The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home.
I don't really want to talk about yesterday at all! I do need to make some phone calls though, the social worker rang a month ago and the dementia people rang 18th Feb after the nurse had called to ask if I was okay to wait until they'd had their meeting on the Wednesday, er yeah that was the next day, this is 3 weeks later, moms getting worse, the nurse told me there were drugs to help and boy does she need them. She was confused all day yesterday, she called my sister her sister, I don't think she knew who I was for most of the day, asked me a few times when Bev was coming home. She did have her hair cut and enjoyed that bit of company. The sundowning was dreadful, I'd happily go to bed at 7 these days to shorten that time of day, but she started to sundown much earlier, it's emotionally exhausting. I don't know how older loved ones handle it because it's hard, it really is. I normally only focus on the day I'm living, but last night I found myself thinking about the future, what's to come with mom as she gets worse and I didn't like where my head went at all. She only woke me a couple of times in the night and I was able to go back so not so bad.
However today's another day, I had my T-bone steak yesterday, it beat me, I couldn't eat it all but I did add, chips, mushrooms and tomato, oh and a slice of bread so I'm not surprised a 20oz steak was a little too large lol. It was delicious but I have no desire to eat red meat for a while now. I also got more pleasure out of knowing my sister and her lot enjoyed theirs so much than I did from eating my own! Lighter meals for the rest of the week to balance it out, I love this Chinese proverb;
Eating what stands on one leg (mushrooms and plant foods) is better than eating what stands on two legs (fowl), which is better than eating what stands on four legs (cows, pigs, and other mammals).
It's a good summary of traditional wisdom regarding the relative healthfulness of different kinds of food, though it does leave out the legless which I tend to eat a lot of this week, I don't mean the drunk, I mean fish.
Time to start paying attention to what's on my plate and making sure I eat a rainbow of colours, not all green, white and brown. The weathers warming up and a good bowl of salad is a great addition to anyones day, those £1 tubs from Tesco are super convenient if you're in a rush. I didn't get to do any cooking yesterday but I will today, if only to be in another room for a bit, I even found myself washing up at 8 last night because I couldn't take the atmosphere anymore, even Alfie went upstairs the poor thing.
I am however looking forward to going to work, a day spent with like minded people, a few laughs, some inspiration, hopefully some ideas.
I can't believe it's already 10th March, the time is just flying isn't it, or is that just me? No matter how easy or difficult the days are, they collectively seem to quickly turn into weeks and before you know it we're in another month. If you're struggling with it all, remember its the little things we do each day that lead to the outcomes we're looking for. Adding lots and lots of mushrooms to my steak yesterday meant I was unable to eat all the steak (mushrooms one foot, steak four feet, the mushrooms are healthier lol), taking Alfie on an extra walk, not exactly cardio exercise but it's moving, the dancing was making my ankle worse so I won't do it for half hour every day, it doesn't mean I won't do a bit of a dance whilst waiting for the kettle to boil.
Just do a little bit of something that's good for you every day, make one small change at a time, and over time, you'll notice changes in yourself.
The start of this blog made it sound like my entire day was awful, it wasn't, I have a knack of zoning out and focusing on what I'm doing, so things I did enjoy was crocheting my hexagons, knowing that when they're all put together it'll look amazing (ah a bit like making one small change at a time). My audio book is really good and walking Alfie I got to listen to more of that. Not gonna lie I did have some wine, joking aside, I do need to curb that, I know I joke about it but I don't want mom's illness to actually turn me into a true alcoholic! I enjoyed watching an episode of McDonald and Dodds, I've really enjoyed them, I do hope they make more, I like easy going stuff, and the two main characters relationships with each other was lovely.
Oh and today's started good, I just guessed the song from the lyrics on Vanessa Feltz radio 2 breakfast show, that made me smile, plus bought back some great memories about the boy who introduced me to the band (well he was a man but that didn't look as good in the sentence) yeah it's going to be a great day despite dementia.
Mwah, luv ya
Love me xx
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