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Tuesday, 19 May 2020

Deep sigh and breathe xx

Tuesday 19th May 2020
Be proud of how hard you are trying.

Well after saying how much I like Monday's on yesterday's blog, I didn't enjoy yesterday so much, mom's really struggling at the minute, she wants to go home, she thinks there are other people in the house, she's getting up in the middle of the night, she's just being hard work for the majority of the time.  

This week is mental health awareness week and the theme is kindness, go check out their website for the why's to the theme. www.mentalhealth.org.uk  

We should all pay attention to our mental health and protecting it is so important.   There's lots of info on their website https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/your-mental-health/looking-after-your-mental-health but there are small things we can all do to look after our mental health and they are:

Getting better sleep
practising mindfulness
drinking less
and exercising more are all helpful according to the website.  

And doing good does you good!  Hence the kindness theme.  https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/mental-health-awareness-week/kindness-matters-guide 

As I said on my FB page yesterday, I may have had a rough week with mom but every day I get up hopeful that today will be a better day and start the day in such a way to encourage that.  I mean yesterday mom announced she was coming to walk Alfie with me!  I was like okay, come on, I knew she wouldn't make it far and I could come back and take him again, so we did. 

To look at her you wouldn't think there was anything wrong with her would you.  We didn't make it out the street but she enjoyed it and felt that she'd been for a walk, change of scenery.  That was the highlight of her day.  

I had another good breakfast, loving the new frying pan I had from the WW website, it's perfect size for a 2 egg omelette and it just slides out the pan, so good. 

I enjoyed this for dinner, had the chicken curry out the freezer, slowly working my way through it all.  I added a couple of handfuls of spinach to it and used a few more of those potatoes, they're nearly all gone now, I'm just cutting the shoots off ;) 
And I had to smile at this photo, 3SP of Heinz chicken and vegetable big soup, delicious and brilliant on points.  But there's a difference between tracking....

and honest tracking, those two photos tell a different tracking story of sure, that's a crust from a 400g loaf so easily 3SP, then the spread, is it butter or low fat spread, of course it's butter so another 2 or 3SP.  Now a healthy bowl of soup has gone from 3SP to 9SP, which is okay if you have the points!  But these differences are the reason I'm not losing weight.

For now though, I'm mainly focusing on my mental health, this is the hardest time of my life so far, when people say make the most of her, you'll miss her when she's gone, I'm sorry I disagree, I've already lost my mom and I miss her every day, this person living in my house is not my mom and I'm crying as I type I will not miss her.  I mourn for my mom all the time, I might get the odd glimpse of her now and again but it's probably 5% of the time now and I'm so bloody drained with not being able to just BE that I don't always appreciate that 5%.  I want to just be able to get up and have one on me and not worry about how it might affect any one else, I want to be able to spend an hour doing yoga and not be worrying that she's okay, I want so much I can have and I'm not feeling sorry for myself here, I'm just acknowledging my feelings.  I love her, I will always love her, but I love me too and I miss being able to be me.

Anyway, enough of that, it's Tuesday, we had some rain - I didn't see that on the forecast, isn't it supposed to be the hottest day of the year tomorrow!  I've got my wonderful workshop to look forward to (link in Wolverhampton group).  My Alfie has to go for surgery at the vets today, the thing on his tongue has probably doubled in size, so here's hoping they can help him, poor little man, he just wants to chill and sleep for the rest of his days and he should be allowed too.  Even Alfie gets as far away from mom as he can most of the time now, he'll hide upstairs in my room or office even when I'm downstairs with mom, he knows he's safe and its quiet up here.

Healthy shop coming today, although I did throw a packet of salted peanuts in the basket last night, I've been fancying some for weeks now.  I gotta have something to look forward too!  Hoping to have a walk with V tomorrow just round the estate, I don't need wonderful views at the minute, I just need a bit of sanity and a natter with my bestie, who brings out the best in me, it's so important to have someone who gets you and she gets me I'm happy to say.  She's the best things I ever got from WW, yep meeting her is better than any result I've ever had on any set of scales, I can always find another job (not that I want to) but I can never find another V, she's a one off.

Look at me being all sentimental this morning, I need to get my backside into gear, busy morning and remember because I know I have a lot of friends and members (they blend together friends/memebers I'm glad to say) out there who like me are struggling with stuff, lots of ladies are carers or parents and have their own stories, hell you can be on your own with no dependents and be struggling, so re.......................

See what you didn't know happened before I got to hear the end of that sentence was I heard a bang and crash from downstairs and flew down to see if mom had fell, thankfully she hadn't, she'd knocked over the clothes racks which made quite the racket.  Now my hearts beating ten to the dozen!

Anyway as I was going to say, Remember it's okay to ask for help.  It's okay to start again.  It's okay to say no.  It's okay to rest.  It's okay to let go.  IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.

Here's to having the best day we can.

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx

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