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Monday, 15 February 2021

All about my mom xx

Monday 15th February 2021
Believe in yourself as much as my mom always has in me. 


Well no blog yesterday and in case you didn't see from my Facebook page that was because we ended up in A&E.  I'll tell you all about it because that will save me talking through it over and over again which is difficult. 

Mom called me around 2.30am, nothing new there!  But when I got down she said she had a pain in her chest, she said something she'd eaten was stuck.  Other than that, she didn't look ill, she sure as hell wasn't acting ill, she was being stroppy with me, so I settled her back down but 40 minutes later she shouldn't me again and I said shall I call a doctor, when she replied yes I knew she wasn't right because she hates the idea of doctors/ambulances/hospitals. 

I did the 111, then they put me onto a doctor who then send the Paramedics and they did some tests, her temperature was over 38, her heart was in AF (irregular and often fast heart rhythm), they believed she had an infection and said the pain in her chest could be being caused by all of these things.  They agreed to me going because she wouldn't go without me, plus mom has this knack of telling the doctors what she believes will get her out of the situation and back home!  When in ambulance and asked about the pain in her chest - she said it had gone!

Once in A&E, they took bloods, did a chest xray, took two Covid tests, the first one came back as negative pretty quicky, this one is being trialled by New Cross and is pretty accurate but because it is a trial they do the second on which takes longer to get the results, I don't know the result of that one still yet.

Mom soon got to the point where she wasn't impressed and wanted to go home, but that wasn't happening!  All the hospital staff were wonderful, the doctors very informative, open and honest which was much appreciated by myself.  

The chest xray showed lots of fluid on her lungs, a chest inflection and the doctor said her heart was enlarged from heart failure and if they don't sort these things out she'll most likely have a stroke. They let me stay as long as they could until we got mom up onto a ward, the nurses there were great with her too and although she was dreadful, scared and vile at times she was also loving, jolly and funny singing 'Right said fred climbing up the ladder' on her way back from chest xray and flirting with H the porter who managed to cajoal her up to the ward! Thankfully when I left she was okay and I think had met her match in a lady in the opposite bed.

I walked home, I needed to breathe, it was cold but only a couple of miles, I hadn't been back long when the doctor called to update me, they said their plan of action was antibiotics for chest infection and to increase her water tablets.  They were going to do a jelly scan of heart and the chest xray had shown there was a shadow on right side which apparently was there 5 years ago but is now bigger, so they’re going to do a ct scan. Her respiratory isn’t good because she keeps taking off her oxygen and her sats drop to 85 and she’s demanding to come home!  The doctor also said physio therapist and occupation therapist will be in touch with me in time, but that if her heart fails we both agreed to DNR because of the fragile condition of her body and mind in general.  

I had a call around 7ish from the nurse who I'd left mom with and she told me they'd moved her to C24, then I called and spoke to someone on C24 to ask how she was and as expected she was being a bugga, wouldn't let them change her dressings on her leg but did eventually, insisting to go home and apparently hates all five of us for leaving her there!  

The doctor who called me yesterday afternoon said their plan of action was antibiotics for chest infection, increase her water tablets.  They were going to do a jelly scan of heart and the chest xray had shown there was a shadow on right side which apparently was there 5 years ago but is now bigger, so they’re going to do a scan. Her respiratory isn’t good because she keeps taking off her oxygen and her sats drop to 85.  She’s demanding to come home! 

Doctor also said physio therapist and occupation therapist will be in touch with me in time, but that if her heart fails we both agreed to DNR because of the condition of her body and mind in general.

I'm not going to lie, when it became obviously around 8am yesterday morning that mom wasn't coming home, I felt a relief in my heart that I may get a full nights, uninterrupted sleep!  I also cried seeing how distressed she was at being there and when I got off the phone from agreeing to DNR and hearing how mom was I sobbed uncontrollably until I could barely breathe, but I calmed down and made a cup of tea, lay on her bed in the living room and feel asleep for a couple of hours.

Alfie had I had a meat feast, I cooked a bag of bbq pork ribs and we shared them like savages together with a lovely piece of steak my bestie had bought me, I had mine with mushrooms and bread, alfie had his plain lol.  

He's snoozing at my feet right now, content again that I'm home, my sis said he went hysterical at her when she came round yesterday morning after we'd been gone a couple of hours and he sat in the porch until I returned, then barked and bollocked me for leaving! 

We've had sleep, I woke a lot, but I've managed 8 hours thankfully.  I've got 3 appointments today and a business launch tonight to keep me occupied.  I'm hoping to have the energy and desire to do some cleaning and sorting whilst I can because it desparately needs it and I know I'll feel better when it's done.  

Whatever happens with mom, it's life, of course I love her and want her to be well, but she's never going to 'get better', she wishes she could die numerous times a week so a part of me yesterday had wished instead of waking up with a pain in her chest that she hadn't woken up.  I'd like her to just go to sleep and slip away.  At the same time, I don't want her somewhere that's she's scared and unhappy, I'd rather she was here doing my head in. 

Oh deep sigh, it's not going to be an easy week is it, but you know what, my mom made me and grew me strong, she brought me up to believe I could handle anything and everything and in the last 51 years, I've done exactly that, so why change now!  

Not the valentines day I'd imagined, but one I won't forget in a hurry!  It was lovely to know so many people cared and got in touch, thank you for that and apologies if my response was short or ignored, I put my messages on silent in the end so I could sleep, I had to keep the phone on in case the hospital called. 

Mwah, luv you 


Love me x




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