Happy to see the back of this one!

Thursday 30th December 2020

Your struggle is part of your story.

YAY yesterday was the first day since before Christmas that I didn't need Rennies - progress for sure.  I enjoyed egg and beans on toast and a roast beef dinner nom nom, got my supermarket delivery, it didn't come till lunchtime so didn't feel like cooking a recipe, maybe I'll do it today, but maybe later in the week when we're safely in 2021, we shall see how the day goes.

I found out yesterday my brother has tested positive for Covid, he was here for an hour Christmas morning, thankfully we're not a huggy family and we were a good 3m apart, so I think we've got away without catching it - I bloody hope so anyway, I can't bear the thought of mom getting it :( Then they put us into Tier 4 which I know means a lot of people will suffer emotionally and financially again. 

Yep...

2020 has been a year to remember, but one which most of us would probably prefer to forget.  It was .....

And...

The one where myself and so many others lost their jobs, the one where the only thing we seemed to gain was weight!  But more sadly what made neither of those things matter was the fact so many lost their lives. 

No wonder we're all looking forward to 2021 and hoping for better times.  

It wasn't all bad though, I got to walk with my bestie a few times, got to spend more time with my mom, people were kind and helpful to each other and there seemed a sense of community. 

Now there's two vaccines so hopefully 2021 is going to be better and we can rebuild our world!

What are your goals for 2021, one of mine is to be kind to myself, to give myself time to rebuild my world, I don't expect myself to be super women, I'm not going to lose all the weight I've gained in a fortnight, I never want to get down to a bmi 25, I've got my own weight related goals and I'll chip away at them, plus my weight is only one of my goals, I have others that have nothing to do with my body lol.  My work has always been my social life in years gone by, and as lovely as that was I'd like a social life that isn't work related, as soon as I'm able, I have a few meals out to arrange, some walking to do with mates, yeah, let 2020 be the year we realised what's truly important to us shall we.

Here's to enjoying the last day of the year, for tomorrow is 2021.

Happy New Years Eve - please stay safe. 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me 

It's cold this morning!

Wednesday 30th December 2020

Sometimes in the waves of change, we find our true direction

Well I've been up since 3am again, but I've spent a couple of hours productively going through my computer and clearing out old files, it feels good to be cleansing my life, out with the old, in with the new! I'm looking forward to a lot more of this in 2021, I've spent 2020 fearing change and dreading what might happen and how I'd cope and what I'd do, but now I'm embrassing everything life has to offer.  Change is scary, but instead I'm choosing to see it as exciting, a little change in attitude makes all the difference.  Dementia brought lots of change to my family, Covid has done the same this year, we've been surviving the effects of dementia for years, I plan to do the same with Covid, my main priority right now is trying to keep the damn virus out of my house closely followed by ensuring I have a future to look forward to, work I enjoy doing, people in my life I love and care for and being happy. I'm the heaviest I've ever been and I can 'blame' lots of reasons for that, but the truth is I decided to stop  paying attention to the amount of food I ate and the effect it was having on the scales!  That will change on New Years day, I will weigh myself, work out my 5% goal and aim for my first half stone, followed by my 5%.  I have a goal weight in mind I want to achieve, it's not a BMI one, it's a personal one, I'm not living by someone elses 'ideal' weight guidelines anymore, I'm choosing my own.  I've got a plan, I've got a weight loss buddy and I can't wait.  But my goals aren't just about numbers, I have goals in all aspects of my life, not just numbers on a scale.

I'm looking forward to my shopping coming, need some salad and veggies in my life!  Although the substitutions have made me smile again, replacing celery with spring onions - really?  I needed a couple of sticks of celery for my bolognaise recipe, I'll manage without it I'm sure, celery ain't my favourite thing in the world anyway. I wore my Fitbit for the first time in a very long time yesterday, managed 6600 steps, not bad to say I mostly sad on my backside, me and Alfie had a lovely walk though, not fast but enjoyable. 

I've been playing with MyFitnessPal the last few days, this morning I used the recipe builder for the first time and it's great, plus it's all free which is awesome at the moment with money being such an issue for so many people.  I'll start using it properly in 2021, I've got a couple more days of my 'holiday' yet and I'm going to enjoy them, roast beef dinner today I reckon though, Alfie will be happy with that too ;) 

All the days are merging into each other this week, I've done a little work but not loads, enjoyed talking on the phone with my mates yesterday, we watched a couple of films Princess Switch 1 & 2 on Netflix, really 'aahhh' kind of films, I love crap like that, happy ever after films are the best, they really are. 

Right, it's cold in here, the heating ain't warming this house up too well, there's a draft coming from somewhere, so I'm off to make another cuppa tea and make something for breakfast.  I fancy baked beans, I've fancied them for days - that's a fab sign my bodies ready for healthy!  Still fancying a chow mein though, but I'm thinking, I'm gonna make my own rather than have a take away, I used to make a mean chow mein, time to get those old healthy habits back in place. 

Catch ya tomorrow, have a great day, 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me x

So ready for 2021!

Tuesday 29th December 2020

Step by step, day by day...

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for the next chapter of my life!  I charged up my fitbit yesterday and it's on my wrist ready to see how inactive I've become the last month or so, time to get them back up!  Alfie and I did do a couple of walks yesterday, not very quickly but at least we were outside.

