It's all getting better

Thursday 16th July 2020

Be the reason someone smiles today.

Day 4 of focusing on the good and doing a little meditation and I'm calmer for sure, long may it continue.  I also laughed yesterday in this video https://www.facebook.com/bevww/videos/10158111269575862/ like I haven't laughed in a very long time, then we had a good giggle in the virtual workshop on the night.  

I can't recommend it enough, pay attention to the positives in your day, especially if you are feeling a bit low or stressed.  I talked to moms Dementia Nurse yesterday and I admitted that changing my behaviour is helping my moms condition.  I have to take ownership of being the 'carer', not take things so personally.  Ultimately you cannot argue or reason with dementia, it's like trying to rationalise with a toddler who doesn't understand.  Oh and shouting NEVER resolves anything, it just makes you really wound up and annoys the other person further.  I won't forget I'm only human though and I will most likely slip but that won't stop me doing my best to keep this new calm going because it makes mom feel a lot safer and happier.  Bless her heart, half 3 this morning she asked if she could get up, I let her because I knew she'd go back to sleep in her chair but better that than mithered in her bedroom.

But I can't think of anything good in my life!  

 If this is how you feel, look again, honestly, first of all you have me in your life 😁 seriously though, think of all the people you come into contact with that you are glad to know.  

I've been writing my list on my phone the last few days but I think I'm going to start doing it in a book, I like the idea of a JOY JOURNAL.  A physical constant reminder of things in my life that will keep me going on the not so good days.  I can fill it full of daily positives, my sunshine list (this is a list of things in my life that make me smile, that make my heart sing, that warm my inner sunshine.   I will add to it quotes that inspire me (I love a quote), I could stick photos that I take (or that I've taken in the past) in it that remind me of good times.   Yeah I like this idea, a journal dedicated to things I love about my world and I'll keep it close by as a constant reminder.  It could also include a list of things I want to do in the future. things that may not be possible right now, but one day....  

I love this idea so much, I'm off to look for a book upstairs, if not I'm going to order one from Amazon, I like ring bound, might use my old filofax and then when it's full I can transfer it to a ring binder and add more blank paper, mmm we shall see, I'm off to mooch whilst mom's snoozing. I do however need to also get ready for work, thankfully I don't need to wear my PPE whilst upstairs in my office lol, I might use a face mask as my book mark as that made me laugh so much yesterday, it'll be a constant reminder, I will take a screen shot of me wearing it in the video and stick that photo in my book. 

When you focus on the good, the good gets better 

Honest 

Mwah, 

Luv ya 

Love me xx

Think small!

Wednesday 15th July 2020 

The grass is greener where you water it. 

Slow it down!  Lower your expectations!  Celebrate the small wins!  Stop doing the all or nothing things.  If you're not at goal (or the weight you want to be) and you haven't been there for a long time without having to think constantly about what you're doing, you're still a work in progress and WE (yes me too) still need to take care of ourselves, but not just the food, our minds too.  

Every week WW Virtual Workshops cover a different technique and they're brilliant because they're working on not only weight loss but also nutrition and behaviour change.  The workshops are a place where you get the chance to learn a science-based strategy for weight loss, by putting these techniques in place we can make those changes that give us long term success and that's what we all want.  

This is why I'm passionate about tweak of the week, sometimes that tweak needs to be the same tweak for many weeks, so with my yoga that was my tweak for the month until it stuck.  Another tweak has been adding more zero heroes to my diet which is quite easy as it's something I already do so it was just a reminder tweak.  I've decided my latest tweak is starting meditation, now I only usually like to start one new new tweak at a time but I've added taking time to reflect on what I'm thankful for.  The two things really go together well, as you'll know my life has been stressful lately (as has most peoples in one way or another) and I want it calmer, this is only day 3 of doing it but I have to say so far so good, I am calmer, I am handling mom much better, being woken up throughout the night isn't niggling at me or making me resentful, I'm appreciating why she's doing it.  If I compare how we are both feeling this morning compared to this time last week, well they don't compare, last week I was wound like a coil, she was aggressive, I ended up running away from home in the rain.  Mom's still having anxious moments but I'm reassuring her and we're much better thankfully.  

If you're stressed out, I highly recommend both, go on YouTube have lots of guided meditation options, I like Adriene, but I've tried a couple of others too, find a voice you like, start with a 5 minute one.  The other thing the gratitude, honestly if you start to focus on the good, you realise there is plenty to balance out the struggles.  I've set a prompt in my phone to remind me to reflect back on my day, I've set it for 4pm, but I've also noted things down as I've noticed them through out the day.  I'm using my notes on my phone to track them and over time, I can watch that list get longer and I'll feel better.   Yesterday's included;

I am grateful for...

Having enough energy & patience to be able to get up and reassure mom throughout the night when she woke scared and/or confused.

Being able to balance on one foot whilst doing yoga without falling over 🤪

Eggs!

The Voice Kids (mom watched it for the 3rd time & loved it again)

The vet seeing Alfie & there not being anything major wrong 😅

Jigsaws

Seeing the Giants Causeway and sharing memories with mom about our visit there ❤️

Songs is Praise UK top ten hymns kept mom entertained for a bit. We fast forwarded the ones she didn't know 😝

Bed by 8.30 moms settled and content, I'm in bed with The Mandalorian & baby yoda! (This is what I go to bed with these days 😉)

Another mostly calm day ❤️  

What's your tweak this week?  Remember when trying to create a new behaviour / habit, remember you need a prompt to remind you to do it, so for me, the Yoga is my prompt to do the meditation, with the gratitude it's the alarm on my phone.  Anything that will remind you of your plans.  Then celebrate that you've completed it and I don't mean with food!  With my mediation my reward is a cuppa tea but it's also that feeling of inner calm, with the gratitude it's a little 'boom' and a fist pump as I post it on Facebook.  

