Are you pre-diabetic?

Tuesday 10th December 2019
Be proud of how hard you are trying!

Well I had a busy morning yesterday, was on a training session via the computer for a couple of hours, it's always good to be reminded of the importance of getting healthy and having a session on Diabetes Prevention really did that yesterday for me.  It's not just about weighing less is it, it's about taking care of yourself to prevent illnesses and diseases whether that be diabetes, heart disease, even Alzheimers and dementia, our health has an effect on all of it. 

Okay so I'm going to blind you with my knowledge 😉 did you know that research shows that having a healthier diet, becoming more active and losing and maintaining a relatively modest amount of weight (if you need to), significantly reduces the risk of developing Type 2 diabetes by 58% for people at high risk.  

Now I have a member who was told last year she was Pre-diabetic and it was the 'why' and the motivation she needed, since that warning she's lost over 6 stone (well done Sammy xx) 

She's embraced the WW plan and got active at Pure Gym, what a transformation! 

I have to say the training session was the reminder I needed that it's so important to have a healthier diet, I know the next few weeks will be difficult for most with temptation everywhere, but I'm going to do my best to not gain any more weight and I want to lose 5% of my start weight, then 10%, so I'm 4lb off the 5%, I had done it, then I slipped up (but no guilting myself out).

Then there's being more active, aiming for at least 150 minutes a week (that's 30 minutes, five times a week, or 10 x 15 minutes fitness chunks).  That just sounds so much doesn't it! Especially when I struggle to get out because of mom, heck even going in another room can cause issues! 

So which do I start with 'eating well' or 'moving more', the moving more will stress me more I know, because I'll feel it's not enough, although if I start by reminding myself I already walk the dog once or twice a day, it's thinking about the little things you do.  So I unload and load my car, 4 times a week, that's like weight lifting, I could get a bit more regularly with the housework and put some welly into it.

Here's some other ideas, if you're like me; 

• Walk round when you're on your phone. 
• Dance to some tunes.
• Pace the sidelines at your kids sports events.
• Play actively with your children or pets for 15-30 mins a day.  (me and Alfie actually ran on the park a little yesterday!) 
• Replace Sunday drives with walkers. 
• Run or walk fast when you do errands.
• Start a new hobby, such as biking or hiking.
• Go for a walk with your family after dinner (or by yourself - I'd love to be able to do this!)
• Aim for 10,000 steps or more a day on your pedometer / fitbit
• When you're watching tv, stand up and move during the ads.

As for eating well, even if you are indulging in the treats at this time of year, do what you can when you can, so yesterday I was going to have sweet and sour chicken with rice, I'd bought a jar sauce and was shocked to realise it was 6SP for 1/4 jar - ouch, I could've made my own lower and better to be honest, I wasn't that impressed.  I decided to make my own cauliflower rice instead of using brown rice for 6SP.  My memories of cauliflower rice aren't great but I seriously enjoyed this to the point it was the best thing on the plate and I want some more.  How did I do it?  Well I bought me a small cauliflower, cut two thick slices out of the middle to try steaks today, the I used 2 handfuls at most and whizzed it in my mini chopper (I didn't want to make a mess of the big processor) 

Then I put my baking sheet on the tray to stop anything sticking too badly, spread the cauliflower rice out on the sheet and sprayed with spray light and sprinkled a bit of salt.  Then I roasted it for 12 minutes on 200 degrees.  Seriously good, I'm thinking adding other herbs and spices and mix in some roasted vegetables at the end and you have a delicious zero meal on any plan.

This is a great idea for adding to the 'healthy eating' Why is cauliflower good? Cauliflower is a low carb, low calorie vegetable that can  be manipulated to provide some great alternatives to the starchy foods you so miss.  I never knew it was a source of Vitamin C - did you? 

Clever facts: 

• Cauliflower is very low in calories at only 29 per 1 cup cooked
• Cauliflower has a very low glycemic index of 15 or less
• Cauliflower is an excellent source of vitamin C, providing 73% of recommended daily value in a serving
• Cauliflower is a good source of vitamin K (19% of daily recommendation) and many other vitamins and minerals
• Cauliflower provides a unique group of phytochemicals called “glucosinolates”
• Cauliflower is a rich source of a multitude of antioxidants

Right that's class dismissed for the day 😛 mom wants another cuppa!  

