Strange noises in the night...

Thursday 12th March 2020
Be thankful for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow.

Well I woke around 4am this morning to what I thought was the sound of a recorder, you know that 3 blind mice instrument we played at school, then I lay there thinking was it the wind because it had stopped, I closed my eyes and got a burst again, after a couple of times I got out of bed to have a look and couldn't see anything, so got back in, the heard noises outside so looked at the cctv on my phone and there was two vans outside, so got back up and their St. John's Ambulance and a lady was walking up next doors path, so I hope the old lady is okay, I was only talking to her yesterday when I put her bins out, she told me she's 89!  I'm assuming the noise was some kind of alarm maybe?  St John's are community first responders and a charity so if you see them out and about with a bucket throw some coins in.

I've managed about 6 hours so that'll get me through the day.  The nurse came to see mom, she chatted to her for a while took some info, told me she's going to talk to the doctor and they'll review her medication, then she's going to come back on the 30th as she's on annual leave next week.  She was full of great ideas like suggesting mom tries a day centre but mom was having none of that.  She did suggest that people who were willing to visit mom maybe just turn up rather than me asking if she wants a visit and that way she will probably enjoy their company and it'd be obvious if she didn't want them there anyway.  I did have to agree with that as when people do show up, she does seem to enjoy the distraction but it's so important to keep her talking about positive stuff because once that nurse had gone mom turned nasty again and was refusing to have my sister round!  It sure is a testing time for all concerned.

I experimented in the kitchen, making a cauliflower cheese and broccoli lasagne, I also roasted chunks of butternut squash and pureed it to make a sauce, adding some roasted garlic and water to thin it out.  I put a layer of cauliflower and broccoli then poured the squash puree, followed by a layer of WW lentil lasagne sheets, then I poured a carton of passata over the lasagne sheets, added another layer of cauliflower and half a grated block of Arla protein cheese, then added another layer of WW lentil lasagna sheets and covered them with white sauce (450g skimmed milk, 40g plain flour, 40g low fat spread stir continuously until boiling then simmer as thickens) and finally topped with the other half of the Arla protein cheese grated.  Baked in oven on gas mark 4 for about 40 minutes.

The only thing pointed was the cheese (11SP), the WW lasagne sheets (19SP), white sauces (15SP), so it was 45SP in total but I did get 8 portions from it, so only 6SP a portion for all that veggie goodness.

The one thing I'd do differently I think is the squash puree, not for me, the squash tasted better in roasted chunks, I wish I'd just layered that with the other veg and poured more passata on it all.  You only learn what you like by experimenting!

Well I've already drunk my first tumbler of water, staying hydrated is the plan for the day ahead, not planned my meals but as I'm up earlier than usual I'll go check out the fridge and cupboards and make a plan, maybe take something out of the freezer.

Here's to a great day, looking forward to seeing my Bloxwich babes.  It was lovely to see the blossom on the trees yesterday as I walked Alfie, a sign that Spring is here and Summer won't be far behind it, this is the best time of the year, can't wait to start sitting up the garden getting some vitamin D.

Are they glorious.

Right I'm off, mwah, luv ya

Love me x

Always believe it's going to be a better day

Wednesday 11th March 

It's not realistic for every day to be a great day.

It might not be realistic for every day to be a great day but it doesn't stop me waking up hoping it will be.  I woke up yesterday emotionally exhausted and honestly worried for my mom as her behaviour had been dreadful over the weekend, but instead of focusing on that, I focused on the day ahead, what I could do about the situation and went to work to enjoy my workshops.  After going for the blood test (yak to needles) I called Brooklands chasing up the call I'd had 3 weeks ago, got passed around a little but finally talked to someone who said they'd get the lady looking after the case to call me back and YAY she did too, she was lovely and is going to come this morning at 9.30 before her weekly Wednesday meeting with the doctor, so hopefully that will help with mom.  She's woken up quite lucid regarding her condition this morning too, so hopefully she'll be open and honest with them about how she's feeling and behaving.  Oh and yesterday turned out to be a great day - go figure, mom was loads better than she had been all weekend, her mood was much milder and when I got back from work last night we watched 3 episodes of a programme about the south west coastal path and we really enjoyed it together, it bought back memories of us walking the Pembrokeshire coastal path together, yes she was getting mixed up but I could see she was remembering bits and that was wonderful.  She even said, 'is that too far to go for a day trip', that's the first time she's made any mention to wanting to go or do anything in forever.  Never assume when you get up that today is going to be as bad as yesterday because then you will make sure it is!  Always hope for better - ALWAYS! 

I managed a better day food wise, had a couple of slices of toast and a big mug of tea for my breakfast.  For lunch I enjoyed this 10SP 💙 goats cheese and onion focaccia, smoked trout, home made chutney and salad was delicious!

I won't lie I did eat half of moms slice of focaccia bread that she left so that was another 4SP (work it though!).  

