If it ain't mom it's Alfie!

Saturday 13th March 2021
Spring is in the air, don't just live bloom.

Another long night, Alfie's had one of his whining, scratching, biting nights again, took me over an hour to get a piriton into him, but thankfully he's calm at my feet now, I'm just going to give him a tablet everyday now Spring is sprunging!  I don't want to be a bore, so we'll leave it as lack of sleep.  The thing she did last night that threw me was pour water on her tablets, instead of putting her tablets in her mouth and drink water!  I'm going to have to stand over her whilst she takes them in future, every day she deteriorates as her brain breaks a little more. 

I had an email yesterday to let me know I'd passed the qualification I'd done through Walsall college in the second half of last year - awareness in mental health problems. 

Now I didn't much enjoy doing this course, actually hated it at times, I remember thinking on more than one occassion that I wanted to quit, the only reasons I didn't was it was a free course only if you completed it, if you didn't you had to pay over £300.  I needed this email yesterday, it was a great reminder that not everything we do has to be enjoyed to be good for us!

After mom was in hospital last month and her behaviour since, my mission was just to get through March, I can however feel my mood improve each day.  I just needed time to adjust to the next phase of the dementia demon, I think I'm going to have to learn to sleep in the daytime when we're not getting any sleep. I struggle with it, but I think as the weather warms up and we can get outside, I can see me being able to fall asleep in the garden possibly.  My sisters agreed that if need be she'll sit wiht mom so I can get a few hours when I feel I need it, she has offered to sit with her all night but we both know with moms dementia that wouldn't work, mom's feelings towards Anne change by the hour and she'd start shouting up to me which is what she actually does in the day time.  Mom's lost all sense of time, she keeps telling me there was a problem with the clocks wasn't there - erm no lol.

I spoke to moms nurse yesterday, we're doubling moms Circadin to 4mg, this is melatonin which is a natural hormone released in the body during the evening and night, signaling ‘darkness’, associated with sleepiness and the sleep-wake cycle. Thereby melatonin facilitates the feeling of sleepiness and the ability to induce and maintain sleep.  WE HOPE lol.

She also asked why moms citalopram does had been halved, to which I said her GP did it and didn't give me a reason, they don't do they, so it's likely that will be put back up once we've seen how the Circadin works.  I do hope it helps, it's not just so I can get sleep, she's struggling too, mom struggles to communicate how she feels these days, she'll say she's cold, then hot within seconds.

Yeah, I'm tired but feel loads better, I'm ready to get out of lockdown for sure, to see other people, we can see the end of this lockdown. I get my second jab in May, it'll be 6 months since being made redundant from WW, these next weeks will soon fly by and hopefully we'll all be able to get out and together.  I want a life back!

Am I ready to get back to eating for weight loss? Mmm, I don't know, I know I need to but I think if I do it needs to be eased in.  This is a realistic calorie counter recommended to me to show how many you need JSA | Macro Calculator (jamessmithacademy.com)  

What's encouraging me towards WANTING to lose weight is I'm in pain, my body hurts, that and the fact if we get out of lockdown I don't think any of my clothes fit me, yeah here's to improving what I eat so I can bend down and pick up the dog poo without feeling 82! 

Having said that I've got sausages defrosted in the fridge!  Posh M&S ones too, they were reduced when we went last week so I bought them.  I might use them for my main meal and have sausage and mash with veggies.  Breakfast I'm thinking breakfast muffin with egg, mushrooms and tomatoes.  

Here's to feeding myself food that will give me energy to help with the tiredness, to drinking more water which will do the same, to getting back to the positive version of me who always looks for the good in everything.  

I will also make sure my food delivery next week is full of healthy stuff, springs a great time for different foods, I find it easier to eat healthy in the warmer months, I'm even looking forward to it again too.  

Here's to a good day, hopefully getting a walk in later, forecast is better later on but we shall see, the weather does what it wants when it wants doesn't it.  

I'm looking forward to my zoom catch up this morning, had a lovely zoom with Elle yesterday, it was better than just talking on the phone, I'm not gonna lie, I mulitask when I'm on the phone, being on zoom, I didn't do that.

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me x