I won't let dementia steal my life too!

25th May 2017

It's never too late and you're never to old!

Slept to the alarm this morning, bless that Alfie for waking me up at midnight to go up the garden!  I could hear foxes when I opened the gate so assuming that's what woke him up.  The doctors given mom some nerve blockers to see if that helps with the pain and she's still asleep and I haven't heard much from her in the night so that's promising,  He said if it were her hips he could just replace them and the pain would go but it's her spine so we need to try something else.  Let's hope this helps, don't like seeing her in so much discomfort and pain.

I survived another day on track, No Count yesterday, I'm looking forward to counting today.  I ate some fruit yesterday morning, then once I'd eaten it I didn't feel hungry at all so I didn't have my planned beans on toast for breakfast, I didn't need it.  Lunchtime I made smoked gammon and actifry chips we had some cabbage with it.   Then for tea I had a couple of corn on the cob and I had a ham sarnie too. 

Ooo we had strawberries with 0% Greek yogurt, they were really good and the yogurt was a good one too, Co-ops own brand.  Maybe I'll have fruit and yogurt for breakfast this morning.

Need to make sure I plan tea before I go out for work tonight as that's my danger time, I need to get day 4 in the bag before I work on the weekend, a bank holiday weekend at that.  I think I'll try one of those tins of supermarket curry with some rice, need to look what else I have to decide the other meal, I fancy a really good big salad but I'd need to go buy one to have that as I only have lettuce, cucumber and tomato.

I'm trying to remember I am in control here, I decided yesterday Dementia might be stealing my mom's life but I'm damned if I'm going to let it steal mine!  I will prioritise my own care, I will use the time I'm at home where I can't go out doing 'stuff' to take care of me, make delicious food and enjoy the little things in life.  We can get consumed by it all and I'm not going to let it consume me.  I matter too, I see it so much in my meetings, people caring for others and not prioritising their own well being, it's never good. 

Let's all start taking care of ourselves.

My to-do list next time I'm having a stressful day will include stuff like this;

Call a friend

Eat something healthy

Tell someone 'I love you'

Write down how I'm feeling rather than trying to ignore it or eat it down.

Celebrate what is working.

Take some time out

Stroke my dog

Go outside

Go for a walk

Put my slippers on

Bin those negative thoughts

Have a nice warm cuppa

Remember how far I've come & that I've survived every stressful day up to now

Slow down

Listen to some music

Watch something funny

Remember how small I am in comparison to the universe

And if by the end of the day those things havent' helped, have a nice, big glass of red wine and an early night.

I believe the long range forecast is a hot month, I love the sunshine and that should help me stay focused and on track, plenty fruit and salads, they really do help keep me full and who knew I'm enjoying the fruit too!  I got this!  Have you? 

Let's make our BeYOUtiful selves healthier and happier than ever this summer for all the right reasons, let's turn our Why's into WOWs, yeah we got this, we can do this, we're worth it, we matter, we count.  We may only be small in comparison to the universe but damn we're important. xx

Wednesday already...

24th May 2017

Repeat after me: My current situation is not my final destination.

Yesterday was a very strange day, waking up to the news of Manchester was well, no words really.  Then for a few hours I lived in my Weight Watcher world where we forgot about the outside world for a little while, when I left it, I felt like I'd been a bubble of sorts and the volume of everything else had been turned down.  I walked into my house to find my mom crying, she'd turned on the news and was watching it all, the devastation and after effects.  I hugged her and she asked if she could carry on watching it or would it bother me, I said she could do what she wanted too.  Not long after the hairdresser arrived and she was distracted from it all for a short while to have her hair cut.  Once she'd gone, I gave mom her lunch and she turned the tv back on and shouted me, "What's all this about, 22 dead?"  She'd forgotten, even when I told her, it really was like it was the first time, sometimes she'll say, 'oh yeah I remember' but no this was completely new, and that continued for the rest of the day, every time she heard something about it, completely new.  It's times like this I realise how real what's happening to her is, how much she's deteriorated in the past six months and it starts to break my heart.  I heard her this morning struggle to the bathroom and I lay there contemplating my day (normally I dive out of bed) and for a brief second I started to think about what was to come, where this terrible illness is going to take us, but I soon stopped myself because what use would that do.  I shall continue to live in the moment, focus on the 24 hours ahead of me, "Be strong, even if it breaks your heart" Doctor Who said that once and I've stored it. 

