Life goes on...

Monday 3rd February 2025

It's been 3 weeks since I blogged, so much going on in my world and my head that I've just not wanted to sit and write, for a change I didn't want to put my thoughts and emotions down whilst we were dealing with our loss and waiting to find out if there would be an autopsy to find out cause of death.  After almost 2 weeks the coroner said they weren't going to do one and they would put prostrate cancer as cause of death, but the medical examiner disagreed and we finally got the result on Friday.  Cardiac arrest was my brothers primary cause of death, I expected heart attack or similar so this was a relief.  There were other contributors on the death certificate including Ischaemic Heart Disease Coronary Artery Atherosclerosis, but also Hypertension, Chronis Obstructive Pulmonary Disease.  Now we know he'd got cancer but he obviously decided he was gonna have some say in what took him!  He had started vaping - did that contribute to the COPD?  You decide but I don't think this vaping is any better than smoking - but I'm not one to judge when I drink alcohol and overeat.  We all have our vices!

Grieving isn't a linear journey is it and I've gone through a range of emotions so far, the first couple of weeks I felt like I was on autopilot, going through the motions, numb to things.  The tears came regularly, my sleep went to pot, my appetite out of control - I couldn't fill myself up, it definitely wasn't a time to think about weight loss!

Then there was the first time we went back to the pub we spent our last night together, I thought I was okay, sat down and couldn't hold back the tears, same on Friday when we went to Millride where we took him that last day, I couldn't hold back the tears there either - not that I feel you should either.  Feel the emotions whatever they may be. 

Now to prepare for the funeral, we should get a date for that today and we can plan to give him a great send off, his girls are amazing and will continue to make him proud, it's the only upside of this whole situation, spending time with them.

No more sadness today, I'm blessed to have a family I love, my boys have been there for me, we're getting through it all together. 

I do however need to get my appetite back under control because my jean don't fit me, I'm living in leggings!  I've started my day with a cheese and chive omelette, I've got tonight's dinner planned making use of freezer food, that's the plan this week, try not to shop for much - just the essentials. 

Eating healthy of course isn't just about getting back in my jeans (although I'd like that a lot), it's about taking care of your body to give yourself the best chance of a healthy life.  

Here's to a healthier day....

Mwah, luv u

Love me xx