly treated these other dogs are.
Have a great day folks, I feel like my heart has been returned, I think I've been holding my breathe since Tuesday, my body is in pain from being so tense, hopefully that will ease a little now.
Mwah, luv ya
Love me xx