Here's to being better not brilliant, that's the best I can promise right now x

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Monday again!

Monday 9th December 2019
If you're so busy that sitting in traffic is 'ME' time, it's time to make some changes...

Right time to stop talking the talk and start walking the walk, I was woken in the night by acid indigestion - that's not good at all!   I've gained weight this morning too, so I really don't want to end the year at the same weight I started it (although I guess maintenance is better than gaining!) therefore this week I plan to have a much better week and track and get a grip.  I've already got sweet and sour chicken made for today's dinner.   I'm going to have scrambled eggs for breakfast in a flatbread and I won't be indulging in any of moms junk!   Being overweight is one thing, being uncomfortable with acid is another thing completely and I don't like it, so time to be much better and do something about it.

I hear people say, oh I take medication for that so I don't have to worry.   Mmm, yeah you do, the meds might be masking the problem but it's still there and eating badly won't be helping it at all, trust me I sit next to the result of years and years of rennies and lansoprazole, it's not pretty.

Anyway's on a brighter note, we had a good day yesterday, stress free, very little confusion and agitation, only a couple of small incidents that I managed to turnaround.  She's so much better when I'm there all the time but that's not feasible.  She has asked me if I'm Anne or Bev this morning but she's okay.

I've got a busy morning, it's usually my day off but I have a training thing, thankfully it's from my office over the computer, but it'll take up a couple of hours, plus I have to get ready for the week ahead.  Can you believe it's already the ninth of the month, 2020 is so close, it's crazy isn't it, I think 2019 has gone so quickly.

I've just sat and scrolled back through my Facebook photos of 2019, yes it's been a testing year and I don't think I've ever been further than 30 miles from home and that was for a work meeting!  But I've still seen lots of things that made me smile, walked some glorious places, managed to get the odd hour of complete escapism and I even got out for the night to see The Spice Girls, so yeah it's not been all bad.  I will continue to focus on the positives, we're not doing 'Christmas' this year, it'll just be a couple of days off for me but none of the razzle, dazzle of previous years.  I'm not even doing gifts and cards, I've done donations to places that need it more, one I did was https://donate.thebiggive.org.uk/campaign/a051r00001D6EqTAAV The Good Shepherd because until tomorrow it's being double by the big give campaign which is fab.

I'm waffling now ain't I, this week I mostly want to lose some weight and not have heartburn!  How about that for ambition!  When I'm having a bad day with mom, I'm going to imagine myself standing on the top of Carn Llidi overlooking Whitesands Bay, a place I plan to visit again at some point.

Here's to a great week, if you could be anywhere other than where you are right now where would you go?

Here's to a better day food wise than yesterday, I'll settle for everything else about the day being as good as it was yesterday, when moms happy, I'm happy. xx

mwah, luv ya

Love me x

Be better...

Sunday 8th December 2019
Allow yourself to be a beginner, no one starts off being excellent.

Well I finally had my apple crumble and custard and it cost me 19SP, I'm so glad I bought individual portions and small pots of custard because if it had been a large one, I would've eaten so much more!  

Now I could've saved so many points by using tinned apple and doing my own topping!  The WW shortbread biscuits crushed up make a delicious alternative, 2 of them for 2 points, zero for the tinned apple and 6 for the pot of custard. You could go even further and replace the custard with some fat free natural yogurt flavoured with vanilla.  

Anyway, it's out of my system now and I did have it as my dinner so not so bad.  I spent the afternoon finishing off my cardigan, ignore the face, that's my I'm concentrating and trying to take a decent photo of the cards, forgetting my head is in the shot face 😉 I'm rather pleased with how it's turned out though, I already had the yarn as didn't want to buy anymore until I've used my stash up, so not bad, I'd definitely have a go at more cardigans, I'd like one in cotton yarn, as I can never get them in the shops.

Had a chat with my bro yesterday whilst walking Alfie, we'd tried whilst home but mom was having none of it, she doesn't like not being centre of attention, which is why it's a waste of time anyone coming to visit me, if they visit her and she gets 100% attention, that's okay.