Right, I'm off to do something with cauliflower for lunch today, I'm thinking some kind of cheesy thing or a katsu curry, we shall see but it needs using before it dies in the fridge!  I've never seen my fridge looking so pathetic, but this week is mostly about eating from my cupboard, then I've got my Marlie's menu dishes to look forward to at the weekend.  I've pointed her dishes this week, they are 

Lamb tagine 18SP on green, 16SP on blue, 15SP on purple

Butter chicken 13SP on green, 10SP on blue and purple

Curried goat 8SP 

plus the points for the rice.  

I might even light a little candle and pretend I am in a restaurant!  

Right I'm really of now lol, have a great Wednesday, I'll be online in my Virtual workshop tonight, 5.30 in the Wolverhampton Connect group on the WW app, come talk habits with us.  

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx

Waffling!

Tuesday 14th July 2020

Don't overlook life's small joys while searching for the big ones.

A pretty good day yesterday, bit of a disturbed night but nothing I couldn't handle.   I'm doing my best to  focus on the positives and be grateful for the good, I know it's only been a couple of days but I do feel better for it.  

I've started to wrote a list of what stresses my out and I'm going to work with that to help me get to a calmer place.  I can't change moms disease but I can be calmer about how I handle it.  The calmer I can get myself, the more patience I will have.  Another yoga followed by meditation session this morning. 

I've mentioned that this week we're talking habits, well here's a fabulous habit you could start, Give yourself a compliment every day. Or finish this sentence “I love myself because __________.”  And if you're not quite ready for that, smile at yourself in the mirror.  

With everything that's happened in the world this year, you should really love yourself, so far your body has protected you from this deadly virus, how amazing is it really.  Okay it might be heavier than you'd like but WOW, it really is incredible!    

I've realised thinking 'I should' lose weight is one of the things that adds to my stress, the word SHOULD always adds pressure to any thoughts you have and for me the SHOULD is partly because of the job I do, I don't think I'd be concerned about the numbers at all if it wasn't that I am a WW coach.  I'm more interested in the healthy, as long as I feel well, am taking care of myself, eating well most of the time, then the numbers are okay where they are.  

I need to save my energy for the things that cause stress that are out of my control.  I found this image on Facebook last night and it's so true. 

When I'm stressed out, I tend to eat, so if I work on reducing my stress levels it's got to be a good thing.  So worrying about losing weight stresses me out which then causes me to eat and I'll never lose weight!   Time to change the pattern for sure.  

I lost 1/2lb this week, I've eaten some of moms treats without beating myself up about it, I've had something to eat when I'm hungry and also when I fancy it.  I obviously have maintenance sussed as I weigh more or less the same as I did when Lockdown started back in March.

Anyways, I'm waffling, trying to multitask with a conversation with Lynne and now Alfie is hounding me for a walk, I'm working at 8 so I need to get on.  Catch some of you in a bit on virtual. 

Mwah, luv y a

Love me x

Smile you are BeYOUtiful x

Monday 13th July 2020 

Know you're already BeYOUtiful 

One of the first things mom said to me this morning was "I like your new hairdo!" This my friends is the result of Peri-menopause combined with living with Alzheimer's/Dementia. The grey I'll thank my mom for, the tied on the top of my head look is because it's too bloody hot to sleep with it down thanks to the hormones. The smile I thank my inner strength for and all those wonderful people in my life helping me to keep going through the crazy! Oh I'll give a little credit to Yoga With Adriene as her yoga & meditation has worked wonders since the start of lockdown. Love the skin you're in my BeYOUtiful people, love the skin you're in.

Yesterday was a mixed bag but we survived, I won't bore you with the details this morning I'm working on focusing on the positives which is why I did a FB post before going to bed last night with a few things I'm grateful for which included; my sisters support. V & Kell popping round. The few hours of peace my mom had in her day. The sunshine and my walk with Alfie. Being able to work virtually from my office. Having a roof over my head and my health, oh and almost my sanity! 

I'm going to try to do to remember to do that every night and go to bed thankful.  This is a habit I'm going to work on putting in place along with a bit of mediation each morning following my yoga.  All ways to help me cope with moms disease.  

We're talking habits this week and I've read a few good books over the years on them, I'm reading one right now called Tiny Habits by B J Fogg, it's got some interesting stuff in, including the questions you should ask yourself before starting to build a new habit. 

These are them; 

What is making the behaviour (habit) hard to do?

How can I make this easier to do?

Do you have enough time to do this behaviour?

Do you have enough money? (if relevant)

Are you physically capable of doing the behaviour?

Does the behaviour require a lot of creative or mental energy?

Does the behaviour fit into your new routine or does it require adjustments?

Remember to help you do your new habit, you’ll need a prompt, so if it was to go for a walk when you get up, it might be put your trainers by the front door. If it was to do some yoga, put your mat on the floor ready.

Then when you’ve completed the habit, give yourself a reward and I don’t mean food! It can just be a fist pump or a DID IT Dance!

Remember healthy habits aren’t just about weight loss! I’m all about tweak of the week so here’s some suggestions, you can pick your own or use one of mine.

Drink a pint of water before your first cuppa

Tracking you breakfast on your app

Doing a 5 minute FitOn workout on app

Swapping evening snack for fruit

Parking further away from the entrance at work / supermarket

Thinking or writing about 3 good things when you get into bed

Doing a short, guided meditation in the morning

Getting out of bed as soon as alarm goes off (no pressing snooze)

Drinking a glass of water when you put the kettle on

Read a chapter of a book each day

Take 5 deep breathes when tempted to stress eat before opening the kitchen door

Perform a morning skincare routine

Eat fruit and/or veg at every meal

Have at least one early night

Up step count by 100 daily

Put phone away 2 hours before bedtime

Have 2 alcohol free days each week

Do 10 push ups (and build on it)

Do a plank for 10 seconds (and build on it)

Stand when talking on your phone.