Then for tea, now I'm going to explain how my brain works here for your amusement, because this is why I have excess fat on my body, notice I didn't say why I'm fat, I'm not fat, I have fat!  I have skin but I don't describe myself as skin!  Anyway, I was feeling lazy about cooking my dinner and I've been fancying a chicken chow mien but it's not easy to just stop on the way home for a takeaway, so I thought ooo I could use Just Eat, it's Tuesday and they offer 20% off some places on a Tuesday, so I went to look at the app.  There wasn't a Chinese offering the 20% but my favourite Indian was, so I thought ooo Tandoori chicken wings, but they didn't do wings, but they did do Tandoori chicken, plus other things I like plus you have to spend £15 to get the 20% before I knew it I had £30 odd worth of food in my basket.  Then I thought, I should offer to get my sister something after all she is sitting with mom all night so I messaged her and she said NO!  Well it was like someone had slapped me across my face, she was my, what's the word I'm looking for, she was going to say yes and justify me ordering this food, but she said no because in her words, 'I'd only be having one for having one's sake', well suddenly I realised I was only having one because it was 20% off, but I wanted a chow mien which would cost £6 so instead here I was about to spend £30 to save £6!  Yep, I'm a moron but I was also sulking because thanks to all the MORONS in this country I couldn't get an online food delivery because not only have they bought all the bog rolls they've taken all the delivery slots too, fools, thanks for that, I struggle to get to a shop to get food, my mom must go through a dozen loo rolls a week so if I'm lucky I have a weeks supply.  

Anyway, I'm happy to inform you, I didn't order Indian and had a can of WW tomato soup with bread and spread, GO ME.  It's all about the small things, the good choices that balance out the not so good ones.  

Yeah, loo roll or no loo roll, we've got this, today will be a great day.  When you're feeling that you've got a lot of crap going on in your life, listen to others, you'd be amazed to hear their troubles are often worse than yours.  I know that doesn't make you feel any better or make yours any less but it is a reminder you're not the only one, I realised this yesterday listening to some of my members, no wonder we're carrying more fat than we'd like.  Sometimes it's not just because we purposely eat too much food, often its because we're that busy helping others, doing stuff for everyone else, trying to be here, there and everywhere that we grab what we can when we can.  👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 to all of you for even trying to think about healthy eating and weight loss, you're truly amazing.

On that note, mom's calling me to help her get dressed so I'll see some of you later and I'll be back to bore you on my blog tomorrow.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me.

Oh and have a great day xx

All right now....

Tuesday 10th March 2020
The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home.

I don't really want to talk about yesterday at all!  I do need to make some phone calls though, the social worker rang a month ago and the dementia people rang 18th Feb after the nurse had called to ask if I was okay to wait until they'd had their meeting on the Wednesday, er yeah that was the next day, this is 3 weeks later, moms getting worse, the nurse told me there were drugs to help and boy does she need them.  She was confused all day yesterday, she called my sister her sister, I don't think she knew who I was for most of the day, asked me a few times when Bev was coming home.  She did have her hair cut and enjoyed that bit of company.  The sundowning was dreadful, I'd happily go to bed at 7 these days to shorten that time of day, but she started to sundown much earlier, it's emotionally exhausting.  I don't know how older loved ones handle it because it's hard, it really is.  I normally only focus on the day I'm living, but last night I found myself thinking about the future, what's to come with mom as she gets worse and I didn't like where my head went at all.  She only woke me a couple of times in the night and I was able to go back so not so bad.

However today's another day, I had my T-bone steak yesterday, it beat me, I couldn't eat it all but I did add, chips, mushrooms and tomato, oh and a slice of bread so I'm not surprised a 20oz steak was a little too large lol.  It was delicious but I have no desire to eat red meat for a while now.  I also got more pleasure out of knowing my sister and her lot enjoyed theirs so much than I did from eating my own!  Lighter meals for the rest of the week to balance it out, I love this Chinese proverb;

Eating what stands on one leg (mushrooms and plant foods) is better than eating what stands on two legs (fowl), which is better than eating what stands on four legs (cows, pigs, and other mammals).

It's a good summary of traditional wisdom regarding the relative healthfulness of different kinds of food, though it does leave out the legless which I tend to eat a lot of this week, I don't mean the drunk, I mean fish.

Time to start paying attention to what's on my plate and making sure I eat a rainbow of colours, not all green, white and brown.  The weathers warming up and a good bowl of salad is a great addition to anyones day, those £1 tubs from Tesco are super convenient if you're in a rush.  I didn't get to do any cooking yesterday but I will today, if only to be in another room for a bit, I even found myself washing up at 8 last night because I couldn't take the atmosphere anymore, even Alfie went upstairs the poor thing.

I am however looking forward to going to work, a day spent with like minded people, a few laughs, some inspiration, hopefully some ideas.

I can't believe it's already 10th March, the time is just flying isn't it, or is that just me?  No matter how easy or difficult the days are, they collectively seem to quickly turn into weeks and before you know it we're in another month.  If you're struggling with it all, remember its the little things we do each day that lead to the outcomes we're looking for.  Adding lots and lots of mushrooms to my steak yesterday meant I was unable to eat all the steak (mushrooms one foot, steak four feet, the mushrooms are healthier lol), taking Alfie on an extra walk, not exactly cardio exercise but it's moving, the dancing was making my ankle worse so I won't do it for half hour every day, it doesn't mean I won't do a bit of a dance whilst waiting for the kettle to boil.

