NO PRESSURE - NO DIAMOND!

25^th February 2018

On the difficult days, when the world’s on your shoulders, remember that diamonds are made under the weight of mountains.

Well I had a lovely morning yesterday, just about to finish off my meeting when my boss walked in and gave me my diamond coach award for 2017, that’s my 5^th, it can sit on the window sill with my Jean Nidetch award and I can smile at it every morning.  It was lovely to have members there to celebrate with me, my bestie was there by coincidence too which was a bonus.  It was the end to what had been an interesting week of meetings.

As much as I love my job, I’m really looking forward to a day off today, I have lunch planned with my besties, then an evening of relaxation with my mom.  I will do a couple of hours housework before I go out, that’s enough adulating for one day though. 

I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last few weeks, I’ve been working on getting my balance back, I can’t remember what I’ve actually said in my blog and what I’ve not but my life has changed an awful lot over the last year or so, I’ve gone from being a single lady who lives with her best mate who’s her mom to being that moms full time carer and I’m absolutely okay with that because I love her and I’m happy to do it.  However, it’s all different, throw in middle-aged hormones and peri-menopause and the fact that I’m losing my best friend one day at a time and at times it can be a little overwhelming. 

In my meeting this week we’ve talked about ‘self-support’ not just with losing weight but with life, when life’s easy – weight loss is easy, when life’s hard or has its problems – weight loss isn’t so easy.   Once we’d talked about the obvious ways to support yourself, I mentioned knowing when to ask for help.  The thing with so many of us is we just keep going, we keep saying ‘it’s okay - I’ve got this’ when actually we haven’t, we’re struggling.  To make matters worse, we don’t just keep trying to stay on top of everything we’ve got to do, we still offer to help others, oh yeah, “Hey, I’m drowning over here, trying to stay on top of all my crap, but what about I take on some of your crap too – what do you want me to do?”  Yep, we do that because we’re helpful human beings who want to do things for others.

Because I’m an open book and I’ll tell anyone about me, I told my members how I’ve been struggling and I’m lucky enough to work for a company who support their employees with resources to help with life’s challenges and to support our health and well-being.  I decided a couple of weeks ago that I was going to use this resource, because I had realised I needed support of some kind, so I called the helpline and asked for help.  I had to answer some questions, the obvious one that made me smile was do you drink?  Erm, yeah!  How much do you drink?  My reply, ‘More than I should, not as much as I’d like too!’, and the other one was along the lines of ‘are you suicidal’ but more subtle in the wording, erm no I’m not because then I wouldn’t be able to drink at all would I. 

Anyway, the outcome was they said I was eligible for telephone counselling, 6 sessions to be exact and I had the first one last Monday, with my next tomorrow.   Now I’ve never had counselling before so didn’t know what to expect, but I needed to talk to someone completely external to everything and process my thoughts so I was all for it.  I’ve had life coaching before which was really good, but expensive and I know if I had to pay for counselling that wouldn’t be cheap either so I’m grateful to my employers for this service.  One of the reasons why they’ve made it into The Times Top 100 companies this week.

The first session gave me plenty to think about, I processed quite a lot of stuff, obviously my situation with mom was one of the reasons I needed to talk but one of the things reinforced was I am more than happy to be looking after mom, something I do miss though is spontaneity, I’ve always been a spontaneous person and my mom’s illness has taken that away from me.  In the past, I’ve woken up at 4am on a Sunday morning and thought, I could be in wales by 7, let’s go climb a mountain.  I can’t do that now as I have to make sure mom has her medication, etc etc.  I miss that spontaneity.  Supporting myself in this situation means working out what I can do, and what I can do is what I have done, I’ve contacted my colleagues to see who can cover each of my meetings at short notice if I need them covered.  This gives me the option to say hey, can you cover my meeting in the morning, I want to go climb a hill.  Okay I may not make Wales, but the Wrekin is pretty awesome too.  That’s called a compromise.

Which brings me to the other realisation I’ve had this week.  I don’t like being a grown up!  Moms illness has meant I’ve had to grow up another notch and it sucks.  We were always a tag team, I’d work, earn, cook, and shop and mom would clean and do the washing.  Now I have to do it all and it sucks – being a grown up sucks!

Yep, I need to parent myself now and say Bev, you don’t have to like doing it, you just gotta do it.  The washing up, the laundry, the hovering, the walking of the dog, other grown-ups round the world have been doing it for a very long time and now it’s your turn!  Suck it up buttercup…

Meh! Wateva!  It still sucks!

I’m working a full time job, being a full time carer and keeping house.  There are plenty people out there doing the same or similar, full time working moms, full time single working moms and dads, so many people out there working hard and being a grown up.

Over the last few days though, I’ve been reminded of how precious time is and how much I will miss my mom when she’s gone so I want to spend as much time with her and my friends as possible, and as much as I love my work - my award yesterday is testament to that but more so than the award were the members this week who actually came up to me at the end or messaged me to say how this week’s meeting had helped them – I need to get the balance between the two just right so that I can be the grown up that keeps on top of the household tasks that do have to be done (I’m not talking about being super clean, OCD household), enjoy my work and still have time for my friends, my family but also for me – I love to be alone and do things on my own. 

I’ve had to make a tough decision, I’m working too many hours but I know it’s right for me and at the moment, I need to think about me first, too many spinning plates and one of them is going to break if I don’t.  As long as I can pay my bills, survive and have a little left for niceness that’s all that’s important in my life right now, I can’t buy time and that’s what I need most of all.

So today, I will be completely work free, enjoy the company of two amazing ladies at lunchtime, enjoy a drink or two and come home and chill with mom. 

BeYOUtiful, remember to take care of you because you’re important too and never be embarrassed to ask for help – no one has all the answers, no one is strong all the time, no one needs to do it all alone.  We’re all a little broken but that’s what makes us so BeYOUtiful. xx

Oh so glad it's Saturday

24^th February 2018

There is nothing in nature that blooms all year long, so don’t expect yourself to do so either.

Morning, well I woke just after 4, lay there and thought, get up, start your day, make the most of it – so I did.  I’ve already done half hour of paperwork and downloaded a course I’d never got round to finishing after I bought it last year, now to actually do the course.

I had a lovely few hours to myself yesterday morning, walk round Lichfield followed by a massage, I was going to go to Waitrose afterwards but decided instead to go home and have a couple of hours with mom before work and I can do my shopping online over the weekend whilst I’m sat in the living room.  I was only going to Waitrose because of a coupon, I’d have probably ended up buying stuff I don’t need.

Upstairs cleansing is on the cards this weekend, everywhere needs a good hoover, tidy and polish.  My clothes have gravitated to the floor instead of the wardrobes and my gorgeous bedroom is at the moment a bit of a state.

Me and Alfie enjoyed a brisk walk, he’s a funny little character, just plonks himself down and decides ‘okay, we’re going to sit and watch the world go buy for a bit’, you can’t budge him, for a little one, he’s strong and stubborn.  I like that about him!

Foodwise, I enjoyed a turkey donor kebab on a ciabatta roll, then for tea I had salmon, mash and veg – I love mash, I also like to buy it ready-made, saves so much hassle and time when you’re busy, the veg was ready chopped to which meant I had a meal in under 10 minutes, I ate more fruit and veg and salad yesterday than I probably had all week.

I’ve done a lot of thinking this week, head wise, I feel so much better than I have for a long time, I’m one for action, for doing not thinking but in order for me to decide what needs to be done, I’ve had to process things and work out what I wanted.  I think I’m getting there.  I loved spending time with mom yesterday, when I’m relaxed, - I’m more patient, when I’m not tired - I’m more patient, when I’m not busy – I’m more patient, what you can see from that is I need more patience to deal with the Alzheimer’s at this moment in time, that way I get to still enjoy the time I have with mom, which means I need to be not so busy, not so tired and relaxed.  I’m working on it, hence the thinking.

Anyway, I’m talking in riddles because I don’t want to type it yet, I’ve got a meeting to get too and things to do before I go, yesterday’s breakfast was strawberries and Greek 0% yogurt with a bit of agave syrup, it was alright but I wouldn’t say I loved it, thing is we don’t have to ‘love’ everything we eat, it’s called being a grown up, eating it because it’s good for us, thankfully I don’t have to be one this morning as I don’t have any strawberries left, I will try to stop at the fruit and veg shop on the way to work though and get some apples and bananas, the strawberries need to wait till summer when they actually taste good.

Here’s to a healthy day BeYOUtiful, taking time out to enjoy life and your loved ones.  

BeYOUtiful remember you're YOUnique

23^rd February 2018

Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come.  Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.

Cracking day at the scales yesterday, 173lb lost, also been a busy week for members returning and new members joining, there must be something in the water, or maybe it’s where the moon is, or perhaps we’re realising the consequences of not doing something about our eating habits and our weight!

I’m thinking fish today, maybe salmon, I can take it out of the freezer this morning, Nat and me were chatting last night about how we needed to use some of the food we already had in our cupboards rather than going and buying more!  That’s the plan for me, I do need fresh stuff but not store cupboard stuff.  To meal plan or not to meal plan that is the question!  I think I should, at least have a look and do a list of meals that I can make with what I’ve got in the cupboards rather than coming home and thinking ‘what can I eat?’

My diet this week is mostly lacking veggies, I’ve been a lazy cook, yesterday I had lemon chicken and rice, I did cook butternut squash fries with it but they didn’t cook properly at all, burnt on the outside still crunchy in the middle – I ate em though!  For tea I had a frozen M&S side dish that had been in my freezer since December, 9sp in half of it, it wasn’t all that, proving to me I buy stuff on impulse when the packaging is pretty or Christmas is upon us.  Bit more space back in the freezer though.  It’s payday weekend, so that’s a bonus, I’ll buy some nice veggies, more fruit, I did eat the entire back of apples, need more.

I had an email yesterday that stated, “Information without execution gets you NOWHERE.” How true is that, it’s no use me knowing everything there is to know about healthy eating if I don’t’ put it into practice.

Therefore today I plan to practice what I preach, I will start my day with the strawberries that are staring at me on my kitchen counter, some yogurt with them maybe because let’s be honest, I’m not actually hungry, there’s probably enough food in me to keep me going for a few days!

I’m out this morning so won’t be back till later, but I’ll have salmon for tea, it’s a quick easy meal, a Maggi seasoned paper flavour, they’re fab, I wrap one round the salmon and put them on the George Foreman, I can either it with rice, potato or pasta.

See just thinking about what to eat and putting a bit of effort into it, helps steer me in the right direction, especially when I don’t wanna do stuff.  It’s okay not to want to do things, but we’ve still got to get on and do them.

So here’s to a day of being accountable, getting stuff done and realising we can do this.

Oh, and in case no one else told you lately, I think you are truly sensational. You are an amazing individual, one of kind, truly YOUnique, you are BeYOUtiful – never forget it!   Have that belief in yourself, know you can achieve anything you put your mind too.