I've got my prompt to do my meditation, it's finishing my yoga, my reward is the calmness I feel when I'm done.  What can be my prompt to do my 'things I'm grateful for?' I don't have to wait to go to bed to do it, actually a really good time to do it would be when moms mood is most likely to start to turn, so around 4pm, I know that's not the end of my day but good things are more likely to happen before that time than after, so I'm going to put a little reminder in my phone to go off to prompt me to do it.  My reward will be acknowledging it's not all bad and I will smile. 

No workshops today, got a little work to do this morning on my computer but then I'm going to try and get some crochet done, mom was a bit too needy yesterday.  I want to do a bit of study too so fingers crossed for a calm day. 

Whatever you're doing work, rest or play, enjoy 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me 

Sunday (no lie in)

Sunday 12th July  2020

Give yourself some credit for how far you've come.

Well not the best start to the day, moms already kicking off, ringing my sister, doesn't recognise me.  She woke me up in the middle of the night, she's broken and can't be fixed and it's all a big pile of poo.  Tears for breakfast, one minutes she's so vulnerable, the next she's aggressive and angry. 

It's like the waves of the sea, highs and lows, back and forth, up and down, it's exhausting, it really is.  But I won't give up, I bloody won't.  My sisters here now trying to reason with her.

The highlight of the day was watching The Voice Kids, she was so happy for an hour, completely distracted.  

I was made happy by having someone else cook my dinner, I can't go out to restaurants at the moment, whether Covid existed or not so instead I'm having Marlies Menu's bring it to me.  This week it was Beef bourguignon at 11SP, I enjoyed it with some mash and it was both my lunch and my dinner, so filling and delicious. 

I've also had a goat curried ready for today, it's the mild one so it's more like a stew and its just the best thing I've eaten this year.   I think she's doing a lamb tagine next week - I can't wait.  It's my one indulgence at the moment, this weekly treat to look forward too.

Looking forward to working this morning, we're starting a Summer Challenge today and the topic is one of my favourites - I'm all about habits and it's been put across in a way I haven't seen before so I can't wait to share it with members.  I'm on from 9.30 for check in and 10 for the chat, links in the Stafford Connect Group.  

Oh I got active in the kitchen yesterday and gave it a good tidy up and clean, it was a right mess, you could barely see the floor, but it looked glorious this morning when I walked in to make a cuppa.  And because Marlie's menu has already made my dinner, I've not got to make a mess of it cooking today - YAY! 

Today I hope to get moms head in a better place, I'll suggest we start another jigsaw, I've got two crochet projects on the go so would like to get some of that done, but will leave it if doing a jigsaw helps mom, I'd do anything right now to make her feel better, she was so frail and scared in the night, she said to me "you would tell anyone about this will you", which is why I've not gone into detail because I want to respect her wishes, she doesn't say things like that very often. 

Right I need to get my backside into gear, Anne's managing to calm her down.  I'm gonna go get ready for work, here's to a good day.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me 

Choices!

Saturday 11th July 2020

Notice how the everyday little things are the most beautiful.

Yep, MOM turned upside down is WOW, I need to remind myself of that when she's having a bad day!  We choose the lives we live, as difficult as it is to accept sometimes, I've been thinking about it the last few days because I'm in a situation that is really difficult to live with but I've chosen it.  No we didn't choose for mom to have Alzheimer's but I have chosen to take care of her, I always remind myself I have a choice, I could leave, there are different options, but I choose to stay because I love her even when she's being a vile human being and behaving in a despicable way. 

CHOICES!

It's not just me and my mom, it's everything isn't it, I choice to open a bottle of wine, I choose to eat the crisps or the cheese.   Therefore it's important to remember this; 

You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your choices.   Everything in our lives is a reflection of a choice we have made.  If we want a different result, we need to make a different choice.  

I'm going to start owning my choices, because whatever I'm not changing I'm choosing!  I need to decide if I'm happy with my choices, you might like to do the same.

Focusing on the good things too is something that really helps me, on Tuesday or was it Thursday, anyway it was one of those days because it was a virtual workshop when Lisa was supporting me and I said asked what question shall we start off the workshop to ensure every one knows how to use the chat and she said, 'what's something positive about your week' or words to that effect and when I started thinking about the good things that had happened, they started to outweigh the truly bad day I'd had with mom on Wednesday, ah so it was Thursday she said it lol.  Yeah good things this week that have made my week better include, 

seeing my bestie nearly every day as she's moving house soon and storing some bits at mine. 

chatting with my other bestie via messenger and knowing she's coming for a visit soon.

Seeing Lucy and her bringing me a Maccy D's.

Having visitors for mom and seeing her mood lift as people gave her attention and chatted.

Having a walk with Alfie yesterday, he actually wanted to walk, we were out an hour.

Mom enjoying the carer for almost the full 4 hours yesterday.

And so much more!  What you focus on becomes your reality, so I'm going to be putting my attention on the good moments and blocking out the bad.

Yesterday was a pretty good day, today's hopefully going to be too, got a workshop at 9.45 with Elle & Kate, members get 3 coaches for the price of one on a Saturday morning in the Wolverhampton Connect Group. 

I'm listening to mom tell Alfie 'it's a shit life', after she's moaned at him for sitting on her paper.  Now usually she's trying to get him to come to her and he won't so instead of her appreciating the love he's trying to give her, she's focusing on the fact she can't read her paper - which will still be there in half hour when he wanders off again!  You get what  you focus on so focus on what you want!  If only I could have this conversation with her, but I can't because she would just get angry with me, Alzheimer's is stealing her joy and leaving her with nothing but darkness.  She can't help it - we can, let's focus on the good stuff. 

Remember whatever you're not changing you're choosing.  