I've used up some of the cheese and cooked ham by putting it in a piece of puff pastry with a sliced onion, absolutely delicious but the  acid reflux makes me realise it's just not worth it! A few minutes of eating followed by hours of discomfort, nah not worth it at all.  

I'm seriously missing out on social interaction, being stuck in the house 24/7 with someone who you can't even have a proper conversation with because they're not in this world most of the time is tough, this morning she's been telling me about how she was talking to Captain Tom the other day when she was walking Alfie, so no, meaningful chats aren't happening.  I can't wait to get out of Tier 3 so I can start having Happy Owls Huddles, I miss my tribe!  Talking to someone at the doorstep for a couple of minutes when they drop something off just isn't the same, especially as it's usually followed by mom sulking! 

I've got to finish my shopping list today, the ingredients of a healthy bolognaise and a crustless quiche are already in there, I think I'll throw in a bit of salad as well as all those lovely veggies in there. 

Yesterday was a good day, my appointment went well and I signed up another UW customer and another appointment booked for tomorrow.  My poor mom was  in a lot of pain after her visit from the district nurse, it's bigger than ever now, it's round the back of the ankle as well as the front of the leg and it's so very painful. 

We've been up since half 3 this morning, thankfully she's sleeping when we do go to bed which is a blessing, sleep's such an important part of a healthy, balanced life isn't it and I have a feeling mom's about to go back to sleep in her chair lol. 

I'm going to go make me another cuppa, mmm what to have for breakfast, I might give the kitchen a good clean whilst I'm in there, I'll never be naturally tidy, I'll always be a reluctant domestic goddess lol but I'll keep trying like every other area of my life, keep working on being a Happy Owl, I'm ready for 2021 and all it will bring , 3 days left of this year yet, will we end it in Lockdown or will it continue with the tiers?  The coronavirus news on the BBC this morning isn't heartwarming that's for sure!  We'll have a watch of GMB at 6, see if they're any more positive lol, I don't get stressed by it when I watch it now, it is what it is, I'm focusing on what I can control, here's to ending the year smiling.  

Mwah, luv yes.

Love me 

2020 nearly over (thankfully!)

Monday 28th December 2020 

The most important conversation is the conversation you have with yourself each day.

Well the calm candle got blown out yesterday, I took Alfie for a walk on the afternoon and he was really in the mood so we were out longer than we usually would be, having said that I think it was only 45 minutes, well when I got back, you'd think I'd been gone for a month, she had a face like a smacked backside and was vile for hours!  I just did my best to ignore her because I'd really enjoyed the walk and my chat with Elle talking about our future, we're both looking forward to 2021, 2020 turned our lives around so it's time to take back our power.  I'm going to have a chat with my sister about her coming round for an hour each day so I can go have a good walk, it's not just good for my mind but my body too, I'm seizing up sitting round all day, I need to get some movement going on. 

In bed by 8 and up at 3, still 7 hours I guess, she woke up as cranky as she went to bed but I think I've calmed her down and she seems a little happier now.  

Back to work for me today, got an appointment this morning, ease myself back in gently, got a lot of prep work to do this week, but it's all stuff I'll enjoy doing, that's what's important in life isn't it, doing things you enjoy.  We all have to do stuff we'd rather not do, for me it's housework - I HATE IT - I hoovered the living room yesterday, breaks my back literally!  Which is why it's important to find work and hobbies you enjoy doing and that's what I'm doing.  

The one thing I enjoy doing more than anything is helping others, my UW work is helping me do that and I will always find other ways to do to help people, today though I'm just gonna hope mom's in a good mood and I'm productive!  

As well as helping others, I need to start helping myself, as well as moving more, I need to sort my eating out, I'm ready to lose weight, I really am, I'm actually looking forward to it!  What's that all about?

Anyway, I'm gonna go make my bacon sarnie, it's only 66 calories for 2 slices so it's not that bad, I'm going to do mushrooms and tomatoes too, so instead of the sarnie just have a plate of food with bread, nom nom, there's got to be an egg too ain't there, a large eggs about 70 calories.  100g mushrooms are only 29 calories, 100g tomatoes only 18 calories which is why I'm choosing not to weigh and measure the veggies when I start tracking, no one ever got fat on overeating mushrooms or carrots!  The bread I buy is only 55 calories a slice, so a breakfast with two slices and the rest isn't too bad at all is it!  I think it's gonna do me good to have something different to get my head round, I'm going to use pen and paper too, proper old school.  

Here's to having a good day, gradually getting back to eating healthy, not 100% this week, still going to enjoy the niceness for the next few days.  

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx

Lazy Sunday ahead

Sunday 27th December 2020
The key to success is to start before you are ready!

Good morning!  Another good night in the Longsden house, we went to bed at 7pm and got up just before 4am, working with moms sundowning is making life a lot easier, long may it continue!  

Now if you're anything like myself and the majority of the population, you're ready for some healthier eating after the last few days of Christmas indulgence, however can I make a suggestion - don't go into full on 'diet' mode because you'll be disappointed when you struggle to get it 100% for the rest of the year.  Instead decide to eat a little less and a tad healthier, that'll work a lot better because it's giving you a little more leeway and flexibility.  

I made a delicious pasta bake yesterday using a couple of cans of condensed mushroom soup out the cupboard, some cooked ham, leftover peas, breadcrumbs made with the leftover french bread, cheese and of course pasta, it was delicious!  I've got the rest of it to eat today and I'm looking forward to it.

