12th October - facebook email

Love is; when all you want for someone is for them to be happy. Attachment is; when you feel like you need that someone in order to fulfill a need in your life. Unknown


Huge thank you to the lovely ladies that helped me unload my car yesterday so I could still run my meetings, really appreciated.

I love to read and I should make more time to do it, actually remember last week JFDI, yeah so do I so I will make more time to read, from today, 30 minutes a day minimum! I started yesterday with a great book called SUMO (Shut Up, Move On)! I first saw a copy in my brother’s bathroom in Corfu, and unfortunately I didn’t spend enough time in that room to finish the book ;-)

So I bought myself a copy and in just a few pages it gave me lots to think about, so here’s three questions for you to answer to get you thinking.

1) Which person has the biggest influence on your life?
2) Who deserves the most credit for where you currently find yourself in life?
3) Whose advice and opinions do you tend to always act upon?


My answers funnily enough were the same as the authors, wonder if yours are different or the same.

1) I do
2) I do
3) My own

Did they match? Don’t get me wrong there are numerous people who have influenced my life and deserve credit for how they have helped me. And I do listen to the advice and opinions of others, but the only person that determines where you and I find ourselves in life is ‘you’.

If you want to know who is the most responsible for where you are in life, take a look in the mirror!

How does that make you feel? Are you comfortable to stand up and say, “I take full responsibility for my life?”

If you are uncomfortable with that thought or you disagree with it then you’re suffering from BSE! If you think that your current situation has nothing to do with the previous decisions you have made, or the actions you have taken or nothing to do with the attitude you’ve adopted then you are playing your BSE card – Blame Someone Else.

So if this is you, take off the “Victim” t-shirt and replace it with a “I’m taking control of my life” t-shirt. And before you get angry with me, I too have had times where I’ve worn the “Victim” t-shirt and held the BSE card! I’m not suggesting I’m perfect.

Here are reasons you may be wearing the t-shirt in the first place.

1) You feel you have no other choice – “That’s just how it is, there’s nothing I can do.” is the mantra of people who play the victim role. You can adopt a fatalistic approach to life and to the inevitability of being the victim.

2) Low self-esteem and poor self-image. Either of these factors can distort your view of how you see a situation. Your esteem and self-image can be affected by ‘life events’ and you are more vulnerable to seeing them damaged when you have experienced a major change such as a divorce, redundancy or an illness. Such events can knock your self-confidence, which in turn affects how you think and feel about yourself.

3) It’s become a habit. Some people have been putting on the T-shirt so regularly; they now wear it without even being conscious of the fact. Their wardrobe consists of a whole range of styles and colours of Victim T-shirts - one to suit any occasion.

4) People actually enjoy wearing it. Wearing the Victim T-shirt can bring people many perceived benefits:
- people feel sorry for you and give you more attention.
- it can increase your own feeling of self-importance.
- it is a good excuse for not being able to achieve other things (I would have been able to achieve X if only Y had been more supportive).
- Blaming others frees you from the responsibility of taking charge of your own life.

It’s not easy to admit that you have worn the T-shirt. Maybe you haven’t; but if you have, what has been your reason? Can you identify people you know who wear the T-shirt? What in your view motivates them to wear one?

Do you wear one regarding your diet? Mmm now there’s a thought.

My backs really hurting at the moment and Saturday / Sunday I played the victim, had the pity party, but yesterday I decided to get a grip, I can either be in pain, smiling and eating healthy, or in pain, crying and eating junk! Either way I’m in pain and it’s more likely to go away quicker with a positive attitude! Alfie loves that I can’t sit in a chair at the moment and am lying on the living room floor, he thinks it’s a game. There’s good in every situation if only you look hard enough.

If you find this idea interesting, treat yourself to the book by Paul McGee, I’ve not finished reading it yet, I’m still rereading the bit I read whilst sitting on a toilet in Corfu – now there’s an image to start your morning ;-)

Think about it, taking personal responsibility frees you from the trap of blaming, complaining and resenting!

Removing your t-shirt requires courage. It can be uncomfortable to admit to yourself that you have been wearing a Victim t-shirt. This is even harder to do if you feel you are a genuine victim. I do believe there are innocent victims in life who could justifiably wear the t-shirt, however some genuine victims choose not to! They decide not to allow events or circumstances to define their identity. Why? Because they have the following belief – I am not always responsible for what happens to me, but I am responsible for how I choose to respond.

Remember life starts now?

Are you living yet?

You’re not alive unless you’re living!