Cool start to a hot day!

28^th June 2018

She was not fragile like a flower; she was fragile like a bomb.

Much better day in this house yesterday, I decided it was going to be after writing my blog, I accepted that I can’t change a lot about what’s going on but I could have an impact on it and we had a good day, actually a very good day, it meant I had to do things and think differently but it was worth it.  We also had unexpected visitors which was a surprise but turned out to be a nice one.  Watching little Ted explore my garden was great, I wished I’d had the sand down, he’d have loved that!  Mom enjoyed it too.

My sister made me an orzo salad for tea, it was delicious!  Orzo is a pasta that looks like a rice, really tasty when flavoured well, I’ll get the recipe from her for tomorrow, great cold for a work lunch. 

 

I had this chicken, for 12SP it's a bargain, but I have to admit it beat me, I couldn't finish it all, going to have the leftover breast on a thin for a snack today I reckon. 

 

This week in my meetings we’re looking at NSV’s (non scale victories) and how important it is to change your mindset.  I’ve just seen this post “Replace ‘sorry’s’ with ‘thank you’s.  Instead of saying ‘sorry I’m late’, try ‘thank you for waiting for me’.  See how powerful a simple change in mindset is.

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Multitasking this morning Alfie wanted a walk and realising if I make him wait till I get back from my meetings lunchtime, it’ll be too hot so we’ve come out now.

Hearing some lovely non scale victories this week one last night Simon is making a pile of the clothes that no longer fit him because they’re too big and each week that pile gets higher! How fab is that, what a wonderful visual to look at each morning for motivation.

I’m think definitely No Count today as I have gammon in the fridge, a couple of thins that need using and some spuds that are sprouting so I’ll peel all that off and do mash mmm need some peas then to go with that although I have a tin of green beans or I could have baked beans, still not got me a can of Heinz curry beans. Just added a tin to my order but they won’t come till tomorrow so maybe a couple of days of no count. Will add some other No Count stuff to basket throughout the day. Cottage cheese and the like, let’s see if I can get a balance, I’ll get boiling some eggs when I get back from my walk.

It’s lovely and fresh out here this morning although it’s going to be another scorcher. I had to close my window at three this morning, the foxes were having a scrap, then I snoozed and heard mom at four having a chat with Alfie but I fell back off because my alarm startled me an hour later and I couldn’t turn the bloody thing off, kept pressing the wrong buttons, I wouldn’t mind but there’s only 5 on it!

I might have bacon thins for brekkie, I know I’m having gammon later but hey there’s no law that says you can eat the same-ish food twice in one day.

I’ll get some salmon out the freezer for tomorrow, if I use all the freezer meat and fish I only need to buy extra stuff on this week’s shop.

I’m rambling ain’t I, it’s because there’s not much going on up there this morning, just enjoying my walk. So I’ll go and I’ll head him back towards home as I have five meetings to run and stuff to do before I get there!

Have a very great day!

Deep breathes

27^th June 2018

Be careful what you wish for…

Last night I wished for an empty house, some time on my own without having to work my mood round someone else’s, but I know what consequences getting that empty house would mean so I was just grateful when she went to bed. Xx

A member at the scales mentioned ‘comfort eating’ yesterday and then said ‘you know how it is’.  At first I was yeah I know how it is but I don’t comfort eat as such, I happy eat, the food I eat makes me happy, it doesn’t make me miserable after I’ve done it.  The truth is I wouldn’t be eating that food if I wasn’t trying to change my mood though.  We’re all emotional eaters in some form and I most certainly am.  I’d made it through my day really well, on track, writing it down, feeling good, then I walked into an episode of ‘Hell in Hilary Land’, I just wasn’t ready for it after what had been such a good day, brilliant meetings, an hour in the garden with her on the afternoon enjoying the sunshine.  Suddenly we’re in another place completely, a land where she’s been left alone for a couple of hours and had time to overthink stuff, created stories in her head and completely changed her mood and that makes her a really difficult person to be around.  Did I comfort eat – no, did I emotionally eat – yes, it was more food to calm me down and stop me reacting because ultimately I’m human too, with emotions and feelings and I get angry too but of course I have to control my feelings because I love her and I know she can’t help her behaviour and she’ll have forgotten all this by morning (hopefully!)

A babybel and a packet of WW bakes later, one more glass of wine than planned and I’d fell asleep in my chair feeling deflated and a little helpless.

Today’s a new day, it’s not started the best but that doesn’t mean it won’t improve, she woke me about 5 telling Alfie not to come and wake me up!  For once I refused to get up, I told her I was going to try and go back to sleep which I managed for another hour, then Alfie reminded me he wanted his walk now before it gets too warm which is fair enough.  The delivery man had dumped 20+ boxes by my gate when we got back so it’s now 8am and all that’s been done, oh and I’ve typed this blog out twice because my computer froze and I lost the document – YAY!  Funnily enough I’m less likely to emotionally eat this early in the morning – why is that do you think?