For my breakfast (weird as ever!) well it's more like lunch when you think I was up at 4 and ate around 9, anyway I had a packet of chicken noodles with an egg on it, one of my fav cheap, quick fix comfort meals. 

I love those noodles, although I don't cook them like the instructions, I put them in a pan and simmer so the juice reduces and they're lush.  My big indulgence is making a sandwich out of them and dunking in the egg - no wonder I'm the heaviest I've ever been!  Still not getting on track till January though!  There's too much cheese left to consume ;) a nice cheese salad would be enjoyed though over the coming week and I've added lots of veggies to my supermarket shop. 

Come January, it's all about the healthy for sure!  Not today, though it's Sunday though and it's another resting day for me, mom seems on good form despite being in pain so hopefully once her drugs kick in she'll have another good day.

Here's to a chilled out Sunday, hopefully it'll be dry enough to enjoy a dog walk, it's a good life really ain't it.  I'm trying to stop my brain from working lol, it's got lots of ideas rushing round it, or maybe I just give it to them and start putting it down on paper! 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me 

Merry Rest of the Year!

Saturday 26th December 2020

Believe in your ability to achieve your dreams

Well my Christmas present from mom was a good 8 hours sleep and she didn't wake me up once - the best gifts are priceless!  We had a lovely, quiet day, I'd managed to buy her a sackful of pressies from Amazon and she was happy with all of them, my brother came for an hour first thing, that's one of only traditions we have in this house, the other being egg and chips for dinner, I think that will be my Christmas dinner for ever more, even after moms no longer with us, it's so good not to have any hassle, this year we opted for Co-op chips, just chuck em on a tray and voila, 15 minutes later you've got egg and chips and dinner is done, oh we had petit pois with them.  Mom started to get confused later in the day, talking about going home and how would her kids know she was here, so I just kept reassuring her we were safe and in our own house, so we had an early night, we were in bed by 8 and bless her she must have been exhausted from the day because she's still asleep now at almost 6am. 

I have a new food obsession that I'm either going to have to lose or start portioning in the new year when I get myself in check, it's Lurpak garlic butter - oh my days, 695 calories per 100g!  so 867 in the block and it's not a very big block!  A regular block of butter is 250g and 745 calories per 100g, so 1,863 calories per block - ouch lol.  I'm okay with low fat spread, I always have bene so I might try to make my own garlic butter in the new year or maybe I'll just enjoy the real deal less frequently!

To lose a pound in weight you have to burn roughly 3500 calories!  I won't be worrying about that today of course, because I still have a fridge full of cheese to consume, I'm thinking a cheese and ham savoury bread pudding for breakfast this morning.  I've got a stale chunk of french bread left and as I'm going to get frugal in January, I don't want to waste food going forward at all if I can help it.  I have to own up to wasting the turkey, I just couldn't face it, I don't want to moan about my free turkey because it was a gift but I don't think I'll ever buy a whole turkey again, I would never buy a fresh one (especally one with strong black feathers lol) but let's just say my mate Mr Fox had the most amazing Christmas treat!  

As always it was so lovely to see people having a wonderful time in their photos on Facebook, please remember Facebook shows everything at it's best, it's the bullshit bubble, no ones life is good all the time so if yours doesn't feel so amazing, neither is anyone elses constantly.  I only share the good bits of mom, no one wants to see a video of her fretting and stressing and upset or ranting and raging, you don't need to see that, I want to make people smile and have memories stored for me to feel good about in the future.  I guarantee there was plenty of not so great bits unshared on social media.  

I know I'm ready to eat healthy, there's chocolates and biscuits everywhere in this living room and I'm just not interested, I've eaten some but I'm craving good food for sure.  I actually want to be hungry lol, I never stopped grazing yesterday, a cow might have 4 compartments to their stomachs but I felt like I'd got about 8 yesterday!  

My supermarket shop for Wednesday will be a heck of a lot different to last weeks, ooo I fancy some pasta, might do a pasta bake for dinner today, nom nom, yes I will and I might go get it started now so I don't change my mind.  The living room looks like a bombs hit it, moms built a wall of crap round her chair, but she was happy so I wasn't going to do anything about that!  Actually I've got my own wall of crap looking down at the floor!  

Mmm pasta, I've got a big piece of ham to use so I'm thinking that with pasta and a creamy cheesy sauce, nom nom.  Right I'm off, I might use the crusty stale bread for breadcrumbs instead of making the bread pudding then I'll be hungry when it comes to eating the pasta bake. 

Have another wonderful day xx

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

 

A very, very, Merry Christmas

Friday 25th December 2020

There is no greater gift at Christmas than to have everything you want before you open your presents.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!  We've made it, I think back in March I wasn't sure if me and mine would to be honest, I may have lost my job but if that's all I've lost then I'm blessed and who knows what 2021 will bring, stay positive I say!

Mom's just opened her gifts, she was chuffed with all of them, I can see us making bracelets later (thanks for the idea Anne, although I don't think I'll be feeling that way later with fiddly beads lol).  We ended up with a bottle of bright red nail polish all over moms hands and the floor last night as she attempted to paint her own nails and dropped the bottle.  I shall try and paint them for her myself, but I have the shakiest hands going and no it's not the wine, it's the side effect of my medication 😜 been like it forever, used to be embarrassing when I had to take all the directors coffee on a tray and it'd rattle all the way to the table - wow that was a flashback that made my tummy flutter. 

