2019: thank you for the lessons 2020: Let's do this
Happy New Year, here's hoping we survive it! I was going to get all into what the decade that's just gone has taught me and what I hope for the next one but the truth is, I don't live my life like that, as I was reading peoples Facebook feeds, I realised this, I live day to day, sometimes hour by hour, even more so with moms disease, she can change in a heartbeat as she did yesterday so I'll continue to not overthink stuff, I'm leaving 2019 exactly where it should be IN THE PAST, the only bits I'll remember about it are the positives, the good stuff, I choose to forget the negatives as I don't want to relive that crap.
I did end the year 'diet wise' exactly how I hope to live this year, on track, accountable and in control.
Now this weeks workshops are about reflecting and hitting refresh. Looking at what's worked over the last year for us and what challenges we've faced. I've actually found this to be very useful for me. My challenges are different now to what they were when I first joined WW or the last time I joined. As difficult as I find it to admit or write Mom is now my challenge. Her moods, behaviours and illnesses cause me to emotionally eat and drink as an escape, I need to address this and replace it with other behaviours. Crochet has helped but obviously not enough as I'm still overweight!
I had an email yesterday from Amazon to say the book I'd ordered was on its way! I thought to myself, I haven't ordered a book, but when I went to look, I'd ordered the book back in September to be sent when it was published, it's called 'Tiny Habits' by B J Fogg and I'm looking forward to reading it and using it to help me and others. I've always talked about the power of making one tweak a week, I think this is along the same lines. I've only flicked through the pages so far and I like what I see, just in the introduction some of the highlight bits say;
Tiny is mighty
Tiny is fast
Tiny can start now
Tiny is safe
Tiny can grow big
and the one that really caught my eye was
TINY DOESN'T RELY ON MOTIVATION OR WILLPOWER
This is so important to me right now because I know when mom isn't good and I get tired both my motivation and willpower go out of the window.
This is the reason I'm going to start reading this book as soon as possible, maybe as soon as I finish this blog.
I've already started on my tiny habit changes this week, fruit, I'm going to make it a habit if it kills me (which we know it won't as fruit is good for you). I've sat here eating 3 satsumas this morning, yesterday I cleaned my teeth first so then couldn't eat them because they taste vile afterwards. I did eat an apple yesterday morning though. If I can do 2 pieces of fruit a day, that's big for me, I had an orange around 11 and I actually had a banana too later one so that was 3 portions - whoop whoop, go me, go me. Yeah that's something I'm going to start doing too, bigging myself up for the small victories, acknowledging those tiny tweaks because if this weight loss lark was easy - we'd all be thin!
Yes I am ready - are you? I'm going to proudly be that person this year who makes resolutions, who decides a New Year, a New Decade is an opportunity to make changes and start over. My resolution is I'm going to take care of myself better. That covers a magnitude of things then doesn't it! I'd like to say I resolve to keep my house clean and tidy, to cook healthy meals every day, but I know I won't do either other those things daily, so I know I can work at taking care of myself better. This will include doing those other two things often but it will also include giving myself a break when I don't have the emotional or physical energy to do either. I'm hoping by taking better care of myself, I'll be emotionally stronger and have more energy to do those things.
Yesterday as I pulled off my drive to go back to work, mom had been a nightmare all afternoon, I could her face thinking and saying horrible things and I honestly had a thought go through my head, "I'm not gonna come back!", then reality kicked back in and I realised yeah I would, I couldn't leave my sister to handle that on her own. I did manage to make it through the day without letting her behaviour drive me to food or drink for comfort though, that's what I need to continue to work on. Maybe that's another resolution for me, "I will not let the behaviour of others affect how I eat and drink'. That's a tough call ain't it! Instead I'll resolve to work on my emotional eating habits.
I could replace overeating and drinking with making myself a nice cuppa, it'll give me a couple of minutes to breathe whilst I'm waiting for the kettle to boil.
I'll start reminding myself and finding meals to eat that I enjoy and are healthy for me, I need to get used to cooking for one, I can't make mom eat properly but I don't have to eat the food I would've used on a meal for her! I really enjoyed a simple salmon and cucumber sandwich last night, I used tinned salmon and added some vinegar like we did when we were kids and it was delicious. Angie offered to get me a bit of shopping as she was going anyway and I said yes, I'm going to say yes more often when people offer to help me. Thanks to her I have a few things in my kitchen now to help me have a healthy week, then over the rest of the week I can work on my online shop to keep me going on my healthy streak. This was one of the things I asked her to get me as I knew it was on offer in Sainsbury's for £2, I've cut a little off to taste and it's got more flavour in it than other protein cheese I've tried. 3SP for 100g, I could live with that. Especially as you only get 29g of Cathedral City Lighter for the same points!
I haven't planned any meals today yet, although I did take some salmon out the freezer yesterday, I'll be making something with that. I've now got some veggies, courgettes, squash. Maybe I'll make a frittata, they're really filling and good hot or cold so could have some for breakfast and the rest for my tea. Maybe I'll have a go at making some soup. Lots of Maybe's there, see I need to go right back to basics and focus on the tiny habits as we don't want to start big and fizzle out, I want to keep this up.
I decided when talking to my members yesterday morning that I want to lose 9lb by the end of February, this takes into account my 50th this month and the fact that January/February is a crazy busy month for a WW coach. It's also admitting mom does affect me and I'm not going to overcome that issue immediately. 9lb will take me lower than I got last year by1/2lb, that would be a massive boost for me and keep me going. I'm also going to ask my coach to remind me of this goal if she notices me slipping.
Well my water glass is empty, so time for a refill. I'm ready for another decade, are you?
Mwah, luv ya, let's do this...