Just do a little bit of something that's good for you every day, make one small change at a time, and over time, you'll notice changes in yourself.

The start of this blog made it sound like my entire day was awful, it wasn't, I have a knack of zoning out and focusing on what I'm doing, so things I did enjoy was crocheting my hexagons, knowing that when they're all put together it'll look amazing (ah a bit like making one small change at a time).  My audio book is really good and walking Alfie I got to listen to more of that.  Not gonna lie I did have some wine, joking aside, I do need to curb that, I know I joke about it but I don't want mom's illness to actually turn me into a true alcoholic!  I enjoyed watching an episode of McDonald and Dodds, I've really enjoyed them, I do hope they make more, I like easy going stuff, and the two main characters relationships with each other was lovely.

Oh and today's started good, I just guessed the song from the lyrics on Vanessa Feltz radio 2 breakfast show, that made me smile, plus bought back some great memories about the boy who introduced me to the band (well he was a man but that didn't look as good in the sentence) yeah it's going to be a great day despite dementia.

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx

Have a great day x

Monday 9th March 2020
Peace comes to me when I let go of trying to control everything.

The best way to start the day, waking up naturally, giving your dog a bit of fuss and making a cuppa.  I was just about to add, having half hour to drink it before mom wakes up but as I typed cuppa, she come walking out the bedroom.  I'll be back in a bit, just off to make her a cuppa.

Right back to business, what did I do yesterday that helped me stay healthy, here's a few I can remember;

I walked Alfie 3 times, 2 weren't very far but the 1 was so at least I covered some steps.
I had some salad.
I drank some water.
Had a chat on the phone with my bestie.
I learned a new crochet hexagon and spent time zoning out doing that.
I listened to my audiobook which I'm really enjoying.
Had an early night.

Yep, not just physical health being taken care of there my mental health too, the scales haven't moved this morning and I'm good with that, at the moment I'm focusing on one day at a time with mom and doing what I can to cope with the situation.  When I was walking Alfie yesterday, a woman came out of her house shouting and screaming at her kid and the dogs and no judgement here because it was obvious she was stressed out and I could see myself in her because I do it sometimes too.  Watching as an outsider I decided that's what I want to work on, being calm in situations that make me want to scream and shout because that only makes matters worse.  

What one thing could you focus on that would have the most impact on your health and wellbeing?  I've decided I'm not going to focus on weight loss for now, just eating as healthy as I can.  I'm not unhappy with my size, hell I wish being overweight was the only problem I had!  I'd take being overweight any day compared to some things that could be wrong!

Healthy is what I'm going to focus on.  Being as healthy as I can at this time in my life with everything that's going on.  What are you going to focus on?

The sunshine that's starting to show it's face is really helping, I was even warm when I was walking Alfie yesterday, that's a first this year!

I've got a bag of spinach in the fridge, trying to think of something healthy to make to balance out the T-bone steak I'll be eating today.  I've also got butternut squash so I could make a curry or a lasagna for tomorrow, I don't think I'll eat anything else after the steak so at least that's something, I'll have some tomatoes and mushrooms with it, a show of veggies!  It's a treat, was having it yesterday but wasn't hungry enough.

I've also got a cauliflower and have an idea to make a cauliflower cheese lasagna, so maybe I'll do that and use the other in a curry.  After all that red meat, I'll need some veggie food to balance it out.   Yeah a bit of cooking might be enjoyed today, I really wanted to carry on with my crochet, but I need some balance, I'm a right couch potato so need to get my backside up and moving.  We watched films all day yesterday, Hustler with Jenifer Lopez, Godzilla (the most recent one) oh and, what was it called, hold on. The Aeronauts, all okay viewing, none of them blew me away.

Once again I'm waffling, delaying starting my day properly is the truth.  I've settled mom downstairs, (I just deleted the rest of this sentence, I'm over talking about it this morning, she's getting worse, noticeably so this weekend when she's usually better when I'm not at work.  So I'm going to not worry about anything, I'm going to enjoy any spark of a happy mom as I can, I listened to her read the same article in the paper to me so many times yesterday but it was taking her mind of where she was, because she doesn't know where she is and that scares her, the Coronavirus doesn't!  I'm glad my brothers coming over at the end of the month so he can enjoy her, I have a feeling it might be the last time she'll know who he is.

Let's do everything we can to make it a great day shall we, be glad for being alive and thankful that you have enough money to cause your weight problem!

I'm off to eat some melon so I can enjoy my steak later.

Mwah, luv ya

Love me x

Deep breathes

Sunday 8th March 2020
Do not wish to be anything than what you are and do that as well as you can.

I'm having to dig deep right now and find my inner strength, my dear mom, she went to bed not believing she was in her own home, asking when we were going home, she did make me smile when at one point she looked round the room and said "I'm not keen on this room, it's old fashioned ain't it, look at that chair!"  There goes my decor style!  Then this morning she's asking for permission to get up and get dressed and making me promise I won't let them take her away like they did before (she means when she was a teenager).  It's just the cruelest disease and it chips away at my heart a little bit more every time I see her confused and scared. 

