We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. Sam Keen
Was hungry last night, ended my day on 38pp, thank goodness for the weekly allowance, I didn’t eat junk though I opened a packet of ham and ate it with a couple of slices of nimble bread. Was I genuinely hungry or was it emotional eating, I’m not really sure, sometimes it’s difficult to tell isn’t it. By emotional eating, I don’t mean that you have to have had a bad day or problems in your life, emotional eating can be caused by tiredness, boredom or even having a really good day, anytime you eat and your not physically hungry has an emotional reason behind it. So I’m not too sure because I had eaten my tea, but I don’t think I was completely satisfied hence the sandwich.
Trying to lose weight really is an emotional journey for many of us and it really upsets some people when they aren’t getting the results, it angers others and it makes some think, ‘sod it, if it’s not working I may as well eat’, any or all of them sound familiar?
Over the last 20+ years I’ve had my share of moods controlled by my weight but over the last couple of years I’ve made the decision not to let my weight influence my mood, I’m a “Happy Owl” (Over Weight Lady), which is how I got my website name. I will continue to love myself and my body whatever it weighs because it’s doing it’s best. Punishing yourself and beating yourself up over your weight or your diet failures is counter-productive and I know because I’ve done it.
I’m going to share something with you that I was reading yesterday, mom let me have a look at her old diaries, so I found out 2003 which was the year before I joined Weight Watchers for the last time and eventually became a leader. These are just some of the things I read about myself and was reminded of, on April 3rd 2003 I got to goal with Weight Watchers for probably the 4th or 5th time, whenever I rejoined a meeting, I always pretended I hadn’t done it before, my goal weight was 9st 7lb which is two and a half stone lighter than I am today. I remember feeling amazing at first. According to mom’s diary by the 13th May, I was trying to get my hands on some Slimming World books! I’m assuming that was because I was struggling to maintain my new goal weight and had stopped attending my Weight Watcher meeting. By May 26th I was reading up and about to dabble with the Atkins diet!! That’s three diets in two months because I was trying to get my body to be a weight it didn’t want to be and couldn’t maintain.
Further on in mom’s diary, August 19th to be precise, I thought I read, “Bev looks huge now!” and I nodded because I remember gaining, but having read it again, she’s talking about my room because I’ve tidied it ;D, it say’s “Bev’s” not “Bev”, PHEW! Anyway not much else is said about diet club so I know we stopped going, but lots is said about how I’m bringing home treats and takeaways every night, how hard I’m working, how ill I seem to be all the time, how stressed out I am, etc etc. I do remember being stuck in a job I didn’t enjoy and feeling out of my depth, I was also struggling with a part time degree at university and it was all just too much.
By April 2004, a year later, I’d gained four stone! Yep, that was the day I joined Weight Watchers for the last time and realised I needed to do it for the last time and I did, my goal weight now is 10st 6lb which is much more realistic and maintainable.
Not only did I change my goal weight, I changed my life too. I decided the degree wasn’t that important to my life, I was trying to prove a point that I wasn’t thick, so instead of finishing it, I walked about with an HND, I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone, I know I’m smart! I also walked away from the job, yes it was very highly paid for someone with not formal qualifications and a great opportunity for future career advancement, plus it had a company pension, but guess what I didn’t enjoy it, so I walked away, a little terrified at first! But I realised my sanity was worth more than any amount of money.
I’ll have been at my goal (give or take the odd ½ stone blip) for 7 years this August and I’ve never been happier. I have a job I love and a life that’s perfect for me.
So wherever you are on your weight loss journey, give yourself a break, better still give yourself a hug and decide to love you right now, the journey will suddenly become easier and sweeter.
If there are things in your life you don’t like, change them. No it’s not easy, but wow it’s worth it.
Have a absolutely brilliant day, I know I will xx
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