Have a great day, I'll see some of you in a little while.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

No rush...

Friday 10th July 2020

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished. 

I do love not rushing in a morning, it's 6.21, I've been awake since 4am, and since them I've done some meditation and yoga and a little bit of self work and both Alfie and mom are still asleep - BLISS!  Now that's the perfect start to my day, it could only be bettered by a good long walk through the fields (one day I'll be able to do all these things again without having to make sure mom's okay).

Yeah a slower pace of life is something I truly enjoy, a simpler way of living is something I genuinely long for.  Who wouldn't want a stress-free home life, to feel less stressed, relaxed rather than overwhelmed?  How great would it be to not have to multi-task rather focus on one thing at a time - sounds good don't it! 

We've still got to pay the bills though so we can't just pack in the job, after all we don't want to lose the roof over our head!

Having said that I've realised over the last few months, I can live on less by being more mindful, especially in the kitchen, I've always spent far too much money on food.  I've made a conscious effort this last month to try and only spend on things I need, it always helps to ask yourself the question "do I want it or do I need it?" before you buy something. 

I've started unsubscribing from all those emails that send me offers and try to tempt me to buy stuff I don't need with money I don't have!  I'm also throwing away stuff that comes in the post without even opening it if I can tell it's something that's trying to sell me something!  Yeah if you haven't done it, why don't you set yourself a no spending challenge, try going a week with no frivolous spending, just bills and groceries, eat what's in your house, I'll let you buy bread and milk!  We've not really been going out anyway so you can manage a week.  I'm going to move my food supermarket slot next week to the week after and do just that, my sister can always get me a loaf if I need one but I have long life milk, we'll be good.  That's at least £40 I'll save as that's the minimum spend! 

I can't believe I haven't been in a supermarket for months and I'm not missing it, I used to be addicted to the idea of being able to wander around looking at the niceness on offer but now I'm happy to get my weekly slot for essentials, maybe the odd bit of something nice.  

Same goes for my weekly massage, I used to be distraught if I didn't get that, yet now I'm not sure when I'll bother to have one again, even when I can, I enjoyed my walk through the fields so much more and I didn't have to arrange a time for that, much less stressful, just go when I can. 

Doing my yoga has definitely started to calm me down and slow me down, I now intend to add meditation daily I think even if it's only 5 minutes, there's so many studies that talk of the benefits, I'm willing to give it a go. 

I need to have a bit of a declutter again, that makes life simpler because you have less stuff to go through and look through when you're looking for something.  

Now it looks like it might be a dry day, if mom's good when her lady comes at noon, I may slip away for a good walk.  Fingers crossed! 

 It wasn't until I was chatting with my bestie yesterday that I realised the kind of things I miss at the moment are stuff like being able to go for a walk when I fancy, going to bed when I'm ready and standing in the kitchen cooking and mooching about without having to be concerned with mom and how she'll react.  In Lynne's words 'all things most folk take for granted'.  I'm not fussed about not having holidays or going out for meals, I just miss being free!

So for now I'll take these rare few hours when she's asleep to do my yoga or contemplate life and make the most of the quiet hours. 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Emotional Feeling not Eating!

Thursday 9th July 2020

Don't become exhausted from trying to be stronger than you feel.

Well after everything I blogged yesterday, all my plans to get on track, I had a really, really tough day.  

"You look after number 1 don't ya!"

How one sentence can turn your day upside down!  I'd just sat down to enjoy my breakfast and that was what mom said to me, well without dwelling on it all, let's just say it was the straw that broke the camels back.  Thankfully my sister came and sat with her whilst I drove my car to the mechanics and walked the 3 mile back.  

I was going to do a video whilst walking to try and express the rollercoaster of emotions that effect our eating behaviour, I didn't but if I had done, the conversations would've been different had I done it at the beginning, middle or end of the walk.  That is the power of walking, it moves the body and calms the mind, it gives me valuable time to process my thoughts and calm myself down.  

I cried an awful lot yesterday because she didn't get any better with me, it didn't help that she had the foot lady and her hairdresser coming, so each time she found out about one of them she got stroppy, no one tells me anything, I don't need my feet/hair doing ra ra ra!  It was a difficult day for sure. 

I was however glad that instead of eating or drinking my emotions, I felt them, I cried!  Our emotions are not meant to be quashed down and ignored.  We need to allow ourselves to feel whatever we need to feel - feel it all and let it go.  People tell me 'you know it's not your mom when she says things like that' but that doesn't help when it's constant, then someone else walks in the room and she's all sunshine and rainbows, it hurts, it's painful and it's hard.  Therefore I will cry when I need to, I will shout and scream if it helps because by having this mini meltdowns, I won't end up having a breakdown!  

Now I'm going to use swear words here, I try not to in my blog even though in real life I have Tourette's, but I appreciate that not everyone does swear and I would never want to offend anyone, however these were my brothers words.  When he visited on Sunday and we were chatting he was telling me about some bloke he follows on Facebook who occasionally says something worth listening to, he said basically, 'we all have our own shit going on in our lives, I've got my shit, you've got your shit and they've got their shit and the things is to learn to control your own shit and not put your shit on to someone else's shit' so eloquent lol!  But it's true isn't it, we have all got shit going on in our lives, some more than others and right now with everything that's going on in the world, more shit than usual.  I mean I've had mom to care for for years now but the last 4 months have been the hardest ever, then work has given me more to be concerned about.  The same is happening for others, people being extremely ill or worse dying, losing jobs, money worries, health worries, mental health issues arising from being in lockdown, isolation and on and on it goes.  

If you are struggling to lose weight, focus on being healthy, or anything you would like to do, acknowledge that this is a difficult time and you aren't expected to behave in a certain way.