I've had a couple of lovely, thoughtful gifts, anew corkscrew which is super cute and because of that he can be on display so I hopefully won't lose this one lol, although I found the other one when I was sorting the drawers out, only been missing about a year.   I've had socks too which are the best pressie despite what people say, I desparately needed socks, mine had holes in!  For me it was all about making mom happy and she is.

We shall have egg and chips today, thankfully I realised yesterday afternoon that Anne had forgotten to get the chips from the Co-op, then I realised I hadn't had any eggs in my delivery either, so I rushed over to get them.  As Anne said 'we had one job', lol.  

I've missed not seeing my brothers this year which are words I never thought I'd be typing, but I have, there's so many jobs for our Terry to do now (joking Terry, there's not, but still gutted I didn't get the decking done at the end of March - bloody lockdown!)

What to have for breakfast, chocolates or cheese?  Bucks Fizz or Irish coffee?  Ma'an I love Christmas day, need to check out the telly for what to watch, we thoroughly enjoyed the Nativity films yesterday, love it when mom enjoys it to.  She's in her element next to me messing with all her little gifts, the theme as always was purple and I did laugh, I've bought her a purple fleecy blanket for when she sleeps in her chair and I said it's instead of your crochet one, to which she replied 'yeah cos my toes get stuck in that one', bless her she's a one off.

Anyway, here's to a wonderful day, hoping it stays as calm and lovely as it is now. Have a wonderful day, mwah, 

Luv ya 

Love me xx

  

Happy Christmas Eve!

Thursday 24th December 2020

Even if you don't believe in some things - always believe in yourself!

Well we've been awake since just gone two lol, but thankfully we were in bed by half 8 so we've had some sleep and it's Christmas Eve YAY!  It doesn't feel anything like Christmas at all does it, but hey ho, at least there might be something worth watching on tele tomorrow.

Today I shall mostly be eating christmas cake, cheese and crackers and drinking snowballs and baileys because I can, tomorrow won't be much different and I'm going to enjoy every bit of it, I'll get my healthy on in 2021, it's all in the planning, well it will be - watch this space! 

But for now, I'm going to rest, relax and recharge, enjoy rubbish tele and try and keep mom on a level, as lovely as Christmas is, too much change upsets her as she ends up confused, so there were lots of visitors dropping loveliness off yesterday but by the end of the day, she was exhausted from it all, especially as she can't understand why no one can come in! 

This time next week it'll be the last day of 2020, now I'm not one for wishing my life away but let's be honest 2020, well it's not been great has it!  I am hoping I've learnt things from it though, realised what's important, what isn't, what I want from life and what I don't!  It's shown me how many BeYOUtiful people I have in my life and reminded me how important it is to make an effort to stay in touch.

I'm hopeful for the future, I'm looking forward to being able to get back together and spend time with my tribe!  I've got things to get excited about and look forward too, just gotta stay safe a little, while longer! 

Right, I need more tea, it's a bit early for a Snowball even for me '-)

Here's to a very, very, Merry Christmas!  Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

2 more sleeps!

Wednesday 23rd December 2020

The struggle is part of the story.

Oh good morning, it's nearly Christmas!  I know it's not going to be the day most people would hope for but let's make the most of what we've got!  I'm actually going to cook my turkey today because mom never wants a roast dinner on Christmas day so I'm going to have me one today and tomorrow, me and Alfie are going to be overdosing on turkey over the next few days!  

If you haven't seen my facebook post, there was a bit of a mess when my shopping was delivered yesterday, but it did make me laugh for ages afterwards, I'd been looking forward to making my own version of an Irish Coffee all day, well the universe had other ideas and when he put on of the crates by the door, the 600ml carton of double cream was empty and it was all over everything in that crate, well, I needed that food obviously and the poor chap couldn't easily communicate with me, I think he was deaf or hard of hearing, I told him it was okay, I'd salvage what I could and I give him, his Christmas tip.  Alfie was loving that there was cream everywhere, he had a ball cleaning the bag, whilst I washed everything out and re-wrapped stuff in foil.  I've woke up to a £25 refund email, so win/win.  It was an accident, these things happen!  Oh and I so wanted an Irish Coffee that I nipped over the Co-op for a carton, it was delicious. 

I'm getting much better at reading and reacting to moms behaviour and moods, it's making a huge difference me not having to do 11 workshops a week at the same time, mom has become my 'job' of sorts, an unpaid one lol but it is a role I've gladly taken on, I think about how to deal with her at different times of the day, so last night she was refusing to go upstairs to bed, but I was patient and after 10/15 minutes, so changed her mind and thankfully she's had a good night and she's still in bed!  Happy days. 

48 hours from now there will still be lots and lots of exciteable kids wanting to open their Christmas pressies. It really is the most wonderful time of the year isn't it, let's not forget that.  Again I know there's awful stuff going on, some of my friends have Covid right now, which is just the worst, hopefully they'll recover soon and they'll get to have a late Christmas day celebrations, we can do it on any day can't we!  I know it's tough right now, but let's stay as positive as we can and focus on what you do have in your life that makes it amazing!  I was reminded once again yesterday of how blessed I am, so many people offered to help me get some snowballs and asked if I needed any shopping after seeing my post about the cream, how lovely is it that people care, let's all be that kind of person! 

