By not making a decision to move in any direction is actually, making a decision!
Well I managed to stay awake till midnight to watch my zoom event, there was no way I was ever going to stay awake till 4am! Let's be honest even if I'd manage to stay awake, I'd not have been able to concentrate would I, which is why I made the decision to get as much as I could out of the bits I did watch and give it my full attention (well as much as I'm able with mom).
Ah mom, it also took her till midnight to settle, she kept coming onto the landing asking where her mom was, if she'd be coming home. I actually rang the Alzheimers helpline yesterday to ask about how best to deal with her if she has another mom of not knowing me and being scared, they gave me some ideas but agreed it's very difficult as she's not 'out of it' all the time. She usually better in the day but she's already thinking there's been kids in the house when it's something she's just read and that's blurred with her reality.
Anyway, you don't need to keep hearing all that do you, it's bad enough living with it, without telling you all about it and starting your Sunday reading it. Let's show you something amazing;
Marlies menu's beef casserole and mash, the peas are my own :) oh the beef just melted in your mouth, I just can't do that! The mash was lovely and fluffy and it was so filling, a real treat. For me to cook something like that just for me would cost me just as much to make and lots more effort - oh and I can't cook beef is the truth of the matter, apart from stew, but then I end up with a big pan full and have to eat it for days.
Now this zoom thing I'm doing is personal development and I've always loved that kind of thing, so here's todays thought for you which I took from yesterday - obviously he wasn't talking about 'diet' he was talking about work.
If there was a hidden camera following you around all day, would it be obvious that you were........
Now you can finish that sentence, so it could be,
......... focusing on losing weight?
......... working at getting fit?
......... consciously choosing to live a healthier life and working at being a happier version of you?
for me at the moment it could be,
......... working at building my new business?
So what are you working towards right now, it could even be
If there was a hidden camera following you around all day, would it be obvious that you were trying to relax and recharge? (this has been me this week and I'd have to say not completely obvious no!).
What would you like that camera to witness? What actions would you feel would best show you were doing stuff that's taking you closer to where you want to be?
Where do you want to be?
Why?
I think sometimes people spend so much time trying to do something or be someone and they don't even know why. They haven't even got any good reasons for their desires, maybe they are trying to live someone else's idea of a good life.
It's Sunday and usually most of us have more down time on a Sunday, if that's the case, maybe use some of that time to decide what it is you want and why.
This is what I want - I want to survive these difficult times with mom so that I can then enjoy being me again at some time in the future, knowing I did everything to make her final days comfortable.
I want to make a real go of my business, if I can earn more doing it, I can pay for help with mom at night which would allow me to get some sleep.
If I can build my business, I won't have to go out to work, I'll be able to continue to work from home which makes mom feel a little safer and also will help secure my future.
I DESERVE, yes we're allowed to think about what we deserve, to have a promising future, I've worked really hard since the day I left school, I've spent the last 16 years helping others to realise there's more to life than what you weigh. Focusing on being healthy and happy is far more important! I'm not helping people in a different way but finances is one of the most important things to get under control because it can cause immense stress. I deserve to have something to look forward to when mom passes, I deserve to know I'm going to have fun, to be able to go on holiday.
But for today, I'll sit next to her trying to work out how best to deal with the conversation we're having as I type, she thinks dad is upstairs, then she's just got the hump because she thinks I'm not believing her! Bloody living hell right there, how do you handle that, if I agree he is, then what happens when he doesn't reply when she calls, if I say he's dead, she'll get all upset and angry because that's going to make her question her mind. It's just the most dreadful disease and I wished they'd find a bloody vaccine for it like they have Covid, I'd take it in a heartbeat.
Right, I'm off because I'm needing another cuppa and I've got my zoom catch up with my friends, here's the info;
Meeting ID: 922 191 1689
Passcode: 432114
If not, have a great day
Mwah, luv ya
Love me xx
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