Better, not brilliant.

Tuesday 27th October 2020 
The best way to get things done is simply to begin.

Yesterday was a long, hard day but guess what?  I SURVIVED!  I've survived every one of my worst days in my life so far and I plan to continue to do so.  Hell, yeah I did some crying, but that's my way of releasing.  I took Alfie for a walk to escape the craziness and bless Gina, she came and walked with me and let me vent, that was very much appreciated.  I talked to some friends on the phone because we're in similar situations and a problem shared and all that.  

I've kept thinking for the last week, I need to tidy up because they're coming to fit LED bulbs throughout my house for free as part of my new UW switchover, cool ain't it that, free fitted for as long as customers are with them.  Anyway knowing someones gonna go in every room in my house suddenly made me feel like a tramp!  Mom's room is such a mess but there's not a lot I can do there, but I've realised I just need to do a little bit at a time with the rest of the house so it's not overwhelming and painful.  My bedroom looks okayish now, he'll thinking I'm a hoarder when he goes in my office!  Hey ho, it is what it is, I can't be doing 2 jobs, be a full time carer and walk the dog and keep a tidy, lovely house, something has to give.  

I need to keep reminding myself of the quote from yesterday; 

SELF CARE IS GIVING THE WORLD THE BEST OF YOU 

INSTEAD OF WHAT'S LEFT OF YOU.

and again remember the 'Just for today' theory, so I focus on the day ahead not the week, month or year ahead.   Putting that thought in my head each morning will help me get through the day ahead.  Yesterday was a long, hard day and I know I've said that already but there was no respite, by teatime, mom had no idea who she was, where she was, I had a training thing on zoom 6-9, I had to come off half-way through as she was asking me to take her home, she thought she'd been walking the streets and on and on with her getting more and more confused.  The training in comparison wasn't important.  I sat with her and calmed her, tried to distract her from and eventually I got her into bed and thankfully we've actually had some sleep - I don't know who was more surprised at that me or her.  She's a lot better in herself this morning, still in pain, nurses are coming again today, praying it's improved a little. 

Diet wise, I was better, not brilliant but that's progress, I cooked poached eggs and tinned tomatoes on toast without butter for breakfast.  I had goat curry from the freezer with cabbage for lunch, I did have a chocolate teacake and a slice of toast with butter later on but I only had a very small glass of red wine before we went to bed, it was lush by the way.  I had too much bread yesterday because I had a slice with dinner to mop it up.  

I just want the next 4 weeks to go by as quick as possible, I want it to be December, I need to distract myself so I'm not thinking too much, although I guess mom will help with that lol, I can't think straight when she's on one! 

Today, I'll start with eggs again, they really do fill me up and they are delicious, I'm thinking pasta with red pesto and roasted courgette for dinner and maybe WW wraps as a quesadilla for tea unless anyone has a better idea of what I can do with them.  Ooo maybe a fish finger wrap, we shall see! 

I've got my workshops to keep me busy today, 2 this morning (at Short Heath Methodist Church from 8.15 to 10.30) then I'm back (5.30-6.30) then I need to be home from 12-4 for the men (or women) fitting the lights and the district nurses. 

Well it's half five, we've been up since 4ish but that's okay cos we've had sleep, here's to a day of giving the world the best of me and just for today taking care of my self care. 

Luv ya, mwah 

Love me xx