Tears are good too!

Saturday 25^th June 2022

Shall we have a good day?

I sat in my garden last night and started crying!   I'm still not quite sure if it was hormones (love the menopause), grief (I still miss mom & it's coming up to her birthday soon) or relief (it's been quite a week and I don't think I realised how much I'v been worrying about it or running things over in my head, you know the 'what if's' kind of thing).  Anyway I shed a few tears, nothing major and felt better afterwards, it's good to feel your emotions, I find it therapeutic.  

As the image above says, there are so many beautiful reasons to smile and I can list plenty these days, I've just checked my memories from yesteryear on Facebook and on this day last year, my bro and I were having a drink and burning fence panels in the garden in preparation for him to transform my back garden and boy did he do a great job.  The year before I was sat with mom watching a particularly emotional episode of Station 19 which was about dementia and I'd had to leave the room.  7 years ago she was singing the wrong words to a song in my car and we're having a giggle.  11 years ago, I'm out for lunch with my bestie and her kids and Wills eating the biggest dessert you've ever seen and 14 years ago I was walking Hadrian's Wall for charity.    This all proves things change, wherever you are right now, it will change.  

I'm in a great place, we have things we're dealing with as nobody's life is 'perfect' and if it is, go you, but I'm in a really, really good place.  

This isn't helping my weight loss journey though because I'm no unhappy in my body, don't get me wrong I want to lose weight because I know I'll look better and probably feel better but the payoff for the immediate satisfaction is outweighing the payoff for the long term success.  I need to thing about this a bit more in detail and I will.

I wasn't dreadful yesterday, I ate leftover pizza for breakfast and lunch, then we had chicken wings for tea and I only ate 3 as I wasn't really hungry, oh I had microwaved a handful of leftover wedges and eaten them too, I only had one big glass of wine too, so that's really good for a Friday night.

I've not had the best nights sleep, woke at 2 then struggled to sleep for the rest of the night, got up at half five in the end.  Apparently I was dreaming and making a noise, I do remember the stupid nightmare, which proves I have had lots of stuff going on in my subconscious that I didn't realise was there until I sat crying last night.

Aryn did his second afternoon at school which is awesome, so hopefully we're on a roll now and when it comes to September and the new school year, he'll be okay with it.

We're having afternoon tea today because the one we'd planned got cancelled over the Jubilee weekend and Aryn has never had one, so I'll be nipping to the shop on my way home to buy supplies.  I'll try not to go crazy with what I buy or eat ;) 

On that note, I'll be getting me another cuppa, probably not a great idea when I've got to be weighed this morning, but hey ho, if I manage a stay same it'll be a miracle after the weekend we had last week, then the niceness we've had this week.  It's been a mammoth week in this house and I'm not going to worry about a few pounds, I shall work at doing better every day, stick to my idea of 1/2lb a week and enjoy life because I wasn't able to for many years.

Mwah, luv ya

Love me x