It's not an excuse but it is why I comfort and numb myself with food and wine, I can't see me getting to goal any time soon but it won't stop me taking care of myself as best as I can whilst all this is going on.  

There's not really much else to say about yesterday once I'd got home, it was just a difficult time until I fell asleep.  

The morning was good though, my members and helpers really made for a cracking, busy workshop where there was support, inspiration and laughter.   Thank you to every one of my members that make going to work the best.  

Never underestimate how the smallest gesture of help can mean so much to someone else. My bestie asked if she could run any of my errands for me to help me out and so she went to the chemist for me, that helped me so much, it sounds ridiculous doesn't it, but it's an extra 15 minutes out my day that makes mom realise I've been gone longer than I'm supposed too.  For someone with Alzheimers she's spot on with what time I should be where! 

Karen did some shopping for me, Charlotte messaged me with help and my brother called to discuss sheds and decking, which has given me something to look forward too.  It's just nice to know I might be sitting in the house with mom on my own but folk out there haven't forgot me.  

I"m praying she has a good day, she's definitely getting worse but with my sisters help we'll continue to make her feel as safe as we can and ignore the times when she's being aggressive because I know my mom wouldn't do that, it's the disease. 

I'm emotionally exhausted this morning so not much to say, plus mom wants me, so I'll say have a great day, I'm still going to give it my best and if you didn't already know...

Today is International Women's Day and the 2020 campaign theme is #EachforEqual

An equal world is an enabled world.  Individually, we're all responsible for our own thoughts and actions - all day, every day.  We can actively choose to challenge stereotypes, fight bias, broaden perceptions, improve situations and celebrate women's achievements. Collectively, each one of us can help create a gender equal world.  

Let's all be #EachforEqual.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me x

Yay, it's the weekend

Saturday 7th March 2020
Be enough for yourself first, the rest of the world can wait.

Yesterday was a mixed bag with mom but I survived, the 'when we go home' and 'where is this house' question always messes with my head as much as it does hers but we had an early night as I'm sure lack of sleep and pain both contribute to making her worse.  

I enjoyed a massage thanks to my sis sitting with mom, Alfie had a check up at the vet, we're going to half his steroids and hope he continues to do okay.  He enjoyed his walk (as did I) in the sunshine yesterday, it was nice to not be freezing cold and/or wet on a dog walk.  He also lay down for the first time this year, so I settled down with him and it was surprisingly dry grass which I was relieved about. 

 He can be the most annoying little shih tzu but l do love the little shit. 

I'd fancied some cod for a couple of days so nipped into Aldi on my way back from massage and treated myself, but instead of chip I had butternut squash wedges, so the only thing pointed on that plate is the oil the cod was fried in, I followed packet instructions, I won't next time, I'll cook it in the oven like I usually do, I did enjoy it though and will definitely be getting myself some more.  

I finished a lap blanket that already has a home, will post it today, I really like this pattern, although not sure I like doing it, so am thinking about my next project before I wade in. 

So that was my day, my weekend will be pretty much the same minus the massage, I've just started a new book and I think that will take up a lot of my time too, American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins, not my usual read but it's the work book clubs choice, I listened to chapter 1 last night, it gripped me from the start, think it'll be a disturbing read but maybe it'll make me appreciate my life a little more because of it.

Okay, what's the plan for the weekend, what's on the menu?  Any nice plans?  Whatever it is, make sure you make time to enjoy your life.  I've got a Tbone steak to look forward too, I've treated my sister and me, it's her birthday this month and that's better than a cake ;) I treated myself to a bit of Avon too, the lovely Nicki is my Avon lady and this is her website page I loved that I could just scroll through online and have a mooch at my desk, then order and it'll come directly to me.

Anyway, I'm waffling and I need a shower, I gotta go to work.  

Today have a think about how you could cheer someone else up, it might be something as simple as a compliment, my sister cheers me up every time she does my washing up, I cheered someone up with that lap blanket, let's all go that extra mile to make ourselves and others smile and feel good.  It'll make for a happier world.

It's going to be a great day. 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me 

What makes you happy?

Friday 6th March
Don't let the bad days think you have a bad life.

What makes me happy is to wake up to the sound of someone scraping the ice off their windscreen!  Why?  Because I know it means I've slept till 6 because that's what time one of the neighbours goes to work.  Yep that happened this morning, both mom and I have had a good nights sleep so hopefully it'll be an easier day, yesterday was better than Wednesday, but not trouble free, oh and I was so tired, it's not so easy to keep your calm.

Anyways, I was pleased with my eating yesterday, last Thursday I wasn't prepared and it started a bad weekend, yesterday I did go over my points but I ate 3 healthy meals, wasn't tempted when I went in the Tesco garage to get a loaf and didn't snack either.

7SP (Blue) breakfast, bargain and so filling 

This is pumpkin gnocchi, I couldn't decide if I liked it or not but I wouldn't have it again.  10SP for the gnocchi too, at least the veggies were zero. 

