BE NICE!

6^th July 2011

We are injured and hurt emotionally, not so much by other people or what they say and don't say, But by our own attitude and our own response. Maxwell Maltz

I’m having a strange week this week, I don’t feel 100% with it, maybe it’s partly down to the changes at work and getting used to them, maybe it’s the weather, or maybe its just the moon cycle ;D I’m not sure what stage it’s got to at the moment!

So I think I’m gonna get a little deep this morning, let me start with a story, two little girls playing in the park, the first raised her hand playfully to slap her friend on the arm.  Before she was able to connect, the other little girl said, “Ouch!”  The first little girl looked at her and said, “Why did you say ‘Ouch’?  I haven’t even touched you yet.”  To which her friend replied, “Well, I knew it was going to hurt.”  On this occasion, the mental pain presumed and responded to the expected physical pain.

Sometimes if you actually stop and think before you speak, you can prevent that “ouch” moment for someone else.  Think about it, if what you are about to say to someone isn’t nice, - why say it!  You don’t have to physically hit someone to deeply hurt them.

Its never okay to say hurtful things to another person - even in jest, and if it does happen it’s not okay to respond with more hurtful comments.

A lot of times you say things you do not mean; this can be very damaging, you may say something jokingly on Monday, and on Friday the person you upset finally brings it up, and at that point you don’t even know what to say to make things right, heck you probably don’t even remember saying the comment in the first place.  So think about it, it’d be better to just not say things you do not mean at all.  Remember too, the listener only picks up your words and makes their own interpretation, so be sure before you say something that you know how it will be interpreted.  You may have not meant any offence but that doesn’t mean none was taken.

Choosing the right words while communicating is important. Whether you know about someone’s insecurities/sensitivities or not, you have to be very careful while talking, even in jest. For example, if you’re in a Weight Watcher meeting, you can almost guarantee most members are insecure about their looks or their weight, you should never joke about these things. Even to the point of saying "Fat chance" about something unrelated because they may take it the wrong way. Saying things you do not really mean, even in jest, is disrespectful, and can be hurtful. Some of the comments that stick with us the longest are the ones that were said jokingly.

My nan used to say "Think before you open your mouth!" and "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!"  Wise words I thinks.

On a more positive note, let’s look at loving yourself because that’s more important than anything in the whole wide world and when you learn to do that, those comments when they do occur don’t have that power to hurt so badly because you already know you’re amazing.  Loving yourself means supporting yourself.  Reach out to friends and allow them to help you.  You really are being strong when you ask for help when you need it.  so many of us have learned to be so self-reliant and self-sufficient that we can’t ask for help because our egos won’t let us.  I used to be that way, but I’m not anymore, my wonderful friends proved to me I don’t have to be.  So instead of trying to do it all yourself and getting angry because maybe you can’t, try asking for help and if you’re upset by anything, or just need some reassuring words so you’re reminded you’re fabulous, share how your feeling with a friend, maybe ask them to give you a hug, if they’re not close in person, maybe a long distance verbal hug will do, that’s one where they tell you how amazing you are and how they’re life wouldn’t be so fabulous without you in it. ;D

So today, please everyone BE NICE, it makes me sad when I see friends and members upset and hurt by thoughtless comments. xx