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Tuesday, 16 October 2012

The voices in my head - mwah ha ha!

16th October 2012

When you realize that you always have the answers within yourself, you can stop searching outside of yourself.
Child – “I’m hungry”

Parent – “Don’t be silly, you’ve only just eaten lunch”
You ever said that to your child? Or where you ever that child? 

Yesterday I took Alfie for an afternoon walk, we’d already done our hour on the morning, but when I got back from my meeting the sun was shining and it looked glorious out so at noon I decided to take advantage of the weather.  I usually follow him where he wants to go but I will own up to pulling him up the country lane so I could enjoy the scenery.  I was really chuffed when he decided he wanted to go over the farmers fields, my old running route and we trudged through the muddy fields enjoying the view and the fresh air.  We were out almost 2 hours, although we only covered about 3 miles, Alfie likes to smell things, and I’m happy to stand and wait, it’s my time out and it’s good for me. 
When we got back I decided to have a tin of Heinz Tomato soup for my lunch, 6pp is a lot for soup but it’s a meal I’ll only eat once every blue moon, I had it with 95g of Weight Watcher bread (all weighed on my scales, think there was 5 slices including the crust) 6pp and 38g of Weight Watcher spread 1pp, again weighed and it did the trip I just like the texture of the spread as the soup melts it so it doesn’t really have to be butter.  So I’ve just eaten just over 500g of food, which is over a pound in weight.  For my breakfast around 7.30am I’d had a 3 egg spring onion omelette with a tiny bit of cheese 7pp, and I’d eaten a banana about 11ish.

Half hour later I’m sat there thinking ‘I’m still hungry’, and that voice in my head said, “Don’t be silly, you’ve only just eaten lunch”, I’m not actually sure if my mom ever did say that to me or it’s my subconscious, judgemental, expert, weight loss, inner cynic!  But anyway, yeah actually I think it was the ‘inner expert, know-it-all, smarty pants bitch’ as my mom wouldn’t just give me a slice of bread and butter back in the day, and probably dipped it in the sugar bowl as a treat!  So this expert, know-it-all continued saying, “how can you be hungry when you’ve just eaten all that food?  People eat on average 2.5kg of food a day and you’ve just eaten the 0.5kg, maybe you’re just thirsty”.  She continued, “Maybe you’re just a greedy cow!  Maybe you just can’t stay on track and within your ProPoints for more than a few weeks without veering out of control”.  I’m trying to catch up on the XFactor results with my mom and this opinionated, overbearing, inner critic won’t shut up!  “Go on, blame your hormones, I’m sure if you look at your app on your phone you’ll be able to justify ‘being hungry’ by where you are on your menstrual cycle, OR you could blame the cold weather – comfort food and all that”.  At this point I’m watching Rebecca Ferguson sing thinking, “what does she look like?! And yes I do think I’m properly hungry”, when my wonderful inner bitch (yeah she’s turned into a full blown bitch now, she’s going for the low blows, getting quite personal with her remarks now, I’m afraid because I don’t like typing really nasty stuff, nor swearwords on my blog, I’ll leave it to your imagination, but trust me she’s doing her best to make me feel pretty hopeless and out of control.
If I could’ve at this point (well I actually could have but I’d have looked a bit silly) I would have put my fingers in my ears and shouted “la, la, la, la I’m not listening”.  I was hungry, I could tell, just because I’d just eaten something didn’t mean I wasn’t.  My inner cynic might be telling me it’s wrong to still be hungry after eating such a descent meal, I even remember at one point her reminding me of a programme I’d watched on the tv that said soup fills you up for longer than ordinary food!  Well whatever, that’s what I say to all that because I WAS STILL HUNGRY!  Guess what I did ;0)  I went and made myself a massive sandwich filled with a bag of salad leaves, cucumber, a couple of slices of wafer thin beef and a tiny bit of cheese on two slices of seeded bread for 10pp!  Check me out – REBEL!

That’s how I knew I was actually still properly hungry, because I didn’t just want a biscuit or a bag of crisps, I wanted something proper that would actually fill me up.  I ate that at about 2ish and then I never ate again for the rest of the day - so yes I was properly hungry.
I think the point I’m trying to make is listen to your body, don’t always believe the info you’re given or you read about in books or on blogs!  Take all the information handed to you and choose what will help you – be your own passionate expert.  You don’t have to eat 3 meals a day at set times!  It is possible to still be hungry after you’ve eaten a meal!

Learn to identify the things your subconscious says to you, we all have those voices – they’re actually our subconscious thoughts – we’re not going la la!  They include our memories, our beliefs, our cynics and only you can learn to drown them out or better still change them.
Okay, well now you all think I’m a crazy who sits there having conversations with myself in my head – I’ll let you go ;~) 

Oh and just in case you were wondering, I’ll put my hands up I think a lot about eating and food, I walk the dog whilst planning my meals and thinking up new ways to cook my favourite thing.  I don’t actually have conversations with myself ‘-) I just think a lot!
Enjoy your day, and learn to silence that inner cynic!

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