She called me mom when she woke up this morning, it's the only thing that I find difficult to hear, all the rage, mistaking me for my sister, even not knowing who I am, none of that bothers me but when she calls out to me 'mom', for some reason, it affects me, maybe it's because it gives me a little insight into where she is in her head.  I love this time of day with her, she's at her best and she tells me she loves me and we have some lovely moments.  They keep me going and help me through the rest thankfully, because the rest can get really difficult to handle.

Anyway, back to more positive things, I've now started possibly my most important project of the year, a pink baby blanket for a special little girls baby doll.  I love that she absolutely adores her dolls, its just so refreshing when you see so many kids with iPads and phones to see one playing with a toy you actually remember!  Although I wasn't a doll kind of girl, I loved my teddies if I remember right. 

I'm going to spend a little time in the kitchen today I think, now I've finished that cardigan and I'm in no rush to be anywhere or do anything today (for a change lol), I'm hoping for a maintain on the scales tomorrow, I don't really deserve a loss and no one ever wants a gain do they!  I'm going to try and be better this week, think about what I'm having, make some better choices, stay away from moms junk, yes let's BE BETTER!

On that note, I'm off to make another cuppa for my mom and get me some more water.  Catch ya tomorrow.  

mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Feeling cabbaged lol

Saturday 7th December 2019
We are shaped by our thoughts.  We become what we think.

Good morning, it's so dark out there, I'm so glad we're almost at the shortest day (well 2 weeks away) but then it'll start going back the other way and getting a little bit lighter every day, leading me towards Spring which is my favourite season of the year, I love watching nature come back to life. 

I enjoyed an amazing massage yesterday, it was my Karen who's known me for, oh got to be ten years, she let me sound off for a few minutes beforehand, get all the crap out my head, then I relax as she concocts some amazing oils and works her magic!   

I'm listening to Radio 2 and the song playing is taking me right back to my youth, 'I wonder if I take you home' Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam with Full Force, wow, 1985, now that was a year, I was a mere 15, doing everything I could to get out of school and work instead. My how things have changed, this was not the future I imagined lol, although I've never been one for thinking about the future at all, I've never had plans, other than places I'd wanted to visit and booking holidays a year in advance, that's about it.  

Whilst I was having my massage yesterday, I transported myself to the Pembrokeshire coastal path and imagined me walking it, I have walked most of it at some point over time, even walked lots of it with mom and I plan to walk it in its entirety at some point in the future, obviously not for a good while but I'll get there and I'll be reminiscing and moving on as I do it.  

But today, I shall get ready for work, even though it doesn't feel like work though because I love it, I'll go and catch up with my members, hear about their weeks, their lives and totally enjoy being out the house for a few hours.  

If any good has come from having Alzheimers in this household, it's making me appreciate the small things, I think when the inevitable happens, I won't ever stop appreciating them either.  I'll never see having to go to the shop as a chore, it'll always be a treat, it's not until you can't get out, that you truly value being able to get out so much.

I did have a catch up with an old friend via messenger yesterday, see I can't even talk on the phone like normal folk as that causes issues sometimes and I can't be doing with the fallout, so instead I type into my phone and she's none the wiser.  It was good to chat, to hear how things are, also to realise we all have our own crap going on, no ones lives are easy and hearing others talk about there's makes mine more tolerable.    I'm lucky I'm coping with my crap ain't I!  So many people suffer with mental health issues, anxiety, depression, not to tempt fate but I've been lucky not to be, don't get me wrong, I get sad, mad, down, angry but nothing that I feel I can't handle, erm universe that isn't a challenge! 

My challenge is my eating and drinking that's for sure, that's enough of a challenge for anyone, yesterday wasn't too bad, I had my fruit, I had some salmon, I only had a little wine and I had an early night, today, I've not planned my meals yet, I'm thinking simples.  

I've just seen this photo of roasted cabbage steaks and I'm thinking nom nom!  Tweak the recipe a bit and we could be onto a winner. 

Instead of oil, spray light the cabbage, it tells you to mix 3 tablespoons olive oil, 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar and 2 teaspoons honey in a bowl, does it need that much oil?  
I'm thinking spray the cabbage and just mix the other two ingredients together.  Brush it onto the cabbage slices, season with salt and pepper, the sprinkle with thyme but I don't have none.  Then roast under the slices are tender and edges are gold, about 25-30 minutes on 400°F (200°C).

