Another day, but will it go well....

27th November 2018
Be careful how you are talking to yourself because you are listening.

Yesterday started really well, Monday's always do!  Despite having to hurry round to get the dog walked and mom ready for the dentist, I used a spare ten minutes to make me a healthy breakfast of omelette with lots of veggies in and also get the chicken in the oven to marinade.

Turns out moms tooth can't be saved so we have to go back tomorrow and next Wednesday so they can fit her with one on a plate, I thought about changing dentist as ours is where we used to live over 25 years ago but I don't think it's a good idea as any type of change completely confuses her.  When we got back moms foot lady was standing on the doorstep - that was well timed especially as I'd completely forgotten she was coming.  Whilst she did moms feet, I got dinner in the oven and also prepared an orzo dish with veggies in for tomorrow to either go with my garlic chicken or to have on it's own.

My day went downhill with mom, I know it was because so much had gone on and because it confuses her and she can't recall things, she gets frustrated which manifests in moods and behaviours that then help to spoil my day.  Let's just say it ended with her posh new table being taken out of the living room because she apparently never wanted it in the first place!  Oh how I wanted to hug the contents of the fridge right then, cuddle the stuff in the cupboards and basically eat my own head but I didn't.  Instead I went and had a bath to calm my mood and ease my pain, my backs in bits at the minute which isn't helping.  I'm hoping it's hormonal which would also explain why my mood wasn't great.

When I feel like that, when moms behaving in that way, I start to question why I am even bothered to try and lose weight when I've already got enough on my plate just trying to survive the day.  Also why bother when the only places I go are work venues, WW might have changed their name from venues to studios and meetings to workshops but I'm still driving to the same places.  I also think at times like this about the fact that food is one of the few pleasures I have right now so I might as well eat.  All this was going through my mind as I was walking Alfie for the second time yesterday.

My final thought after thinking - OH WHY BOTHER, I can't do this when mom's behaving the way she is, actually I don't want to do this when life's like this was.....I can't do it all but doing something is better than doing nothing!

Yep, I can't or don't want to do it 100% all the time right now, it's very much dependent on how the mood is in this house but I can do something which is much better than doing nothing.

See she's just woke up and it's like groundhog day, she tells Alfie not to come out of her bedroom which he completely ignores, she moans at him, then we have the moaning in the toilet and I have to lift her mood.  I can do it but some days, it's just draining, it's like being the Kings jester, surely he got to take of his daft hat sometimes and just be a miserable bugger.  It's no fun trying to keep someone else happy constantly.

Anyway, I won't be great at this weight loss, healthy eating lark all the time but I will do what I can, when I can.  Yesterday I ate a really healthy breakfast and dinner, I did indulge in a big glass of wine whilst in the bath, I stayed in there a long time, until she came looking for me anyways.

"OH bloody hell", are the words I now dread because I know something has happened that has caused her frustration and things won't get better will they.

So unless your day was rosy yesterday and your world is great, like me, you're gonna have to decide how you plan to handle your life.  For me right now, it's about grabbing the good moments when they happen, trying to make some of those good moments possible and surviving the disease that is Alzheimer's and vascular dementia whilst at the same time doing my damn best to eat as healthy as I can.

Not having temptation in the house if possible is also a plan, I won't be buying any crisps I like, only stuff I know mom likes, because moms on the dementia diet, tells me on a morning she needs to lose some weight then calls me an evil bitch on the afternoon when I remind her and suggest she doesn't eat so many biscuits!

Anyway, here's to getting on with the day, looking forward to some grown up company at work today and I have my meals planned and prepped, I even have leftover omelette from yesterday for breakfast.

Have a very, great day or at least survive whatever your day looks like BeYOUtiful. xx