Also I know my brother said not to put your shit onto someone else shit but I strongly believe that a problem shared is a problem halved, so don't confuse the two.  It's good to talk, don't burden others but don't be afraid to share how you're feeling and never be embarrassed because of how you feel, we wouldn't have the ability to feel all these different emotions if we weren't meant to. 

I did eat a few chocolates yesterday but not because I was angry / sad / miserable / upset, no I ate a few because damn they're good, they were Thornton's, it was my moms way of connecting with me again, a peace offering almost, although I don't think she even remembered how upset I'd been or what she'd said that morning. 

I also ate healthy stuff, I experimented with the cauliflower, I coated them with egg and dipped in Panko breadcrumbs. You could add any herbs or spices. Then I roasted them in the oven, they were really good and I will definitely do it again.  I'm thinking I could serve them with Katsu curry sauce as that usually goes on breaded chicken.  Ooo yeah, maybe I'll have that today! 

I know I have Uncle Bens in the cupboard and it's only 4SP for the pot.  I will use normal golden breadcrumbs this time as I only used Panko to use them up, you could even make your own breadcrumbs, or blitz cornflakes or crisps, it's all about having a play in the kitchen. 

I've got a morning of virtual workshops, 8.30 and 10.30 in the Dudley and Wolverhampton Connect group on the WW app that I'm looking forward too.  Then I'll cook up some deliciousness for my dinner.  

And you know what, when I did my yoga this morning I had a little white vest top and my PJ bottoms on and I caught my reflection in the mirror as I left the bathroom, I liked my reflection, I'm not unhappy with my appearance or my body, it's not hurting which is just brilliant as it's not very often I can say that!  It's not just about the numbers on the scales is it, it's so much more and I'm happy with my body, I'm just trying to take care of it as best I can to keep it going for as long as I can. 

Here's to making the most of your day, mwah,

luv ya 

Love me xx

It's raining again....

Wednesday 8th July 2020

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up.

It all happens here!  I'll be ringing the vet today as Alfie's having some kind of seizures, they've been happening the last couple of weeks but seem to not be going away.  Then mom's hot water bottle has burst this morning whilst she was sleeping on her chair in the living room.  My yoga got interrupted first by Alfie thinking it was play time, then by moms bottle, I've managed 20 minutes but I've given up now, had to help her re dress and sort that out.  She didn't have quite a good day yesterday unfortunately, she got quite emotional at one point, upset about how she feels and how worthless and useless she feels, she's scared all the time she says.  Then when we were ready for bed she was starting to go down that not being in her own house rabbit hole.  Thankfully it didn't get bad and although it took her a while to go to sleep, I think she's had a half decent night.  She let me sleep, I've done a lot of dreaming, a lot of tossing and turning but I've had sleep and that's all the matters.  

Today's draw a line day, I've put all moms birthday treats and goodies out of my sight so I'm not tempted, it's bloody hard ignoring a table of goodies that are within arms reach.  It was the last thing I did before going to bed last night, I decided if I can't see it, I won't think about it.  

I've got a fridge full of fresh zero goodness, I'm looking forward to eating some of it.  Going to start my day with egg and beans on toast, I'll add mushrooms too, that'll keep me full for a good few hours.  

I had an email yesterday to tell me I was re-opening my Bloxwich workshop on July 23rd, unfortunately that date has been delayed by the church because they're not ready, they have a meeting on July 20th once they've done a risk assessment and hopefully following that, it will all come together.  It's looking like I won't be back in any of my workshops until August at the earliest.  

Okay, I know we've been here so many times before but you know what, I'm here again!   I will be here as many times as I need to be until I don't need to be!  It's a month until August 6th, 4 weeks, I could lose half stone in 4 weeks if I stopped fannying about!  I could at least be under the stone bracket and in the next one.  Will I?  I'm gonna do my best, I've been addressing lots of things, working on creating good habits, drinking more water, doing my yoga, that's helping.  This month is about including more zero heros, but I think it's time I need to get a grip and work at getting my daily points intake closer to the allowance I've been given.  I've just seen a video on facebook and I was a stone lighter, I want to get back to that. 

When I've finished typing this, I'm going to go and look at what is in my fridge and plan a few meals, I'm loving this weeks workshop, talking about things that will practically help us in the kitchen to lower the points in things, hopefully members will give me even more ideas this week.  

I've got 2 cauliflowers to make use of, I like the cauliflower rice, that lowers the points in a curry meal, I like the idea of coating them in my favourite sauce and roasting them, BBQ sauce all sticky and yummy, it's a lower pointed version of chicken wings.  I know it's not the same but hey, close your eyes, use your imagination!   I'm gonna have a play I think see what I can come up with. 

I need to get my mojo back, like so many people I'm in limbo, I'm working but no one can see me from the neck down so they don't know what I weigh.  The weathers gone yak again so Alfie won't want to go out in this at all!  

Right let's get our act together, I've got some members doing really well, I'm hoping if I do it, it'll help motivate the others to join me.

Let's get our act together! 

Luv ya 

Love me xx

She had the best day!

Tuesday 7th July 2020

Just be your own BeYOUtiful unique self. 

I don't think I've ever started writing my blog this late, it's 7.40 and I'm on virtual zoom 8-9!  Anyways, we had the bestest day yesterday, the only slight dip was the hour I had to spend convincing her to go to the dentist, but she went and was so brave, 20 minutes later and 4 teeth extracted and we were ready to return to her birthday.  Such wonderful thoughts sent from so many through cards and gifts and visits, I can't thank everyone enough for making her feel so special.  She was buzzing right until the minute I managed to convince her we needed to go to bed, that was about 9.30 and bless her for leaving me till 5.30 when she came and sat on my bed to tell me she wanted me to look after her birthday money for her because she's worried all night about losing it.  As tired as I was yesterday, I didn't care because she was just so happy.