Yep I might just do that, be good with some Tuna out of my freezer, or I have a bit of chicken in honey and mustard left, I think that should still be ok?! 

Ooo I'm going to get all creative with my cabbage!  Instead of the oil, I could wrap the cabbage in bacon, nom nom, mixing those zero heroes in to keep the points in the meal down.   Or how about cabbage hash browns?  

INGREDIENTS

2 

large eggs

1/2 tsp. 

garlic powder

1/2 tsp. 

kosher salt

Freshly ground black pepper

2 c. 

shredded cabbage

1/4 

small yellow onion, thinly sliced

1 tbsp. 

vegetable oil

DIRECTIONS

1. In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, garlic powder, and salt. Season with black pepper. Add cabbage and onion to egg mixture and toss to combine.
2. In a large skillet over medium-high heat, heat oil. Divide mixture into 4 patties in the pan and press with spatula to flatten. Cook until golden and tender, about 3 minutes per side.

And now I'm not just running late, I'm hungry too lol.  I need to get my backside in the shower and get ready.  Pinterest is a dangerous place, where hours of your life disappear.  

Catch ya laters, mwah luv ya xx

Love me xx

Embrace the chaos!

Friday 6th December 

The greatest illusion is that life should be perfect. 

I had such a lovely day yesterday and then I got home to mom and it all went tits up from there and I ended up eating my emotions, I smashed the back of my advent calendar and systematically ate them all except Christmas Eve in no particular order, can I just say chocolate doesn't taste so great when you're angry and sad!  Oh and the only reason I stopped at the last one was because I felt a bit sick and miserable so the chocolate wasn't doing what I wanted it to.  

She's okay again this morning by the way but it's just so draining coming home at 8pm after being out since 7am to listen to someone moan on and on about how she'd rather be left on her own, normally I have more patience but last night I wanted to walk back out and keep walking.  

Anyway, moving on, I'll get back to healthy today and I won't be replacing the advent calendar so those chocolates have left the building.

I was asked to post the following lentil bake recipe that I made for workshops a few years back, no obviously with the changes in plans, the points are different on each plan.  

 

Curried Lentil Bake Total points = 34SP 💚14SP 💙 6SP 💜

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 1 hour
Total Time 1 hour 10 minutes

1 tbsp oil (4SP💚💙💜)
1 onion (finely chopped)
1/2 tsp finely chopped garlic
1 celery stalk (finely chopped)
2 medium carrots (finely chopped)
1 tbsp curry powder (1SP💚💙💜)
175g red split lentils (13SP 💚) 

580ml (580ml) vegetable stock (I used 2 oxo cubes) (1SP💚💙💜)
240g sweet potato (cut into approx. 1 cm cubes) (8SP 💚💙) (0SP💜) 

70g frozen peas (2SP 💚)
3 eggs (lightly beaten) (5SP 💚) 

1. Pre heat oven to 180C/350F/Gas4
2. Heat oil in pan over a medium heat. Add the onion, garlic, celery and carrots then reduce the heat to low and cook for approx. 10 mins (until softened.)
3. Add the curry powder and cook for a further minute
4. Add the lentils & stock, bring to the boil, then reduce the heat to low and allow to simmer until cooked, soft and stock absorbed (approx. 20 mins)
5. Meanwhile, heat a little oil in a pan and fry the sweet potato cubes, on a low heat, for approx. 10min. (add a little water if needed)
6. Once lentils are cooked, allow to cool slightly and then add the potato, egg and peas. Stir until combined.
7. Place the mixture in a greased, ovenproof dish (mine was 10" x 7.5")
8. Bake in the oven for 30-40 mins or until set and golden (mine took 35 mins) but timings will vary with ovens.
9. Slice and serve.

