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Wednesday, 4 April 2018

There's a debate team in my head!

4th April 2018
Can’t please em all, so please stop trying.

Thankfully we’ve all had a really good night’s sleep.  Alfie went back to the vets yesterday, his ulcer in his eye had healed and another one appeared – deep sigh – so antibiotic gel for another week and some painkillers this time too, poor little love is going through it at the minute.  Mom didn’t have the pain in her arm last night so that was a relief too. 

I agreed yesterday morning to get back on track, I weigh Elle (another coach) every week and she’s going to start weighing me and we’re both going to get a grip, we both purchased a new Weight Watcher journal and I can proudly say we both completed day 1.  I’m not going to lie, it could’ve been so easy to not do so.  Had we not made that pact and agreed to be accountable to each other, I’d have changed my mind by teatime.  My mind would have talked me out of it, with thoughts such as, “why bother you’ve got so much going on at the moment, thinking about losing weight is the last thing you need, plus you really like eating/drinking and there ain’t much else going on in your life right now, so why bother?!”  Instead I kept changing those thoughts to “I can’t change what’s happening to mom or Alfie right now but I can change what’s happening to me and work on myself and losing some weight”, I kept reminding myself of how I wanted to feel more energised, how losing some weight may stop my knee from clicking and ease my sciatica.  Yep it was like I was had a constant debate team going on in my head all day.

I had planned to do No Count but then once I’d had my lunch, I realised if I could come up with a low or zero pointed evening meal, then I’d have points left for wine – no brainer, No Count was forgotten and Flex was back in change. 

I made a surprisingly good tea, the very last of the turkey crown cubed, I threw a can of white kidney beans and the salted water from the can into a pan, added some leftover tinned peas, chicken oxo cube, squirt of garlic paste and a bit of soy sauce, stirred through, put the turkey in and warmed through and I ate the lot, it may not look that appetising, but damn it tasted delicious. 
So, it’s 8.30ish and I’m sat in the living room, mom and Alfie just gone to bed early and I’ve got my wine, crochet and an episode of gone on the tv, blissful quite after a very busy, long day.  My debate team in my head breaks the silence….

Mmm shall I have a slice of bread and spread?”

“No you’re not hungry and you started a new journal this morning!”

“Yeah well no one needs to know, I’ll still have eaten less than I did yesterday”.

“Oh whatever.“

“You decided this morning you wanted to lose weight. Yeah well tonight I ain’t that fussed.”

And so it continued, I did have the slice of bread in the end because I knew there was a crust there screaming to be eaten with a bit of Flora light, I also tracked it in my journal, I’ve also tracked it all on my app this morning and found out my damn beans I had for breakfast yesterday were 8 not 5 – not impressed.

Those kind of those are what go on in my head regularly, they’re what I believe go on in many a Weight Watchers head. This constant battle with ourselves, our emotions, our appetites, our desires, our cravings. Ma’an this weight loss thing is hard work!  Do I have the solution, fraid not.  I have lots of suggestions, but as I said in a meeting yesterday, everyone’s solutions are different and they even change for that person as time passes and our lives change.

I’ve done this weight loss thing successfully before, so I know I can find my own solutions – I’m going to do it again, I made it through day 1 and I will make it through day 2.

Other thoughts that went through my head yesterday when I started that journal included “your brother and his wife are coming to stay this month, you’re not going to be able to lose weight and stay on track whilst their here”, my response to that was to remind myself that there’s ‘stuff’ going on for everyone all the time and they still lose weight, there’s never a good time to start, so stop looking for excuses.

I will continue to let the debate team have its fun in my head – to be fair, I don’t know if it can be stopped – I do know the team that wants to lose weight will find it easier the more times they have those debates, the more times they stay in control, and win.

Here’s to day 2, to knowing I’m already going to cook something with salmon and lentils, to having already took chicken burgers that my sister made me out of the freezer, to acknowledging the little things that I can and will do that are going to make the big differences.

What will you do today BeYOUtiful to help your weight loss journey? 

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