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Wednesday, 26 December 2018

& there it was, GONE!

Wednesday 26th December 2018
Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.

Yesterday was very much all about mom, we all accepted that pretty much from the minute we got up so we did everything we could to keep her happy, give her all the attention and gave her the best Christmas Day we know she'll probably forget most of today.  I'm not going to lie, it was exhausting, bless Terry because he spent the morning singing with her.  By the time she went to bed, we were all too tired to continue our celebrations without her, we just wanted to chill and sleep.

I was lucky I got to stand in the kitchen cooking most of the morning, I could hear Terry and mom singing and that was good.  It's just this damn disease, as soon as there was too many people and probably because she hadn't had her afternoon snooze, she turned.  Bless her, she ended up going to bed at 6ish, I went and sat with her in her room and then ended up going to bed at 8, even for me that's ridiculous on Christmas Day!

It's been a good while since I've cooked a dinner for more than me, so for 5 of us, well 4 she didn't want any, it was a nice change.  Started it about ten after watching mom open her gifts, that was lovely seeing her loving all the attention.  It was wonderful hearing her and Terry singing all the old songs watching on YouTube on the TV.  My dinner got good feedback, I've cooked better but let's be honest, I was more interested in my bucks fizz and my amazon echo, telling Alexa to play Christmas tunes.  Although Alexa blew out a few times, I'm not sure if she was just being overloaded by everyone getting one for Christmas or our internet was playing up and disconnecting.  Oh back to the dinner, Mr Terry threw 3 bags of sprouts and only one bag of 4, yes 4 parsnips in the trolley, that didn't win him any brownie points, but then not only did our Mark come up trumps saying he had 4 bags but he cooked them before he came round.

We were going to try and set up a small table in the living room but as moms mood had flipped by then we decided against it, so ate it on our laps, I enjoyed seeing my brothers enjoy my food, heck our Terry said it was the best Christmas dinner he can remember eating, even if it wasn't the truth - it was nice to hear.  I know turkey's traditional but I'd rather have chicken, although the Aldi £15 turkey turned out alright I have to say;

A nice quiet day for her today I think, Terry's off to the football with his lad, think Alexis is staying so we'll watch tv all day, mom and Alexis love all the murder rubbish and I want to watch SkyScraper so that'll keep us going.  

Despite the moments of awkwardness and her mood swings, it was worthwhile because it might be the last Christmas she knows who we are, being realistic - it might be her last Christmas full stop.  Christmas Eve, she asked where I was, thought she was talking to my sister, that hurt, as strong as you try to be, your emotions take over sometimes, when she says mean things to me, I know she really doesn't mean it but it's like being stabbed.  I can't imagine her never recognising me again.

But we won't think about that, we'll focus on the lovely video I managed to get of her getting money for Christmas off Terry, she doesn't need any and we'll spend the next week trying to find it every day because she's put it somewhere safe.  

Mom getting Christmas Money video

I'll remember her face when she went to bed and we were chatting and she spotted her new glassed holder that looks like a face once her glasses on it and she was smiling and talking to it, that was so sweet.  

Then she noticed the silly sign I'd bought her on the windowsill and she laughed like a drain.  Those are the moments I intend to focus on.

Yeah we'll focus on the good moments and put the bad moments in a box somewhere marked 'worth forgetting'.

Food wise cos let's be honest at some point I need to remember I'm a WWer!  I had a box of Toffifee's for breakfast ;) then picked at the dinner whilst it was cooking, I seriously love pax stuffing with melted butter on the top before it goes in the oven, I'm not really fussed about it once it comes out.  Best thing on a dinner for me is the yorkie, mash and gravy, oh and roast carrots.  It's all about the gravy!

Other than bucks fizz and one Irish coffee I didn't eat anything else yesterday but the scales this morning (I had a sneaky peak) said "you're consuming something woman" oops, so today I'm going to eat what I want again, I'll probably eat more today than yesterday because we have stuff that's marked 'use by 26th Dec', croissants for breakfast, I have a lovely trout starter thing that I think I'll have, oh and we have scallops, me and Alexis are going to have a grazing party today for sure unless she decides she needs to escape this crazy house for a few hours which I'd completely understand!

I had a few lovely, useful and funny little gifts, most people had donated to the food bank instead of getting me something which I'd asked them to, which is why we have this incredible total;
 Thank you to everyone for all your generous donations, what an amazing total plus over 3,000 meals. Amazing Christmas Spirit and very much appreciated https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/donatedinner

Anyway from my family to yours, Happy Boxing Day, remember sometimes it's important to put someone else's needs before your own, even if it means you're missing out on something.  Relationships work both ways, my mom spent 40+ years doing things for me and my siblings, we're just returning that love and patience, after all we were a bunch of little shits at times.
Catch ya tomorrow xx

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