It would be very easy to think, 'sod it', it's too hard to focus on weight loss right now, there's too much consuming my life, I could die tomorrow, nevermind mom!  But that's being silly isn't it, instead I'm going to take care of me, I'm going to do it for me, because I matter too.  The more energy I have, the better I feel, the easier it is for me to handle everything that's being thrown at us.  When I feel good, I have more patience too, which makes caring for someone with Alzheimers and Vascular Dementia much easier (erm well easy isn't really ever a word to use our situation but you get me).  When I feel in control and strong, I'm more able to cope with everything.

Therefore today I will once again stay on plan, yesterday I survived a day of No Count, used some of my weeklies on a glass of wine of course, my meals were curry beans, turkey rashers and eggs on toast, that was delicious, for lunch we had lemon and dill salmon, jersey royals, butternut squash and mediterranian vegetables, that too was good, I did use a couple of points on a spoon of butter to smash into my spuds.  Then for tea I'd bought a tub of cauliflower couscous from the garage because it was reduced, I mixed it with mushrooms, tomatoes, spring onions, leftover chicken and a bit of bacon, added some flavour and it was okay, I don't know if I'd want it again but it filled me up. It left me wanting bread though, so I had a slice with a bit of low fat spread on.  So yeah, I survived day 2, now for day 3, to count or not to count that is the question....

There's some gammon in the fridge and corn on the cob which is saying No Count,

I might make gammon and cabbage mash for lunch, then I could have the corn on cob for my tea when I get home.  I can have the last few beans for breakfast to use them up with some eggs and toast, maybe mushrooms and tomatoes too.  Sorted.  Use up what's in the fridge then and tomorrow when I'm really busy I can do Counting and use some of those tins I have in the cupboard, I fancy trying the curry.

It looks like it's going to be a lovely day today, I'll get all my jobs done early, then hopefully I'll be able to convince mom to sit out in the garden with me for an hour, get her some vitamin D before I got to work this evening.

Right here's to staying strong BeYOUtiful, let's have a great day, smiling all the way.

I joined Weight Watchers - took my own advice!

23rd May 2017

It's a marathon not a sprint.

Get accountable!  That's what makes Weight Watchers work!  That's what I talked about in my blog yesterday and I know I said I was going to be accountable to my bestie, but between us we can change our minds by the minute.  I realised I need to be truly accountable, be a proper Weight Watcher, that's what truly works, when I join a meeting, I lose weight, so that's what I did.  It was lovely to sit in a meeting a be a 'member' no one but the coach knowing what I did for a living.  I came away ready for a good week.  I also really enjoyed having an hour for me, a cuppa and a natter with likeminded people and time to think about what I wanted for my week ahead.

Yesterday was a perfect day, heck I even tracked my milk!  Each meal was based round a bap but that's okay because had I not been tracking I'd have had the meal and then the bap!  My day was all tracked on my phone, got my first blue dot, even fitted in a nice glass of red before I went to bed. 

Breakfast - bacon, egg & mushroom bap.  I took a bit of bread out of the bap to save a point.  8sp

Lunch - garlic chicken bap 6sp

Dinner - chip bap with mushrooms, cherry tomato and lettuce 6sp. That chip bap was immense, I'd cut the spuds into like squares, so good.

I even ate a bag of apple slices and grapes plus 2 satsumas.  Having that five a day really does help to fill me up.  The sunshine makes a huge difference for me too.

When I got home I went for a 45 minute walk, mom might not be up to getting out and about doesn't mean I don't need too and on such a glorious day it's easier.

On the afternoon mom and I went for a drive, was lovely to get out and have a giggle, driving round the country lanes enjoying the scenery, enjoying spending time with each other - loved it.

Only 6 days to go then a weight loss at my meeting - I can do this, one day at a time.   Knowing I'm going to be weighed by someone else, be accountable makes all the difference.I didn't feel like I was 'on a diet' at all yesterday.  Today I've got salmon for lunch, thinking maybe a No Count day, it'll mean I won't get a blue dot on my tracker but hey ho at least I'll be on track and in the zone.  I'll have beans on toast for breakfast, topped with an egg of course.  Oh I have a chicken that's got to be cooked too, so I'll cook that and have some of that for tea, then I'll stop buying TOO MUCH food for two people I reckon - doh. 

Right let's get another day started, just finishing my first pint of water, time for a cuppa, we got this BeYOUtiful, let's do this. 
 
Weight Watchers Works because of that group support. x

Why? When? NOW!