I adapted it in another recipe to make it lower in points, 

Zero Curried Lentil Bake  Total points = 22SP 💚2SP 💙 2SP 💜

Spray light

1 large onion (finely chopped)

1 tsp finely chopped garlic

1 celery stalk (finely chopped)

 2 medium carrots (finely chopped)

1 tbsp curry powder (1SP💚💙💜)

175g red split lentils  (13SP 💚) 

 580ml vegetable stock (I used 2 oxo cubes) (1SP💚💙💜)

240g butternut squash (cut into approx. 1 cm cubes)  

100g frozen peas (2SP 💚) 

3 eggs (lightly beaten)  (5SP 💚) 

1. Pre heat oven to 180C/350F/Gas4
2. Spray light a large frying pan over a medium heat. Add the onion, garlic, celery and carrots then reduce the heat to low and cook for approx. 10 mins (until softened) add a splash of water if needed to stop it sticking and don't be afraid to add a few more sprays of spray light. 
3. Meanwhile, put the butternut squash cubes on a baking tray and spray light them, then pop in oven for about 15 minutes, keep your eye on them, you want them cooked but firm. 
4. Add the curry powder to the frying pan and cook for a further minute
5. Add the lentils & stock, bring to the boil, then reduce the heat to low and allow to simmer until cooked, soft and stock absorbed (approx. 20 mins)
6. Once lentils are cooked, allow to cool slightly and then add the butternut squash, egg and peas. Stir until combined.
7. Place the mixture in a greased, ovenproof dish (roughly 10" x 7.5")
8. Bake in the oven for 30-40 mins or until set and golden, timings will vary with ovens.
9. Slice and serve.

It's delicious warm or cold, great to take in your sandwich box for work, a filling, healthy meal for lunch, dinner or breakfast if you're a bit weird like me.  Trust me, it's really good for your digestive system too!  Oh and it's a cheap meal too, helping toward your 5 a day. 

Now I could go into today thinking what's the point, my life is just a big ball of chaos right now but do you know what, hell no!  In the words of Jonny Ox, 'She may be chaos sipping madness from a cup of disaster, but damn, she makes it look good.' and I intend to continue to. 

So my shopping list this week will include more fruit to encourage me to start my day well, I've got some satsumas downstairs they can be this mornings start, I will buy lots of lovely veggies to bring vitamins and minerals into my world.  I will take time out to read and take me away from the chaos, I will walk my dog and get some fresh air (only if it stops raining though).  What I won't do, EVER, is completely give in because that's not who I am.  What about you? Who are you? 

I will continue to be the Chaos Coordinator (yay Vicky I'm a CC too 😚) 

Embracing chaos might be the journey we need to take to finding peace, Here's to finding calm in my chaos today, what's your plan? 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me x

15 years, where did they go?!

Thursday 5th December 2019
Just say YIKES and move on!

Today is my workversary, 15 years ago I started working for WW after going through the training, it's gone so quickly and it's the longest I've worked anywhere, 11 years I was at my last company.  It's still the best job ever, I get to spend my days with epic people and I am fortunate enough to have the most amazing helpers who make it possible for me to do the job day in, day out.  Thursday's is always my long, busy day but I still drive home smiling.  It's so rewarding working for a company that helps people, it's also great that over the years, I've seen the plan improve and be adapted to suit members in our busy, chaotic lives that we have now.

Yesterday I got busy in the kitchen, made enough food to take me to the weekend, a nice beef stew, honey and mustard chicken in the slow cooker using a jar of chicken tonight and some scotch eggs using Penn Road butchers chicken sausages, actually no I used his turkey and cranberry ones so that's a portable breakfast for this morning!   I really enjoyed spending an hour in the kitchen and mom was sleeping in her chair so it was easy as she wasn't asking where I was and what I was doing. 

I love the simplicity of the slow cooker, just chuck it in and leave it, then walking in to a lovely smell makes it ever better.  Even better if it's only a couple of ingredients like a jar of sauce and meat!  It makes chicken breast more tender that's for sure. 

My heads a bit empty this morning, this is usually when I share a recipe with you to fill the page, but I can't find the blinking recipe book I wanted to get it from, you couldn't make it up could ya!

We were talking about cauliflower steaks on Tuesday, can't find the recipe they'd made it was from a WW recipe book but basically it's roasting or frying cauliflower steaks in whatever spices you fancy, I've just seen one idea where they've breaded the steak - I like that idea! There's a Cauliflower steak shawarma  recipe on the WW app.

