Don't waste your life...

Tuesday 8th December 2020

Focus on the good!

Well that was one of the longest nights!  I keep hoping she's just having a few bad nights and she'll come back to me again for a bit but it's not happening at the moment.  She called me by my sisters name most of yestersday, then when I was in the kitchen on the evening she called her saying there was a women in her house and it wasn't her Bev.  She's barely slept, singing, shouting, crying out, calling me down, I'm dreading our new neighbours moving in!  This morning she's talking about Ruth (her sister) and dad, in the present tense.  She keeps thinking Alfie is a little child, she's tried to open the front door a couple of times in the night and rang me at midnight on my mobile.  Yeah we've had a great night - lol - NOT! 

I'm afraid my weight is just not something I can tackle with, I'll try to eat as healthy as I can but that's as good as it gets.  I was beyond tired yesterday and my backs in bits from falling asleep in my chair, I need to lie down to sleep, mom keeps asking me to sleep downstairs with her but I need my bed, even if I'm not getting much sleep in it, at least I'm comfortable, it's dark and cool (I've turned the radiators off in my room and office).   She's arguing with someone in her slumber next to me.  

Hearing your mom have a conversation with someone who isn't there in the middle of the night and telling them she wished she was dead should be the most dreadful thing you'd ever hear, but how mad is it that I'm actually numb to it now because I'm used to it and not much surprises me.  

Alzheimers / Vascular Dementia has got to be the most cruel disease, watching someone filled with such torment, knowing sometimes what's going on, so realising what's happening to them, then disappearing in front of your eyes.

I'm sorry, that's not much fun to read first thing in a morning is it for you!  What I would say is, use it as your motivation to enjoy every damn day you have ahead of you whilst you can.  Make the most of every one you love, appreciate them and tell them how you feel.  Do everything you can to prevent getting it yourself, eat healthy, move regularly, stop smoking.  

I put a post on Facebook yesterday about Monday morning, asking 'what helps you get through Mondays?'  and I had a brilliant response from someone, he said; 

'It's just a day!  If you hate Monday's then you are likely in the wrong job.  We spend so much of our life at work, make it enjoyable.  The impact on your health and well-being will be immense, especially to your mental health! '

Great comment, excellent advice, if you dread Mondays, ask yourself why and what can you do about it. 

I only did a little work yesterday, had one appointment and they signed up as a customer because as she said, 'well that's loads cheaper'.  I love that I'm helping others but I'm also helping myself because I'm able to be flexible with my hours.

What will today bring.....  let's wait and see shall we, my first mug of tea was mega, so I'm gonna have another.  

Oh before I forget, Marlies Menu has some new stuff on the menu; 

Amanda has the points in them, give her a message, I'm gonna try the casserole and risotto this week for a change.  

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx