Nowt wrong with me :)

11^th September 2018

You are always responsible for how you act, no matter how you feel.  Remember that.

Well I went to bed and left mom downstairs last night, I wanted to sleep, she didn’t, I gave up!  I slept too, in bed before 9 and yes I woke at 1, 3, 4, and got up at half four but I’ve had sleep and that’s good.  She’s just got up too, so I’ll just go sort her tea and tablets and I’ll be back as Arnie would say…

I’m back, real life and everyone’s living their own version of it.  We had a trip to the dentist yesterday, me for a scrape and polish – I hate them but its 5 minute of vile for 3 months of nice clean teeth.  Mom got her tooth put back in, thankfully just one visit for that.  I had a sad moment in the waiting room, I’d just come out of my appointment and mom was waiting to go in, two women were now there, they were together and one had obviously got dementia, the other looked so tired, like she’d had enough, she was older than me, in her 50’s probably, if she wasn’t then she was getting less sleep than me.  I don’t know if the other women was her mom, a relative or she was just looking after her but she wasn’t doing a very good job, every time something was said, she told her to shut up, be quiet, and so on.  That’s not the way to handle this condition at all.  I really do appreciate how difficult it is to live with dementia but trust me it’s even more difficult if you stop treating the sufferer with love!  Don’t get me wrong there are times when I actually want to scream at mom because she’s being obnoxious but where would that get either of us!

Foodwise, cos let’s be honest these days the meals are part of the highlight of my day – rock and roll!  For breakfast I enjoyed home-made beans and eggs on toast.  They are so good, if you’ve yet to try them, you’ll find the recipe here http://wwbevsworld.blogspot.com/2018/09/full-of-beans.html

For our dinner when we got back from the dentist we had The Saucy Fish Co. salmon and cod fishcakes with a heavenly hollandaise centre (8sp of worth every point) with Birds Eye potato waffles (3SP each) and veg.  Truly tasty, I have the smoked haddock fishcakes with cheddar cheese filling to try too, not pointed them yet so praying they’re no more than 10sp, I’ll have them with zero stuff regardless.

Skint till payday so working through everything in the cupboards, fridge and freezer, that’ll teach me to go crazy in Waitrose!  I’ll enjoy emptying the freezer though, at least I won’t have to go shopping.

I’ve had my blood test results back, they were all clear which is absolutely fantastic news, We obviously don’t understand the jargon on the forms or print outs, but google is good for stuff like that, I know he did a full blood count, thyroid function, LFT (which is Liver function test), ESR (erythrocyte sedimentation rate), U and ES (urea and electrolytes) (A U and E test is commonly used to detect abnormalities of blood chemistry, primarily kidney (renal) function and dehydration.).

So the red stuff isn’t messing with my body too much thankfully!  There’s nothing wrong with my thyroid, I’ve just checked the NHS website and google for all the things I’ve been tested and I’m in pretty good condition for a woman of my age and weight I reckon.  I’m relieved and happy to work out by process of elimination that the symptoms I’m having are down to the peri-menopause, just a natural part of life, that and of course having a stressful life, because if we got back to that lady sat in the dentist, if you can’t vocalise your thoughts and anger when you’re feeling it, then it has to come out in another way, mine would be holding my stress in my body.  I get angry and frustrated with mom’s condition not mom!  We proper giggled on the way back from the dentist, she still has that wicked sense of humour and daftness that’s she’s always had, there’s always been a childlike quality to mom, she see’s things other people miss and always has.   As we were driving back home, the news on the radio was talking about having two days free from drinking, mom said “your dad drunk way too much, thank fk otherwise he’d still be alive today!”  You’ve got to smile at that.  One of the things she nearly always says when we’re out driving is how ‘green’ everywhere is, how lovely and full of trees etc wherever we are is.  Yesterday I burst out laughing when she said, “it’s very roady round here!”  I think you had to be there because what followed was a conversation of me taking the pee out of her, saying stuff like ‘it’s very bricky round here’ and we had a right laugh.  Those are my favourite moments with mom, when dementia takes a back seat and we go back to who we both were pre Alzheimer’s.  I’m now sat typing with tears in my eyes, sad at what is no more but hey ho, eyes wiped, back to the present because you can’t live in the past and we sure as hell don’t want to live in the future!

Right, it’s a go to work day, I’m still walking round naked because I’m so hot, don’t worry the curtains are all closed.  Now that sentence has made me laugh out loud because 30 years ago, heck even 20 years, that would have had a whole different meaning, “I’m so hot” would’ve sounded conceited and walking round naked would have sounded ‘cheeky’, now you all know it means I’m in the middle of a hot flush and the curtains are closed to protect the public!  Meh, I love my little Buddha belly, yes it’s bigger than the charts say it should be, but it’s a healthy belly, the blood tests just told me that!  I loves me and every ounce of fat that refuses to leave.  I will continue to eat as healthy as I can whilst surviving this difficult time in my life, no tough love in this house, I’m all about the BeYOUtiful and doing what you can, when you can.

Here’s to a very great day, healthy habits, smile moments, loving the skin you’re in, realising not every day is fabulous.  Don’t be so busy trying to get what you want that you forget what you need!