15th October 2018
What you tell yourself every day will either life you up or
tear you down.
I’m so glad I’ve done nothing all weekend, I’m actually
starting to feel human again, my voice isn’t 100% yet but hopefully after
another day of quiet, I’ll be ready to go to work this week and hopefully not
lose it again!
I sat and crocheted and watched tv all day yesterday, found
me an Amazon prime series and watched 8 of the 10 of Dietland, plan to finish
it today, it’s a bit weird, a lot wonderful and quite thought provoking if you
bother to think and not just watch it at face value. It’s a dark comedy that’s addressing all
those issues of the diet industry, objectification, fat shaming, terrorism and
feminist rage! There was one part where
she’s taken to have all the procedures needed to make her ‘bangable’, I’m sorry
but there’s no way on earth I’d be putting myself through all that pain for
vanity, you can all wax, pluck, inject, bleach, buy all the products to make
you ‘beautiful’ and do whatever floats your boat but I’m not playing the game,
I’m happy looking the way I do and being this version of me. If you’re a woman, watch it, see if you
agree, if you’re a man, watch it and learn a thing or two.
Anyway, I bought a chicken, I couldn’t eat another piece of
salmon yesterday, I hadn’t had chicken in over a week, even Alfie looked excited
when I popped it in the oven, we both enjoyed ripping it apart when it came
back out 90 minutes later, he was grateful for all the skin, gristle and bit of
chicken, the cats enjoy a bit too, mom had a sarnie with hers and I enjoyed
chicken, chips, gravy and peas – lush.
Yeah I bought a whoopsie tray of chips, couldn’t resist. I’m going to have to do a little shop, I
need vegetables, although I do have a bag of mixed frozen I can use first. Need to make me a list of what I do need,
then decide where to shop, decisions, decisions.
I’ve defrosted a pizza ball again, now to decide what to do
with it as I have not toppings except tomato puree. Mmm I could defrost some salmon and use the
dough as a case, have a ‘en croute’ or a calzone style thing, mmm maybe, with
phili light which I have still in fridge and I can buy a bag of spinach. Ooo interesting, yeah I need to shop, I want
mushrooms, I haven’t eaten mushrooms in a week, this is bizarre, actually
missing staple ingredients that I have in my cupboards all the time.
This last couple of weeks have really made me see food differently
again and value it for what it is, to appreciate how lucky I am to be able to
afford to have a full fridge all the time.
I’m still working through the freezer and the bits in the cupboards but
I need fresh vegetables for sure, I’ll buy just what I need today from the
Co-op because I still ain’t 100% and don’t want to spend time shopping.
Oooo just looked at today’s coaching card, now this is
POWERFUL!
If you do not make any changes to your behaviours in the
next 3 years, how do you feel about who you will be then?
Now, there’s a question…
I’m not putting my answer in here, actually yeah I will, I
think as long as my behaviours don’t get any worse, I’ll be okay, but if they
do then I know I won’t be happy which is telling me I need to start thinking
about what I’m eating and ensure I don’t gain any more weight, to try and lose
some and continue to try and be the best version of myself. I live for today, with mom’s condition, I can’t
bear to think about the future and what might be, it’s too painful.
Right let’s live for today, damn raining again, crazy
weather but at least we’re not having the floods they’re having elsewhere. Have a very, great Monday BeYOUtiful,
appreciate yourself as you are now for who you are and work on being the best
version of yourself you want to be.
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