Friday 19th March 2021
The real growth is being more of yourself.
My poor mom, she's a shell of the woman she once was, the district nurse that came yesterday could not believe the decline since she last come about 7 weeks ago, she was extremely concerned and was going to ask a doctor to come out and see her. She had a trainee with her and explained to him how she'd worked in mental health for years and hadn't seen a decline in dementia this drastic. She also noticed the hernia in moms stomach was larger and harder, I'd thought it was and this isn't the hiatus hernia, plus her right leg is leaking water really bad, so now she has two bad legs. The thing with the water infection is she's not weeing so much because of it so the water has to come out somewhere, especially as she's taking 2 water tablets a day. She's had another rough night, her breathing is dreadful worse when she has to walk to the toilet, getting up and moving is so difficult and painful for her. As she sat on the toilet this morning, the only bit of lucidity I've had from her all night was hearing her say, 'Let me go now, I've had enough' and she wasn't talking to me! I asked her if she knew who I was as I was trying to help her with the toilet and she just said, 'you're my best friend you are'. All night, she's been asking me to take her home, at one point I woke up after a speed nap and she was sat there in just her pants, she'd taken her nightie off, when I questioned her she told me it was because she was going home! I had to get her another nightie because I couldn't find the original one - it was in her handful I later found out. It's all so very sad to watch and so dreadful to see her suffering, even in her sleep she seems to be in nightmares.
I read the posts on the dementia group and talk to people and they talk about the guilt they feel for the thoughts they have, thankfully I don't suffer this guilt, ultimately we're human and not angels and we do have thoughts, I'm very open about mine, I wished she would pass away now because I know she wishes the same. This is no life for either of us, I love her and always will but this is just sick to have to watch.
Let's lighten the mood shall we - it's not all doom and gloom! I ate really nice meals yesterday,
I loved this, added edamame beans which I haven't had for ages and they're so good.
Then I made pan fried gnochhi for my dinner using up bits and bobs from the fridge, yummy and colourful.
Plus I've got my Marlie's Menu coming, this weekend I've decided is going to be 'I'm not a Mothers day' weekend, and oh am I excited! I love having foodie friends who set up new businesses
this weekend I shall also be looking forward to a Charcuterie board Saturday tea time and a Breakfast box for Sunday morning, there's not much to look forward to each day at the moment but this well, I mean just look!
Please go and like her page, help her build the business. We all need to be supporting local businesses now more than ever, so many have had to reinvent themselves and find other ways to earn a living. I'm hoping Elle and I will find success when we start our Huddles, financially it's scary times for so many right now, I do think we still deserve a treat though.
I can't wait to get back to helping people be happier and healthier, just talking to someone yesterday about how they're struggling right now and they felt ashamed of themselves. No one should ever feel that way about their weight, it's why I started Happy Owls all those years ago, you can be a Happy Over Weight Lady/Lad and when start to love yourself for who you are, when you realise you're amazing and BeYOUtiful, then you are more likely to take care of yourself and eat better, it could also help you with your weight, whether that be to lose some or appreciate what you've got already!
Losing weight is easier if you love and support yourself! Choose to be healthy and happy whatever your size.
I'll leave you with that thought as I've got to go sort mom again, I have a feeling it's going to be one of those days!
Mwah, luv ya
Love me xx
No comments:
Post a Comment