Monday 8th July 2019
If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again!
Blah blah blah blah blah I know you’ve read and heard it all before but do I stop writing it? Stop trying? Do I accept that I can’t follow the plan all the time so stop even trying? Hell no!
I’ve weighed myself this morning because I couldn’t make my workshop last week so I wanted to see if I’d done any damage and obviously it’s only a guide because it’s a different day I always seem to weigh lighter on a Monday morning but it looks like I’ve managed to not do too much damage I’m hoping for a maintain come Wednesday.
If moms condition has taught me anything it’s that our brains and our thoughts change regularly. I know she’s got a disease but still, yesterday, she went from brilliant to vile in minutes then back to okay, then angry, her moods can change in a heartbeat and guess what even without Alzheimer’s or Vascular Dementia so can ours!
I was chatting with a few coaches last night and said I was just finishing my bottle of red and contemplating Walkers (as in crisps no whiskey) and one asked “erm... are you bored or hungry?!” and after a little bit of thought my reply was
“neither crisps are nice and wine is amazing 😉” and sometimes that’s the answer, although I’m not gonna lie mom throwing her toys out of the pram and stropping off upstairs did give me the excuse I’d been looking for! Eating is something we enjoy and I know I wouldn’t want that any other way, which means I have to work on controlling my eating habits and behaviours.
Yesterday morning started brilliantly, walked Alfie then met my brother at the bottom of the Wrekin, at the top he got out a bit of his birthday cake from the day before and we enjoyed it whilst enjoying the amazing view! Now that’s making memories and worth the calories, honestly the best slice of cake I’ve ever eaten!
For breakfast I had eggs and tomatoes with a couple of slices of bread, oh and some pulled pork which had a use by yesterday date! I managed to get mom in garden and I enjoyed reading an actual book rather than listening to an audio one, I can’t remember the last time I did that.
Dinner was an M&S meal, it was alright for 5SP but nothing special and because they were there and hadn’t gone off I ate 2 Yorkshire puddings our the fridge which had been out of date for 5 days 🙄, my tea was a pulled pork and tomato sandwich. Trying to use all the going out of date stuff!
I think the food now left in my fridge is healthy stuff. I’m not beating myself up for being greedy yesterday, I’m congratulating myself on not opening a second bottle, oh and earning 27 FitPoints. Hell people, there are plenty of people out there willing to have a go at you or give you a hard time for plenty, don’t beat yourself up as well. I find I function better when I treat myself with kindness, when I prioritise my needs, I don't want to promote putting yourself last on the list!
So today, I will check out my cupboards to see what I have to make a healthy meal out of, I will exercise because I know doing it is giving me a feel good feeling, I'm also hoping its helping me tone up.
If you woke up feeling a bit Blah blah blah blah this morning, ask yourself what have you done that's helping, or what could you do? What needs to change? It might not be your eating, it might be something else in your life that isn't right, if you're not happy with something can you change it? If you can't change it, can you do something to make it bearable or balance it out with something good. I can't change what's happening to mom but I can and have introduced some things to make my life more enjoyable, I'm stuck in the house a lot so I've added learning to my list of things to do, I read yesterday and crocheted, distractions, things that stop me turning eating into a habit.
Yeah come on let's make the rest of July, #JoyfulJuly, its summer we should be enjoying it not beating ourselves up for our bodies and our eating behaviours. I love this body I have regardless of its shape for everything it can do, I forgive it for the stuff it can't do, I'll let it off for the achy back and crunchy ankle I have this morning because it helped me walk 4 miles up and over and round the Wrekin yesterday. Let's celebrate our bodies for all they can do, have done and will do in the future. I watched a programme last night, Emily Atak - Adulting, I don't watch the jungle so hadn't heard of her until a couple of weeks ago, she seem a lovely, funny young lady, but last night her programme was about 'am I too fat?', it saddened me to see such a beautiful young lady so concerned about what everyone thought of her, she had a 'selfie' lesson, and at one point said, 'doesn't everyone touch up their images before uploading', erm no I don't, I've even stopped trying to get a 'good' shot, I just take photos and upload them, people see me on a daily basis and know what I look like, why would I want the 'virtual' version to look any different? If someone only likes me if I'm thin, or look good, well I don't really care about that kind of person. I care about those people who love me regardless, the ones who spend time with me for my personality not my pouting lips. Each to their own but there's absolutely no way I'd have anything done to me that wasn't necessary, no ones sticking needles in my face, I quite like the scar above my right eye, it's been there since I was 4, it tells a story of survival, the one in the crease of my nose shows I shouldn't have been in a pub drinking at 16 and those wrinkles round my eyes, well they prove I laugh a lot, yeah the creases in-between my eyes show I frown too and that's okay because this is me and I'm good enough! SO ARE YOU!
Now let's go have a great day, eat healthy and take care of ourselves because we matter so much to so many, mwah luv ya,
Love me xx
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