Things I learned yesterday (as if I didn't already know them huh), I just can't resist certain foods when they're lying on the table between us, especially when I know they're the things she's likely to leave anyways.  Let's just say no way will I lose weight this week after what I ate yesterday and what's still in the house!  Oh but the best was Lucy bringing me a MacDonalds, I don't even know if I've had one this year at all but it was good, so good, that sauce on the big mac if off the scale, I'd have it with everything if they sold it in bottles in the supermarket.

Thankfully I've shopped sensibly, my delivery comes today and I'll do my best to limit the damage for the rest of the week.  I've just had a muffin with egg and advocado and mushroom, it wasn't all that this morning to be honest which just goes to show, eating in a hurry makes food taste not so good unless it's a big mac of course, you have to eat them like someones going to take it off you and it's your last meal - well I do anyway, I eat them like I'm a savage, but then I love to eat with my hands most of the time, knives and forks are overrated.

As I'm rushing so my brains not processing stuff enough to type, I'll just remind you about Marlie's Menu on Facebook again, she's posted this weeks meals, I'm definitely having some more goat, I really loved it. https://www.facebook.com/Marlies-Menu-101865791594540/

Right I'm gonna get off becuase I need to get logged in for work, hope to see some of you, I'm in the Wolverhampton group, 8-9, chat starts at 8.30.  Have a great day xx

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me 

Gonna be a long day

Monday 6th July 2020

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. 

It's just turning 5am and we've been up since half 3, mom decided it was morning, I wasn't in agreement but there are days like this and I was hoping she'd fall asleep in her chair - she hasn't!  It's going to be a long day, it's her birthday so I need to dig deep for energy and patience especially as that wasn't the first time she'd woke me through the night. 

Despite this and an accident before going to bed, we had quite a good day. She started to become unsettled at tea time but with some patience and distraction tactics, I managed to bring her round. I let her have one of her pressies which made her happy.  

My brother popped round too for a few hours, it was so good to see him, not seen him since before lockdown so we weren't short of things to say. Mom then spent the rest of the day looking for the money he'd given her 🙄

Today's all about mom, it's her birthday, she's got the dentist to have teeth out - it could go either way!  

I'm going to go and try to do my yoga, she's a little clingy this morning so not sure it'll be possible but if I don't try I won't know. 

I loved hosting the virtual workshop in the Stafford connect group, it was a great way to start my day. 

Here's to having a great day today. Wish me luck!

Mwah, luv ya

Love me. 

Food is just the best ain't it, especially when eaten in moderation and enjoyed!

Sunday 5th July 2020

Don't give your past the power to decide your future.

A good day was had yesterday, it started with my virtual which was a great end to my WW working week, looking forward to starting this weeks at 9.30 this morning (workshop starts at 10 in the Stafford Connect Group - it's food this week, always a good topic!  

Back to yesterday first, mom slept most of the day which was great, I know that's an awful thing to say but it meant I got to sit and watch Hamilton without her moaning, although the jury's out on that, I loved the music, the singing was brilliant, but it was long and I wasn't completely sure what was going on - I don't know my history much.  I spent a few hours studying too which I'm really enjoying at the minute, not really done much crochet this past week, I have experimented with designing a couple of crochet squares but not really done much else.  I'm using my time elsewhere, getting the old brain cells working again. 

Oh then there was the food, yesterday it was mutton curry and I had it with chips, nom nom, not sure of the points of this curry, although I'd point the mutton as lamb as she says it's lean and she trims it.  Can't find mutton on the WW app but I daresay if I googled nutritional info I'd find it, but I can't be bothered because as good as it was, I know the goat curry is lower in Smart Points and I absolutely loved that so much, it's one of those meals I could live on. 

The goat curry from the day before was only 8SP, the rice and peas 11SP on green or 9SP on blue & purple.  Plain rice would've been 5SP, she's happy to do with either. 

 

Amanda's looking at doing a veggie goulash next week which would work out at 9SP green, 7SP blue, 3SP green.  It's good to have something different occasionally and know the points especially when it's cooked by someone else with good quality ingredients.  Like her Facebook page for more info Marlie's Menu

I've already done the washing up this morning, there was loads because I didn't do it yesterday as I didn't want to wake and disturb mom, 30 minutes of yoga done too, and 15 minutes spent on me and my plans for sorting my health out, I've done that for 5 days now, I lie in bed with my phone and my thoughts and do a little self work.  Re-educating myself from the bottom up!  Totally going back to basics, so the first day was all about the WHY which I've mentioned on here this week, really turn into that annoying kid who keeps saying, 'but why?' and every time you answer they reply with 'but why' and see where it takes you.

Still tracking all I consume too, so in the morning I reflect back to ask myself if I've been honest and tracked it all or forgotten everything.  

I'm doing an Eating Psychology course so hopefully it'll mostly be a reminder but maybe teach me more stuff I can share with you all and we can sort our heads out together! 

For now though, I'm going to get on with my day, I need to walk Alfie before I log on for my workshop, I've got to keep mom out of the kitchen because that's where I've hidden all the cards and gifts that some of you wonderful people have sent for her birthday tomorrow, she's up but snoozing in her chair for now and it's stopped raining.  All is good in my world.

Here's to enjoying Sunday, hope you have a good one, 

mwah, luv ya 

Love me x

With pleasure....

Saturday 4th July 2020 

Better days are coming & I don't mean Saturday and Sunday

Well I made a discovery yesterday, goat is low in Smart Points!  Yep, it's 1SP per 100g raw weight, or 2SP for 165g, if you're on the green plan this is the same SP as chicken breast which is excellent news!  Even better because I had a goat curry with rice and peas delivered from Marlie's Menu's and it was a taste sensation!  Just look at that plate of deliciousness, it was so good, I wanted to eat it all over again immediately, not because I was hungry, just because it was good.  If there was another bowl in the fridge, I know I'd be eating it right now for breakfast, that to me is a sign of good food when I want to eat it for breakfast because it's too good to wait for.  