Anyway, I'm not gonna write much today, I'm going to go make myself another cuppa and enjoy another slow day, I did clear another couple of drawers in my kitchen yesterday like I said I would, but today I'm going to make a lot of mess if I'm cooking a dinner! No pressure in this house though as there's no one to disappoint if the turkey ends up crap lol, but it'll be Jamie's fault if that happens.

Enjoy your day, focus on the good stuff, indulge in anything you fancy this week, we can all get healthy in 2021, there are no rules this Christmas (well apart from the government ones!) I'm even going to have a bailey's for breakfast this morning, because I can!  

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

Do you believe in yourself?

Tuesday 22nd December 2020

May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears.

This quote is so true, too many of us expect to fail before we even get started, doubt kills more dreams than failure every will!  I'm guilty of having a wobble here and there, especially when what I want to achieve is really important to me, so we need to work on our minds before we even start to think about our bodies!  We need to get intovthe right frame of mind, we need to start believing in ourselves!

When you plant seeds in the garden, you don't dig them up every day to see if they are sprouted yet.  You simply water them and clear away the weeds - you know that the seed will grow in time.  Similary, with ourselves, just work on those healthy daily habits and cultivate a kind heart, abandon your impatience and instead allow yourself to grow.   Be happy knowing you're taking care of yourselves and the results will come over time, when they're ready.

Stay strong - believe in yourself - never give up!

We've not had the best night, at first she refused to go upstairs to bed, I knew that wasn't going to help, I left my phone on and as expected it rang at half eleven, she wanted to know where I was, all concept of day/night gone from her.  I eventually managed to get her to go upstairs, then we had 2 or 3 hours of her calling me, being confused and generally lack of sleep!  Eventually she settled, and we managed a few hours of sleep, mine full of weird dreams.  Now it would be easy for me to use that as an excuse to not look after myself today but I'm not going to!  I've got up, done my skincare routine, I've got nothing in my diary so I'm going to start my day by clearing up a couple of kitchen drawers because I have a feeling mom will sleep most of the morning!  

How do we get our head ready and in the right place to give up the support we need in the new year to achieve our goals? 

We could work at changing how we think!  

Instead of 'I give up' think 'I can do this as long as I keep trying'

Instead of 'I will fail' think 'If I fail I will keep trying till I get it'

Instead of 'this is hard' think 'everything needs effort'

Instead of 'I'm not good at this' think 'I'm not good at it yet, with practice I will be great'

Let's start using positive statements!  Every time you notice (and start paying more attention) your thoughts are being negative, choose to turn it round by replacing it with a positive thought.

One thing I decided this morning as I was having my morning nosey on Pinterest was that going forward if I see a recipe I fancy, I will make it, regardless of the ingredients!  In the past if I've seen something delicious but it had a high pointed ingredient in it like double cream, I've not made it, but the truth is, it's all about balance and portion size.  

Let's all believe in ourselves in the future - I'm writing this as much for myself as for anyone reading it!  I need to believe I can achieve my 2021 goals!  

Who's up for doing a 'I believe in my #selfie', let's make a commitment to ourselves that in 2021 we will believe in ourselves and our goals, why don't you take a selfie and post it in the Happy Owls group, with the line 'I believe in my #selfie! If you want you could also put your goals in the post!  Don't worry about looking amazing, take it this morning before as soon as you've read this!

Yeah let's do this, here's mine! 

I believe in my #selfie!

Do YOU? 

Mwah, luv ya

Love me xx

 

It doesn't feel like Christmas!

Monday 21st December 2020

Feel the fear and do it anyway!

Well Alfie was a pain in the bum last night, he wouldn't settle, so I get one settled and the other turns into trouble, by the time I'd settled Alfie, mom woke up just after midnight and was downstairs before I could stop her! She went back to sleep but it's been helping her leg I think having it raised and as much as I tell her to put it on the foot stool, it doesn't last.  Hey ho, can't stress about what I can't control.

Had a lovely Zoom with some happy owls yesterday morning, was good to catch up.  Got messenger told off by my bestie V, she's going to sort me out re work and my aversion to using the phone!  If any of you want to help me get over my fear of using the phone, you could make an appointment for after Christmas for me just to show you what it is I do and how much I can save you, as Karen Green said on our chat yesterday morning, it took 3 conversations with me for her to sign up but now she's so glad she has; 

I'm hoping the fact that people who know me, know I would never promote or work for something I didn't truly believe in 100%, I love the fact it's a British company and safe in the knowledge it's on the Ftse 250 list.  

Anyway, oh hold on, one last thing, I was supposed to do some Christmas fairs so I'd ordered some 'win a mini' flyers, but because of Covid and mom I've not been able to do that, so what I've done to try and make use of them is started a Facebook group for you to join and enter (1) Win A Mini with UW by Bev | Facebook it's free, what you got to lose, you could win a mini or £10k come March.  

Yesterday wasn't a bad day at all, I had champagne for breakfast, had to add orange juice to make it drinkable, I'm just not a fan of the stuff, even F&M expensive stuff, I enjoyed a bowl of my sisters lasagne for dinner - oh my days, that was amazing!  You'd pay good money for that, I can tell ya!  Turns out I really like goats camembert cheese too, really lush.  Oh I could so eat this way all the time!  But I'm aware of the fact I won't be, come January, I plan to get healthier again.  It's not a 'new years resolution', it's a necessary fact. 

