Catching the crap & throwing it back!

Thursday 29th October 2020 
The key to success is to start before you are ready!

I had a great day yesterday because I decided to get back to the positive version of me I've been most of my life.  Over the last 7 years Dementia has been my demon and it's tried to take me down with my mom and I wasn't having any of it!  Oh then the menopause monster reared it's ugly head, tried to throw a few curveballs with the old Peri-menopause symptoms, meh, that can do one too!  Then this year 3rd time lucky, Covid landed and wow, that didn't just come for me, it came for us all!  Well at first I was all 'I'm used to staying home alone with mom, this ain't bothering me', then I felt myself slowly sinking, the pandemic was winning, our jobs were in jeopardy, I was watching my mates sink too and I was flat, I remembered this poem; 

 There's a Hole in My Sidewalk

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

Yesterday I walked down a different street!  I'm not doing it anymore, I've had enough of that hole!  Yesterday I laughed, mom and I proper chuckled, we were silly like the old days, I made time for her and time for work - I got that balance!  Yes it helped that both mom and I have had some sleep over the last few days, everything is more difficult when you're tired but I'm gonna start day sleeping if need be, when life changes - you can either fight against it or adapt, time for me to adapt.

My future's not certain, but let's be honest no one's ever is, it's just more obviously uncertain at the moment because of Covid, but you know what, I've survived every one of the bad days I've had in the last 50 years!  And I intend to survive every one that's ahead of me until the day I die!  

I've spent the last 6 weeks appreciating acceptance, but not giving up, my day wasn't perfect yesterday, I was awake before 4am, mom woke me up screaming in pain, that went on for a couple of hours, I went to work, I worked from my living room but still managed to have a few fab hours with mom, I went back to work, then when I came home and my sister left, half hour later my mom said 'you'd think our Anne would've come round', that happens every night, she forgets everything and gets angry and/or aggressive.  Sundowning is dreadful, see Covid takes people fast, dementia takes them an hour at a time! 

So just for today, what are you going to do?  I'm going to get busy with appointments, I'm going to cook myself something - oh no I'm not I've got my Marlies masala coming - woo hoo, happy days, see it's all about the food and wine in my world, actually that will be highlight of today for me.  What's your highlight going to be!  I've even got WW mini naans at the read, I think I may have popodoms in the cupboard, I could slice some onion, wonder if there's any mango chutney, make it look like a total takeaway, could even serve it in silver trays lol

If because of everything that's going on this year, you're feeling low, work at seeing the good stuff, focusing on the positives and smiling more often, hell fake it till you make it, try and say the word 'bubbles' with a serious face - you can't do it, and if you can, you're just trying very hard to prove a point - sort yourself out!  Get ya smile on! 

Here's to a very, great day. 

Mwah, luv ya 

Love me xx