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Monday, 20 January 2020

Here's to my 50s, looking forward to them.

Monday 20th January 2020
When you focus on the good - the good gets better.

This is your Monday morning reminder that you can handle whatever this week throws at you!  Today I'm reminding myself that a negative mind will never give you a positive life.

It was a funny old week last week, my mind did a lot of thinking, my heart did a little breaking and my eyes shed a river of tears.  There was some self pity I ain't going to lie, then more realisation than I'm not the only one with problems.  I had a tinge of disappointment, followed by a reminder that I never make a big thing of my birthday so how were others supposed to know this year I felt differently (DOH!) and I went to bed happy last night and I've woke up feeling like there's been a shift for sure in my head.  The best gift I had yesterday was a reminder of how important friendship is and how blessed I am in that area.

I'd already made the decision that some things have got to change, but a concerned face from a lovely lady on Saturday seconded it and finally catching up with my bestie definitely sealed the idea, being  reminded that when things get difficult for me, I shut down made me realise how well she knows me, actually she knows me better than I know myself sometimes, which is weird and it wasn't till we were chatting I realised quite how much I miss her and V, even though I see V every Saturday morning, it's not the same as the 3 of us sitting round a table eating a meal we don't have the points for, not caring that we don't have the points for it either, and giggling, talking rubbish and generally forgetting everything that's going on in our worlds.

One of the things that's got to change is me not doing anything because it's easier, okay it's not easy to leave mom, it's not easy to come back afterwards, but it's amazing when I'm out doing something.  So I'm going to have a chat with my sister and maybe my brother too who has offered to sit with mom and arrange whens best for me to steal a few hours to have food with my mates, who know maybe we'll get to go out for tea not lunch - omg, I don't remember the last time I did that!  But I don't work Monday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday evenings so if it was early in the night, I'm less likely to fall asleep ;)

My living room is full of flowers and so many cards, I really feel loved, I had so many messages via Facebook yesterday and lovely, thoughtful gifts.  One of my first actions this morning though proved I have already started the transition into my mom, oh yeah, it's real bad, you ready for this.... I went in the kitchen and saw the box a gift came in and thought to myself, "I'll keep that to put something in" OMG this week a box, next week tins 😂 In fairness thought it is a pretty box with '50 & more gorgeous every day!' written on it, you can't throw that away, I'll find a use for it, oh man the transition is happening isn't it.

Oh I'll save the best birthday pressie for last cos you ain't gonna believe me, I ate cheese and onion pie - lots of it, white bread with Italian niceness, Manchester tart (3/4 of a big one), birthday cake (thank you Jane, everyone who had a slice devoured it), wine, yes of course wine and I've just stood on the scales and the scales has given me a MAINTAIN!  NO shame in a maintain!  I didn't gain, what a gift from the WW gods, we won't even consider the 'catch up' thing, we're being positive today.

I started listening to that Tiny Habits book yesterday and he said one habit that he wants me ( everyone reading the book) to do every morning is what he calls the Maui habit, each morning when you wake up and place your feet on the floor, say "It's going to be a great day!" I like this idea because I always try to end my blog with something similar to put me in a positive state of mind.  I also know that I'll forget to do that because my brain is small like Poohs, so I've stuck a pic of this to my office computer so it's the first thing I look at when I sit down to write.

I've made it through every difficult day that's ever been thrown at me so far, most of them with positivity and I'm ready to get back to me, to start taking care of myself, to enjoying life again not just existing and surviving, as much as I love going to work, there has to be more to look forward to doesn't there. Oh and the biggie, to lose the habit of thinking everyone is a mind reader and knows what I'm thinking and what I need, I'll start communicating instead of shutting down!

Thank you to everyone who's a part of my world, I love you for it, always remember you matter, you're important and you are loved, and you bring to this world things no one else can.

It's going to be a great day, mwah

luv u

love me xx

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