I reckon it’s because we’re emotionally and physically stronger in the morning and as the day goes on, our energy gets sapped and we have less resistance by the evening.  I’ll spend this morning cajoling her out of any mood she’s still in, god that’s draining some days but the love there is strong and that’s why I do it.

My natural preference of emotion is peaceful, I like a calm environment, when I haven’t got that, that’s when food/wine comes into play because it has a calming effect on me.

I’m going to do a little research on the calming effects of foods, see what I can include in my diet to help me stay calm.  I know there won’t be any miracles but I can try.  The truth is I don’t need to research it, I already know that eating a healthy balanced diet is what will help, making sure I get a good balance.  I’m thinking No Count today, then if I do come home to the land of Hilary Hell later, I can eat a warby thin or two ;) happy days lol.

The truth is I have to find other ways to find my calm, relying on food/wine isn’t the answer, I’m already doing some of them, so I make sure my house has lovely smells, I walk the dog, I water my hanging baskets when I get back from work, that gives me ten minutes to adjust to the environment that I’ve walked into.  I will try to deep breathe more.  Writing it down helps too, this blog is so therapeutic, I don’t care if it makes sense or not or if no one’s reading.  I also distract myself by chatting with my friends. Getting a bit of love off Alfie and trying not to take it all too seriously, plus getting enough sleep.

So today, I shall be kind, be careful, monitor my thoughts and try to have a very great day whilst focusing on the healthy and happy.

I hope you do too. xx

Here's to a very great day!

26^th June 2018

It’s a slow process but quitting won’t speed it up.

WOW, now this is what you call summer, even I ended up in the shade at one point yesterday, gorgeous day. 

Appointments done, the nurse did my smear, oh and I got 2 for the price of 1, a student nurse with her, well if they don’t learn they can’t do the job.  Out of curiosity I googled cervix – ew, I’m glad I wasn’t at that end, that’s all I’m saying.

I did have a giggle with the nurse after though, when I mentioned mom, the menopause, my knee, weight loss and alcohol.  I thought she was going to say something I didn’t want to hear, like ‘you need to drink less’ but she laughed and said, “No, I’m not going to tell a menopausal woman who’s caring for a mom with Alzheimer’s not to drink, I was just going to tell you the lowest calorie alcohol”.  Brilliant, just brilliant, someone who understands.

Thankfully I got a locum doctor for my knee, it’s exactly what I thought it was arthritic joints and I’ve had a flare up from when we did the garden and I painted the shed kneeling.  No cure at all, he gave me an exercise to strengthen the muscles about the knee but other than that it’s painkillers. 

What I’ve found helps a bit too is a bath in Epsom salts, I’ve just found a post that says, a 20 minute hot bath that contains a handful of Epsom salts and 10 drops of lavender essential oil and a half cup of baking soda draws out toxins, lowers stress-related hormones, and balances your pH levels. I’ve not tried the baking soda but I’m willing to give it a try.  Anything to lower stress related hormones ay!

Well I decided to get my eating back on a good day yesterday, I scanned things in my fridge and added them into my app on different days so I know what I’m having.  I froze the pizzas for another day and now I can stay on track(ish).

We had Weight Watchers spaghetti for lunch, I forgot how good that tastes, we had it with egg and chips so I only had a third of the can, might have the other third for my breakfast with egg on toast, mmm, 5SP but worth it.  Lunch is an 11SP risotto, but I can lower the points in that if I don’t eat the 20g packet of pumpkin seeds that’s with it, 3SP for 20g seeds, yeah I can live without them today, I might save them for breakfast another day, yogurt, fruit and seeds, nice.

My house smelt wonderful yesterday too, I love it when someone walks in and says ‘it smells nice in here’, I’d changed all the scentsy waxes on the morning and every time I went out and came back in, it was so fresh – tidy too!  If you’ve never tried Scentsy check it out https://fme.scentsy.co.uk/party/9362367/bevs-summer-surprise or if you need some new smells. 

Well another week of meetings begins, I do love the routine of my life, I’m not going to lie.  I also believe it’s keeping mom better for longer, I got talking to the receptionist at the doctors who’s husband got diagnosed around the same time as mom she’s having to leave her job this week as he’s getting worse.  We both agreed we don’t think about the future, it’s best not too. 

So thinking of today, I have some watermelon I’m looking forward to eating, I had some yesterday too, and it’s one fruit I really do enjoy, especially in this hot weather. 

Here’s to a very great day BeYOUtiful, enjoying the sunshine, focusing on the healthy and happy and enjoying the good in life.