This was lovely, even if that cod in butter sauce doesn't look so great, 9SP (Blue) on that plate 

I feel better for having eaten better too.  I feel better for seeing the sun this morning too, so many people I've spoken too this week are so in need of some sunshine and the rain to stop, it's getting people down.  There's enough stress in most peoples lives these days without adding anything else, and breaking records for rainfall in February well we just didn't need it did we.

Okay how can you up your mood when you're feeling down?

There's some suggestions, the worse thing you can do is stay home alone and veg on the settee feeling sorry for yourself and eating loads of crap and drinking too much.  It might feel like it's helping but it's not, trust me.   Here's a 30 day happiness challenge I found on pinterest, you could do something like this, if there's a suggestion on there you don't like - change it to something you do.  Really have a think about what makes you happy, it isn't just food and drink honestly, it isn't.



I'm going to keep it short this morning because I really want you to think about that question "what makes me happy", and start working on doing some of it.  I know we all have to work, but how much money do we need?  It's no good having a house full of big tvs and fancy cars if we hate the job we have to do to get them, and we don't get to spend any time with those we love and when we do, we're too damn tired to enjoy it.  Whilst you're thinking about those things that make you happy, make sure you think about the things that don't cost much or that are free.

Mwah, luv ya,

Love me xx

Brr I'm cold....

Thursday 5th March 2020
There's always a fresh start, it's called today.

Half 5 in the morning already, my alarm goes off at 5.05 and I don't know where those 25 minutes went, actually I spent 5 minutes having a bit of love with Alfie on the landing because that poor bugger doesn't know if he's on this earth or fullers.  I don't actually know what that saying truly means even after just wasting another few minutes web searching it, but Alfie confused most of the time and out of it and that's what I think that saying means.  maybe someone will inform me.  I don't have time for research now lol, what the hell am I doing being side-tracked.

I've woke up wishing I could have another few hours in bed but thankfully I have managed a full night without mom wandering, bed by 10, although didn't settle immediately, it'd been a tough mom day from 4ish, she slept till noon after having us up through the night.  Dementia sucks, she was angry yesterday and I don't like that version, I know she's confused, frustrated, etc but it's like living in an abusive relationship, you don't know what you're coming home too and when you get home you're scared to say anything of fear of her kicking off so you sit uncomfortably in your own house, unable to relax.  It's not nice and my sister has to sit there too and it's not even her own house so not nice for her either.

Hey ho, today's another day, it's going to be a great day - yeah it is!  The highlight of my day (other than enjoying my evening at work) was the Cheese and Onion pie I returned home too, my sis had been baking, she'd made herself this magnificent beast;

And I got this baby version, how lucky am I.

 No, it's not WW friendly but a slice was delicious with half tin of WW beans, nom nom.

So many of us are struggling to stay on track right now, last night we agreed the weathers not helping, we all want a bit of sunshine, Spring needs to arrive and the rain needs to go, we all need to have a bit more enthusiasm.  I know a few were drawing a line this morning, some were going to plan, others track, maybe make sure they have the points to have that teatime splurge.  I'm going to do my best to survive what is my longest day of the week.  Think I'm going to have a baked bean and protein cheese toastie for my breakfast, maybe hard boil a couple of eggs to take with me in case I get peckish.  Then when I make my lunch I'll make some dinner at the same time so I know what I've got to come home to, otherwise I'm in danger of going rogue and having something that my body won't thank me for.

Here's a mindfulness exercise that might do us both some good, I know I've woke up trying to forget yesterday and focus forward so this might help.

Full Sensory Awareness Exercise

This one you do now; right now.  Wherever you are, just stop and look around (when safe to do so).  Become aware of everything that your senses pick up.

How do you feel?
Do you feel happy?
Do you feel excited?
Do you feel over-stimulated?
Do you feel anxious?

Take a moment and appreciate where you are and what is happening, along with how you are actually feeling in this very moment.

- - - -

Not that easy is it?  I feel calm, I feel hungry - yeah I do my belly is rumbling, I also feel cold, I haven't put the heating on yet and I'm actually shivering.  What other feelings, erm tired but not just in a physical way, in a enough with this situation type of way, I'm coping and I can continue to do so, I just wished we hadn't got to.  I wished I could call my sister up in the morning and say, hey sis, let's go shopping, let's go blow shed loads of money in M&S Food Hall, then go to Sainsbury's and anywhere else you fancy, then I'll treat ya to lunch.  But I can't and I won't be able to for a while yet because one of us has to be here being made to feel like crap instead.  Yes she still has good moments but even then we know she can switch at any minute.

Anyways, enough with the pity party, I'm off to get ready for work, to do last nights paperwork and to enjoy my baked beans, OH and put the damn heating on, I'm froze.

Let's have as great as day as we possibly can, what one thing can you do to improve the outcome?

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx

We're awake now!

Wednesday 4th March 2020 
Don't forget to smile.

Choose the affirmation from above that will help you today, I've always loved a good affirmation, I'm still saying mine daily which is 'It's going to be a great day!'  I know that's not really always true but it reminds me I'm in control of how I react to situation's and can tip the balance at times.  