Who is Marlie's Menu? Well I've known Amanda for years, she once won on Come Dine with Me and I went to her house for a charity night where she cooked us dinner and we paid what we thought it was worth, oh and it was worth plenty!  I knew her meals would be delicious, plus they were delivered, all I had to do was ping them in the microwave.   Of course I want to be able to point them, so I'm waiting for her to send me the ingredients that she uses for her meals and I can help point them up so we can order takeaways that are both delicious and pointable, they're also made with good quality ingredients and that's what's important to me right now.

Yes I'd not mind losing a few pounds but I want to first and foremost be healthy and have energy and work on my relationship with food and my mood.  That's my priority.

I love to eat, it's delicious, so I'm going working on eating delicious, healthy food in moderation!  I want that healthy relationship with food back that I'd built, that has slowly diminished over the last few years because of the lifestyle that I have now. 

I'm getting there, I'm not in a rush, I'm starting with including more zero heroes (I know I've told you this already but it helps me to remind myself of my plans, plus it might encourage you to do the same).  I'm also working at tracking everything, I want to do this to make me aware of my behaviours, I've done 3 days 100% honestly, I'm considering a notepad then I can make comments about the food and my mood etc, mmm yes maybe I will, it's not like I've got anywhere to go!  I know it's July 4th and places are opening but I'm not going to be one of their customers, I wouldn't and couldn't go pre lockdown because of mom, I don't want to now.

Ah, mom, we got her to the dentist and he told me I have to take her back Monday to have what's left of her front teeth out, now I've got to go through the whole 'trying to get her there' nightmare all over again.  Plus it's her birthday bless her on Monday, so I can't decide whether to give her all her cards first thing before we go so she's happy or wait till we get home to cheer her up.  Mmm, decisions, decisions. 

She enjoyed her visit from the respite lady yesterday, a couple of hours again, we had to cut it short for her dentist appt, will try the 3 hours next week hopefully, see how it goes. She had mostly a good day yesterday, now hopefully she'll be good this morning whilst I work and happy days!

I know I've said I'm going to include more zero hero's and the curry above doesn't look like it's packed with them, but there were little peas and there'd have been onions, pus there's some green stuff if you zoom in.  I did have fruit (apples and satsumas) plus I experimented with cauliflower rice, I roasted it in the oven with a bit of parmesan cheese grated on top - lush, even if it did lose me half my finger being attacked by the grater. 

My breakfast was full of zeros peppers, mushrooms, spring onions and tomatoes, nom nom. 

 I'm going to have salmon for breakfast because I took it out to defrost yesterday forgetting about my food delivery, I'm thinking I could have it in an omelette or with avocado, decisions decisions, maybe a crustless quiche, then I can save some for snacking on cold later, I have lots of eggs too as for some reason I ordered 2 boxes not one last week! 

Right I'm off, it's Independence day in the states, I have a feeling it's going to be idiots day here, I'm staying home, looking forward to catching up with my Saturday members on the 9.45am virtual workshop (link in the Wolverhampton Connect group on the WW app, last chance for this weeks technique.  Tomorrow (link in Stafford group 10am) I switch to the next topic which is lowering the smart points in your kitchen, looking forward to that subject.   

Have a wonderful weekend, let's learn to "eat healthy food with pleasure not eat for pleasure".   That's gonna be my new mantra!

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx

 

I do like Fridays

Friday 3rd July 2020 

You don't have to be perfect in order to be successful.

Why, Why, Why, Delilah lol, no that's not what I meant but are you know doing your best Tom Jones impression!  Seriously though WHY did you join WW, are you on it?  If not why aren't you at the moment?

I asked my members yesterday how I could best support them, why weren't they coming on the Zoom workshops and I had lots of reasons ranging from they just don't like Zoom (which is a shame as I absolutely love it!) to all the changes in their lives because of the situation with Covid-19.  The last 3 months of everyone's lives have been different, some more than others.  

This is why right now, me personally am not thinking about weight loss (it would of course be a bonus), I'm focusing on behaving as healthy as I can.  I'm taking this time to notice my behaviours and how I react to things with the hope that going forward I can change those behaviours, build good habits and become a healthier version of myself.  

I don't want to lose some weight to regain it a few months later, I've had enough of that.  And that's why this month I'm focusing on the zero heroes, adding salad to my sandwiches, mushrooms to my breakfast, that sort of thing.  

I'm also tracking EVERYTHING, that's a behaviour I want to turn into a permanent habit, it's making me realise where my points go, where I can make changes and boy do I need to make some changes if weight loss is ever going to be the side effect!

Now these corned beef crispbakes were delicious and 7SP each, had them with zero heroes, it would've been easy to put a jacket spud on there too but I realised I didn't really need one.  

I'm questioning my thoughts more, for example in the fridge there's a chicken, I know if I roast it, I'm eating the skin because I like it and I can rarely resist it unless I'm freakishly in the zone, so I'm trying to convince myself to skin it and either cook it whole in the slow cooker or portion it up, portioning it would mean I could just cook on portion at a time, even if I halved it, that would be two days, I always end up sharing it with Alfie, plus its a small chicken.

I'm going to go and look at what veggies I've got to include those zero heroes today, might start my day with some fruit or maybe I'll have eggs like I did yesterday, I had an omelette with mushrooms, spring onions and cherry tomatoes.

I'm thinking the chicken might wait till tomorrow and today can be fish, I've not had salmon in a while, so will go take some out the freezer. 

It's so easy to be positive in the morning, then as the day goes by and mom gets difficult my emotions kick in and the stress and I find myself in the kitchen - this is what I'm working on and I don't expect to change over night, that would be ridiculous.