Feel the fear and do it anyway!  How many of us put off doing things for fear it won't work out?  Whether it be losing weight, starting exercising, or in my case picking up the phone!  A good question to ask yourself, which I was asked yesterday is, 'What are you scared of?' 

With weight loss, I guess it's the whole, 'I've done it before and I'm back here again!'  Yeah we have done it before but you know what, so what.  Can you imagine if your child or if you haven't got one yourself when you were a child was told, 'oh just stop bothering, give it up, you just can't do it can you! I've sat here watching you for days and you're not getting it, so stop trying and stay dragging yourself round on your bum, cos you just ain't getting your head round this walking lark!'  

Erm, doh!  You wouldn't even contemplate saying that to a child learning to walk would you!  Then don't even contemplate having this kind of reaction to yourself, I've lost weight so many times in the past, if I'd kept every pound off I'd ever lost, I'd be a key charm by now!  

This last year I've used lots of excuses; 

Covid - what's the point, we're all gonna die!  (Dramatic me? I won't have it said!)

My Mom - Oh I just can't focus on weight loss with everything that's going on with my mom.

My Job - I'm going to lose my job at some point this year, then it won't matter if I'm fat! 

I've probably come up with other reasons but since I've started working for UW, one of the things they really promote in their training and weekly zoom meetings is personal development so I've been listening to a lot of audio books, I used to do this a lot anyway, it just slowed down over the last few years with mom and of course because of WW a lot of the stuff I was reading was weight related, whereas the stuff I'm reading now is more about everything.  Health does come into it though!  That's what's actually remotivated me to take back control, I'm not gonna lie, I'm grieving losing a job I've loved, to me it was more than a job, for the past 16 years, it's been my life!  As much as I requested voluntary redundancy, it wasn't me asking to leave the job I'd loved, it was this new role it had become, it was also because of mom and not being able to spin all those plates.  I was angry, sad and felt guilty for leaving my tribe so the idea of following WW just didn't feel right!  If I'm honest I haven't really followed it for a year or more, since it switched to all the different colours.  

I feel I need to trust myself and the knowledge I already have, I know what a healthy diet looks like, I don't have to count points or calories, so that's my plan come January, to get the balance back.  This is all part of the personal development we should all be doing. 

I'm hoping my tribe are gonna join me, all my Happy Owls, not just looking at food, but our entire life style, getting back to working on living our best lives, being BeYOUtiful and focusing on the healthy and happy.   Being the best version of ourselves is about more than losing a few pounds isn't it! 

I'll try to share the things I'm learning (or being reminded about) in the self development stuff I invest in.  If you can just spend 15 minutes a day on it, that's a great thing.  Now it's easy to say, we'll start on January 1st, NO let's START NOW!  Not dieting, that's not what I'm talking about.  

Do something today to tell yourself you plan to start working on becoming your best self, we never stop improving so even if you're great where you are, work on staying there!  It's going to take some time and effect to achieve lasting change, so we need to start now,we can build on what we do today, tomorrow, why wait?  

I'm going to start by having a healthy breakfast, I'm thinking eggs, mushrooms and tomato with a couple of slices of toast, followed by a walk with Alfie whilst listening to my next audio book, I'm hoping he's in the mood!  It'll be 10ish before I can do that though as I have a UW call at 9 and I've got a delivery coming before ten, I think its my Christmas dinner, I better make room in the fridge for a 5kg turkey!  

Yeah let's work on improving ourselves and our lives together. 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx 

Champagne for breakfast!

Sunday 20th December 2020

It's not a race, it's a journey - enjoy the moment!

Well I got my domestic goddess on yesterday, I cleared and sorted my shed and alley way, then did the cupboard under the stairs / off the wetroom that used to be the larder in the kitchen before I moved everything round.  I finished off by cleaning the kitchen, I even cleaned the cooker and the cooker hood, took the vents out and give them a good wash in the sink to get rid of that grease that rises up!  I did two cupboards and one huge drawer and I shall do the rest over time, cos my back was in bits even with the painkillers and bucks fizz for motivation!  It felt good walking in there this morning though, I'm hoping being at home more will mean I will be more inclined to do the entire house and keep on top of it.  Here's hoping ay!

Mom was good yesterday, she's head a more unsettled night, she's got toilet issues (that's enough information right there) so we were awake a couple of times, she was all for getting up at midnight but I was able to cajoal her back into bed and she did go back to sleep.  She's a little confused this morning, Christmas as lovely as it is, isn't part of her routine, so that actually adds to the confusion, she's talking about how she needs to go home or tell her kids where she is. 

I spent the afternoon watching tele, The Queens Gambit on Netflix, loving it, watched 5 of the 7 episodes!  Chess is fascinating to me, I know how to play, my brother taught me when I was a kid, he taught me lots of games like Mahjong and snooker, not that I can remember now but chess is so clever to play well and that's what the programmes about, an orphaned chess prodigy.  Really, really good if a little drawn out.