HOW TO CUT CAULIFLOWER STEAKS?

First, remove the leaves and trim off the bottom part of the stem

With a large knife, cut the cauliflower lengthwise through the center into thick slices (about 1 1/2-inch resp. 4 cm thick).

Depending on the thickness of the stem you might get 2 or 3 cauliflower “steaks”.

Save the excess florets that do not connect to the steaks to make cauliflower rice.

I need to have a go at this as I do like a bit of cauliflower, I'm thinking parmesan cheese, breadcrumbs, garlic, most recipes seem to steam them for a few minutes first. yeah I need this in my life.  

But first I need to get my backside out of this chair and get to work, here's hoping today is as good as yesterday was, I even had a nice surprise in the post, my crochet society box arrived, I love them, every monty a box of goodies for me to enjoy, I love the yarn in this months box too I'd love more but I have a feeling it's a one off - gutted.  Never mind, I'll find similar I'm sure, ooo check me out, I must be growing up, in the past I'd have sulked for weeks over that, don't like not being able to get what I want lol. 

Right I'm really going now, it's still dark out there so here's to bringing our own brightness!  Mwah, luv ya 


Love me x

Good morning, keep going

Wednesday 4th December 2019
Today is like coffee, it will be as good as you make it.

Good morning, mid-week, 4th of the month, last month of the year, so many folk out there thinking, 'oh I'll stop trying and enjoy Christmas then I'll restart in January', so dangerous, taking care of ourselves shouldn't be something we do as and when we can be bothered, it should be something we think about all the time.   Of course we won't be perfect all the time and constantly resist temptation, that's not what healthy eating is all about, it's about doing what we can when we can and if that's not every day or every meal at this time of year, that's okay because after all it is Christmas time.  One member told me yesterday that she wasn't expecting a loss because her grandson had called her and insisted on taking her out for a meal - heck I'd take being treated to a meal out by a loved one over a weight loss any day of the week!  I think it's wonderful that a grandson wants to take his nan out.  One meal doesn't have to undo your entire week, it doesn't have to undo your day either, make wise choices at other meals, focus on those zero foods and make the best of the situation.  How wonderful is it if you have so many social engagements at this time of year you're finding it difficult to stay on track.  Isn't it brilliant that you're so popular and loved?  I think so, I've never been a social butterfly but I've always loved a good meal out with friends, laughing and giggling about the silly things in life and I don't think those times are times to worry about calories.

As this isn't something I've got to worry about, today I'm going to do my best to have a good food day, I've got a fruit salad to work my way through - oh yeah I opted for fruit on my meal deal instead of dessert from the supermarket shop, check me out.  See thats doing what I can when I can.  I'm going to make a stew and do a chicken tonight honey and mustard so I have enough meals for the next 3 days without having to think about it tomorrow when I'm super busy or Friday when I'm shattered from Thursday. 

We're talking zero heroes in workshops this week and it was so wonderful to hear everyone get excited about the idea of cauliflower steaks in the morning workshop and white cabbage in salad and pitta breads in the night one, just goes to show it isn't just junk food that gets us enthusiastic when it comes to eating.  I devoured my tea, 2 pitta breads (9SP) with salad and fat free natural yogurt mixed with mint sauce, so good, proving you can eat cold food in the winter and not feel deprived or hungry afterwards. 

I'm gonna do a little bit of housework this morning, earn me a few FitPoints, I don't like doing it but it needs to be done, the thing is we don't have to enjoy everything we have to do but if it's going to make our lives better, then it's a good idea to do it!  

On that note, I'll get gone and start whilst I'm in the mood and moms still in bed so I can hoover and mop the living room.  Here's to making it a very, great day xx 

mwah, luv ya 

Love me x 

And there she was gone (Oops, sorry!)

Tuesday 3rd December 2019
If tomorrow you were to lose all but one memory, what one would you hold onto.