Thankfully we had a really early night last night, once mom was in bed, I watched a bit of tele on my phone before falling asleep and I've had a really good night too, mom woke me at 6 (proper lie in that),.

Ooo I found out yesterday that I'm going to be lead coach on the Sunday virtual workshop at 10am in the Stafford group, I'd love to see some of you there for a coffee and a catch up, I’m talking about how to lower your smart points in the Kitchen.  I’ll be on from 9.30 and the workshop starts at 10. 

Today though, we have a trip to the dentist with mom this afternoon, she has toothache, morning would've been better with her mood but I was grateful they could even get her in next day.  She'll be wound up all day today now, got the respite carer at 12, so hopefully she'll keep her distracted for a couple of hours before we go.

Looks like walking in the rain might be the order of the day if Alfie wants a walk!  I hope my car starts, I'm having to start it every day, but even then I'm having to use the jump start, mom and I took it for an hours drive yesterday hoping that would recharge the battery.  My mechanic has been in touch, I've got to call him Monday and we'll arrange for him to collect it at some point and do it's annual service and mot and work out what's draining the battery.

Right I'm off, I need a cuppa and food, I'm actually hungry this morning.

Have a great day, 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

  

Why, Why, Why.....

Thursday 2nd July 2020

To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honours.

Oh ma'an I made it right to the end of the day yesterday being on track, I ate a 10SP healthy brunch, even weighed my avocado, then for my afternoon snack I had banana, apple and satsuma.  My tea was gammon steak (6SP) with salad and pineapple.  It was all going sound, despite moms behaviour then she dropped her tablets (there's a lot of them and they're little!), I'm trying to calm her down, telling her it's okay, it doesn't matter but I'll have to move her chair as some have gone underneath.  This is where it got ugly....  As I moved the chair, I knocked the jigsaw board over which knocked my glass of wine off the table where it smashed all over the floor and my crochet - YAY! 

Well after I'd finally cleared it all up, I grabbed a slice of bread and butter and a bag of Walkers cheese and onion crisps because that solves all problems - NOT!  

Turns out that in addition to focusing on eating more zero foods this month, I also need to focus on not stress eating!  Just logged onto the WW website for some ideas and this was on there https://www.weightwatchers.com/uk/m/cms/article/4-steps-reduce-stress-eating-app-card

Working on stress eating is gonna take more than a single blog entry!  I'm going to start by identifying that I'm doing it, the best way to do that is to track everything and become aware of my eating behaviour. 

I spent some time yesterday thinking about my WHY, we talk about the WHY at WW a lot!  I always struggle with it, it's easy to say I want to lose 20lb or drop a dress size, that's a goal, they're easier to set, but what's your why?  What's the reason you're doing this or trying to do it?  

Think about it quickly, grab a pen and a piece of paper and write down the first thing that comes into your head when you think WHY?   

Then keep asking yourself over and over again like that annoying kid who keeps asking but why?  And see how many reasons you can come up with.  Keep digging away and come up with as many reasons has you can. 

I know I'm more comfortable when I'm 20lb lighter, I don't get that sweaty feeling under my rolls of fat!  Yesterday one thought I came up with was 'because it reminds me of a time when I was completely happy in my life!  Now I don't for a minute think being a certain weight made my life great or me completely happy, I think it was the other way round because I was in such a good place in my life, my eating wasn't an issue, I had other things giving me pleasure.  I was a lot more active, my time was filled with doing stuff whereas now my main purpose is making sure moms okay, so I need to work with that and I am doing so - SLOWLY lol. 

Anyway, mom's awake, I know she'll want to know what I'm doing up here in a minute and as I'm up here for a few hours doing my virtual workshops, I need to go give her some time and also walk Alfie. I've been up since 4 doing my yoga, so here's to another day, an opportunity to eat more zero hero's and think about my WHY's, 

because 

I don't want heartburn / indigestion 

I want to give my body a chance to ease the pain it experiences

I want to be in control of what I eat, not to have my emotions control it 

I want to take care my body and mind to give me the strength to handle whatever life throws at me! 

Oh yeah and because I want to be able to get in the clothes I already have!

Right I'm off, let me know your whys and your focus for the month of July, let's do the do together and have a healthier month.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

First of the month!

1st July 2020

Don't just be good to others, be good to yourself.

Yesterday was another testing day, but hey it's now Wednesday, plus it's the first of the month.  I do love a first of the month, it always makes me feel like I want to make changes, make things happen.  They give me hope that things can be different.  

2020 hasn't been an easy year so far for anyone has it, but here's to staying positive and doing what we can.  I went to the church at Bloxwich yesterday and also spoke to my other churches about re-opening my workshops, I can't see it being this month I'm afraid, there's too many things for them to get sorted out.  Risk assessments, etc, it's all a very complex thing, it's not just a case of opening up the doors.  To be honest, when the 'reopen' places this weekend, I've got a dread that it's all going to re-ignite the Covid chaos because seriously, opening pubs and telling people to keep their distance etc once they've had a few beers, mmm, we shall see!  

Now I've set my intentions this month to focus on more zero heroes, that starts today, let's ignore yesterday which only included 2 eggs, an apple and a satsuma as far as zeroes go, but it's all good I'm all over it like a rash now - honest.  I'm seriously considering having a dabble at the Purple plan, but will it send me crazy with spuds?  Mmm, I'll have to think about it but my heads saying stick with blue you plonka or you'll end up having a potato party and we know where that ends!  I only had the thought because I had a new member in my virtual and I had to talk her through the three options and she was going to do Purple.  Remember to self: we are all different and you need to find the plan that best suits you!

My eating behaviours at the moment are most definitely being affected by my moms behaviour, yes I'm probably also using that as an excuse but hey, I'm only human!  So here's to making today a good healthy eating day, I'm going to go and plan my meals right now and do the washing up! 

Hope you have a great start to your month, see some of you on virtual later.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me