I induldged in a bit of cheese and biscuits last night, they were so good, but I didn't go crazy, I've got 3 open boxes of Thorntons lying about and again, I'm just having one here and there.  I'm aware of my weight gain this year and i will do something about it in the new year but I'm enjoying being a none WWer for the first time in too many years.  Having said that, I don't think I'll be 'dieting', I'll be focusing on healthy, more veggies, less cheese, that kind of things.  

The eatwell plate is a great guideline for balance, getting the portions under control is essential of course and not being extreme because that won't last.  Anyone can cut back for a fortnight but it never lasts, I've watched it over the years I was a WW coach, the honeymoon period where they'd say, 'I just can't eat my points', 4 weeks later, 'OMG I'm starving!'   Don't do anything the first week you decide to get healthy that you're not going to be able to do every week for the rest of your life because it's pointless and short term otherwise.  

Fish is one thing I'll look forward to eating more of after Christmas, I had some scallops yesterday and that was a reminder of how good they are, plus healthy too.  

We can be happy in the knowledge that your turkey dinner on Christmas day is made up of plenty of healthy foods.  

Turkey's high in protein, B vitamins, selenium, zinc and phosphorus, and is low in fat.  Opt for the white meat and skip the skin if you're trying to be a little 'healthier'.  Spuds contain vitamin C as well as some starch and fibre, just go easy on them lol.  Love or hate them sprouts also contain a specific flavonol compound called kaempferol that has both antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties as well as being a good source of vitamin C, beta-carotene and vitamin K.

Then there's the carrots, high levels of beta-carotene and other carotenoids including zeaxanthin, carrots have antioxidant properties to help your cells stay healthy, including those in your eyes.’ They also contain the B vitamins biotin and B6, as well as potassium which helps to balance blood pressure. Plus experts say eat carrots to counteract your salt intake ‘Christmas is a time when we often eat excess sodium from salt in snacks, so the potassium in carrots is a good counterbalance to this.  If you've got any veggies, nuts are one of the healthiest Christmas foods going. They are rich in essential fatty acids for heart health, vitamins including vitamin E and the B vitamins. They are a good source of vegetarian protein and the husks are high in fibre, too

There's lots more healthy stuff you can eat over Christmas, Salmon, cranberries, fruit (even the dried stuff) even WINE! 

Red wine contains wine polyphenols, including anthocyanins, catechins and resveratrol. These have an antioxidant effect and studies have shown they could help prevent cardiovascular disease.’ Compared with other types of antioxidants, resveratrol can cross the blood-brain barrier, thereby helping to protect the brain and nerve cells, too. It also helps to counteract the formation of blood clots.

And I'll end on that, maybe a glass for breakfast!  Only joking, although as I'm having a catch up this morning with my Happy Owls, I shall maybe have a bucks fizz, I might even open my F&M Champagne to celebrate the last 16 years of being a WW coach, I didn't get a leaving do after all did I.  Yeah, I'm having champagne and orange juice for breakfast, it's my first Christmas in years where I haven't had to work right up to Christmas Eve!

Hope to see some of you this morning, here's the links; 

I've scheduled one for 9am and one for 9.45am (only get 40 minutes free on zoom), 

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us04web.zoom.us/j/9221911689...

Meeting ID: 922 191 1689

Passcode: 432114

Right I'm off, have a great day, 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx

I'm all ready for Christmas!

Saturday 18th December 2020 

Challenges are what makes life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.

It was a mixed day yesterday, mom started off great but it became quickly obvious that she was bordering on falling down the dementia drain so I was having to be extra careful round here which is tiring in itself, having to watch everything you say and do and constantly cajouling her to stop her going into a mood.

A few things helped, firstly she had a couple of gifts delivered through the post, those made her smile, I've been trying to catch the delivery men as I'd ordered some Christmas goodies for her and I didn't want her to hear them arrive, they've been fab when I've signaled them to be quiet when they're walking up the path.

I signed up another customer but better still it was my Julie, oh how I miss her, 16 years I've seen her twice a week in my meetings and nowI haven't seen her for weeks, so it was just lovely to chat to her, then to be able to save her a minimum of £50 a month, she actually thought it was nearer £70, then she'll save loads with the clubcard, that's just great to be able to do! Plus she'll get £50 every time she recommends someone who signs up!

The quote I did as a support partner on the afternoon, that came in at £127 for gas/electric/landline/broadband and an unlimited everything sim and they were paying £148 just for gas/electric at the moment! Their savings overall were over £70 a month too. It's just brilliant. Utility Warehouse’s Cashback Card Makes Christmas Shopping Affordable (yahoo.com)

Anyway, my day had highlights, my F&M Hamper was delivered, I worked really hard to achieve this incentive so I really enjoyed opening it up (2) Facebook 

I'm looking forward to a weekend of nothing, I'm going to try and do a couple of things, the first is the kitchen, it's Christmas clear up time, I'm going to sort and clean the cupboards and fridge and my sister told me yesterday to put all the pots and trays I only use now and again on the shelving in the shed, basically my concrete shed in my alley is now a giant larder where I'm storing things I buy that I use regularly when they're on offer to save some pennies long term. 

It's 5am and I'm tempted to go get that started whilst moms still in bed, she only woke me once in the night, she wanted to get up but I managed to get her to go back to bed thankfully.  She doesn't like me being out of the room which doesn't help when you've got stuff to do! 