I woke up to a crazy amount of comments on a Facebook post I'd wrote before going to sleep last night, didn't even think about it as I was writing it, 'And there she was gone", we'd had such a wonderful day, she'd been my mom again, we'd chuckled at silly things like the good old days, it was as if Alzheimers had left the room for most of the day and it was lovely, then as we were going to bed, exceptionally early these days, she changed, started to get really confused, asked me who I was, thought I was Anne, then thought I'd been away and had come back, then didn't know who I was at all and started crying, scared and confused hence the post.  Writing things down gets it out of my head, I don't have someone else in the house to 'chat to',

Now if you want spooky, mom's just this second got up, come walking out of her room and said, "Who's gone?", she's apparently had a dream and I'd said something had gone.  Now that's a bit freaky ain't it. 

I'll be back in a minute, I've got to go and sort her out xx

She's just recoiled her dreams to me, someone tall had her in a grip saying, 'who am I!' and she didn't know so she replied Bev and the woman laughed and walked away'.  See even her dreams are adding to her confusion because she asked me if I remembered what happened last night, she doesn't realise it's a dream.  I can't even begin to imagine how all those confusing, conflicting thoughts are making her feel.     

It's not all bad though, when she's good, she's good, earlier in the day is usually her best, she had a couple of lovely hours with my brother Friday morning, she enjoyed her visit from Maxine her hairdresser, we'd enjoyed the day together watching rubbish on the tele, I'd watched her trying to put chocolate biscuits in a tube rather than a tin and said, why don't you put them in a tin and she argued, 'this is a tin', the she said, Mom “it’s the tin” and I knew where that was going so I replied, “that rin tin tin” but instead of the line that usually follows she quipped “put his biscuits in” and we both fell about like a couple of silly school kids who'd said a rude word at the back of the class and I wanted to bottle that moment and stay in that space for a long time because I miss my mom so much, I'm crying typing this now as I remember some of the good times we've had, I'm looking at the photo on my office wall of mom and I sitting outside our apartment in Lanzarote, there's 4 glasses on the table in front of us (which speaks volumes) and we're laughing as we used to do all the time, we're laughing in this photo because we're trying to get the camera to take an automatic photo and we can't find a ledge high enough so we're having to scoot down and that, like most things back then was making us giggle because that's what we did.

Facebook is like my diary, it's my way of recording things, expressing my thoughts, processing crap and guaranteeing in future years those moments will pop up in my timeline and I'll be transported back to that time and I want to remember these tough times as well as the good times because I know when she does go, I will be heartbroken but it will help to be reminded towards the end, my mom had left the building a long time before. 

So in today's memories on Facebook, there's this from 2015; 

Now that's my mom, I must try to remember to tag her in posts because then I can go to the Facebook page I set up for her and see them all together. 

There is one thing Alzheimers cannot take away, and that is love.  Love is not a memory, it's a feeling that resides in your heart and soul, however the hardest thing is watching somebody you love forget who you are and that they love you.   

All I can do is tell her she's safe with me and I'm not going anywhere.  Today show those you love, how much you love them, hug, kiss, be nice and smile because one day we all will be 'and there she(he) was gone!' and it will be forever. 

mwah, luv ya 


Love me xx

Today Smile at everyone you see

Monday 2nd December 2019
If the plan doesn't work, change the plan not the goal.

It's just another manic Monday or is it?  I'm listening to the Bangles on Radio 2 can you tell :) 

Well I made my tuna pasta bake and I liked it, didn't follow a recipe just cooked some wholewheat pasta, opened a can of tuna, a can of sweetcorn, diced carrot, leftover green beans in a can, popped it all in a dish, fried some spring onions and garlic with spray light then threw in a tub of quark, poured that over the rest and topped with about 100g of cheese.  so only the cheese to point on purple, the pasta to point as well on blue and green, then the quark and sweetcorn to also point on green.  I enjoyed it very much.  

I've managed a stayed the same on the scales this morning, I'll take that, I just need to survive this month without gaining loads and resisting temptation.  My online shop has saved me for the coming week as I went back in the day after and took the naughty stuff out that I really didn't need!  I won't need to go to a shop now for yet another week so no temptation.  You can't eat what isn't there.  

The one thing that I did have yesterday was Pringles, mom kept offering me some and I caved in the end, could've been a lot worse.  It didn't help that I'd just had to pull back hours and hours of crochet because I'd gone wrong :( hey ho, I'm over it now, but at the time I was close to tears as I'd just finished the back of the cardigan I'm making, not it'll not get done too next weekend. 