Today, I was awake at 2am, mom was wandering about again, then a fox outside decided to bark/scream whatever that noise is for an hour from 3am, so I finally must have drifted back off about 4ish, then just before 5, I heard mom moving around, she must have turned into a ninja because she was already downstairs and I hadn't heard that bit, but her walking sticks hanging on the living room door were rattling so thankfully I realised where she was, I was too late though, she'd already rung my sister, she didn't realise I was in bed and thought she'd been left alone bless her.  Now both me and my sis are wide awake and starting our day, oh and mom, she's gone back to sleep in her armchair bless her.  Hopefully she'll get a few hours sleep now, because she's always better when she gets her rest, aren't we all!  

I didn't have a perfect day yesterday but it was better, I never got my melon for breakfast, I didn't have time, so grabbed a couple of slices of toast at work. Lunch was this; 

My helper Harj had given me some keema chicken and I had it in iceberg leaves with spring onions, cherry tomatoes and pomegranate.  I wanted cucumber but I mustn't have added on to my shopping basket when I did my online shop.

For tea I had this out of the freezer, 5SP for 1 serving, 9SP for the entire thing.  It wasn't bad either.

I love looking at how far my members have come, those then and now images, this one really made me smile yesterday morning because we had a chat on Saturday morning, she came early and seeing how well she's done was brilliant.  Small child, setting up and running her own salon https://www.facebook.com/labellewednesfield/ and still managed to get to and maintain goal is exceptional.  It's good to support each other in workshops, but also in our Facebook group and why not support each other business wise, if you're looking to get your nails done, or any of that other beauty stuff, check her out.  

Then Vicky shared hers, after all it was Transformation Tuesday yesterday, 

"My weight has never defined me but a few years ago I felt frumpy & older than my years #WWteam"

All good motivation there!  I'd love to see yours if you want to send it to me or post it on Facebook.  It's Wednesday today (in case you hadn't realised) midweek, let's make it wonderful Wednesday shall we?  I'm game if you are, I'm going to get my cook on I think, had a bag of Orzo delivered in my shopping this week, might make something with that, it makes a tasty cold pasta salad lunch or I might have a play and try something new, watch this space....

I know I said about doing a month of mindfulness challenges in March, but I've read through a few and they're silly!  Why would anyone want to mindfully focus on unlocking a door or doing the washing up.  I'm all for living in the moment but seriously, I ain't doing that, I'll happily sit in the garden (when it's a little warmer) and watch the sun set, whilst focusing on tasting every mouthful of the glass of wine in my hands but nah, some of these cards are silly ideas and I won't be a part of it, each to their own lol.

I will look through and share any I find that make sense to me, like this one;

Mindful Tasting Exercise 

Taste something with a strong flavour, like coffee or a tangerine for example, and pay close attention to what happens in your mouth, then what feelings these taste evoke.  Really try and appreciate how the object tastes and how that object makes you feel.  breathe it in deep without thinking of anything else but that object and the feelings it provokes.  Try this a couple of times until you have fully understood and appreciate every aspect of emotion of the taste.  

When I did something similar with coffee, I realised I don't actually like the taste, I just drink it because I associate it with being awake and alert.  I've since worked out water has the same effect and I don't mind the taste of that!

Right, time to get on with my day, work to do, dog to walk, food to eat ;) 

It's going to be a great day.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me x

Early start in this house

Tuesday 3rd March 2020
Start each day with a positive thoughts

Did a bit more spring cleaning yesterday and I gave the fridge a good clean out then restocked it, but realistically for a change, enough food for the people in this house rather than the street!  Every time I opened it, I smiled appreciating how good it look and how delicious the food in it was but also that I could afford to buy the food.  Today I'll enjoy the other half of the melon, that's my new favourite fruit with a bit of natural yogurt and a squirt of either agave syrup or a spoon of honey.  Then for lunch I've got Harj's keema chicken and I'm going to have it in iceberg lettuce cups with spring onion, tomatoes, and cucumber.  Not thought as far as dinner but it'll be something easy, maybe a bowl of pan fried gnocchi also on my favourite food list right now.

Not much else went on yesterday, I rang about my house insurance, they'd got that I'd made a claim in 2018, but I didn't go through with it, so now I've got to wait for it to be taken off my records and I can look around, Direct Line have offered it at half the price of The Post Office who I'm with now and even the woman on the phone said you should shop around these days, as did the renewal notice to be fair!  Then I made a few of those phone calls I keep putting off, rearranging dentist appointment, ringing the Co-op about direct to cremation funerals lol, I was going to prepay for mine and my sisters funeral so we don't have to worry about the other when it's our time, but as of yet they don't let you pre arrange a Direct to Crem one with no service, so now I've got to look elsewhere, I wanted a company that's not likely to go bankrupt etc.  Yay, the joys of being in your 50s, you start to not only think about your mortality but you get sensible about stuff too. BOO!

My ankle is putting me off the body groove exercising, it gets worse when I've done it and I was hoping it would improve at some point, I don't want a dodgy ankle that hurts all the time for the rest of my life, that's rubbish.