Yeah, I'm going to so here's to a great day, hope you've got something to look forward to this weekend, I'm hoping it stops raining long enough to walk Alfie, he's not a fan of walking in the rain. 

I've got nothing left to get for Christmas, got a few bits for mom and that's all I'm doing, so we can just relax and chill out and eat crap - YAY!  

Have a fab weekend, oh and I'm having a pre Christmas zoom for anyone who fancies a catch up before Christmas, just a natter, I'll do one at 9 and one at 9.45 (each one last's 40 minutes as that's how long the free calls last).  

Time: Dec 20, 2020 09:00 AM London

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us04web.zoom.us/j/9221911689?pwd=V094Z29oZzRSUHR2WU4rcXJiOUZYdz09

Meeting ID: 922 191 1689

Passcode: 432114

Time: Dec 20, 2020 09:45 AM London

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us04web.zoom.us/j/9221911689?pwd=V094Z29oZzRSUHR2WU4rcXJiOUZYdz09

Meeting ID: 922 191 1689

Passcode: 432114

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me 

9-5 WOW!

Friday 18th December 2020

Only compare yourself to your previous self.

We've had another good night, 9-5 she was in bed, ooo I want to watch that movie now!  Yeah sleep is just the best thing, especially when I've got a day of calls ahead of me.  I didn't end up going to chase water, I was supposed to be meeting someone but they had to cancel so me and Alfie had two good walks locally instead, fresh air is good wherever you are and mom was borderline yesterday so I didn't want to rock that boat. 

A week today it'll be Christmas day, two weeks today it'll be January 1st 2021!  I almost had a heart attack last night, I logged onto my Sainsbury's account and the next order it was showing me was 30th December, my 22nd one had disappeared!  Thankfully I checked and they assured me it was a technical glitch and it's back there this morning.  What it did do was make me think would I be okay if none of it came?  I'd already decided to remove some of the stuff, that's why I'd gone to log in to remove some of my basket!  I've just knocked £60 off my bill by realising I honestly don't need it all next week, there's only so many days in a week even at Christmas.

Now you didn't miss me there did ya, I've just spent 15 minutes looking for moms glasses, emptied her bag- not there, searched her bedroom -  not there, this time she'd bamboozled me!  Then I came back to her and noticed them, on the floor by her foot lol, so that's my workout for the day! 

Now I'm not suggesting that I'm ''dieting' over Christmas because I am NOT!  At the same time though, I'm not gonna buy food and drink I can live without, that would be silly, especially when my last WW wage has been paid into my account today and I've got no guaranteed income going forward.  I'm going to enjoy Christmas, then I'm going to go on the frugal plan, no more counting points or calories, I'm going to be counting the pennies!  Let's be honest we all know what's good for us and what isn't!

What food is good and what food is bad?  There is no such thing, it doesn't have a personality, carrots don't celebrate you when you boil them, butter and ghee don't sing with glee as they raise your cholesterol and salted peanuts aren't conspiring to raise your blood pressure!

If I was to ask you to give me an example of a healthy, balanced meal plan for the day, you'd be able to do it wouldn't you!  You wouldn't have to look on an app, google, you'd be able to say something like, 'Bev, have yourself some porridge or eggs for your breakfast, a good bowl of soup for lunch with a bread roll and for you dinner, you can have some fish or chicken with veggies.' You'd know this.  Yeah it's good to get ideas, but remember you already know WHAT TO DO!  

If I was to ask you how can I burn some more calories?  You wouldn't be saying, 'well, you need this latest gadget/device', you'd say MOVE MORE, my move more at the moment, is walking Alfie and trying to do housework as and when I'm able to settle mom.  

But for the next two weeks, I'm going to be enjoying whatever I fancy whenever I fancy it, then come January, the frugal plan will kick in and my finances will help dictate my diet.  Having said that, let's establish frugal, I'm not talking cheap!  Cheap and food is dangerous, because I can buy a pizza for £1, eating one of those daily wouldn't be a great idea!  

Frugal meaning according to the dictionary; 

sparing or economical as regards money or food.

"I'm a bit too frugal to splash out on designer clothes"

synonyms:

thrifty · sparing · economical · saving · careful · cautious · prudent · provident 

• simple and plain and costing little.
  "a frugal meal"

For me it's going to be learning to be smart with my spending and knowing what my priorities in life are, and spending your money on those things – and being happy without the rest. Frugal living means being sensible with my money so that I can afford to stay home with my mom more and focus on those things that bring real value to my life.

It's remembering a delicous meal can be both healthy and cheap to make.  I mean some of the best ingredients - potatoes, carrots, onions - are the tastiest when used in a meal. 

Come January, anyone who isn't already skint, will probably be, so hopefully we can all save money together!

One thing I've been doing over the last month or two since I found out I was probably going to be leaving WW is to buy things when they're on offer, only things I normally use, so dog food, teabags that kind of thing, my shed is now a huge larder. 

Anyway, I've got a busyish day, mom seems good again this morning, she drifted a bit last night but not too far, so thankfully we've actually had 5 good days now including today and I'm going to be positive and assume we're going to have a good day.

Here's to a great day, looking forward to the next two weeks of indulgence, at the same time I'm looking forward to 2021, it's going to be a completely new life for me, first time in 16 years no going out to work and having to get up at 5am, not gonna lie, looking forward to that, looking forward to slowing my life down and enjoying the time I have left with mom.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx