17th December 2010 facebook email

 "No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you’ve come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself." Madonna

How Do You See Yourself?

Do you want to lose weight and/or enjoy better health because it is something you truly want, or is it something someone else wants for you? Before any real change will occur you must WANT to have the changed result. You must WANT to be somehow different than you are now, and therein lies the dilemma.

Frankly, most of us are pretty comfortable right where we are, which is why, despite dieting and great efforts to eat less, our daily habits haven't changed, and when the dieting ends so goes our resolve, then whoops, here comes back that weight you worked so hard to lose.

Wanting is multi-layered, and so much more than simply wanting to be somehow different. Here are some parts of "Wanting." Use these to write down any issues that spring to mind for you. These can be important clues into your personal path to permanent weight loss.

1. Your Identity:
You see yourself as overweight and haven't been able to see yourself any other way.

2. Peer Pressure:
Others see you as overweight and support that by continuing to offer second helpings and "special treats," despite your protests you'd rather not eat fattening foods.

3. Upset Family Dynamic:
If you change, the whole family unit must accept that you have changed and often must make changes themselves.

4. Habits
Your brain doesn't necessary like change, preferring the status quo, and will seemingly fight your efforts. That is why habits seem hard to break. The brain can be retrained and soon your new habits are your new status quo, as strongly defended as the old habits once were.

Peer Pressure

Who hasn't experienced this at some time or another? I’ve heard so many stories, mothers baking cakes, husbands taking you out to eat. It’s easy for me to say just tell them NO, or tell them to stop with the not helping you but blah, blah, blah. Sure. I can talk big - but when it's happening to you, it's not always so easy to speak your mind or say no.

Peer pressure comes at you from all sides. First there are your friends who want you to be their buddy. They don't want to lose their drinking buddy or their "I’ve been dumped lets share a bucket of ice cream" pal, and you don't want to lose their friendship. Even when things aren't going well, the majority would prefer not to "rock the boat." We prefer the familiar and if you make changes it will affect your relationships.

So what do you do? Do you go ahead and eat just to salvage a relationship or do you follow your new mind and make an effort to break some of those habits - letting the chips fall where they may?

Every situation is going to be different in that some relationships may end (if they only liked you because you were heavier than them for instance), but true relationships don't dissolve because you get interested in achieving better health. Most spouses would be happy if the other got in better shape - if they have jealousy issues, that's something you'll need to work on together, but it's a
separate issue from your decision to lose the extra pounds.

A strong, healthy relationship will grow and change right along with you. Your friendship will become stronger by being supportive of each other. But what's going on when your friends and loved ones seem to go out of their way to put up roadblocks, baking you special foods, or giving you treats, surprising you with your favourite pudding when you've said you don't want to eat them right now?

Do They Want me to Fail?

Because we've grown so used to showing our appreciation and affection with food, it can be especially difficult for your loved ones to watch you when you're making a real effort to change your eating habits, especially if you talk about how difficult it is, or worse, if you mention how much you wish you could eat something.

They are not rubbing their hands together with glee thinking about how they can ruin your plans, rather, they suddenly get the bright idea that giving you a nice big box of chocolates for Christmas day would be just the thing. They think you'll like it - they think it's what you secretly want, and they want you to be happy. Really, they do. Next time someone does this make an effort to find the good in their gesture, say "Thank you," then give it away. You are not powerless in the face of temptation.

The decision to eat a more healthy diet doesn't change because someone hands you a plate of chips. No one makes you eat them! Think it through.

How you deal with it is your choice. You could smile sweetly and say, "Thank you so much, and since you know I'm not eating these right now I'll just put them away," then don't even open the box.  Watch their face drop because no one gives a box of chocolates without expecting to at least get some. A friend told me her husband will tell her he bought her a "present," handing her a box of chocolates, jumping all around saying, "Open it, open it," and then gobbles them all up. She has to hide some if she actually wants any for herself. Is he getting chocolate for her or himself? Sometimes gifts of treats are more for the giver than the receiver, think about it.

Giving you a treat gives them an excuse to overeat, doesn't it? Ah, ha, caught you. It is also entirely possible to learn to eat a piece or two of chocolate, enjoy it, and put the box away. I know, because
I have on occasion been known to do it.  I’ve got an opened bar of 80% dark chocolate in my fridge that has been there since October!

Do you believe you can't eat just one? 

If you think you can't do something - you're right. You need to change that belief. If you won't let yourself have a little because you think you'll then want to have it all, the you have to work on that.

We want to overdo it sometimes. We want to skip exercise, we want to sleep in. It's okay. You're okay. You're allowed to give yourself a break.   You’re allowed to enjoy this Christmas just be sensible and go easy on yourself, don’t eat for the sake of eating (loose the ‘because you know you’re going on a diet in the new year so you better eat it now mentality’) and don’t eat or drink because someone else wants you to.  EAT because what’s in front of you is going to taste fantastic and you want it, and you’re not too full to enjoy it.  AND GIVE IT YOUR FULL ATTENTION when you are eating it! 

Above all always make sure you ENJOY everything you eat without guilt, you’ll be surprised at how suddenly when you give yourself permission to have anything, you start to make better choices.

YAY it’s Friday, enjoy. xx