Mom was mostly good yesterday, she started to get confused towards evening which is why we had a early night, she was in pain and it all affects her thinking, so we go to bed, at least we're both resting then.  She did wake at 2.30am confused and calling for me, so I went in and we had a chat, I calmed her and re-filled her hot water bottle and she dozed back off.  I on the other hand lay awake for over an hour, but thankfully I was in bed well before 9 so I have had enough sleep to get me through the day, which is a wonderfully, busy day, with my Willenhall wonders, a cracking bunch.

Right then, let's get on with the day, my life's hardly exciting and you have better things to do than listen to me relay it.

Todays Mindfullness Challenge is
Mindful Natural Observation

This exercise is as simple as it is powerful, it is designed to connect us with the beauty of the natural environment. Choose a natural object, a flower, insect, tree - anything.  Now relax and explore the object like you have never seen it before.  Visually explore every aspect of it and connect with the object and its role in the natural world for as long as your concentration allows.  Do this exercise twice today.

And even if you don't, just be more in the moment, focus on the now, live life at your own speed, mines being lived pretty slowly at the moment, yeah I'm growing up too, normally when I want to do or try something new, I go at it gung ho, spend money and buy everything involved, this time I'm thinking about it and doing a bit of research before just spending cash.  The other reason I'm able to do this is because I can't just nip to the shops, I was about to 'pop' out for an hour Sunday just before mom fell over, so yeah circumstances stop me from doing anything spontaneous really.  It's not a bad thing though.  Anywho

Let's get on with making today a great day.

Mwah, luv ya

Love me x

Why I love Blue...

Monday 2nd March 2020
Change nothing and nothing changes.

Yesterday started with a BANG literally!  Mom fell over in the living room (she's ok a little bumped and bruised and shaken but nothing broken), I was in the kitchen and when I got to her Alfie was right next to her showing concern and she was sprawled by the fireplace.  I wasn't going to be able to lift her alone so I called my sister, so glad she lives so close and we got her up and sitting.  We then started chatting about how she could've really hurt herself on the fireplace, so many sharp edges, all the junk over the floor (i.e. biscuit tins, papers) and that I'd move it all.  Then as if like a bolt from the sky, I said 'If I swap the chairs round, she won't have to walk across the living room to sit down, so won't need to go anywhere near the fireplace'.  Simples, well it wasn't, once my sister had gone home, I moved the chairs round, it gave me the change to have a good sweep underneath and then whilst doing that, I said to mom let's sort this cupboard out here, a proper spring clean of the crap she collects whilst she was with me and all for it.  I'm going to do my crap cupboard today (it's only fair). 

Something so simple making such a huge difference.  Now if we apply that to our weight loss and getting healthy journey, what could we do?  What small changes could you make that would make a big difference over time?  As the quotes above say, change nothing and nothing changes but those small changes eventually add up to huge results.  

I did it the wrong way round this week and gained 1.5lb, I reintroduced white bread which is just a dangerous thing to have in my house, white bread has the same calories as the brown stuff, but I can resist the brown, I eat the white like it's going out of fashion, then because I'd got a taste for it, I bought a French baguette Saturday morning and ate that, thankfully it was only a half stick not the really long one, because had I bought one of them, I'd have eaten it all.  It wasn't just the bread this week, I've started indulging in moms snacks and treats again when for most of February I'd cut that out and lost half a stone, so I need to nip that in the bud.  

Yeah my small change this week is no snacking on my mom's stuff!  There are lots of things I'd rather eat instead too if I'm honest.  

I'm going to embrace the WW blue plan again, I got a little lapse there, firstly I was poorly and it resulted in a weight loss so I got a bit blasé, then I lost again and got cocky, so from today I'm planning on tracking 100% in full on my app, not just tracking 3 things and a bit of activity for the wins.  

I've been listening to members comparing notes about the different plans over the last few weeks, and when they hear someones doing well, they ask what plan they're doing, then I watch as a little light goes on in their brains and they start to question whether they should try that plan as it might help them lose weight!  Erm NO, you don't follow a plan because it's working for someone else, you follow the plan that suits you best.  You read the info, weigh up your options and choose the one that best suits you.

If you want to help others with their decision, tell them why you love the plan you're following, that's more like to help them decide.  Save the image that relates to your plan to your phone, then post it on Facebook or Instagram (or any social media you use) with the reasons you love your plan.  

I'm a blue bird, why?  Because as much as I love the idea of purple, I just go on a potato party and my diet becomes unbalanced.  If I go to green, I drink too much wine (I already do that, I don't need even more on my tracker!) plus I eat more processed crap so it's not the one for me.  

Why I love Blue - because I actually do love eggs, fish and chicken.   I'm getting used to natural yogurt on fruit, it gets better the more I eat it.  I'm quite a fan of lentils, I just need to actually cook them.  I also like the fact I get 23 dailies and 35 weeklies.  Yeah when I actually write it down, I question why I'm not embracing it and getting on it 100%.  