22nd May 2017

I'm not gonna get worried about my weight, I've got enough problems!  Hilary Longsden

There my lovely are the wise words of my mother who when we've just weighed together and she's gained since she's not been able to walk Alfie, goes to show how any moving around makes a difference, it doesn't have to be full on running!  We're both taking that number as our starting weight, mines lower than it was last week, Lynne (bestie) , mom and me are all going to be weighing on a Sunday morning together and then staying focused together throughout the week. 

Going back to moms words, she's bang on, it's no point worrying about it, it's important to do what you can, when you can.  On a positive, I'm no heavier than I was at the beginning of the year, so I have maintenance sussed!  It's important to think positive thoughts, yep....

Positive thoughts = positive life.  Believe in yourself, you have more power over your thoughts and what you decided to think, trust me you do, one of my members, actually two, did just that yesterday, I read how they'd both talked themselves out of going off track, despite one having temptation right in front of her and the other feeling miserable about the results not showing on the scales.  Well done Tina and Bonnie, proud of both of you.  If you don't allow negative thoughts to settle, they can't take control, replace them with something positive.  I had a real brain battle with myself yesterday, my hormones were not helping at all, so I had me a little cry whilst I was out walking Alfie for the second time and I don't care who sees me when I choose to cry, it's better than stuffing loads of food down my neck and getting fatter!

Another tip is to know it's okay to experience fear and self doubt, but we need to acknowledge it and carry on moving forward, fear keeps us stuck, maybe write down those fears and then question them.  "I just can't do this, I can't stay on plan", so is that true?  Have you ever been able to stay on track and lose weight?  The answer will most likely be yes and therefore that fear can do one, it's incorrect!

Spending a little time on my own yesterday helped, I had me a walk first thing but it was sitting in the kitchen listening to my audio book whilst doing a bit of colouring in that had the biggest impact, realising I was enjoying that just as much as anything I could be sat there eating and/or drinking.  It was even nicer because I was sat in a tidy kitchen that I'd just cleaned, with a sparkling clean floor.

Let's all stop making those excuses, I said this yesterday and I'll say it again, as with the fears, write them down and then write why that really isn't a valid excuse, challenge your thoughts.  My biggest excuse at the moment is probably, "I enjoy eating, it's one of the only things I've got in my life right now with everything that's going on in my world".  What a big load of drivel that is really, the truth is I love my life and I enjoy eating really healthy food, so if I enjoy eating and I'm stuck at home more, then why not use that time to create delicious meals that are good for us both!

What are you grateful for, that always helps me too, writing down the things in life that make it wonderful, some people sit and write down 3 or 4 things each day to help them stay positive. 

Set goals, break it all down, get your dreams out of your head and onto paper.  If you want your weight to go down, work out how you're going to do that!  Maybe your goal doesn't involve your weight...

I want to lose a stone by the next area meeting, which is Sept 23rd I think, so I have a good 17 weeks.  This week I want to ensure I eat my 5 a day every day, that's my smaller goal.  Mom and me are both going to resist the junk, there's none in the house now so we have no choice!   It's all about those small steps, one day at a time.  A member said to me Friday, it's a marathon not a sprint.

Get accountable!  That's what makes Weight Watchers work, all the coaches that had lost weight at our area meeting were attending a meeting as a member themselves, make you think that doesn't it.  I'm going to be accountable to Lynne each week and also through this blog, my members always ask me in the meeting too, so the world knows how well I'm doing or not as the case may be.

Most importantly lets go back to the top of this blog and moms wise words,

"I'm not gonna get worried about my weight, I've got enough problems!"

And neither should you BeYOUtiful, approach it from a place of positivity not negativity, we're doing this for one of many reasons, some of them I was reminded of yesterday in my Facebook group;

• Health
• To be around long as possible to see our grandchildren grow up to be healthy & happy
• Confidence
• Self esteem
• To go swimming with daughter
• To make it easier to look after loved ones
• To fit in your clothes again or buy smaller ones
• To feel good about yourself
• To look sexy
• To live a long and healthy life
• Keep up with kids, be healthy & happy
• To look good
• To be able to go in every clothes shop & not just specifically sized ones.
• To be fitter to walk the dog further
• To spend more time with husband instead of crying about nothing fitting & declining the date!
• For that holiday of a lifetime.
• To be in a bit less pain.
• To like what you see in the mirror.
• To be able to love yourself.
• Because summer is on the way and you can't hide under layers
• To manage specific illnesses like arthritis
• To be me again and enjoy going out and not feel like people are looking at me saying 'what does she look like'.

Well there's plenty to chose from there! Are your reasons there or could you add to them?

Whatever your reasons, let's make today a good day, one day at a time BeYOUtiful - we got this!