Alfie and I enjoyed a lovely walk yesterday, well two actually, the first I nattered to my bestie on the phone, she told me how cold it is being a post at this time of year and how many hours they work, 69 she did last week, so if you see a postie, be nice to them!   Then Alfie told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted to go for another walk on the afternoon, he was in the mood, too me all down to estate, then along the canal.  He's a funny little thing, has his routes and doesn't deviate from them, he may not do that one often but when he does, you have no choice but to follow!  

This is him telling me he wants a walk! 

this is him when we got back.

Mom was good yesterday too YAY, she's even behaved all night, it does make for a much easier time when she's good, so I'll enjoy it when I can.  Today's my day off apart from some office work this morning so hopefully another good day - fingers crossed.   The advent calendar caused too much confusion for my liking, another reason Christmas is cancelled in my house, but I did like this idea that I saw on Facebook; 



So today, Smile at everyone you see, try it, you might like it xx

I've just seen a video for this recipe, it looks delicious https://www.facebook.com/officialgoodful/videos/1930871510316639/, there's other recipes on the video too.   

Put a sheet of baking paper on a baking tray 

1tbsp garlic

1tbsp rosemary

1tbsp oregano 

1tbsp Basil 

1tbsp Olive oil 

1tbsp lemon juice 

Salt and pepper 

Mix ingredients together and brush onto both sides of 4 salmon fillets  

1 courgette

1 yellow pepper

1 cup of mushrooms

1 pint of tomatoes 

Chop and place on the other side of baking tray, spray with spray oil and add salt and pepper.   

Bake for 30 mins of 400F / 200C degrees 

I fancy some salmon this week, I know I have some in the freezer.

Right lets embrace the day whether it's a mild or manic Monday, as mom said this morning, being alive and in pain is better than the alternative! 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me.

OMG, Brussel sprout ketchup goes on sale today Lucy - what's that all about! 

Happy Advent.

Sunday 1st December 2019
One of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things.

If you only buy one book this Christmas make it this one, my very good friend introduced it to me, she'd posted some images on Instagram and told me when I commented that it reminded her of me when she first saw it, because I like Winnie the Pooh and the quotes are just like the quotes I say (her words not mine).  She's bang on though, it's the most beautifully written book and a wonderful work of art, I will treasure my copy.  We often forget what truly matters, the simplicity of this book will make it a wonderful gift for anyone at any time of the year, I want to actually buy lots and hand them out to anyone who needs kindness, love and friendship in their life, it really is a charming book.  Sadly I've not got that kind of money ;) but the thought's there!   Instead I'll share a few pages below and hope you treat yourself xx 

 

All in all not a bad day yesterday, the crafternoon definitely got some people making things as they posted on Facebook, Jemma had her kids making Christmas cards, loved that, hopefully more took part without the photos.  I stuck with crochet but tried something new, I think I'll be sticking to blankets though, as this kind of thing is very fiddly!  

Not my best work, but not bad for a first attempt, just got to do her bra, arms and fin flare, oh and more hair, she's got a huge bald patch at the back 😂. Can I add if you ever see these kind of things for sale and they're handmade, know they take hours, I was at this all afternoon, a good 6 or 7 hours I bet!  

Judy made some gorgeous bits and if you go to the event page https://www.facebook.com/events/2471645273104058/?active_tab=discussion she was selling them to raise money. 

We've raised £460 for Mind so far, a huge thank you for everyone who's bought a raffle ticket, it was won by a lovely lady named Sheila, she's chuffed. 

Anyway, my day will most consist of walking Alfie, trying to keep moms spirits up, not a bad day all in all yesterday, crochet, oh and I think I'm going to have a go at making a tuna bake, I honestly don't think I've ever made one before!  There's a recipe on the app for 11SP on green, obviously it'll be less on other plans. 

Right it's daylight now, I'm off to get stuff done early so I can relax later, although Alfie's still on moms bed so we won't be rushing out the door!  

Happy advent everyone, how lucky am I that my lovely friend Tina delivered an advent calendar to our house yesterday, after already buying me a little gift to make me smile. 

mwah, luv ya

Love me