I am today, Spring is round the corner, I want to be feeling fab by the time Summer arrives.  I'm on day 14 of my BodyGrove Ondemand, I'm not going to lie, it's not been so easy to do these last few days, the novelty is already wearing off, I'm not enjoying it any less, it just hurts my ankle and I'm naturally a lazy bitch who can find anything else to do if given the chance.   I am going to persist though, I want to get more flexible and mobile, seeing mom fall over yesterday made me realise how important it is to work on keeping my mobility as I get older, I won't have a Beverley in the kitchen to come rescue me when I'm her age!  

Anyway, download that image and post why you love your plan, help me spread the WW word because we all know it works and it really is truly liveable.  

Here's to a great day, small changes and a very great week.  You in? 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Oops almost forgot the mindfulness thing; 

Candle staring exercise

Find or buy a nice candle.  Wait until it is dark and you have a little time to yourself.  Switch the light off and just stare at the candle flame for 10 minutes straight while studying everything you can about it.  When your mind wanders, become aware of where it's going, then bring it back to the candle flame.  A simple and easy exercise. 

Mindful March

Sunday 1st March 2020
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

Already on month 3, are you happy with the first 2 and how you've been taking care of yourself?  I am and it's been a while since I've felt that I was so I feel real good, back to my old self before Dementia not just entered our lives but did it's best to take over it!  Yeah for a while there it became the boss in this house but I've took back the title.  I feel more in control with everything and I'm taking everything one day at a time, actually I take some days one hour at a time, if I can't control a situation, I control my reaction.  For example mom came out onto the landing at 5ish this morning asking if I would drive her home if she got her and Alfie ready, we then had a chat about how she'd been dreaming and she talked me through her dream and how she'd felt and by the end she felt better and I went to make myself a cuppa because that's the sort of thing that happens now, getting angry or sad about it doesn't help the situation, I look for the good in what happened and it was her saying she loved me for understanding what was going on with her and making her feel safe.  

I've also realised I have so many amazing people in my life, WW has always been an important part of my life because of my weight but now it's also introduced me to my tribe, my people, so many good folk that have become important in my life.  I now really do believe in the saying 'no man is an island' human beings do badly when isolated from others and need to be part of a community in order to thrive.  I've always been one of those fools that thought I didn't need anyone, I could cope on my own and yeah I coped, but now I'm doing so much better thanks to the involvement of others.  Sometimes it's just knowing you can talk to someone, that they care.  

I've always got great pleasure out of helping others and doing things for them, but did everything for myself, DOH, then suddenly I realised others also get pleasure of out helping others and doing things for them and I was one of those 'others', so I started saying thank you and yes please.  I'm blessed to know so many wonderful people who are that type of people.  

Oh and thanks to one of them I have Barnsley lamb chops for my dinner today, I don't know if I'll be able to wait that long!  It's a double bonus because the shop I'd ordered online for delivery today, I'd clicked the wrong place and it's coming tomorrow - dur. 

In true pay it forward fashion, I will be doing a good deed this morning, knocking up a flyer for a friend who wants to start doing crochet classes, I think this is a great idea and I know she'll make a great teacher, as she encouraged me with my crochet when I started.  This is her info if you're interested.  

Crochet Sessions 

The sessions run in 4 week blocks on 

Mon & Friday 10-12am and 1-3pm

Wednesday evenings from 6.30-8.30pm 

The block cost £30 which includes tuition from an experienced crocheter. 

A hook and your first ball of wool are included with your first lesson. 

Please get in touch with Sarah for details on 07796264451 or Swwonderful Crafts on Facebook. 

Anyway, I treated myself last month to a pack of mindfulness cards and it's a 31 day challenge, so I thought we could do it together, each morning I'll post the info from a card and you could do it with me.    Mindfulness isn't complicated nor difficult, what is it though?  It's noticing that first cuppa you drink in the morning, the taste of that first sip.  We're all usually on autopilot throughout the day.  Mindfulness is about noticing and paying attention, the small things that escape our attention that make life what it is.  Mindfulness helps us to live more in the here and now, paying attention to those little moments.

It's hearing and listening when your child says 'mom, mom' whilst you're doing something. Or when my mom comes out her bedroom as she just did and says 'were you calling me mom', I stopped typing and listened rather than just saying, 'no, it was just a dream'.  They say finding the beauty and joy in these 'little moments' can reduce stress, improve confidence and bring you a happier outlook on life.  It's a simple method to help you appreciate these moments rather than letting them pass you by. 

Here's todays;


The Good Posture Challenge

For the whole day try to bring yourself awareness to your posture.  Whether you are sitting, lying down or standing, just bring all your attention to your body.  This technique has an immediate grounding effect and restores our mindfulness.  The goal is to be aware of the sensations that the body is feeling right at the moment.  Whether your body feels the pressure of the chair you are sitting on, the ground under your feet, or a slight breeze on your arms.  Simply scan your body up and down and notice whatever sensations are present.  You only have to do this for a minute or two, then return your attention to whatever task you were doing.  The aim is to try and remember to observe your posture and it's sensations as often as you can throughout the day. 

Let's make March the month, you become more mindful of your needs and prioritise them xx

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx